The prison of your mind | Sean Stephenson | TEDxIronwoodStatePrison

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.
Born in May, 1979, Sean Stephenson was expected to die within the first 24 hours of his life. However, he survived that day as a miracle. In this talk, he shares his own story and three key lessons to live beyond limitations. His aspiration is ''to rid this world of insecurity'' and he wants to encourage people to discover for themselves ''why they were born".

I'm trying to compose
my blog post for tonight,

and I'm thinking
it sounds really believable

that I went to prison and hugged
a bunch of really nice prisoners,

while a DJ busy, threw on some records,

and Richard Branson told me
where I can score some free heroin.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

True story!

(Laughter)

Lesson number one:

never believe a prediction
that doesn't empower you.

When I was born,
the doctors told my parents

that I would be dead
within the first 24 hours of my life.

35 years later, all those doctors are dead

(Laughter)

and I am the only doctor that remains.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Never believe a prediction
that doesn't empower you.

How many predictions have been
thrown at you your whole life?

If you believe predictions
that do not empower you,

you will wither away and die,

either physically die
or your spirit will die

as you just walk around
the world like a carcass

that is just following the masses.

You'll be given
a lot of titles in your life,

you'll be told so many different things.

You must only listen
to that which empowers you.

I have a belief
that has served me in my life,

and that is that everyone
is rooting from me to win,

even those that do not know it.

And I'm not here today to tell you
that I've had adversity in my life

and therefore, I know
what you are going through.

I don't have a clue what any of you
are going through in your lives.

I did not grow up in your neighborhoods
more than likely.

I did not have your set of parents,
nor do I live in your body.

I've not had the events
that you've had happened to you.

I can tell you I am only
an expert on one thing,

and that's how to be me, and I do it well.

(Applause)

But it's not come easily,

I've gone through things that I don't wish
upon anyone in this room.

I've had metal rods pulled out
of bone marrow while I was awake,

I've had jaw infections
where teeth had to be extracted

and I can no longer chew my own food.

I have to get up everyday,

and be showered and cared for
physically by another human being;

fortunately, she's a gorgeous
woman that I married.

(Applause)

I get stared at everywhere I go,

and the moment people meet me,

if they don't know a thing
about my résumé,

they automatically, just by
the human nature, think to themselves:

"Oh, it must be so difficult
to be that man!"

If somebody pities me,
they're wasting their time,

because I have chosen a life of strength,

I am here to help you
choose a life of strength,

but I'm going to tell you,
we've talked about drugs here.

You know what the worst drug
that ever hit the human race is?

Pity.

The moment you feel sorry
for another person

or the moment you feel sorry
for yourself, you're hosed.

You're totally, completely
frozen in potential.

We can not pity ourselves,
we can not pity you.

Yes, I get to go home today, yes, I get
to have what many would call freedom,

but I'm going to talk to you about freedom

about what I really choose
to see freedom as,

because like I said,

you can not believe predictions
that do not empower you!.

The second lesson today is
you are not your condition.

You're not.

I'm not disabled!

Sure, I'll take the handicapped
parking privileges

(Laughter)

but that does not define me as a man.

Not able?

I've been looked at and treated
my whole life as if I am not able.

I have had to rise above and show people

that the only disability
is one's refusal to adapt.

You have to adapt to whatever
environment you're in,

even if it's prison.

And what does adaption look like?
I think it looks like celebration.

Because when you meet people
that are celebrating their life,

you want to be around them,
you want to learn from them,

you want to do business with them,
you want to hire them.

Look! If you do not want to be seen
as a prisoner or a convict

when you get out of this,
or even while you're in this,

there is an attitude,

it is a belief in yourself that you bring
value to the human race,

no matter what your current condition,
title, or stature is.

Because if I believe that I am disabled,
I would wither up, I would be shy,

I would be insecure, I would be afraid,
I would act like I need your help.

And the rest of humanity
would be OK with that,

but I choose something else,

I choose to be strong,
I choose to be a leader,

I choose to have words
to move this planet,

I'll tell you why I was born.

And I hope it inspires you to
find out why you were born.

I was born to rid
this world of insecurity.

Because when a human being
is insecure, they do stupid stuff.

When we feel like we're not enough,

we chase external validation,
and external objects

to try to tell us we're enough.

(Applause)

Thank you.

You are enough.

I'll tell you I've made
a pledge of the therapist

to love all human beings,
no matter what they've done.

Because deep down inside,

I found that every human being
just wants to be loved,

even if they're tough,
even if they're scary,

even if they're vicious.

You get them in the right position,
at the right time,

they'll tell you the truth.

They just want to be loved.

Do you know whom they want
the love from the most?

Not their moms, not their dads,
not their wardens.

None of these people.

They want to be able to look in
the mirror and love themselves.

And if you can figure that out,
then you're going somewhere.

(Applause)

But you can not feel sorry for yourself.

When you feel sorry
for yourself, you will wither.

But there's a contradiction
to feeling sorry for yourself,

it's the opposite extreme,
it's what I call 'bullying yourself, '

beating yourself up, being
your own enemy and telling yourself

that all those predictions,
those negative opinions

that they're true, they're right,
you're washed up, failure.

You're not going to amount to anything.

Bullying yourself is the most
dangerous thing that you could do.

You can not afford to pity yourself,
you can not afford to bully yourself,

you have to love yourself,

because the last lesson that I'm going
to share with you today

that is I'm going to teach you
what the real prison is,

it's not surrounded by bar,
wire, or electrical fences,

the real prisons do not have guards,

the real prison's up here.

And we all got it,

we all have a mind that chatters,
so often won't stop chattering.

Do you know where your salvation is?
It's not outside these walls.

I've met so many people that are
so extremely successful and famous,

that are in prison,

because they're stuck in their minds,

bullying themselves, pitying themselves.

True freedom is dropping down
out of that mind.

And what my wife has taught me
is to drop into your hearts.

in the mastering this beating thing

that is more than just sending
blood to the extremities.

What is it doing?

It's sending emotional possibilities,
infinite possibilities of choice

in our behavior, in our life,
in our attitude.

When you love yourself,

whether you're sleeping
on a prison cot, or in a mansion,

whether you have food in your belly,

or you don't know
when your next meal is coming,

when you love yourself,

when you learn to master your emotions,

then and only then are you free.

I love you, each and everyone of you,
and I wish you freedom within these walls.

God bless.

(Applause)