One drop of water of my Chinese culture - what is a door? | Xinran | TEDxShanghai

Xinran shares the thoughts she has learned about the meaning of a door that could bridge a gap in many aspects of life -- between young and old, poor and rich, East and West, present and future, China and the world.

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.

Hello everybody.

First I would like to thank you
for your time, interests

and thoughts you shared with me.

Meanwhile, carrying shoes up to this stage
is a real challenge for myself.

Why so?

Ever since TEDxShanghai invited me,

I've been struggling
with what I should talk about.

Since 1997 when I immigrated to the UK,
I have published several books.

As the moderator just introduced,

they are published around the world.

But whenever I travel,
people would ask me,

"How is China now?"

As far as I know, except Chinese tea,

silk, the Cultural Revolution
and Mao Zedong,

people know very little about China.

They don't even know much
about Deng Xiaoping.

That's why sometimes I feel bad,
and I wonder,

should I talk about my China?

From the '80s till now,
I have been after something all the time,

that is how to be a good Chinese woman?

Because when I started a radio channel,

many women wrote, telling me
that they were not good women.

Because a good woman

should, to start with, have a son.

Second, cannot get angry.

Third, should be pretty.

Fourth, to be skilled in bed.
(Laughter)

Fifth, should be gentle and beautiful
in public.

Back then I struggled, because
obviously I wasn't a good woman.

Because I led the radio
and I was pretty grumpy.

After I came to UK,
I struggled with yet another thing,

who I really am?

I believe I am very Chinese.

but every time I come back to China,
my friends always tell me,

"Xinran, you're so westernized.

Look at you, you don't know
how to cross road,

speak too politely,
don't cut in line to get on buses.

You don't even know how to order dishes.

In short, what can you do?

Gradually I felt I was a wild animal.

I thought I was a wild animal

that when I am back in the nature,
I was so glad to have found my fellows,

and tell them I had come back.

But when they smelled me they said,

"This guy is not one of us.
It's raised in a zoo"

That's how I feel right now.

So when I got the invitation,

I thought a lot about
what I should talk about.

My mind was literally baffled

and that was the first puzzle.

My second puzzle -
should I speak in English or Chinese?

Frankly speaking,
my English is not really English

but 'Chinglish'.

I have a good friend
from the University of London

the first time he heard me speaking said,

"Xinran, your speech really worked.

My wife has changed a lot."

"How?", I asked.

He said, "She wants to learn Chinese."

"Really?", I asked.

He told me that his wife
was really touched by my speech.

Then I said, "I was speaking English,

not Chinese."

Then he said,
"My wife listened carefully

and still thinks that you were speaking
Chinese." (Laughter)

So I realized
that I don't speak good English.

When Richard asked me
what language I will use,

my excuse was
'it depends on the audience'.

So when I saw that today we have
so many Chinese, I'm very happy.

Then I have an excellent excuse
to speak Chinese.

So the next problem was,
what should I wear?

TEDx emailed me in English,

so I guessed
many British fellows would attend

or western fellows.

So I thought I'd wear my

beautiful Chinese silk dress.

Whenever I go to a Western country,
I always dress up,

for them to appreciate
the beautiful Chinese clothing.

But we have a lot of volunteers,

because in 1984,
I founded Mothersbridge

with hope to connect different cultures

in the world with China,

and connect the poor and the rich.

We recruited many volunteers

working hard for us around the world.

So I had this idea
that I should be a representative

to show them to you today.

Besides, I always tell my British friends

and say, "You should go to China,

this time of the year is the best.

Bright sunshine all day long."

But this time when I came back
I've hardly seen the sun.

The weather is just like that in England

I felt very cold.

So I was really struggling
with what to wear.

All these struggles
made me realize of something

I have been pursuing since I was child,

am I really a good daughter?

Am I a good wife?

A good woman?

A good mother?

A good Chinese woman?

Every time I write a book,
this issue always comes to my mind.

No matter if it is the letters
from the public,

or interviews with Chinese women,

or working with so many volunteers,

we always encountered this issue.

Because our Chinese culture

accompanies a sense of self-denial.

I think many young people

or just us, know that,
when we begin to learn to walk,

learn to speak and then to write,

learn to go to school, to go to work,

our senses are full of:

'No, that's not good, that's incorrect',
aren't they?

