- 
I know exactly what you're saying when you 
- 
say like when y-your're sitting at home writing 
- 
you're not like, I'm deaf, I'm deaf 
- 
I'm deaf! I say the same for me 
- 
like when I'm 
- 
sitting around doing my makeup 
- 
I'm not like ooh I'm blind, I'm blind! 
- 
Like, I'm not thinking about my 
- 
blindness, I'm just living my life 
- 
because this is our normal 
- 
(Music) 
- 
Hello everybody, we are back 
- 
with my series , where I sit down 
- 
with another person 
- 
from the disability community 
- 
and we disscuss all things 
- 
life and disability related 
- 
and this one is probably the 
- 
most requested that I've seen. 
- 
So we finally have Jessica 
- 
and I'm gonna let you say your 
- 
last name 
- 
(Laughs) Jessica Kellgren-Fozard 
- 
It's ok, I know, it's a difficult surname 
- 
we literally like went over this before 
- 
we started filming 
- 
We've just been like talking on 
- 
Google Meet 
- 
And I was like, practicing the name 
- 
and I was like no, you know what, 
- 
I got here, I was too deep, 
- 
I was like, I'm jumping 
- 
out of the pool. 
- 
She'll take over. So thank you- [giggles] 
- 
It's ok. It's complex. 
- 
The Kellgren bit is Swedish, 
- 
the Fozard is my wife's surname, 
- 
it's from Normandy, smush it together, 
- 
it's complicated for everyone. 
- 
Or Jessica Out Of The Closet, 
- 
which I think is a brilliant name 
- 
because not only are you one of 
- 
the most fabulous fashionistas 
- 
that I follow on social media, 
- 
but you are also in fact out of 
- 
the closet, and so I think it's just 
- 
such a fun username. 
- 
(Laughs) Yeah, 
- 
out of the closet in many ways. 
- 
Out of the gay closet, out of the 
- 
disability closet, just living life open. 
- 
That's the way to live life. 
- 
Being your best, most authentic, 
- 
confident queen self. And that is 
- 
exactly what you do. 
- 
I watch your videos and I 
- 
legitimately laugh out loud. 
- 
Like you're one of, not only the most 
- 
fashionable people I follow but one of 
- 
the funniest people I follow, 
- 
and I think that you, just by simply 
- 
being you, break so many disability 
- 
stereotypes and misconceptions, 
- 
and I think it's so fabulous for just- 
- 
so thank you for just exisiting 
- 
on the internet. 
- 
(Laughs) I mean, I could say 
- 
the same thing about you, Molly. 
- 
I woke up this morning and I was like, 
- 
OK, Molly, you have to try to look, like, 
- 
a little bit half fabulous 
- 
because you're going to be sitting next to 
- 
Jessica in a video and it's going 
- 
to be embarrassing. 
- 
Oh no,! I think you are incredibly stylish, 
- 
I must say. I always enjoy 
- 
your Instagram as well. 
- 
Thank you, I appreciate it. 
- 
So, I know a ton of my audience 
- 
knows and loves your content already 
- 
but for those who don't, would you like to 
- 
kind of give the brief introduction of who 
- 
Jessica is in a nutshell. 
- 
My goodness, okay, the elevator pitch 
- 
of me, then, I guess. 
- 
So, I'm Jessica, I'm a YouTuber, 
- 
content creator. I make content that is 
- 
generally fun, informative, educational, 
- 
amusing, around things that are to do with 
- 
disability, chronic illness, and LGBTQ+ 
- 
issues. So I have two genetic conditions, 
- 
hereditary neuropathy with liability to pressure 
- 
palsies, which means that there are gaps 
- 
in the myelin sheaths that surround your nerves. 
- 
For me that means that I can paralyze 
- 
parts of myself, that my nerves are more 
- 
easily damaged, which does things like 
- 
affect my hearing and I have loss of 
- 
vision in one eye because of it, and it 
- 
can do things like my hands don't have 
- 
any feeling because I paralyzed both of 
- 
my arms for a year and a half when I was 
- 
a teenager. And they came back to a 
- 
certain degree, but they can't now feel 
- 
anything, so it's like wearing gloves 
- 
all of the time. And I don't get hot and 
- 
cold, any of those kinds of things, 
- 
or wet. Which is really annoying when 
- 
you're trying to hang up the washing, 
- 
'cause you're like, is this wet? 
- 
Is this dry? Absolutely no idea. 
