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Videos de orientación para villanos: Los casos perdidos de Ciudad Playa | Villanos | Cartoon Network

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    Welcome, subordinates of evil!
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    to the orientation video of
    Black Hat Organization.
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    All evil masters, lords of
    suffering, and masters of chaos
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    need someone to clean up
    after their messes...
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    someone who sticks their hands
    into the filth
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    so their masters
    can keep their own hands clean.
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    And that's YOU!
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    ...the subordinate.
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    Also known as minions,
    .
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    Also known as minions,
    servants,
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    Also known as minions,
    servants, accomplices,
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    Also known as minions,
    servants, accomplices, lackeys,
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    or, as our very own
    Lord Black Hat would say...
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    USELESS PARASITES!
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    In this video, you'll learn
    how to be an efficient subordinate
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    because, if your boss
    is like Lord Black Hat,
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    surely you don't
    want to fail at your job
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    lest you die in a terrible
    and unpleasant manner.
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    Aaand who's better to teach you
    how to be an efficient subordinate
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    than the two minions of
    Lord Black Hat himself!
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    Also known as Pest One and Pest Two!
    (( A speedy li'l crew, I present to you
    Pest One and Pest Two! ))
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    (( A speedy li'l crew, I present to you
    Pest One and Pest Two! ))
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    The mistress of chaos and insanity
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    Miss Demencia!
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    ...and Flug.
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    Oh, yeah, thanks.
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    Yeeaaah!
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    Hahaha, my master
    Black Hat recognizes my potential!
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    Finally, I'll be able to spend a
    WHOLE video with my beloved,
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    precious,
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    HANDSOME,
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    HANDSOME, and beautiful
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    Oh, it's only you.
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    Uugh!
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    Demencia!?
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    I have to make a training video...
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    with HER?
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    TRAINING?
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    What, are we going to be
    learning how to break legs and arms?!
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    DEFINITELY!
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    Hey! Those cost
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    No, Demencia!
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    We're going to learn
    how to plan,
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    how to think,
    -
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    how to think,
    and how to develop a strategy!
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    And I'm not going to be able
    to do that with Mistress Breaks-Stuff!
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    You're right.
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    Today,
    -
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    Today,
    I'M the teacher.
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    No!
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    You know what!
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    No!
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    Nooo!
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    No one can make me do this.
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    See you never!
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    Flug!
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    Put your wretched rear back
    in that chair and
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    FINISH THE DAMN VIDEO!
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    Right away, Boss Sir!
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    I'm happy to!
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    Welcome again,
    intellectuals, assistants of villains,
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    to an orientation video
    about being a villain's subordinate!
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    This time, we'll analyze a structured,
    brilliant, and refined way to be a GOOD minion.
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    In other words, how to be
    more dignified than a gorilla BRUTE.
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    Yeah!
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    A gorilla brute that's
    super destructive!
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    With armor!
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    And claws!
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    That spits fire!
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    And SWORDS!!
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    Demencia, that's IMPOSSIBLE.
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    You can make that, right?
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    Pfff, please. Of course!
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    Haha, oh yeah?
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    HEY!
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    But we're not here to teach how to
    construct a fire-spitting gorilla, mind you!
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    No.
    But we'll teach how to do
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    THIS!
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    Pardon the interruption.
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    Now, to be a good and
    efficient subordinate,
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    you'll have to be studious
    and VERY determined.
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    The brainiac's exaggerating. The only
    place you need to put a book is under your pillow.
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    YOU'VE never read
    a book in your life.
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    What're you talking about?!
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    As I was saying, to
    be a successful subordinate,
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    there are some rules to follow.
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    A good minion knows
    that rules were made
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    TO BE BROKEN!
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    If we survive this video, we will
    have explored six of these rules.
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    To learn the rest, you'll
    have to buy the book
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    HOW TO SURVIVE AS A MINION
    by Black Hat Organization!
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    It comes with a list of
    instructions and steps on how
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    to not die in service! Also included,
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    a manual on how to
    start a cult,
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    and a brush for creating
    your own divine symbol.
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    A good evil minion can always
    be identified because they follow
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    these simple rules, and, to prove it,
    we will study two alien gems:
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    a Peridot and a Jasper.
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    Both come from
    Homeworld, which specializes in
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    the creation of subordinates.
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    "CrEaTiOn oF sUbOrDiNaTeS"
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    Therefore, these two gems should
    excel in the science of being an evil minion
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    since they were designed for
    different purposes.
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    Peridots are science and
    technology specialists.
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    OR you can say
    they're NERDS!
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    And a Jasper Quartz...
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    A bone-breaking warrior
    who's brutal, savage,
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    and ORANGE!
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    Jasper's only skills seem to be headbutting
    and rolling into a ball.