So I think many of us seek

rightness, goodness and correctness?

So I wondered since I came here,
I'd like to talk about this issue.

Thinking about it
after writing my recent book

about the first generation
under one-child policy,

I feel excited because this generation

of young people are in a better place.

From childhood, they don't have siblings
to share with

the love and struggle of their parents.

All the young people
I have interviewed told me,

I want to be the best child,

I want to be the best daughter
my mom is proud of,

I want to be the best
member of my family,

the best student of the community,

the best Chinese woman
or the best Chinese person.

But what is 'the best'?

Is there such a thing as 'the best'?

In the last 100 years of unrest in China

we seem to be searching for this concept.

When our emperor was no longer our god,

we've been searching for a belief,

what is our standard of "good"?

We don't have Ten Commandments
as in the Christian religion

but we have many historical scholars,

we have Confucius, Zhuangzi, Laozi.

All of them set up principles for us.

But in the current era,
we are seemingly completely different.

So what is this issue about?

So I keep searching, and I decided

to wear this uniform
of Mothersbridge as you can see.

This is the coat made
of our beautiful Chinese silk

I am also wearing this western silk scarf.

I got this beautiful scarf
attending a G8 meeting.

What else is important?

Please look at my feet.

One foot is red, the other is green.

This is my personality.

So if I wore my shoes up on the stage,
you couldn't see my personality.

This morning I told myself,

"Do you have the guts
to take the initiative?"

In fact I brought four outfits,

this one I am wearing today.

I said to myself
yesterday all night long,

"Do you dare to try to keep your quest,

to keep telling the youth,
yourself and the world

about the pride of Chinese people,
their beauty, patience and courage?

Can you do it?"

Standing here today,

I was trembling whether
to take off my shoes or not,

now I have taken them off.

Thank you.

(Applause)

When I started talking about this door

my own perception about
a door started to clarify

I mean, I began
to wonder about this issue.

I am willing to represent
every people you've helped

they are people of a vulnerable group.

Many of whom don't have

this opportunity to come to this stage

to thank all the volunteers.

If ever in your lifetime,
you have helped anyone

you are a volunteer.

If ever in your lifetime,
you've made anyone happy

you are a charitable volunteer.

Even if you make
your parents feel proud of you,

I consider you as a volunteer.

So I am willing to represent those
you've helped

to deeply thank the volunteers.

Thank you.

(Applause)

I know they want to say this.

Now I want to talk about
the 'door' I mentioned.

When I was discovering my own identity,

I often wondered, who am I really?

When you read Confucius, Zhuanzi, Laozi,

we have many famous sayings.

On of the weirdest is "Without self".

I used to teach part time
for 5 years in The SOAS in London,

many of my students would bring
this book and ask me,

"Xinran, this 'Without self',
what is it about?

Is there a 'self' or not?

Here 'without' means 'nothing'

'self' is myself, so is there a 'self'?"

Their question inspired me

which I'd like to share with you,

the joy of my understanding of the 'door'.

I reckon all of us after we are born,

after receiving our education from home,

from school and the community,

we develop our beliefs
of who we are ourselves.

What do I know? What can I do,
what do I want to do?

So this 'self' has been formed, right?

So this 'self', do all of us have it?

If this 'self' were a door,

we'll use a very simple
picture to explain it, OK?

If the 'self' is a door of a house.

Why do we call it a door?

If it has neither roof
nor walls nor windows,

this door cannot be called a door.

You can only say these are
some components or materials.

Because the roof, the walls, the windows

and the floor are the body of the house

then your only choice is to become a door.

So when you are born,
you are part of a family,

part of a community.

Let us consider this.

If a house is made of gold,

can it be matched
with a door made of straw?

If a house is made of mud,

how can a steel door be fitted?

So when you think about a door
this is a first limitation,

that the door and the house
should fit together.

And I think during the process of growing

we often ignored this issue.

We withdraw ourselves
from reality and live in a dream.

The second vision of this 'door'

is, when you say you are a door, right,

you are a door of a golden house.

But just consider if the roof leaks

or the windows are broken
or there are holes in the walls,

do people still need a door?

Perhaps nobody lives in this house

or people climbed out from the windows

or left through the holes in the walls.

So when we are feeling great,

when we feel like we are a safe door,
a golden door,

have we realized if we don't have
good roof, windows and walls

what's the use of this golden door?