- 
And I end up having to like, press my face 
- 
to all of my laundry to see whether it's 
- 
dry or not. Very strange thing. 
- 
And then you just get a random cheek stain 
- 
or random foundation stain on the side 
- 
of your white shirt. 
- 
I mean, I should add, I only do this when 
- 
I'm not wearing makeup. (Laughs) 
- 
Pro tip. 
- 
And then I also have Ehlers Danlos 
- 
Syndrome, which is about my connective 
- 
tissue, and means that not only am I 
- 
hyper mobile, and very flexible and bendy, 
- 
which most people think is like, whoa, 
- 
what a great party trick,! and it is, 
- 
it's a pretty good party trick that I 
- 
perhaps overused when I was a child. 
- 
I dislocated various things just to prove 
- 
to people that I could. Don't do that. 
- 
That's a terrible idea. Don't do that. 
- 
But it also affects connective tissue in 
- 
things like my internal organs, 
- 
so I have some issues with my heart, and 
- 
I have postural orthostatic tachycardia 
- 
syndrome, which comes from that, 
- 
which is just a regulating blood pressure 
- 
issue, so I faint a lot. And I can't exert 
- 
myself too much, basically I go up two 
- 
flights of stairs and I'm like, oh gosh, 
- 
there's a heart attack coming. 
- 
Ok, wonderful, and then I've got to lie 
- 
on the floor for half an hour. 
- 
And the vintage fashion is just a layer 
- 
over the top, just to make everything look 
- 
gorgeous while we're here 
- 
I think you should 
- 
make more fashion content. 
- 
I'm putting the pitch in now, 
- 
and I think a lot of people 
- 
in the comments will agree 
- 
that you should have like a whole segment 
- 
of your channel devoted to 
- 
fashion content because we need that 
- 
vintage inspo that you bring. 
- 
We need your vintage wisdom. 
- 
I was just, like, as we were talking 
- 
before we started filming, I was 
- 
peppering her with questions 
- 
about the vintage fashion scene 
- 
because I am fascinated by it 
- 
and whenever I've tried to do it, 
- 
it has not necessarily panned out 
- 
So, I feel like you should make fashion 
- 
videos and you know when I started 
- 
doing fashion content 
- 
it was kind of like a total mistake 
- 
I wanted to make one video about, like, 
- 
accessibility of online shopping 
- 
and that was 
- 
supposed to be it. 
- 
But people requested me keep doing it 
- 
and I was like 
- 
"Well, If you want me to feed my addiction 
- 
and talk about something I love, 
- 
I am happy to do so" 
- 
There is people 
- 
in the disability activism community 
- 
who have been upset by that. 
- 
Like, they want me to kind of dedicate 
- 
my channel to disability. 
- 
And I can understand that, but 
- 
to me, I am a human 
- 
and disabilities are a very real, 
- 
important topic to me 
- 
and it affects my life daily, 
- 
but so does fashion 
- 
and the confidence that fashion gives me! 
- 
So does makeup, 
- 
so does my guide dog, 
- 
so does dating, 
- 
so do all these other aspects 
- 
and I think it's very important 
- 
for us, as a disability community, 
- 
to show society the human side 
- 
of our day-to-day life 
- 
and the very normal, average 
- 
human things that we love 
- 
and that we partake in. 
- 
Of course, of course 
- 
I always link this back to 
- 
children's books 
- 
because I think it's the easiest way 
- 
to understand people learning new concepts 
- 
So, there are so many children's books 
- 
that are about issues. 
- 
It's about 
- 
"Some people are in wheelchairs" 
- 
or "some people have 2 mums" 
- 
and kids don't love them. 
- 
They don't want to read those books, 
- 
because they're very much 
- 
focused on this one object that you need 
- 
to learn. It's not fun! 
- 
Whereas, when they are reading 
- 
like a fun, adventure book 
- 
where oh, the main character just 
- 
happens to have a disability 
- 
or just happens to have a different 
- 
family setup to the nuclear family. 
- 
Then it's more engaging 
- 
and they are more willing to learn things 
- 
And I know the great things about 
- 
having disabled content creators 
- 
who are creating content 
- 
that isn't just disability focused 
- 
is that you are also bringing in people 
- 
who wouldn't have necessarily have 
- 
clicked on your video, 
- 
being like "Ooh, I don't know, 
- 
I don't know want to 
- 
watch something about 
- 
a blind person 
- 
because I've never really 
- 
met a blind person 
- 
and that could be awkward." 
