How to embrace emotions at work
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0:00 - 0:02No matter how hard you might try,
-
0:02 - 0:05you can't just flip a switch
when you step into the office -
0:05 - 0:06and turn your emotions off.
-
0:06 - 0:09Feeling feelings is part of being human.
-
0:09 - 0:12[The Way We Work]
-
0:14 - 0:18A pervasive myth exists
that emotions don't belong at work, -
0:18 - 0:19and this often leads us
-
0:19 - 0:23to mistakenly equate professionalism
with being stoic or even cold. -
0:23 - 0:26But research shows that in the moments
when our colleagues -
0:26 - 0:28drop their glossy
professional presentation, -
0:28 - 0:31we're actually much more likely
to believe what they're telling us. -
0:31 - 0:33We feel connected to the people around us.
-
0:33 - 0:35We try harder, we perform better
-
0:36 - 0:38and we're just generally kinder.
-
0:38 - 0:41So it's about time that we learn
how to embrace emotion at work. -
0:41 - 0:43Now, that's not to say
-
0:43 - 0:46you should suddenly become
a feelings fire hose. -
0:46 - 0:49A line exists between sharing,
which builds trust, -
0:49 - 0:52and oversharing, which destroys it.
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0:52 - 0:55If you suddenly let your feelings
run wild at work -
0:55 - 0:58and give people far more information
than they bargained for, -
0:58 - 1:00you make everyone around you uncomfortable
-
1:00 - 1:02and you also undermine yourself.
-
1:02 - 1:06You're more likely to be seen as weak
or lacking self awareness, -
1:06 - 1:09so, great to say you weren't
feeling well last night -- -
1:09 - 1:11you don't need to go
into every lurid detail -
1:11 - 1:14about how you got reacquainted
with your half-digested dinner. -
1:15 - 1:17So there's a wide spectrum
of emotional expression. -
1:17 - 1:20On one hand, you have under-emoters,
-
1:20 - 1:23or people who have a hard time
talking about their feelings, -
1:23 - 1:26and on the other end are over-emoters,
-
1:26 - 1:30those who constantly share everything
that's going on inside, -
1:30 - 1:32and neither of these make
for a healthy workplace. -
1:32 - 1:35So what's the balance
between these two extremes? -
1:35 - 1:38It's something called
selective vulnerability. -
1:38 - 1:41Selective vulnerability is opening up
-
1:41 - 1:45while still prioritizing stability
and psychological safety, -
1:45 - 1:47both for you and for your colleagues.
-
1:47 - 1:49Luckily, anyone can learn
-
1:49 - 1:51to be selectively
vulnerable, with practice. -
1:51 - 1:53Here are four ways to get started.
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1:53 - 1:57First, flag your feelings
without becoming emotionally leaky. -
1:57 - 1:58Bad moods are contagious,
-
1:58 - 2:01and even if you're not vocalizing
what you're feeling, -
2:01 - 2:04chances are your body language
or your expressions -
2:04 - 2:05are a dead giveaway.
-
2:05 - 2:08So if you are crossing your arms
or hammering on your keyboard, -
2:08 - 2:11your coworkers are going
to know you're upset. -
2:11 - 2:13And if you don't say anything,
-
2:13 - 2:16they might start to think
it's about them and get worried. -
2:16 - 2:19So if you are reacting
to a non-work-related event, -
2:19 - 2:21so traffic for example, just flag it.
-
2:21 - 2:23You don't need to go into detail.
-
2:23 - 2:26You can say something as simple as
"I'm having a bad morning. -
2:26 - 2:28It has nothing to do with you."
-
2:28 - 2:29Now if it's a work-related event
-
2:29 - 2:32that's causing you
to feel strong emotions, -
2:32 - 2:34that brings us to point number two.
-
2:34 - 2:36Try to understand
the need behind your emotion, -
2:37 - 2:38and then address that need.
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2:38 - 2:42If you suddenly start to find
everyone around you irritating, -
2:42 - 2:44sit back and reflect on that.
-
2:44 - 2:47And it might be that you're irritable
because you're anxious, -
2:47 - 2:50and you're anxious because you're worried
about hitting a looming deadline. -
2:50 - 2:53And in that case, you
can go back to your team -
2:53 - 2:55to address that need
and say something like, -
2:55 - 2:58"I want to make sure I get everything
done ahead of the deadline. -
2:58 - 3:01Can you help me put together
a realistic plan to do that?" -
3:01 - 3:02If you're thinking of sharing,
-
3:02 - 3:05try and put yourself in
the other person's shoes. -
3:05 - 3:09So if what you're about to say
would help you feel more supported -
3:09 - 3:11and better understand the situation,
-
3:11 - 3:12then go ahead and share it.
-
3:12 - 3:16But if it gives you any kind of pause,
you might want to leave it out. -
3:16 - 3:19And finally, read the room
and provide a path forward. -
3:19 - 3:22If everyone on your team
has been pulling long hours, -
3:22 - 3:27and you notice that one of your colleagues
seems particularly deflated or anxious, -
3:27 - 3:30you can acknowledge that
and show some empathy, -
3:30 - 3:32but then try to give
them something actionable -
3:32 - 3:33that they could hold on to.
-
3:33 - 3:34And in this case,
-
3:34 - 3:36you could suggest that
you go to your manager -
3:36 - 3:38and ask that your weekly meeting
-
3:38 - 3:41be pushed back a day
so you both have more time to work. -
3:41 - 3:43You're showing you're invested
in their success, -
3:43 - 3:45but also that you care
about their well-being. -
3:45 - 3:47When we can be honest about what we feel,
-
3:47 - 3:50and freely suggest ideas, make mistakes
-
3:50 - 3:53and just not have to hide
every piece of who we are, -
3:53 - 3:57we're much more likely
to stay at the company for a long time. -
3:57 - 3:59We're also happier and more productive.
-
3:59 - 4:03So take a moment to reflect
on the emotional expression -
4:03 - 4:05that you bring to work each day.
-
4:05 - 4:08And if you are prone
to oversharing, try editing. -
4:08 - 4:10And if you're a little bit more reserved,
-
4:10 - 4:13look for moments when you can
open up to your colleagues -
4:13 - 4:14and be a bit vulnerable.
-
4:14 - 4:16And chances are,
there will be a big difference -
4:16 - 4:18in how people respond to you.
-
4:18 - 4:20And selective vulnerability
might just become -
4:20 - 4:23one of your most valuable tools.
- Title:
- How to embrace emotions at work
- Speaker:
- Liz Fosslien
- Description:
-
"You can't just flip a switch when you step into the office and turn your emotions off. Feeling feelings is part of being human," says author and illustrator Liz Fosslien. She shares why selective vulnerability is the key to bringing your authentic self to work.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TED Series
- Duration:
- 04:36
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Erin Gregory approved English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Krystian Aparta accepted English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to embrace emotions at work |