www.youtube.com/.../watch?v=UH7mDVTfQuE

(birds chirping)

- I think for me and a lot of
other trans girls that I know,

the bedroom starts to
feel like a sanctuary.

It's a space to feel safe

and maybe not have to deal
with what exists in the world.

(soothing tones)

We created a replica of my bedroom

in the actual gallery space.

(soothing tones)

It really feels like a full universe

that I'm trying to convey

of trans women in their bedroom

dreaming up their future and possibilities

and maybe even possibilities

if the world wasn't the way that it was.

(soothing music)

(people talking)

Places from my past

and places that I dream of for the future,

both kind of act as gardens to the room.

(soothing music)

When I had a brain tumor,
I really treated CBD

as a sacred medicine, which
is in Japanese history

and is in indigenous histories.

(soothing music)

I dream of having a farm in the future,

but then it's hard

'cause it's pretty
hostile in rural places.

And then Torii gates are
always this symbol in Shintoism

of a sacred spot.

So I think it all comes
together in this way

that it does form a memory
scape and a kind of longing.

(people talking)

A big part of existing as a trans person

is the fear that underlies everything.

But art is the realm where I feel like

I get to dictate things,
and I get to, you know,

have some sort of say in things.

(soothing music)

I worked in a nonprofit
called Trans Latina.

Art opportunities were coming
around more, so I was like

maybe I can incorporate
social work into this.

That started off by doing HIV
testing inside the museum.

I used to be like, this
is activism or this is art

or this is escapism.

But in reality a lot starts to intertwine.

(soothing music)

We were just starting to date

right before the exhibition,

and so I remember even
feeling bad like, okay,

how am I gonna tell him?

- I didn't know what to think of it

because I never really,

I never really met a person
that like does like art art,

like real art.

I thought it was a little crazy at first.

I was a little nervous to be on display

because I am a private person.

But like when she like
showed me everything,

and I was like, oh, I understand now.

It was just great. It was genius.

- I was grateful you were there with me

so that I didn't have to
feel alone in the fishbowl.

It isn't always in the
front of my consciousness

that I'm being filmed,

but the feeling of it doesn't go away.

I grew up in Texas.

Everyone in my school had guns on display,

and I felt like I had
to hide all the time.

So I made friends online and
lived under a screen name.

So I think that mediation
through the screen

was something that I've
always thought about.

I've always found that kind of blurry,

that line between what you
share and what you don't share.

I knew that I wanted to use
this film that attaches to glass

and will basically fog with just a switch.

I think that was a way to be like,

okay, let me live behind a screen

that can be online or offline.

I thought it wasn't enough
of a performance for people

or something, but it was
honestly too much for me.

(gentle music)

So I invited friends to come to the space

to perform in the theater.

Things like that where I
could like activate the space

and like people within my
realm could utilize it.

(dramatic music)

- His girlfriend obviously didn't know

that he was sleeping with trans women.

He was the kind of person
where he would be like,

drop everything.

But he's the only person

that I would maybe even
think about that for

'cause he was like, I'll pay whatever.

It didn't feel safe, honestly,

but that was like a part of getting paid.

- I would like to think

that I've helped some of my clients

from being unlicensed
therapist essentially,

or making them feel like they're human

because I would want the same in return.

- When certified nurses
assistants, janitors,

garbage truck drivers or
people in other occupations

considered undesirable go into work,

they're not doing it to feel empowered.

Power, power, power, power.

- [Lexii] Yeah, it was. (people laughing)

- Yeah, be honest. You can say whatever.

- It was very funny like,

so like she has this remote,

but there's these slits of glass

that you can still peek through,

and some people would
still just try to peek.

So Jade would hit the button
and just make it visible again,

and then they're just like, oh.

It just like made me laugh every time.

- But you know what's funny

is also like that level of
curiosity from those spectators.

Like we experience that
just existing, going out.

- Daily.

- Yeah, literally the people
are always just like staring.

Like it just feels like, you
know I'm a person, right?

Like you know I'm human.

- Yeah, just like making
a spectacle sometimes

and like you have this remote in your hand

is just like, I think it's freedom.

- I just called it the power.

It was a way to kind of
think about visibility,

but also resistance and absence.

It has this push pull effect

that I think is mirrored
in my personality sometimes

to get intimate and then also pull back

and conceal or obscure.

It's this strange thing where
I didn't get to be myself.

I had to be this other person
in the south to like survive.

And now as a performer, I'm trying to be

as much myself as possible,

and I'm learning how to
perform in a different way.

(soothing music)