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    (sarcastically) Ooh! Wow!
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    Yeah! Li'l Orange is a
    total wrecking ball!
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    Named Jasper, and,
    like I said, both she and Peridot
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    serve Homeworld, which is
    ruled by four matriarchs.
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    There's only three, brainiac.
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    What do you mean, there's
    only three, Demencia?
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    Where'd you get your—
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    Heh, oh.
    Yes...
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    There's three...
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    Well, we'll see what good
    subordinates these two are.
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    We'll start with Rule Number 6:
    Maintain control of the situation.
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    We can see she has great control
    over her planet's technology.
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    Look how she pushes those buttons.
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    Peridot.
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    She's named Peridot!
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    Mmf!
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    (Demencia) Her enemies are
    RIGHT THERE!
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    Li'l Orange would've
    already beat them up!
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    She's running away?!
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    Given the variables of her situation,
    and seeing how she's outnumbered,
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    the best option is to escape
    and think of a better plan.
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    Li'l Orange would've already
    broken their faces.
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    Oh yeah? Well, Greenie would
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    SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND
    FINISH THIS THING ALREADY!
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    (Flug) Yes, Boss Sir!
    (Demencia) Yes, sir!
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    Did you see how
    handsome he looked?
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    Now let's see how Jasper
    handles this situation.
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    (Garnet, singing)
    ♫ I am their fury ♫
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    ♫ I am their patience ♫
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    ♫ I am a conversation ♫
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    (Demencia)
    HUH?
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    How can they sing that
    corny stuff while they're fighting!?
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    More like this!
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    She lost the fight and their
    ship was destroyed,
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    EXACTLY the OPPOSITE of
    having control of the situation.
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    (Demencia) What she should have
    done is RIP OUT their EYES!
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    - And how would that help—
    - Hey, shut up, you!
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    SILENCE!
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    Uugh, okay, let's look at
    the next rule—
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    Number 5.
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    Don't let yourself get captured.
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    (Jasper) You're doing more than betraying Homeworld!
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    These Gems kept you as a prisoner!
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    This is your chance to
    get revenge!
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    Ah, she fell into the trap of a rebel gem.
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    If Jasper were a gem with more intellect,
    she would have had control of the fusion.
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    She shouldn't have fused with
    a traitor in the first place.
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    Oh, of course n...!
    [ (Malachite) Let's stay ]
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    Hey, you're actually right.
    [ on this miserable planet! ]
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    See how you can sometimes say coherent things?
    [ Together! ]
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    Too bad I can't say the
    same thing about you.
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    You rude brat!
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    The only thing this is showing
    is the subordinates of Homeworld
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    aren't any good at their jobs.
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    Let's look at an example of what
    a subordinate should do if
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    trapped by an enemy, represented
    by one of our Hatbot-lers.
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    As you can see, the difference is this
    Hatbot has an automatic self-destruct mode.
    (H Bomb (Thermonuclear) • Multi-use
    Toaster & Center of Gravity
    • Thermographic view [Field of vision: 50° / 70° / 90° ]
    • Claws • Extendable Arms (Max range: 7 m) • Unicycle)
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    And how do you deal with
    being trapped, Demencia?
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    I don't know.
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    I've never been trapped.
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    What are you talking about?
    RIGHT NOW you're trapped.
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    No, Flug.
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    YOU'RE trapped
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    with ME.
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    NO.
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    YOU TWO ARE BOTH TRAPPED HERE...
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    The next rule is...
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    Love your boss with all your being!
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    And if you can, marry him!
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    That's not a rule...!
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    This means you should do
    EVERYTHING you're asked,
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    and even what you
    HAVEN'T been asked!
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    That's—!
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    ...correct.
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    Obedience should be present in
    any minion, from robotic subordinates
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    to beloved children subordinates,
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    whether they are human or robot.
    - (Darrell) Dad!
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    This hot evil love incarnated
    in his precious agent of chaos...
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    Did you just say...
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    HOT?
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    Yes...
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    That love burns hotter than
    a thousand nuclear bombs.
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    Continuing with Rule 3.
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    Don't let yourself get tricked.
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    Hey, what're you doing?
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    (Flug) It's very probable that in
    moments of weakness, the hero will try
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    to manipulate you with speeches of
    morals and sentimentalism.
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    -gasp- I'm going to die here!
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    No...
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    (Flug) Never listen to them!
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    Often when this happens,
    it means you're about to win.
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    Here, Jasper is confronted with one of
    those situations where the Crystal Gems
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    try to convince her to
    change her evil ways.
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    I'm here.
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    And I want to try healing you.
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    Now I see what
    you're trying to do.
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    You wait until a Gem has failed,
    until they've hit their lowest point.