- 
But if it's a video where you are 
- 
doing something else 
- 
and they click in, 
- 
they are like 
- 
"Well, you know what, 
- 
this is actually really interesting! 
- 
I'm gonna keep watching her 
- 
other videos as well." 
- 
And then, it's just a great way 
- 
to lead people in, I think 
- 
And they start to really be 
- 
more involved in the issues, 
- 
it's not something that's far away 
- 
Now, it's "oh, my favourite 
- 
content creator Molly 
- 
also happens to have 
- 
a disability and 
- 
also happens to talk about that. 
- 
And now I've learnt things about it" 
- 
So I always think that's the best way, 
- 
but, actually, Molly, 
- 
two birds, one stone, 
- 
to do with this fashion thing, 
- 
I think the next time you come 
- 
to England, I'm gonna have to give you 
- 
a vintage makeover. 
- 
Oh my gosh, 
- 
absolutely!! 
- 
Once this whole madness 
- 
in this world is done, 
- 
and we're all vaccinated, 
- 
I'm coming out to England, 
- 
so I can finally see my brother 
- 
for the first time 
- 
in over a year. 
- 
AND I can see you 
- 
and we are doing the vintage makeover 
- 
I'm absolutely holding you to that. 
- 
But I could not agree more with 
- 
what you've just said. 
- 
My favourite thing about what 
- 
I do is that I get to 
- 
make learning fun for people. 
- 
I get to teach 
- 
people in a way that entertains them 
- 
that truly is the best way to learn. 
- 
That's how I always 
- 
learned the most growing up 
- 
I was never somebody 
- 
who could sit in class 
- 
and hear you talk to me about something. 
- 
I need to be the one 
- 
that was getting up and doing it 
- 
I was a very kinesthetic learner 
- 
I need to be actually doing the thing 
- 
and immersed in it 
- 
to be able to understand it 
- 
and being able to 
- 
hopefully be entertaining to people 
- 
um, while they- they learn 
- 
and open their minds 
- 
to new ways of thinking 
- 
is so rewarding 
- 
so I completely agree with you 
- 
And I always say 
- 
we talk a lot in the disability community 
- 
about the fact that 
- 
y'know that we're quite low 
- 
on the totem pole of causes 
- 
and of things that people care about 
- 
and talk about or know about. 
- 
You know, you often see those like 
- 
"Diversity panels" 
- 
and it's like everything is shown 
- 
... except disability. 
- 
And we're like "Hey now, 
- 
"Hi" 
- 
"Where are we at the table" 
- 
I think so many different 
- 
brands and companies 
- 
think that they can kind of get away 
- 
doing the absolute least 
- 
when it comes to disability representation 
- 
Whether that be in adverts 
- 
or actually making things accessible. 
- 
So many of them think 
- 
"Oh, a person in a wheelchair 
- 
and we're done. 
- 
That's it we've represented every 
- 
disabled person, 
- 
we've covered everyone's needs, excellent. 
- 
Of course our brand is friendly to the 
- 
disabled community, we have a ramp!" 
- 
And you're like, "Uh-huh, I see. 
- 
And how are you helping every other 
- 
disabled person?" 
- 
Mhm, mhm. 
- 
Like, people who use wheelchairs 
- 
actually make up quite a small part 
- 
of the disability population as a whole. 
- 
And, people just cannot get this through 
- 
their heads and, of course, having 
- 
the disability symbol be a wheelchair, 
- 
obviously a very visual way to get that 
- 
across very neatly, but it does tend 
- 
to make people forget everyone else. 
- 
Yes and I- I don't know if this has been 
- 
happening in England but over the 
- 
last number of years I've been seeing 
- 
in North America one change is 
- 
certain places are adding other stickers 
- 
that represent other disabilities. 
- 
Which is nice because for example on 
- 
public transit, like a bus, I need to 
- 
sit down, it's not a question I need to 
- 
be able to sit. Because balance is a 
- 
combination, as I'm sure you know as 
- 
deaf woman, of ears and eyes. 
- 
And so my balance, not being able to see 
- 
is quite off. And so standing on a moving 
- 
vehicle, even if I'm holding a pole, is 
- 
just not really a thing for me. So I need 
- 
sit. And so when I get on a bus with my 
- 
guide dog, people used to not register 
- 
that I was somebody who they needed to 
- 
get out of the disability seating for. 
