Confessions of a bad exerciser | Christine Carter | TEDxMarin

Our ability to follow through on our resolutions to get into a new habit may have a simple and easy solution.

Christine Carter, PhD, is an author, speaker, and coach. Her books include "The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction" (2020), "The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less"(2017) and "Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents" (2011). A sociologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, Christine Carter draws on the latest scientific research in psychology, sociology, and neuroscience to help her clients lead their most meaningful, joyful, and productive lives. She lives with her husband, four teenagers, and dog, Buster, in Marin County, California.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

I don't know about you,

but when our family got
the stay-at-home order in March of 2020,

I came out of the gates pretty darn hot.

"Embrace not being so busy," I wrote.

"Take this time at home
to get into a new happiness habit."

That seems hilarious to me now.

My pre-coronavirus routines
fell apart hard and fast.

Some days, I would realize at dinner time

that not only had I not showered
or gotten dressed that day,

but I hadn't even brushed my teeth.

Now, you are a smart, accomplished,
TED Talk-watching individual,

so coping with this global pandemic
might have been easier for you

than it has been for me.

Even though I have coached people
for a very long time

in an effective, science-based method
of habit formation,

I struggled.

Truth be told,

for the first few months of the pandemic,

I more or less refused to follow
my own best advice.

This is because
I love to set ambitious goals.

Getting into a good little habit
is just so much less exciting to me

than embracing a big,
juicy, audacious goal.

Take exercise, for example.

When the coronavirus hit,

I optimistically embraced the idea

that I could get back
into running outside.

I picked a half-marathon to train for

and spent a week or so meticulously
devising a very detailed training plan.

But then I actually only stuck
to my ambitious training schedule

for a few weeks.

All that planning and preparation

led only to a spectacular
failure to exercise.

I skipped my training runs
despite feeling like

the importance of exercise
and the good health that it brings

has never been more bracingly clear,

despite knowing that exercise would cut
my risk of heart disease, for example,

in half,

despite knowing that exercise

radically reduces the probability
that we'll get cancer and diabetes,

and that it's at least as effective
as prescription medication

when it comes to reducing
depression and anxiety.

I also knew that exercise really improves
our memory and our learning

and that it makes our brain
so much more efficient and powerful.

So why in the world would I skip exercise
despite knowing all of this?

The truth is that our ability
to follow through on our best intentions,

to get into a new habit, like exercise,

or to change our behavior
in any way, really,

doesn't actually depend
on the reasons we might do it

or on the depth of our convictions
that we should do so.

It doesn't depend on our understanding
of the benefits of our particular behavior

or even on the strength of our willpower.

[Or our willpower.]

It depends on our willingness
to be bad at our desired behavior.

And I hate being bad at stuff -

I am a "go big or go home" kind of a gal.

I like being good at things,

and I quit exercising because
I wasn't willing to be bad at it.

Here's why we need
to be willing to be bad:

Being good requires
that our effort and our motivation

be in proportion to each other.

The harder something is for us to do,

the more motivation
we need to do that thing.

And you might have noticed,

but motivation isn't something
that we can always muster on command.

Whether we like it or not,
motivation comes, and motivation goes.

When motivation wanes,
plenty of research shows

that we human beings tend to follow
the law of the least effort,

meaning we just do the easiest thing.

New behaviors
tend to require a lot of effort

because change is really hard.

So change can require a lot of motivation,
which we just can't count on having.

This is why we often don't do
the things that we really do intend to do.

To establish an exercise routine,

I needed to let myself
be kind of half-assed about it.

I needed to stop trying
to be an actual athlete.

I started exercising again
by running for only one minute at a time.

Every morning after I brush my teeth,

I change out of my pajamas
and walk out the door,

my only goal to run for one full minute.

These days usually I actually
do run for 15 or 20 minutes.

But on the days that I'm totally
lacking in motivation

or I just feel like I have no time,

I still do that one minute.

And this minimal effort always turns out
to be way better than if I did nothing.

Maybe you relate.

Maybe you've also failed

in one of your attempts
to change yourself for the better.

Perhaps you want to use less plastic

or meditate more
or be a better anti-racist.

Maybe you want to write a book
or eat more leafy greens.

