Weekend Update: Jane, You Ignorant Slut - SNL

On this edition of "Point/Counterpoint," Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin debate Lee Marvin and Michelle Triola's relationship. [Season 04, 1979]

Weekend Update Summer Edition, Thursday, August 10, live, at 9/8c on NBC.

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- I'm station manager,
Dan Aykroyd.

During the past few weeks
in Los Angeles,

actor, Lee Marvin, and his
former live-in companion,

Michele Triola Marvin,
have been in court

to settle her claim
that he owes her

half his income from the
six years they lived together.

That is the subject of
tonight's Point CounterPoint.

Jane will take the pro
Michele Marvin point

while I take the--
[audience groans and claps]

anti Michele Triola
counterpoint.

[audience claps]
Jane?

- Dan, times change and so does

the nature of relationships.

People are reluctant to
get married these days,

and looking at
divorce statistics,

who can blame them.

But the lack of a piece of paper

does not necessarily
mean the lack

of a total commitment.

A woman in this
modern-day relationship

may well give up all her
own personal pursuits,

as Michele Marvin
claims she did,

to give her full support
to her man's career.

And Michele Marvin
is just asking

that the courts recognize
that reality.

Dan, there's an old saying,

behind every successful man
there's a woman,

a loving, giving, caring woman.

But you wouldn't know
about that, Dan,

because there's no old saying

about what's behind
a miserable failure.

[cheers and applause]

- Jane, you ignorant slut.

[cheers and applause]

Bagged out, dried up slunk meat

like you and Michele Triola
know the rules.

If you want a contract,
sign on the dotted line.

Oh, but let's all shed a tear
for poor Michele Triola.

There was only testimony
that she had

sexual intercourse over 40 times

with another man while
living with actor Lee Marvin.

But I suppose that sort
of fashionable promiscuity

means nothing to
someone like you, Jane,

who hops from bed to bed

with the frequency of
a cheap, HAM radio.

[laughter]

But hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned.

And Michele Triola,
like a screeching,

squealing, rapacious swamp sow,

is after actor Lee Marvin's

last three million dollars.

I guess what you and Michele
are saying is

that when you're on your backs,
the meter is running.

Well, please spare us gals,

and tell us the rates
at the top.

Then we can choose
which two-bit tarts

and bargain basement
sluts to shack up with.

- That's the news, good night
and have a pleasant tomorrow.