- 
Um, so they would just continue to sit 
- 
there. But now they've added these 
- 
stickers where it's like a man with a cane 
- 
a person in a wheelchair and there's 
- 
somebody with a walker and I'm like 
- 
Thank you for showing multiple visuals 
- 
of what somebody who might need to sit in 
- 
disability seating could present as. 
- 
Yeah, I've definitely seen in the last few 
- 
years that kind of not all disabilities 
- 
are visible stickers on a lot more things 
- 
in public places. And it's so good to see 
- 
because I remember when I very first- 
- 
so I kind of grew up with a disability 
- 
but it wasn't, well I'm not going to say 
- 
noticed, but it wasn't diagnosed until 
- 
I was 17. And then when I was 17 and I 
- 
suddenly had this big health crisis and 
- 
very much did need to use, you know, 
- 
disabled toilets and I need to have 
- 
access to things. I had a lot of issues 
- 
with this. Because people were constantly 
- 
trying to stop me from using things 
- 
saying "Oh that's not for you that's for 
- 
disabled people." And I'm like I mean 
- 
I am, I don't know what I can do to- 
- 
to make this more obvious to people, that 
- 
I'm really struggling and things would 
- 
help me like this. So it's, it is really 
- 
lovely to see now. I worry less about 
- 
using disabled toilets in public 
- 
when they have a "Not all disabilities 
- 
are visible" sticker on them. Because the 
- 
dirty jokes I've received coming out of a 
- 
disabled toilet on two feet is like, ugh. 
- 
Well I think part of the problem with 
- 
that too is how many able-bodied people 
- 
just do use the toilet for people with a 
- 
disability? 
- 
Um, so many, so many able bodied people 
- 
do use different facilities that are 
- 
accessible and designed for people who 
- 
actually need them due to a disability. 
- 
And, so now I think when people see 
- 
somebody presenting as able-bodied, they 
- 
just kind of assume they're able-bodied 
- 
because of how many able-bodied people do 
- 
take advantage of having a little extra 
- 
wiggle room in the stall for when they're 
- 
pooping and they don't want anyone to hear 
- 
it and I'm like that's not what, that's 
- 
not what that was for. It's not for all 
- 
you extra shopping bags, ma'am. 
- 
It's for people who require either the bar 
- 
for support, who require the extra room 
- 
for a support worker, for a service 
- 
animal, for a mobility device. Like 
- 
there's many reasons that that exists. 
- 
But your extra shopping bags or like 
- 
extra room for popping, isn't what it was 
- 
for. 
- 
The unfortunate thing as well is that 
- 
so many places will put their baby 
- 
changing facilities into the disabled 
- 
toilets. And it's not like a special 
- 
um, weighted table it means that you can 
- 
anyone larger than a baby. It's literally 
- 
just there because they've lumped in 
- 
parents, disabled people, sure. You can 
- 
use the same facilities, it's fine. 
- 
You know, you'll never need more than one 
- 
person using it at the same time. And I've 
- 
had things where I have walked out of a 
- 
disabled toilet and a mother rammed her 
- 
buggy into my legs and was like "Oh, not 
- 
disabled or with a child then." And I was 
- 
like uhhhh... And at the time- 
- 
Actually very disabled thank you! 
- 
And at the time I mean I was a teenager 
- 
and I was too upset to say anything or do 
- 
anything. I'd only just been diagnosed 
- 
and I was like, oh this label of disabled 
- 
do I get to use this? Do I have the right? 
- 
Can I stand up to someone and actually 
- 
say "Actually I am disabled?" And it 
- 
really upset me inside and it was so 
- 
heart wrenching. Despite at the time I 
- 
had two paralyzed arms. Like, both of my 
- 
arms were paralyzed and I needed to use 
- 
the disabled toilet because it was the 
- 
only way that I could go to the loo. 
- 
Um, but for ages after that I would not 
- 
without someone else around. 
- 
You know, you've mentioned, I've mentioned 
- 
that you're deaf, and I think there's a 
- 
a lot of stereotypes that come with that. 
- 
Just like blindness and people are like 
- 
"Blindness, you can't see anything," a lot 
- 
of people think being deaf you can't hear 
- 
anything. Being deaf you can't speak. 
- 
There's a lot of things like that and so 
- 
And then you've mentioned you know your 
- 
diagnosis or being disabled as a child 
- 
and all of these things, but we haven't 
- 
actually like dove into it. So for those 
- 
of my followers who have never heard your 
- 
story could you kind of give a synopsis of 
- 
like, if you're comfortable, what your 
- 
diagnosis is? I know that uh, things like 
- 
EDS can be very hard to diagnose again, 
- 
an invisible disability so what was your 
- 
diagnosis journey to getting all of- all 
- 
of these diagnoses? 
