The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

Our company has a new strategic initiative

to increase market penetration, maximize brand loyalty,

and enhance intangible assets.

In pursuit of these objectives, we've started a new project

for which we require seven red lines.

I understand your company can help us in this matter.

Man: Of course. Walter here will be the project manager.

Walter, we can do this, can't we?
Walter: Yes, of course.

Walter: Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to the drawing of red lines.

We've brought him along today to share his professional opinion.

(Woman) Nice to meet you. Well, you all know me.

-This is Justine, our company's design specialist.
- Justine: Hello.

Woman: We need you to draw seven red lines all of them strictly perpendicular.

Some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that?

-Anderson: (pausing) No, I'm afraid we...
-Walter: Let's not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson.

Walter: The task has been set and needs to be carried out.

At the end of the day, you are an expert.

Anderson: The term "red line" implies the color of the line to be red.

To draw a red line with green ink is,

well, if it's not exactly impossible, it's pretty close to being impossible.

Walter: What does that even mean? "Impossible"

-Women laughing
-Anderson: I mean it is possible there are some

people suffering from colorblindness for whom the color blind doesn't really make a difference.

But I'm quite sure that the target audience

of your project doesn't consist solely of such people.

Woman: So, in principle, this is possible.

Anderson: I'll simplify. Lines as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink.

But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink.

-Man: What if we draw them with blue ink?
-Walter: Hmm. Hmm.

Anderson: It still won't work. If you use blue ink, you'll get blue lines.

And what exactly did you mean when you talked about the transparent ink?

Woman: How would I explain? I'm sure you know what

transparent means.

-Anderson: Yes, I do.
-Woman: And what a red line means. I hope I don't need to explain to you

(laughing)
-Anderson: Of course not.

Woman: Well. You need to draw a red line... with transparent ink.

Anderson: Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like?

Walter: Oh come on, Anderson, what have we got here? Kindergarten.

(all talking at once)

Man: Let's not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels.

The task has been set, the task is plain and clear.

Now, if you have any specific questions, then go ahead.

Walter: You're the expert here.

Anderson: Alright, let's leave aside the color for the moment.

You had something there also relating to perpendicularity.

Woman: Seven lines. All strictly perpendicular.

Anderson: To what?

Woman: Uh... To everything... amongst themselves.

I assume you know what perpendicular lines are like?

Walter: Of course he does. He's an expert.

Anderson: Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can't be simultaneously perpendicular to each other.

I'll, I'll show you!

This is a line. Right?

Woman: Yes.

Anderson: And another. Is it perpendicular to the first line?

-Woman: Well...
-Anderson: Yes! It is perpendicular.

-Woman: Exactly. Yes.
-Anderson: Wait, wait I'm not done.

And a third one. Is it perpendicular to the first line?

Yes it is. But it doesn't cross the second line.

They're both parallel. Not perpendicular.

Woman: Ah. Suppose so.
Anderson: There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular...

Woman: Can I have the pen?
(drawing noises)

How bout this?

Anderson: This is a triangle. It's definitely not perpendicular lines.

And there are three, not seven.

-Man: Why are they blue?
-Walter: Indeed, I wanted to ask that myself.

Anderson: I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration.

Man: That's the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink.

Anderson: It won't solve the problem.

Walter: Well, how do you know before you've tried?

Let's draw them with red ink and then let's see, hmm?

Anderson: I don't have a red pen with me. But, um, I'm completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same.

Walter: Didn't you tell us earlier that you could only draw red lines with red ink?

In fact, yes, I've written that down here.

And now you want to draw them with blue ink. And you want us to call these red lines?

Justine: I think I understand. You're not talking about the color now, right?

You're talking about that, um, what do you call it, uh, perpen- perpendic-

Anderson: Perpendicularity! Yes!

Man: That's it. Now you've confused everyone.

So what exactly is stopping us from doing this?

Anderson: Geometry.

Woman: Just ignore it.

Man: We have a task. Seven red lines.

It's not twenty. It's just seven.

Anderson, I understand you're a specialist of a narrow field.

You don't see the overall picture.

But surely it's not a difficult task to draw some seven lines.

Walter: Exactly. Suggest a solution. Any fool can criticize.

No offense. But you're an expert. You should know better.

Anderson: Okay. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines.

And I will draw the rest with transparent ink.

They'll be invisible, but I'll draw them.

Woman: Would this suit us?

(Justine nodding)
-Woman: Yes, this will suit us.

Justine: Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question if I may.

Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten?

-Anderson: Uh, what?
-Justine: In the form of a kitten?

Market research tells us our users like cute animals.

Justine: It will be really great if we could...
Anderson: No...

Justine: But why?

Anderson: Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I'm not artist but I can give it a try.

But it won't be a line anymore, it will be a cat.

A line and a cat, these are two different things.

Woman: A kitten. Not a cat. But a kitten. They're little. Cute. Cuddly.

-Woman: Cats on the other hand are...
-Anderson: It won't make a difference.

Walter: Anderson, at least hear her out. She hasn't even finished speaking and you're already saying no.

Anderson: I got the idea. But it's impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat - kitten.

Justine: What about a bird?

Man: So where do we stop? What are we doing?

Walter: Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink

and the rest with transparent. Did I understand correctly?

-Woman: Yes.
-Man: Excellent. In which case that's everything, right?

Justine: Oh, I almost forgot. We also have a red balloon.

Do you know if you could inflate it?

Anderson: What do I have to do with balloons?

Justine: It's red.

Man: Anderson, can you or can you not do this? It's a simple question.

Anderson: As such, I can, of course, but -

Man: Excellent. Organize a business trip. We'll cover the expenses,

go over to their location, inflate the balloon.

Well, this was very productive. Thank you all.

(Indistinct talking)
(door closes)

(door opens)
Justine: Can I ask you one more question, please?

When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten?

Anderson: Of course I can. I can do anything.

I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert.