Family values | Deon Jones | TEDxAmericanUniversity

Caring adults are the centerpiece of a child's development. Having one or not can transform a child's life forever.

Deon Jones was a member of the start-up team at Opportunity@Work operationalizing the national TechHire Initiative announced by President Obama to connect more Americans to well-paying tech jobs. Beyond this work, Deon has become a nationally recognized voice on the upward mobility and wellness of young people, particularly those growing up in poverty and in at-risk communities. As a passionate advocate for young people, he was a national spokesperson at the Campaign for Youth Justice, where he traveled globally speaking on the organization’s mission to end youth incarceration in the U.S. adult criminal justice system. In addition, he served on the board of America’s Promise Alliance, an organization founded by General Colin Powell to end the U.S. high-school dropout crisis.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx.

(Singing) Somebody cared for me,

had me on their mind,

took the time and cared for me.

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared for me.

(Speaking) I spend a lot of my time

thinking about how I can make
a difference in the world.

I spend a lot of my time

thinking about how I can make
an impact in individuals' lives.

For all I can remember,

I've always just wanted
to be used by the Creator -

Lord, just use me.

I was born in Mississippi,
poverty, very rural.

The town I grew up in
for most part of my childhood

was a town called Wiggins, Mississippi.

And about three miles north of Wiggins
was a small, unincorporated community

called Bond, Mississippi.

To give you a clue on how small it was:

the population of both places together

is 4,500 people.

Towns so small,

with my maternal side of the family
and my paternal side of the family,

I'm literally related
to almost every black person there.

(Laughter)

The town is so small,

you have to put on clothes
and make sure your hair's done -

you can't go with your hair scarf on

to the Walmart

because you're destined to see
somebody you know.

During this time
growing up in Mississippi,

we spent a lot of time
at Great Grandma Shug's house.

Now, Great Grandma Shug,
she lived in her mother's house

because her house, back in the day,
there was some problems with it.

So I spent a lot of my childhood
in my great-great-grandmother's house.

So this house had no central air,

so when we were hot,
we put the fans in the window

and put a little ice-pack there
so you could stay cool.

No central heat, so we would stand
with the wood and the gas stove

and, you know, burn
our hands and our butts.

(Laughter)

To flush the toilet,

we would have to get a bucket
and fill it up with water

and pour it down the toilet
for it to flush.

One of our favorite chores
was to hang clothes on the line,

because we didn't have a dryer.

Now, growing up in Grandma Shug's house,

it was really no place fun,
really, for a child.

However, because my mom
worked two and three jobs

because she had to take care of my sister
the best way she could,

and my aunts and uncles,

they did everything
from being truck drivers

to working at the lumber factory

to working in fast food

to cleaning hotels -

all crazy hours -

so most of the time, we ended up
at Great Grandma Shug's house.

My sister and I would be dropped off
in the morning before Head Start,

and most of the time,
it was before the sun even came up.

I would go get in Grandma Shug's bed,

my sister would go to the other room,
where my momma's mom was staying,

Grandma Tootie,

and get in her bed.

Now, I always grew up thinking
that I was Grandma Shug's favorite

because I was the one
and the only grandchild

who was able to sleep in her bed with her.

However, I realized as time went by

that I was the only grandchild
who didn't kick her at night,

my hand wasn't over here,

I didn't move throughout the night.

But fast forward,

we would get up,
and we would go to Head Start,

and we would come back
to a totally different environment.

The bed was neatly made.

In the South, the old folks say

you're not supposed to get in the bed
unless you're going to sleep.

So we would sit on the floor.

Like I said, we didn't have cable,

so Grandma Shug would make us watch Oprah.

We had an antenna that allowed us
to get ABC, PBS and Fox.

So we would watch Oprah -
3:00 pm, ABC, channel 13.

Grandma said, "Y'all got to watch Oprah
because she's somebody,

and I want y'all to get your all lessons
so y'all can be somebody too."

There was one episode that Oprah had

where she told the story
of her growing-up experience -

she's from Kosciusko, Mississippi.

Her grandma was a maid,

and her grandma used to hang
clothes out on the line,

and Oprah would watch her,

and she would say "Oprah Gail,
you got to watch me now

because you're going to have to learn
to do this for yourself one day."

And Oprah said

that that thing we all have in us
called human instinct hit her and said,

"No, this is not going to be my life."

Now, most of us who grew up in the South,

most of us who know black grandmothers,

she probably didn't say that out loud.

(Laughter)

She wasn't going to be
planting any switches.

But that instinct to thrive
not just to survive,

that instinct to reach for something
better than what you're seeing,

I grabbed onto that, and I ran with it.

It was that instinct that led me
from a high-school dropout factory

to being the first of my mother's children
to graduate from college.

It was that instinct that led me
from a state like Mississippi,

that's still haunted
by its racial injustices,

to interning in the administration
of the first African American president.

(Applause)

It's that same instinct
that led me from a fatherless home

to being a father figure and a big brother

to so many kids who have been incarcerated
in adult jails and prisons.

Now, I don't say that for the applause -

I appreciate it -

I say that because there is power

when someone speaks
into a young child's life

and allows them to see better
for themselves

and to change their trajectory.

Thanks to Grandma Shug,

who couldn't provide me
much material wealth,

didn't have the connections
to get me here and there,

but she loved me,

she cared for me,

she made me watch Oprah.

(Laughter)

And since, I have seen every episode
of the Oprah Winfrey show.

(Laughter)

I wish they would have
a heads-up Oprah thing -

I would always win.

But even when I went to Atlanta
in the fourth grade

because my mom
ran in the middle of the night

from a man who beat her
for breakfast, lunch and dinner -

nothing prepares you to see
your mom being whipped with a belt.

So we ran.

Even when I got to Atlanta
from Mississippi,

I held onto that ritual:

to go home -

4:00 pm Eastern Time,
ABC, channel 2 in Atlanta -

to watch Oprah.

For most of my life,
and all of my life actually,

Oprah has been a constant
and consistent rainbow in my cloud.

I came here to American University
in the summer of 2010

and had the awesome privilege
my senior year

of having Julian Bond as my professor.

Legend, civil-rights icon.

And in our class, the first semester,

we had to write a 20-page paper
on a civil-rights icon,

and we had to interview that icon.

I had the distinct honor of being able
to do mine on Dr. Maya Angelou -

one of the greatest experiences of my life

because it was just a few months
before she passed away.

And in one of those interviews,

she said that your crown
has been paid for -

put it on your head and wear it -

paid for by the slaves who came here
and were sold on auction blocks

so you could be the fruit
produced by their seed,

paid for by those who bled and died,

like Vernon Dahmer and Medgar Evers

and Malcolm X and Martin Luther King
and Fannie Lou Hamer,

who said, "I question America.

Is this America, the land of the free,
the home of the brave,

where we have to sleep
with our phones off the hook

because our lives are threatened daily
just because we want to have our freedom?"

Paid for.

We've been paid for.

Because you and I have been paid for

and someone has been
rainbows in our clouds,

we have the responsibility
to be that for someone else.

There are one of three
young people in our country

who will grow up
without ever having a mentor,

structured or natural.

That means today, approximately
16 million young people

will reach the age of 19

without ever having someone
to validate them,

to say, "I see you. I hear you.

What you say and you as a person

matter to me."

I'm reminded of a young man
who I worked with

who was incarcerated as an adult at 16.

He called me one time and said,

"I just want to say thank you."

And I said, "For what?"

He said, "For accepting my collect calls,

for sending me books,

for being here for me,

for never leaving my side,

for taking care of my mom" -

she hadn't seen him in over a year -

"for never seeing me as a monster."

Tears began to form in my eyes

because, one,

"thank you" is the greatest thing
you can say to someone.

Those of us who are believers,

"thank you" is what we say to God.

But second, what he was saying

is you are the first person
to see and treat me as a human being.

Dr. Angelou told me
in one of our interviews,

"If you don't remember
anything else out of our conversation,

remember this statement
that comes to us from the BC period

by a Roman playwright named Terence" -

Terence with one "r."

"It says, 'I am a human being.

Nothing human can be alien to me.'

'I am a human being.

Nothing human can be alien to me.'

What does that mean?

That means all of us have the same
human instinct to be as great as Dr. King,

to be a Mahatma Gandhi,

to be Mother Teresa.

But all of us has the same human instinct
to commit the darkest act.

Because we are human beings,
nothing human can be alien to us.

You have to remember that."

And we have to understand

that the most important responsibility
we have in our country

is to uplift the humanity
and validate our young people.

Most people say, "Deon, I've tried it" -

particularly when we talk about kids
who come from at-risk environments -

"I've tried it.

Those kids today,
they're a whole different breed.

There's no hope for them."

However, research shows us

that most kids who grew up
without a mentor, without a caring adult,

always wanted one

because they understand
the power of mentoring.

Jonathan McClard needed a mentor.

Jonathan needed a rainbow in his cloud.

Jonathan was witty,
he was funny, he was intelligent.

He wanted to be a psychiatrist.

He wanted a side hustle -

he wanted to open up
a bar and grill on the beach.

But we lost Jonathan three times.

We lost him at the age of 16
when he was charged as an adult,

sent to an adult jail.

We lost him emotionally
when he was actually sentenced

and he was told he would be going
to spend 30 years in an adult prison.

Jonathan never made it to that prison,

because the third time we lost Jonathan,

just a few days before his 17th birthday,

we found him hanging from his cell.

Jonathan needed somebody
in the system that cared.

Jonathan needed a rainbow in his cloud.

Jonathan needed someone
to validate his dreams.

On this journey in life,

you have the opportunity
to be someone's rainbow.

Grandma Shug passed away my freshman year
here at the American University,

and I remember the night so well.

I was coming from choir rehearsal,

I'm getting on the American University
shuttle, coming back to campus,

and between Tilly Campus and Ward Circle,

I get a call that Grandma Shug
has passed away.

Human instinct says that you should cry,

you should yell, you should wail,
you should be filled with grief.

It was one of the hardest family deaths
that I've ever dealt with in my life.

But at that moment,

I flashed back to sitting
on the wooden floor

watching Oprah,

and Great Grandma Shug
sitting in her blue rocking chair

that was fixated
between her bed and her dresser.

In the darkest times,

when there seems
that there may not be a light,

she had a red United Methodist hymnal

on her dresser.

She would pull it out
in the darkest times.

She would say,

(Singing) "Precious Lord,

take my hand.

Lead me on.

Let me stand.

Lord, I'm tired;

I am weak.

And Lord, I'm worn

through the storm,

through the night.

Lead me on to the light.

Take my hand,

precious Lord,

and lead me home."

(Speaking) I thought about
how could I best honor her life.

I thought about how
would she want me to continue.

And I knew that it was the only way
that I could continue,

the only way that I could honor her life,

was walking the purpose
that the Creator has provided for me.

And that purpose is to make sure
that every human being,

particularly our young people,

has the opportunity
to live their best life.

We all can do that.

And what I know for sure
is that all of our lives are enhanced

when we give what others have given us.

For some of you, it may be writing a check

to a national or local organization
that focuses on uplifting young people.

For others, it may be structured

where you have a one-on-one mentor,

where you volunteer
at the Boys and Girls Club once a week.

And for some of you, it just may be
a simple smile and "good morning"

and encouraging conversation
to a young person

you see on public transportation
or walking down the street.

But you have to make
the decision to do it.

And when we make that decision to care,

when we make the decision
to be a rainbow in someone's cloud,

a young man can live with a hope

of being the next president
of the United States

instead of the fear
of being the next Michael Brown.

A young woman can live with the dream
of being the next CEO or Mellody Hobson

instead of the fear of having to be
the next young woman in her family

who will have to sell her body
to make ends meet.

A young person who identifies
as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,

gender queer, same-gender loving

can live with the hope
of being the next Supreme Court justice

instead of contemplating suicide

because they are not loved
by those who shall love the most.

If we care more,

if we decide to be a rainbow
in someone's cloud,

if we will do this,

may Kalief Browder,

a young man who was charged as an adult,

never saw a courtroom

but spent three years
in New York's Rikers Island.

One out of those three years,
he spent it in solitary confinement.

He finally was released

because they found out
what they had charged him for -

he actually didn't do it.

He tried school, but it didn't work out.

If we cared more,

when Kalief's mom walked
outside her backyard one day,

she wouldn't have found her son
hanging from his bedroom window.

We have the power to care
and uplift our young people,

training the next generation of leaders.

They'll go and serve in public office,

they'll become teachers,
they'll become the next Beyoncé.

They'll do well,

and they'll walk up on a stage,

and when they're asked about
how did they get to where they were -

what was it for you? -

they'll say,

(Singing) Somebody cared for me,

had me on their mind,

took the time and cared for me.

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared,

I'm so glad they cared for me."

Thank you.

(Applause)