- 
Well, with the NHPP, uh, the diagnosis 
- 
was sort of straight forward in that it 
- 
I'd always struggled with my hands and 
- 
feet as a child. And just being kind of 
- 
what was called "clumsy" because they 
- 
didn't realize that it was because I 
- 
couldn't feel what I was touching. And 
- 
you don't realize things because you 
- 
assume as a child that everyone else is 
- 
like this. So I can't feel the front of 
- 
my calves because when I was a baby I 
- 
crawled around on them and I've never been 
- 
able to feel my knees. And I just assumed 
- 
no one can feel their knees, right? Like 
- 
you can't feel the skin on your knees 
- 
that's weird, who can do that? Um, but I 
- 
thought this was totally normal til I hit 
- 
17 and I was in an exam and I lent on my 
- 
elbow for about twenty minutes whilst I 
- 
writing. And I got a crick in my neck and 
- 
woke up the next morning having paralyzed 
- 
my arms. Because this crick in my neck had 
- 
been so bad, I'm not helped by the stress 
- 
of this exam and the fact I'd been on 
- 
crutches for like six months before this 
- 
point. Um, and I had paralyzed both of my 
- 
arms and they stayed that way for a year 
- 
and a half, which was very difficult. And 
- 
I got rushed to hospital of course and 
- 
they were trying to find out what was 
- 
wrong with me, it could have been a stroke 
- 
it could have been meningitis. And they 
- 
ran all sorts of tests, did all sorts of 
- 
things and then ran a genetic screening 
- 
and were like "Oh, ah, you're actually 
- 
missing a gene." I was like, oh right 
- 
goodness. So I'm a mutant, which is great. 
- 
Still waiting for my X-men powers. 
- 
Fellow mutant here so I'm with you. 
- 
There we go, see? Have you got your X-men 
- 
powers yet? I'm hoping that mine will kick 
- 
in soon. / Not quite yet. / A bit late 
- 
you know? / Yeah I think they're in the 
- 
mail but you know the mail's been slow lately. 
- 
It has. We'll just keep blaming it on the 
- 
pandemic. It's fine. It's fine. So that 
- 
diagnosis was actually pretty 
- 
straightforward because it was 
- 
very much, "oh we ran your DNA, cool 
- 
you've got this" There we go. 
- 
But the EDS was a much harder 
- 
diagnosis and funny enough, 
- 
actually came from YouTube 
- 
and my subscribers. 
- 
So I was diagnosed with a thing called 
- 
mixed connective tissue disorder. Which 
- 
is also about being hyper-mobile 
- 
and having collagen that is kind of 
- 
too flexible and 
- 
it also affects your internal organs, but 
- 
there were parts of it that 
- 
just didn't- i just didn't fit? 
- 
I didn't like tick like all of the boxes? 
- 
I ticked quite a few of them and 
- 
my doctor was like, "Ah, well. 
- 
I don't know, maybe it's cause you've got 
- 
that other thing as well. 
- 
And you know how doctors don't 
- 
really talk to each other 
- 
if it's not their specialty. 
- 
They're like, "Oh, no, sorry. 
- 
I'm very specifically an eye doctor 
- 
so I don't talk to the brain doctor." 
- 
Like, " Oh, thanks." 
- 
But this is all one thing. 
- 
It's all in- it's all in my head so 
- 
if you could coordinate with each other? 
- 
They're like, "Oh, no, no, no." 
- 
Not my thing/It's also just one body. 
- 
Yeah, yeah. One body. One human. 
- 
All works. It's a system. 
- 
And they're like, 
- 
"No, oh no. Just this one thing" 
- 
So they always just kind of 
- 
chalked it up to that. 
- 
That I had something else and 
- 
therefore that's why I didn't really 
- 
fit this profile and it was a bit weird 
- 
and I talked about it on my YouTube channel 
- 
I've got this and this 
- 
but then in other videos I'd kind of 
- 
talk about what I was struggling with 
- 
and then say it's a bit hard because 
- 
my doctor says: This doesn't fit the profile. 
- 
And people in the comments were like: 
- 
"That's probably because you have EDS Jessica." 
- 
"Have you got checked?" 
- 
"I think you've got EDS Jessica." 
