Embracing uncertainty to build the life we want | Patrick Mayne | TEDxYouth@CISB

"How come some people with equal or even less opportunities than us manage to build extraordinary lives, while others struggle?"

In an inspiring talk, Patrick invites the audience to rethink their approach to uncertainty and use it as a tool to build a life worth living. Having worked, studied and lived in three continents by the age of 25, Patrick uses uncertainty as a tool to build a life of growth.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

I would like to start today by asking
a very personal and sincere question.

I don't want you to answer out loud
or to put up your hands,

but I do want you
to take your time and reflect.

Do you spend some time

thinking about the life
that you're trying to build,

the life that you're building?

Where do you want to go
in the short term, in the long term?

Do you think about this,

or are you mostly reactive
to whatever life brings you?

If you're not quite there yet,
where you want to be,

do you feel it's because you were
not given the right opportunities,

or maybe you did not really take advantage
of the opportunities given?

How come some people with equal
or even less opportunities than us

manage to build extraordinary lives,
while others struggle?

Today I'd like to challenge the way
you think about uncertainty

and how you can use it as a tool
to get to know yourself better

and build the life
you consider worth living.

I'm originally from southern Argentina,

in South America,

and like many people in this room
and many people in my generation,

I've always been a big-time dreamer.

I've always wanted to travel the world,

meet people from every corner,
live in different continents.

Yet I thought I was just unlucky.

I just didn't land that type of life.

That's okay.

I was going through
a very dreadful routine.

I was studying in university, economics,
and I had to keep grades above average

in order to keep my scholarship
to keep on studying,

and at the same time,
I was working two jobs -

not one, but two - while studying.

So just to say that I was very stressed
is a complete understatement.

I was completely burnt out.

And I remember particularly
one evening walking back from work.

Work was about two hours away
from where I live.

So, it was around 11:00 at night.

And I remember thinking,
"Man, can't wait to be 40.

Can't wait to be 40 years old
and just have a stable job.

I don't care how dull it is,
I just clock in, clock out.

It allows me to pay rent.
That's all I need."

And then it hit me, and I stopped.

What kind of twenty-year-old
wishes to be 40?

Is this the life
that I'm building for myself:

all the dreams of traveling the world
I'm going to give up before even trying?

It was then and there
that I decided I had to leave.

So I quit my jobs, dropped my scholarship,
dropped out of university.

I moved to Denmark to look for
a better present and future.

And I found it. Denmark is amazing.

I remember upon arriving
to this completely new experience

thinking in myself,

"I'm going take every single opportunity
to do something new.

I'm going to build the life
that I want to live."

And I did.

After three years, I graduated

from one of the most prestigious
degrees in the country.

I built startups that allowed me
to travel around Europe

to workshops and conferences.

I started playing rugby,
became a Danish rugby champion.

Above all, I managed to surround myself
with people that I loved deeply.

I finally found the growth, enjoyment
and stability I was so much longing for.

I was finally living my dream.

Yet I decided to leave
everything behind again

and this time moved to China.

Now, why China?

Well, I really don't know.

I never been to China before.
I never been to Asia, actually.

The closest I got at the time
was Athens, in Greece.

Also, to be honest,
I didn't have a fascination with China,

I just didn't know anything,

and that was a motivator
good enough to come and try it out.

And if switching continents
was not adventurous enough,

I decided to go all-in.

So I moved from Copenhagen
to Beijing all the way by train.

Now, of course,

there's no direct train ride
from Copenhagen to Beijing,

so it took me across several cities
in several countries,

from Denmark to Sweden, Finland,
all Russia, Mongolia, northern China,

until arriving in Beijing.

A journey that took me
from small, sleepy, little Russian towns

to running of a bear in a Siberian forest,
to living with nomads in Mongolia.

Life-changing experiences that took me
roughly a bit over a month to complete.

Now, I guess many of you
are asking yourself a very fair question:

"Why?"

Why would I leave
such an amazing lifestyle

that had took me so much work
to build from scratch?

I was finally living my dream,
and I was very aware of it.

