7 Collaborative Approach 7 00

The collaborative or integrative approach
by definition is a win/win approach.

And we're going to say that "collaborative"
and "integrative" are interchangeable.

"Collaborative" means we are working together,
and it's referred to as "integrative" approach

because the two parties are integrating
their goals--they're putting them together.

And it is a win/win situation. So, by
definition: if I win you win, if you win I win.

Therefore, we are what is called "promotive."

We have promotive interdependence, which
means that I am working toward your success.

I want you to win because if you win, I win.
We're pretty much joined at the hip on this.

And you are working toward my success,
which means if I win, you win.

Now this approach implies an equal concern
for myself, for you, and the relationship.

And what sets this apart from other approaches
is the concern that one has for the relationship.

So, when you go into this, the relationship is NOT
more important than you or me, but it is EQUAL.

And the fact that we are putting
consideration into the relationship

is what sets it apart
from other approaches.

So, I want to make sure
we are clear on this,

we're not putting any one of
these three above the other.

They're all equal, but what sets it apart
is the concern for the relationship.

That's what makes it different
from other approaches.

And in this approach, the two parties are
against the problem, not against each other.

It can be difficult to come up
with some real, genuine examples

that demonstrate a collaborative approach.
I would say that you might have a situation

where management and unions are in a
conflict, maybe there's a strike situation,

and they sit down at the table and they
say, "Ok, we need to get back to work.

We want everybody to get back to work.
We want everyone to be happy.

We want management to be happy.
We want labor to be happy."

And it takes trust in order for that
approach to work in that situation.

And you won't always have that trust.

I would say, usually you don't have
the trust between management and labor.

But, oftentimes when you do,
they come out with win/win scenarios.

So, what are some tactics? First of all,
communication has to be open and honest.

It IS open and honest. And in order for that
to exist, there must be trust in the relationship.

If there is not trust, this approach
will not work. That is paramount.

You have to trust the other party,
because when you do it,

you are going to self-disclose, which means
you are going to tell someone how you feel.

And you're going to ask
THEM how they feel.

And if you hold back on that...
why are you holding back?

It might be because you don't trust that they
will protect your feelings or respect your feelings.

You make concessions in this approach.
You give in, in some areas. You accept responsibility.

Remember we talked about the competitive
approach you deny responsibility.

In this situation because you're being
open and honest, you're saying,

"Yep, I did that wrong." or
"You're right, I failed in that area."

And you are accepting responsibility when...
and you take responsibility. It goes both ways.

It can be for something that went wrong
and it can be for something that went well.

And in this approach you will solicit
negative feedback. You will ask someone,

"Hey, what can I do better here?" or
"Give me some constructive criticism."

And if you don't have a secure relationship and
have a certain amount of security within yourself,

this approach will not work.

So, if it's a win/win situation,
what are the disadvantages?

Well, the most important thing is that

it takes BOTH parties to use the
approach in order for it to work.

"It takes two to tango" meaning
two to do the same dance.

If I am collaborating (keep in mind
I'm working towards your win)

and if you are competing, you
are working toward my loss.

So, if I'm not aware that
you are competing,

I'm giving to you out of my
left-hand pocket (so to speak)

and you are stealing out of my
right-hand pocket. And it will crush me.

I will lose the conflict and it will
destroy the trust between us.

So, it takes BOTH parties to do it.

It takes a willingness and a skill
on both parties to be able to do it.

It also takes A LOT more time because
you're going to discuss the problem more,

you're going to be more open with your
communication, and it takes energy,

and it takes a lot of skill. This is not
something you can develop overnight.

So, let's take one more look at a video.
I didn't finish it the last time we showed it

when we were discussing a
different conflict approach.

So, let's take a look at this
and see how it plays out.

I think this is a good example that demonstrates
the collaborative approach to conflict.

[announcer in commercial] World's
first reconfigurable luxury SUT,

Cadillac Escalade EXT.

[Jim Frankenfeld] So, that's
a pretty good example

of how two parties integrated their goals.
They both wanted that same parking spot....

I don't know how they got the vehicle into the
back of the truck or how they will get it out,

but I think you get the point.

So, that ends this discussion on the
collaborative approach to conflict.