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    Because once they've lost,
    they'll follow anyone that makes
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    them feel like less of a failure...
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    Yeees! She gets it!
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    YOU cannot manipulate
    me, Rose Quartz!
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    (Flug) Finally! Good! Following one of the rules!
    [ (Steven) No, no! ]
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    (Flug) You cannot let yourself be tricked
    even if it costs you your life.
    [ No, no! I'm not trying to manipulate you! ]
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    Let's look at a Hatbot-ler getting
    a similar speech.
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    You don't have to be evil!
    You can forge your own path!
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    Look inside your metallic heart.
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    Make your choice!
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    YEEES!
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    She's a monster!
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    Now she can put an
    end to those space rocks!
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    Get 'em, Cheesepuff!
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    Ah, look.
    The brain beats the brawn.
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    YOU SHUT UP!
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    We just saw how Peridot
    surpassed Jasper, even in combat.
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    Yeah, sure, smarty. So why do
    you think she poofed her?
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    Well, because, uh...
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    Oh my gosh.
    I betrayed Homeworld.
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    You're a Crystal Geeem!
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    HUH?!
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    Don't you see she broke Rule 2?!
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    NEVER betray your evil motives!
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    You're a VILLAIN, for crying out loud!
    You don't deserve to be called a villain if
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    you get impressed by a
    chubby-cheeked kid and his corny songs!
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    Turns out both Gems
    weren't good for anything...
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    but nerds are the worst helpers.
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    Now let's look at their errors.
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    Number 1:
    -
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    Number 1:
    They didn't work for my beloved Lord Black Hat.
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    Number 2:
    -
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    Number 2:
    They're not Black Hat!
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    And Number 3:
    -
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    And Number 3:
    BLACK HAT!
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    Demencia, that's enough!
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    Their mistakes are so serious that
    there's only one thing we can do.
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    At least Li'l Orange didn't turn good.
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    Hey! Look, Demencia,
    I'm fed up with this!
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    And I'm fed up with your
    -
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    And I'm fed up with your
    FACE!
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    (Flug) Oh yeah? Well my face has nothing to do with anything here!
    (Demencia) You tick me off! You're a nerd! You're ridiculous and pathetic!
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    (Flug) You're always playing around and doing stupid things
    (Demencia) NYEH NYEH EBLEH BLEH BLEH!
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    (Black Hat) You're leaving out
    Rule NUMBER ONE!
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    Why don't you recite it for me...
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    (Flug & Demencia)
    NEVER DEFY YOUR BOSS (SIR!)
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    (Black Hat) LOUDER!
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    (Flug & Demencia)
    NEVER DEFY YOUR BOSS (SIR!)
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    Now finish the video...
    -
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    Now finish the video...
    OR I'LL FINISH YOU!
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    And with that, we conclude this
    video for subordinates.
  • 9:44 - 9:46
    Until next time!
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    What next one? There's not
    gonna be a next one.
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    Probably not.
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    They're gonna fire you.
  • 9:50 - 9:51
    Huh?
  • 9:52 - 9:53
    Will it blend?
  • 9:53 - 9:54
    That is the question!
  • 9:54 - 9:57
    ( Black Hat Org.
    Presents: )
  • 9:57 - 10:00
    (Will It Blend?)
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    They say Gems are VERY durable
  • 10:03 - 10:07
    but will they endure the
    Destructor X of Black Hat Organization?
  • 10:09 - 10:11
    In they go!
  • 10:13 - 10:17
    I think I'm going to use
    the Automatic Pulverizer Mode.
  • 10:38 - 10:38
    Hwoof!
  • 10:38 - 10:39
    Eau de Gem!
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    Don't breathe this!
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    Yes, it blends!
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    Um, well, uh
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    Are we live already?
  • 10:52 - 10:54
    Good day, ambitious villains!
  • 10:55 - 10:55
    Ugh! Oy! Demencia!
  • 10:55 - 10:56
    Behave yourself!
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    That girl is such a
    misbehaving brat...
  • 10:59 - 11:03
    At Black Hat Organization, we
    know that even after using our services,
  • 11:03 - 11:05
    you might still have questions
    about how to be better villains!
  • 11:05 - 11:06
    But don't despair!
  • 11:06 - 11:09
    Because Black Hat Organization will
    answer your questions in
  • 11:09 - 11:11
    our next special video!
  • 11:11 - 11:14
    Just send your questions to the
    email address that appears here, and
  • 11:14 - 11:15
    until next time!
    (EW STUPID)
  • 11:16 - 11:20
    Translation by whoeynardo
    and RevelingRexan
Title:
Videos de orientación para villanos: Los casos perdidos de Ciudad Playa | Villanos | Cartoon Network
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
Spanish
Duration:
11:38

English subtitles

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