0:00:02.431,0:00:09.161 The collaborative or integrative approach [br]by definition is a win/win approach. 0:00:09.161,0:00:16.310 And we're going to say that "collaborative"[br]and "integrative" are interchangeable. 0:00:16.310,0:00:22.775 "Collaborative" means we are working together,[br]and it's referred to as "integrative" approach 0:00:22.775,0:00:29.565 because the two parties are integrating [br]their goals--they're putting them together. 0:00:29.565,0:00:39.024 And it is a win/win situation. So, by [br]definition: if I win you win, if you win I win. 0:00:39.024,0:00:42.107 Therefore, we are what is called "promotive." 0:00:42.107,0:00:47.595 We have promotive interdependence, which [br]means that I am working toward your success. 0:00:47.595,0:00:53.007 I want you to win because if you win, I win.[br]We're pretty much joined at the hip on this. 0:00:53.007,0:00:59.560 And you are working toward my success,[br]which means if I win, you win. 0:00:59.560,0:01:08.172 Now this approach implies an equal concern [br]for myself, for you, and the relationship. 0:01:08.172,0:01:16.061 And what sets this apart from other approaches[br]is the concern that one has for the relationship. 0:01:16.061,0:01:25.310 So, when you go into this, the relationship is NOT [br]more important than you or me, but it is EQUAL. 0:01:25.310,0:01:30.150 And the fact that we are putting [br]consideration into the relationship 0:01:30.150,0:01:32.434 is what sets it apart[br]from other approaches. 0:01:32.434,0:01:34.482 So, I want to make sure[br]we are clear on this, 0:01:34.482,0:01:37.987 we're not putting any one of [br]these three above the other. 0:01:37.987,0:01:44.468 They're all equal, but what sets it apart[br]is the concern for the relationship. 0:01:44.468,0:01:48.538 That's what makes it different[br]from other approaches. 0:01:50.188,0:01:56.501 And in this approach, the two parties are[br]against the problem, not against each other. 0:01:56.501,0:02:01.566 It can be difficult to come up [br]with some real, genuine examples 0:02:01.566,0:02:06.405 that demonstrate a collaborative approach. [br]I would say that you might have a situation 0:02:06.405,0:02:15.522 where management and unions are in a[br]conflict, maybe there's a strike situation, 0:02:15.522,0:02:21.916 and they sit down at the table and they[br]say, "Ok, we need to get back to work. 0:02:21.916,0:02:25.616 We want everybody to get back to work.[br]We want everyone to be happy. 0:02:25.616,0:02:29.984 We want management to be happy. [br]We want labor to be happy." 0:02:29.984,0:02:34.939 And it takes trust in order for that[br]approach to work in that situation. 0:02:34.939,0:02:37.034 And you won't always have that trust. 0:02:37.034,0:02:41.768 I would say, usually you don't have [br]the trust between management and labor. 0:02:41.768,0:02:48.822 But, oftentimes when you do, [br]they come out with win/win scenarios. 0:02:48.822,0:02:54.555 So, what are some tactics? First of all,[br]communication has to be open and honest. 0:02:54.555,0:03:01.817 It IS open and honest. And in order for that [br]to exist, there must be trust in the relationship. 0:03:01.817,0:03:06.823 If there is not trust, this approach[br]will not work. That is paramount. 0:03:06.823,0:03:10.970 You have to trust the other party, [br]because when you do it, 0:03:10.970,0:03:15.821 you are going to self-disclose, which means[br]you are going to tell someone how you feel. 0:03:15.821,0:03:18.623 And you're going to ask[br]THEM how they feel. 0:03:18.623,0:03:21.871 And if you hold back on that...[br]why are you holding back? 0:03:21.871,0:03:29.959 It might be because you don't trust that they [br]will protect your feelings or respect your feelings. 0:03:29.959,0:03:37.105 You make concessions in this approach. [br]You give in, in some areas. You accept responsibility. 0:03:37.105,0:03:41.555 Remember we talked about the competitive [br]approach you deny responsibility. 0:03:41.555,0:03:46.765 In this situation because you're being[br]open and honest, you're saying, 0:03:46.765,0:03:54.182 "Yep, I did that wrong." or [br]"You're right, I failed in that area." 0:03:54.182,0:03:59.481 And you are accepting responsibility when...[br]and you take responsibility. It goes both ways. 0:03:59.481,0:04:05.820 It can be for something that went wrong[br]and it can be for something that went well. 0:04:05.820,0:04:10.500 And in this approach you will solicit [br]negative feedback. You will ask someone, 0:04:10.500,0:04:15.250 "Hey, what can I do better here?" or[br]"Give me some constructive criticism." 0:04:15.250,0:04:21.348 And if you don't have a secure relationship and [br]have a certain amount of security within yourself, 0:04:21.348,0:04:24.398 this approach will not work. 0:04:26.647,0:04:30.731 So, if it's a win/win situation, [br]what are the disadvantages? 0:04:30.731,0:04:33.666 Well, the most important thing is that 0:04:33.666,0:04:37.252 it takes BOTH parties to use the [br]approach in order for it to work. 0:04:37.252,0:04:41.704 "It takes two to tango" meaning [br]two to do the same dance. 0:04:41.704,0:04:46.865 If I am collaborating (keep in mind[br]I'm working towards your win) 0:04:46.865,0:04:50.952 and if you are competing, you[br]are working toward my loss. 0:04:50.952,0:04:56.737 So, if I'm not aware that[br]you are competing, 0:04:56.737,0:05:01.088 I'm giving to you out of my[br]left-hand pocket (so to speak) 0:05:01.088,0:05:06.087 and you are stealing out of my[br]right-hand pocket. And it will crush me. 0:05:06.087,0:05:10.999 I will lose the conflict and it will[br]destroy the trust between us. 0:05:10.999,0:05:14.421 So, it takes BOTH parties to do it. 0:05:14.421,0:05:21.093 It takes a willingness and a skill [br]on both parties to be able to do it. 0:05:21.093,0:05:26.429 It also takes A LOT more time because [br]you're going to discuss the problem more, 0:05:26.429,0:05:33.092 you're going to be more open with your[br]communication, and it takes energy, 0:05:33.092,0:05:38.213 and it takes a lot of skill. This is not [br]something you can develop overnight. 0:05:41.195,0:05:48.513 So, let's take one more look at a video. [br]I didn't finish it the last time we showed it 0:05:48.513,0:05:53.079 when we were discussing a [br]different conflict approach. 0:05:53.079,0:05:55.997 So, let's take a look at this[br]and see how it plays out. 0:05:55.997,0:06:03.963 I think this is a good example that demonstrates [br]the collaborative approach to conflict. 0:06:27.880,0:06:32.164 [announcer in commercial] World's[br]first reconfigurable luxury SUT, 0:06:32.164,0:06:34.360 Cadillac Escalade EXT. 0:06:36.556,0:06:38.927 [Jim Frankenfeld] So, that's[br]a pretty good example 0:06:38.927,0:06:45.606 of how two parties integrated their goals. [br]They both wanted that same parking spot.... 0:06:45.606,0:06:50.238 I don't know how they got the vehicle into the[br]back of the truck or how they will get it out, 0:06:50.238,0:06:52.955 but I think you get the point. 0:06:53.767,0:06:59.709 So, that ends this discussion on the[br]collaborative approach to conflict.