- 
"Pretty sure you've got EDS Jessica." 
- 
"This is EDS." 
- 
And I was like, is it? 
- 
My goodness. 
- 
So I went to my GP and said 
- 
well I didn't say the internet says 
- 
I have EDS. I was like: 
- 
I just would like to be re-referred 
- 
to rheumatology please. 
- 
So they could maybe check to see 
- 
whether I definitely have this thing 
- 
that I was diagnosed with? 
- 
Or maybe I have another thing. 
- 
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? Heard of it? 
- 
And my doctor: "Oh well that's not curable, 
- 
so I'm not gonna refer you" 
- 
What?! 
- 
I was like... I'm sorry? 
- 
Well we just shouldn't know if we have 
- 
uncurable things.Obviously. 
- 
What what what?! 
- 
And he was like "Yeah they're very busy 
- 
So, I'm not gonna refer you for them." 
- 
Ok! Right! 
- 
So I ended up having to go get a 
- 
private diagnosis. 
- 
Which, I live in England. We have the NHS. 
- 
Doing private healthcare is like 
- 
a weirdly out there type of thing. 
- 
We don't do that much. 
- 
So, I went to get a private diagnosis. 
- 
Saw a private rheumatologist who was like: 
- 
"Yeah, you've obviously got EDS." 
- 
I was like, "Oh! 
- 
Ok, well the internet was correct." 
- 
See? Sometimes you can listen to the internet. 
- 
Ok, that's how my Youtube subscribers 
- 
wonderfully diagnosed me. 
- 
What a story. I love that for you. 
- 
Now do your two diagnoses 
- 
often go hand-in-hand 
- 
or are they rarely seen together? 
- 
According to every doctor I have ever met, 
- 
I am the only case of these two things 
- 
interracting. Because, HNPP is quite 
- 
a rare neurological condition. 
- 
And it comes from my father. 
- 
And my hyper mobility comes from my mother. 
- 
So, I'm just blessed. 
- 
What a combo. 
- 
What a combo. 
- 
Well, it's made quite a wonderful woman. 
- 
So, I'm glad we have you. 
- 
I'm not glad for your pain. 
- 
I'm not glad for what you had to go 
- 
through to get here. 
- 
But I am glad our community has you, 
- 
because we need more people like you. 
- 
With such a powerful voice and 
- 
a powerful story. 
- 
As you've said, you've come out of the 
- 
closet twice. 
- 
As a disabled woman as well as being gay. 
- 
Can you share some of that journey 
- 
of intersectionality. Coming to terms 
- 
with two different, being apart of two 
- 
different minority communities. 
- 
So I think I have a very different story 
- 
and a very different journey to most 
- 
young LGBTQ+ people. 
- 
And I think in a way, that my disability 
- 
really does play into that. 
- 
So, I don't have a coming out story 
- 
because I never came out to my parents. 
- 
I was just always kind of like: 
- 
"This is me. This is who I like! 
- 
I really like this girl in the X-Men and 
- 
we're going to date and I 
- 
will marry her one day." 
- 
And my parents were like: 
- 
"She's animated but you do you." 
- 
I'm like: Yeah! 
- 
Um, I think partly my parents 
- 
are Quakers. 
- 
So they never put any expectation 
- 
on me that I had to be a certain way. 
- 
They never said, you know, 
- 
"When you grow up and get a husband." 
- 
It was always just: 
- 
"When you grow up and if you choose 
- 
to get married." 
- 
I'm like, yeah ok! 
- 
So it always felt very open and 
- 
like I could kinda share that part of me. 
- 
But, being disabled and having that with me 
- 
as I was growing up. 
- 
Not knowing that I was disabled but knowing 
- 
that there was something about my body 
- 
that was wrong, that other people weren't listening to. 
- 
Weren't believing in. 
- 
Because, my god, when you're a child 
- 
and you try to tell adults things, 
- 
it can be very difficult to explain 
- 
medical conditions because people don't 
- 
tend to believe children about these kinds 
- 
of things. When you say 
- 
you have a headache, they're like, 
- 
"Yeah, but you know. Not really. 
- 
Cause you're a kid." 
- 
Like, no no. 
- 
Genuinely, I'm having a migraine 
- 
right now. I realize 
- 
I'm a child but I'm having a migraine. 
- 
And having that to kinda battle agaisnt 
- 
and deal with made my sexuality 
- 
almost a...it almost became 
- 
something that I, of course, 
- 
I would just accept it. 