I have great news for you:

You can do and be those things
starting right now.

The only requirement
is that you stop trying to be so good.

You'll need to abandon
your grand plans at least temporarily.

You'll need to consider
doing something so minuscule

that it would be better
than not doing anything at all.

So right now, ask yourself:

How can you strip that thing
that you have been meaning to do

into something so easy, you could do it
every day with barely a thought?

It might be eating one piece of lettuce
on your sandwich at lunch

or going for a one-minute walk outside.

Don't worry, you'll get to do more.

This "better than nothing" behavior
is not your ultimate goal.

But for now, what could you do
that is ridiculously easy,

that you can do even
when nothing is going as planned?

Even though you ultimately
might want to do more and be more,

remember that we humans

are often too tired
and too stressed and too distracted

to do the things
that we really do intend to do

and to be the people
that we most intend to be.

On those days, our wildly [unambitious]
behaviors really are better than nothing.

A one-minute meditation
is relaxing and restful.

A single leaf of romaine lettuce

happens to have a half a gram of fiber
and loads of nutrients.

A one-minute walk gets us outside
and moving around,

which our bodies really need.

So try doing one
"better than nothing" behavior.

See how it goes.

The goal, remember, is repetition,
not high achievement.

So let yourself be mediocre
at whatever you're trying to do,

but be mediocre every day.

Take only one step,
but take that step every day.

If your "better than nothing" habit

doesn't actually seem
better than doing nothing,

consider that you're getting
started at something

and that initiating a behavior
is often the hardest part.

By getting started,

we're establishing the neural pathway
in our brain for a new habit,

which makes it much more likely

that we'll succeed with something
more ambitious down the line.

Why is this?

Well, it's because once we hardwire
a habit into our brains,

we can do it without thinking

and therefore without needing
much willpower or effort.

A "better than nothing" habit

turns out to be incredibly easy
to repeat again and again

until it's on autopilot.

This is because we can do it
even if we aren't motivated,

even if we're tired,
even if we have no time whatsoever.

And once we start acting on autopilot,

that's the golden moment that our habit
can begin to expand organically.

After only a few days
of running for just one minute,

I started feeling a real desire
to keep on running -

not because I felt
like I should be exercising more

or because I felt like I needed
to impress my neighbors or something,

but because it felt more natural
to keep running than it felt to stop.

Now, I of all people know
that it can be incredibly tempting,

especially for the overachievers
among us - you know who you are -

to encourage ourselves to do more

than our designated
"better than nothing" habit.

So I must warn you:

The moment in which you are no longer
willing to do something unambitious

is the moment in which
you are risking everything.

It's the moment you end up
checking your phone

instead of whatever it is
that you intended to do.

It's the moment in which
you stay on the couch,

binge-watching TikTok videos or Netflix.

The moment you think you "should" do more

is the moment you introduce difficulty
and force and negotiation with yourself.

It's the moment
you eliminate the possibility

that it will be easy and even enjoyable.

So that's also the moment
that will require a lot more motivation.

And if the motivation isn't there,

failure will be.

Fortunately, the whole idea behind
the "better than nothing" habit

is that it doesn't depend on motivation,
which we may or may not muster.

It's not reliant
on having a lot of energy.

You do not have to be good at this;

you need only to be willing to do
something that is wildly unambitious,

to do something that is just
a smidge better than nothing.

Only if there is no resistance or effort
will it work for us to allow ourselves

to do more than whatever it is
that we've decided is better than nothing.

But again, don't do more
if you feel any form of resistance.

I'm happy to report
that after months of struggle,

I am now a runner.

I became one simply
by allowing myself to be bad at it.

You definitely could not
call me an athlete -

there are no half-marathons in my future.

But I am consistent.

To paraphrase the Dalai Lama,

the goal is not to be better
than other people,

but rather to be better
than our previous selves.

And that I definitely am.

It turns out that to grow as people,

we need only do something
that is so miniscule,

that is better than doing nothing at all.

When we abandon our grand plans
and great ambitions

in favor of taking that first step,

we shift.

And paradoxically,

it's only in that tiny shift

that our grand plans
and great ambitions are truly born.

Thank you.