But there is another
phenomenon in our life,

especially about young people.

In some circumstances
you have this door,

you don't have a roof, walls and windows,

none of these components
to prove you are a door,

in this situation,
what can we do about it?

We can imagine this door is on the ground

and people step on it,
so this door becomes a floor.

If someone sits on this door,
you become a chair.

If this door is a two stone furniture

and someone uses it to write,
you become a table.

If someone puts it over a ditch

you become a bridge.

So when you don't have a house,

when you don't have
a surrounding to rely on,

how do we let others know,
I can become a bridge,

I can be a table, I can even be a sky,

as long as you are willing to lift me,

I can become the roof
to give you shelter.

I think that our Chinese culture

lacks this awareness.

Often when we face
these kinds of situations,

we have nothing or, say,
we have no money, no house,

what can I do?

I don't have a prestigious dad
or a rich family.

I don't have a pretty face

or I don't have a good education.

If you are a person, if you are a door

if you know how to understand a door's

relationships with the components
of a house

and how to let others know
about your skills,

I believe this door can
become a cultural bridge

and a roof of the world.

During this process, I searched for myself

I also searched for the Chinese culture.

I think modern China is becoming
more globally engaged,

but what should we show to the world?

Are they things we believe?

Or to let the world know
we are part of them?

In my interactions around the world,

I realize many young people feel hurt.

They think the world
doesn't understand us,

I feel the same way.

But I think we have overlooked

how we can let others understand us

in a way that they can understand

and identify our values and skills.

In this case, I'd like to talk about

the functions of this door.

Another function
is connecting past and future

I think many young people in the audience

also have this feeling,

that between the future
or the present of China

and its past stands a door.

This door is the misunderstanding
between you and your parents

between us and our elders,

or it's that we don't understand
or lack the knowledge.

We have the impression
that our two previous generations

seem to be incompetent

for they made China poor, ruined.

But I really hope everybody
thinks about it carefully.

If we didn't have the protection
of these two previous generations

does our big door of today have any use?

Does our Chinese palace
of today have any use?

Do we really understand the shelter,

the roof we once had?

I don't know. Many young people tell me,

"My parents actually don't care,

they actually don't understand."

"My grandmother understands nothing

and my grandfather also knows nothing."

I'd just like to say a few words.

When you visit countryside,

go and talk to your grandparents

listen to their stories
and you will realize

that the glory of today's China comes from

the efforts of these remarkable
and amazing elders.

I just came back from Anhui Province

where I met this old lady,
by whom I was very touched.

She is extremely poor,

living next to a famous
government-funded museum.

And her house stands
right next to a small ditch,

where she cleans the food at 8am,

washes the clothes at 10am

and cleans toilet after 12am.

This old lady clings to this small ditch,

as she has nothing else.

When we wanted to see the mill next door

this old lady said nothing.

This lovely old lady arranges everything
nicely and amazingly.

And to my surprise
she picked up a beautiful leaf

from the road side to put it on the mill.

And she told me, "It's beautiful."

This leaf on the mill is like an artwork.

We learned so many things
that are academic,

when we use them,
my friends, that is technology.

Use what you learn
from modern technology

to transform, to apply,

to change the mindset.

Then we can make
of our lives an art form.

If we can understand this art of thinking

we can understand poverty.

If we have the art of changing our mindset

we can understand the underprivileged,

we will be able to open that door

between the poor and rich

between knowledge and ignorance,

between us and our families,
between our grandparents.

I believe the future and present of China

needs us to open the door
for these people.

Even more importantly
for the past and future of China,

it is high time to open
the door between them.

Actually we don't need
to pursue some high-end stuff,

you just need to say from you heart

to your family, your neighbors

you're eager to hear their stories.

I believe that although one drop of water
cannot make a river,

it can water the grass.

If we all have this drop
of water in our hearts,

we have to listen the stories
of the elders around us

then the history of China
can be preserved,

it shall not be as lost
as it seems to be today.

Neither will we be so lost,
that we can't find ourselves.

This is my special hope
standing here today.

Barefoot, with the pride
of my Asian culture,

the profound wisdom of Chinese people

and my personal belief and quest.

Let us open a door together,
so our past welcomes the future

and entrusts our future in the present.

Thank you all.

(Applause)