I thought of myself
as the happiest person in the world.

Why want to leave that behind
and try to start again?

In a place I have no idea about,

in the completely opposite
end of the world,

where I have no clue
how my well-being is going to be.

Also, why do it by train?

Why just not take a plane
like a normal human being?

Why add an extra layer of risk
to this pretty uncertain scenario?

And the answer for me
has been very clear.

Uncertainty is always an opportunity.

Think about this.

In every decision that we make

lies the opportunity of pushing
beyond our perceived limitations,

and getting one step closer
to the person we wish to become.

It is only by reaching
out of our comfort zone

that were able to build
extraordinary lives,

a life we consider worth living.

I realize that how much
I learn about myself

is proportionate to the risk I take.

For me, a strong person is that one
who can thrive in the unknown.

And I wanted that for myself.

It became a craving, a pursuit in itself.

To understand me better,
what I'm capable of,

and where I want to go.

Now, learning to enjoy
and thrive in the unknown,

it doesn't happen overnight.

It's not an aha moment
or something you do once.

It's a process

where each time you do something
you previously considered impossible -

no matter how small, just something
that you haven't done before -

it increases your confidence.

Now, you did it.

And it becomes your new standard,

from where you judge yourself
and your decisions.

It's a dynamic search

where we're constantly learning
and rediscovering ourselves -

what we like, what we don't like.

Because who we were yesterday

doesn't have to define who we are today

and who we will be tomorrow.

Life is in constant flux,
it's a never-ending movement,

and that's the beauty of it,

but you have to go out there and find it.

The most life-changing experiences
you're ever going to live in your life

are most definitely not going to come
knocking down your door.

You have to expose yourself.

Little by little, but consistently.

It's a lifelong searching process.

Now, I understand if many of you
agree with what I'm saying,

but I know that this is
easier said than done.

So, how can I start?

Many of you probably
asking yourself, "How do I start?"

And that's the trick.

It doesn't really matter.

You just have to start.

Action inspires motivation.

If you're caught in between your dream
and you don't know how to get there,

just do something,
the very first easy next step.

Let's say, you want to study abroad
and you don't have the means,

there's plenty of
scholarships pages online.

Just create a free account
in one of those pages.

Just do the very first thing.

In that you will find
the motivation to do the next thing

and then the next thing
and then the next thing,

until you find your way.

Every decision is the right decision.

If you're caught
in between hard decisions,

the issue is not choosing
the wrong option.

You see, that's the thing
with hard decisions.

They're hard because
there's no clear best option.

Otherwise it wouldn't be hard.

The issue is not choosing at all
and being paralyzed by fear of change.

Once, I remember, I had a conversation
with a good old friend of mine,

and it's a conversation we had
repeatedly over the years

with people who have
loads of opportunities,

yet they decide to be stuck
behind the fear of change -

they decide to be.

So my friend is very happy to see me,

goes like, "Patrick,
you're living my dream,

when I open Instagram,
you're in a different place in the world.

I always think, I'm going to join you
next time you do it."

And I go, "Yeah, it's pretty great,
so why don't you do it?"

I know he can.

And then he enumerates a list of reasons -

very fair claims:
university, job, family, friends -

to justify himself why he's not
out there chasing his dream.

And I always think -

it's very fair, I'm nobody to judge,

and this might sound to be a bit rough -

but we are responsible
for our own happiness.

Grabbing the bull by the horns,

I'm building the life
you consider worth living,

it is also a sacrifice.

It's not always an easy ride,

but it's the only way
you can push fear aside

and get closer to the person
you wish to become.

To wrap things up,

I'd like to challenge
your perception of uncertainty,

from a mentality of risk and scarcity

to one of abundance and opportunity.

Uncertainty is a precious opportunity.

Embrace it.

Be friends with it.

And you will see how a whole
new world of incredible options

open before your eyes -

just because you dare to change.

Use it as a tool
to get to know yourself better,

to build self-love

and to get one step closer
to building the life you want to build.

Because in the end, we are responsible
for the lives we build for ourselves.

Thank you very much.

(Applause)