- 
Because I had something that was weighing 
- 
quite heavily on me and my 
- 
sexuality only brought me joy. 
- 
It was only, I mean I'm not saying it 
- 
brought me joy in fact like, 
- 
I had lots of girlfriends. 
- 
Because I really didn't, at all. 
- 
But it brought me joy in that, 
- 
I would have these beautiful really 
- 
close relationships that I would 
- 
have this massive crush on an actress 
- 
and I get to like, watch her and things. 
- 
and feel happy and I was like yeah! 
- 
This being gay thing is great! 
- 
I love it! 
- 
But then the body. 
- 
I'm like ugh, my body is useless. 
- 
But at least I'm gay. 
- 
So I've got that going for me. 
- 
Yeah, it became almost a saving grace 
- 
throughout my teenage years. 
- 
Struggling against a body that didn't work 
- 
and being told that it should. 
- 
Being told that I was incorrect on something. 
- 
And then having this thing that I was 
- 
really sure of and really happy with and 
- 
quite passionate about. 
- 
So, it's definetly a different coming out 
- 
to most LGBTQ+ young people 
- 
but I, in a way, hope that it's something 
- 
that we get more of going forwards. 
- 
That it's more accepted. 
- 
That children are able to 
- 
just speak their mind. 
- 
That people can support them. 
- 
That's a really beautiful story. Honestly. 
- 
You know a lot of my friends growing up 
- 
were LGBTQ+ because I was the only 
- 
disabled kid and they were the only gay kid, 
- 
or the only trans kid, and so you know we 
- 
just were like, "Hey! 
- 
You're also different and not like the other 
- 
kids in class. We should be friends." 
- 
And so I really like hearing your story 
- 
because it is very different than what 
- 
a lot of my LGBTQ+ friends went through. 
- 
There's actually a really big crossover 
- 
between the disabled community 
- 
and the LGBTQ+ community. 
- 
I think, correct statistic, is that 
- 
one third of people who are LGBTQ+ 
- 
also have a disability. 
- 
And- which is a really interesting statistic. 
- 
But I think a lot of it has to do with 
- 
the fact that you have to come out 
- 
about one thing, so you come out about 
- 
something else. Like you're more 
- 
comfortable with the other thing and 
- 
you're like, "Look, let me just 
- 
put this out here. You can all clearly see 
- 
that I am disabled, so while I'm here, 
- 
I'm gay too." 
- 
Well yeah! It's like you already have this 
- 
big thing to accept about yourself. 
- 
You already have this big target on your 
- 
back or you know a community runt 
- 
so you're like, ok well, I've got one 
- 
thing here's the other. 
- 
Now I can see that statistic being true 
- 
honestly because, as I said, so many of my 
- 
friends are LGBTQ+ and I'm disabled 
- 
so I kinda do have a lot of friends in 
- 
both worlds and I see a lot of that 
- 
crossover. I see that I've- now, at this point 
- 
in my life for both communities. 
- 
Met many people who do identify as being 
- 
a part of both. 
- 
When you met your wife did she know 
- 
sign language? 
- 
No! (laughs) 
- 
She didn't. In fact, when I first met my wife, 
- 
on our first date, I hadn't told her 
- 
anything about my disabilities. 
- 
I kind of wanted to see whether she 
- 
even liked me because I'd been on so many dates 
- 
where you spent so much time explaining 
- 
what's up. / Yup! / and then you never hear from 
- 
them again and ugh, it's such a waste of 
- 
my time!/ Very much agree! 
- 
But then you have to balance it with 
- 
do I want to go on a number of dates 
- 
or do I want to spend a whole month 
- 
talking to someone and then I tell them 
- 
and they're like, "Oh, I can't redo that?" 
- 
And then you're like, "Ugh! Well I 
- 
just wasted my month of talking to you. 
- 
What a waste of time!" 
- 
So when she first came up 
- 
she actually thought that I was wearing a 
- 
bluetooth device and was working. 
- 
Cause she saw my hearing aids and was like 
- 
"Oh, she's working hard! Continuing on 
- 
with her bluetooth device." 
- 
And I think to start with, thought I was 
- 
a bit rude that I hadn't removed 
- 
my headphones. I was like: 
- 
"Umm yeah should probably tell you 
- 
that I'm deaf." 
- 
And so yeah she didn't know anything. 
- 
But she was very blasé on our first date 
- 
I didn't tell her, you know, 
- 
"This is me. I have this disability. 
