Finding your place in the world through the pursuit of your passion | Mogok Pauk Pauk | TEDxInyaLake

Growing up feeling like a girl in a boy’s body is a difficult and painful experience for anyone to go through, more so in a conservative, patriarchal country like Myanmar. Despite the stigma, societal pressures, and challenges posed by the military rulers, Mogok Pauk Pauk found her feet in fashion design, incorporating traditional ‘cheik’ fabric into contemporary designs that wouldn’t look out of place on a New York or Milan catwalk. Heartfelt and inspiring.

Mogok Pauk Pauk is a prominent fashion designer in Myanmar known for her revitalisation of the traditional textile patterns and bringing haute couture to the Myanmar fashion world. She is also one of the most well-known transgender figures in Myanmar. Pauk Pauk was born in Mogok, a town famous for its rubies and from a young age developed an interest in makeup and fashion. She started her career as a makeup artist in Myanmar’s movie industry before making the transition to fashion and design and in the process moving to Mandalay and then later to Yangon. In 2006, she took an opportunity to study at Milan’s Burgo Fashion and Design Institute (Istituto di Moda Burgo), an experience that opened her eyes to global fashion. Mogok Pauk Pauk is passionate about preservation Myanmar textile traditions while modernising to ensure their continuity.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I knew I was different

since I was three years old.

I liked to dress up,

I was interested in make up,

and I loved to play
in my mother's beauty salon.

My name is Mogok Pauk Pauk,

and I'm a fashion designer.

Some might even say I am quite successful.

Perhaps,

that is not what I or others
imagined for me,

a girl, who grew up
in a provincial town in Myanmar,

who was actually a boy when she was born.

I know some of you are wondering,

and let's talk about
that question on your mind.

I'm gay, I'm transgender:

is it difficult for people like me?

Well, perhaps, at the beginning.

It was a good thing

that I knew I was different.

Some people don't know.

Some people don't know
or are in denial,

that's even harder.

I am also aware of the fact

that my being different
brought shame to my family.

And I also wanted them

to have a sense of pride because of me.

School was not that easy.

I got teased a lot by other boys,

bullied even.

I was crying a lot of the time.

To add to that, you know,

what the education system is like here,

children are not allowed to decide
what they actually want to do.

When I was in high school,
because of my marks,

I was automatically
put into study science.

Sciences: biology, physics, chemistry.

I knew I had no interest in any of it.

My family wanted me
to get a university degree,

and go into the traditional
Mogk professions of gems trading.

But I was not interested in that either.

The blessing in disguise
came in the form of riots

that caused schools
to be closed across the country.

I dropped out,

and at the age of 17, I left home.

That was a turning point for me.

I have always held the belief

that if you can make your living

out of what you are passionate about,

life will be a lot more fulfilling.

In fact,

I knew I did not want
to compromise my passion.

It gave me a clear idea
of what I wanted to do in life.

I also knew that in life
you have to try hard.

I learned English,
I learned to be make-up artist,

and I loved what I did.

I was a miserable schoolchild,

where I felt there was no hope.

After finding my passion and interests,

I became active, energetic, and confident.

The change was profound.

Of course, being who I am,

I cannot do what I want.

I have to be restrained
on the personal front.

I cannot just go out
to the restaurant with my boyfriend.

I cannot dress how I want.

But that's fine.

I understand, in certain places,

I will be laughed at, or not accepted.

So I simply avoid those places.

In certain events,
I have to dress in a certain way,

so I do.

It is about controlling my lifestyle

so that I do not provoke
a reaction from others

that could be hurtful.

Another turning point for me was Milan.

I always wanted to study abroad,

and the chance came when I was 30.

I had an acquaintance who was kind enough

to research fashion study programs for me.

I didn't even know how to use a computer,

but I taught myself,

so I can go online

and look at courses.

I chose to go to Milan.

In Milan, my eyes opened
to the world of haute couture.

We didn't even have anything
like that in Myanmar.

When I came back,

I instinctively understood

that Myanmar's haute couture
has to be our traditional textiles,

especially "Achaik".

It coincided with a time

that a friend gave me a book
on vintage "Achaik" patterns.

It sparked my creativity.

Back then, "Achaik" popularity had fallen.

Brides still wore it, of course.

But, mostly older women
wore it to attend weddings.

Younger women were attracted
to other types of fabrics.

On the weaving side as well,

there was an injustice going on.

Weavers only earned 10,000 kyat per piece,

after spending hours
of hand weaving these garments.

When retailed 300,000 kyat on average.

Not only was it not fair,

it was making the weavers
opt for easier patterns.

When I came back with my design,

I encouraged the weavers
by paying them more.

So, they will spend time

weaving the more intricate patterns.

Now, whole villages, even men,

are involved in weaving, hand-weaving,

because it provides a good livelihood.

And "Achaik" has been revitalized
with both old and young women,

loving it and wearing it.

Not only that,

the whole Myanmar traditional
textile industry is thriving,

and that is very encouraging to see.

I wanted to preserve tradition,

but I understood that preserving tradition

also means to modernize it,

and bring it into our times.

I was criticized a lot.

Some people said that the gays
are ruining tradition.

This was a time when Myanmar
was still quite closed in many ways.

When I first returned in 2006,

there was not much to do in Mandalay,
where I was living at that time.

I understood that if I wanted
to pursue fashion,

I needed to move to Yangon.

I had already been doing fashion shows
since 1996 in Mandalay.

So I started organizing
fashion shows of my designs.

I was naive,

and didn't know about the rules,

or that they are sometimes arbitrary.

One time, the authority said

that I had organized a fashion show
without the required permits.

That was a just a small show
with 200 attendees,

but they threw me in prison for a month.

That was a hard lesson.

My journey has not been easy,

but I can't say it was
especially difficult either.

It's life.

The biggest lesson I have learned
that I can pass on to you

is that you have to find a place
that is fitting for you,

a place where you can make
your passion also your profession.

And that...

you have to have faith in your life

and keep pursuing your dreams.

My desire to educate myself
and pursue my passions,

took me from Mogok
to Mandalay, and to Myanmar.

Perhaps, one day,
it will take me to the world.

Thank you.

(Applause)