- 
This is how it affects me." 
- 
She was like, "Ok. Mmm. Do you still like 
- 
to go for walks in the woods?" 
- 
"I do." 
- 
"Do you still like national trust properties?" 
- 
"I do." 
- 
And it was just like the basic things that 
- 
she needed to know like, "Are you good 
- 
around trees?" 
- 
"I love a tree. It's wonderful." 
- 
"You good around old properties?" 
- 
"Love an old property." 
- 
"Excellent" 
- 
Basics of our marriage, that. 
- 
We're country girls at heart. 
- 
That is actually exactly how a first date 
- 
with a disabled person should go. 
- 
Word to anybody who ever goes on a date 
- 
with a disabled person. 
- 
That's how you know it's a good match: 
- 
If you're able to be blasé and focus on 
- 
the actual parts of them that are human 
- 
outside of disability. Key! 
- 
You will win a lot of points with us. 
- 
(giggles) 
- 
You mentioned something that like 
- 
really hit me and maybe we can talk about 
- 
it more on the video that we do on your 
- 
channel cause this video is already 
- 
forever long but it like almost got me 
- 
like choked up because when you said it 
- 
it resonated with me so hard. 
- 
And that is: You look more capable than 
- 
you sometimes are. 
- 
Or you present more 
- 
able-bodied than you are. 
- 
And I think that is something 
- 
that I have lived with my whole life. 
- 
It is really challenging. 
- 
It has its perks, 
- 
It has its benefits. 
- 
You know there are times when 
- 
I can just like seamlessly 
- 
fit into a group 
- 
and not be discriminated against 
- 
for a minute 
- 
because nobody knows. 
- 
But also, you know I remember being 
- 
in middle school 
- 
and actively losing most of my sight. 
- 
I had another blind student at the school 
- 
who was fully blind from birth. 
- 
And the teacher turns to me and goes, 
- 
"Molly! 
- 
Help him. He's blind, he can't see it." 
- 
And I was like, 
- 
"No, no. I too am blind 
- 
with guide dog! I don't know 
- 
what you're not getting. I too cannot 
- 
see the thing." 
- 
And I feel like that's like the 
- 
perfect example of something I faced 
- 
almost daily. 
- 
Is just like and I- I just recently 
- 
watched your, you did an ableism 
- 
video, which had me laughing 
- 
out loud and again one of the ones 
- 
you said, well many of the ones 
- 
you said resonated 
- 
but like, well at least you look good. 
- 
And it's like a I get that all the time. 
- 
Like, "Ugh I can't see" 
- 
"Oh, at least your eyes are beautiful." 
- 
And I'm like... 
- 
Wonderful, thanks. 
- 
Thanks. 
- 
That really helps. 
- 
And I- yeah 
- 
It is, it can be very challenging 
- 
and even within your own 
- 
disability community, I don't know 
- 
if you find this you know 
- 
with a part of- because you identify 
- 
with so many different groups 
- 
of disability, I don't know if you 
- 
find this in any of your kind of subsections 
- 
of the community, but 
- 
if you don't do things 
- 
the way a lot of them do 
- 
because you're accommodating 
- 
other aspects of your disability 
- 
you're judged for it. 
- 
And I feel like because 
- 
being blind is the part of my disability that 
- 
gets focused on the most, 
- 
people assume I should accommodate it 
- 
the way all blind people do. 
- 
Or the way a lot of the community does 
- 
And I'm like, "Well, 
- 
there's also other layers 
- 
to my disability. 
- 
Like, living with PTSD 
- 
and really bad generalized anxiety 
- 
is disabling for me at times. 
- 
And so that's a very real 
- 
part of my disability that I have to 
- 
accommodate separate to my blindness. 
- 
Or like I'm just like very sensitive 
- 
I have a very sensitive digestive system 
- 
I've dealt with irritable bowel syndrome 
- 
my whole life, so it's 
- 
really hard for me to eat sometimes. 
- 
And for me to take- 
- 
I'm very sensitive to medications. Those 
- 
are other parts of my human body 
- 
that I need to accommodate. 
- 
And I have other parts of my 
- 
disability that I- I don't talk about on the internet 
- 
or that I don't expose to the world. 
- 
You know, things that I'm affected by 
- 
Or you know, things that I'm affected by 
- 
Not Synced that I don't talk about. 
- 
Not Synced So people hyperfocus on the one part of my disability. 
- 
Not Synced