The power of "when" | Darnell Washington | TEDxSanQuentin

An uncle's faith propelled Darnell Washington to college despite growing up in a gang environment. Hear how in prison Darnell uses positive belief and the power of "when" to transform lives

Once Darnell entered prison he decided to turn his life around. He chose to walk away from a destructive lifestyle that was full of hurt, pain, and loss. In order to address his internal issues, Darnell would get involved with every self-help group that he could.

While at San Quentin he would be drawn to the Restorative Justice Roundtable, largely because it dealt with the healing of victims, offenders, and their respective communities. He would also become interested in the social justice program The San Quentin Alliance for C.H.A.N.G.E., which teaches participants how different forms of justice can be applied to building a healthy and self-sustaining community. Darnell has become a leader and facilitator in both groups.

His goal is to use his newly acquired knowledge to become a community activist and Motivational Speaker who educates and brings healing to the community.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Up next is a man who leads by example.

He's passionate about education

and the well-being of all
his fellow human beings.

Ladies and gentlemen, my friend,
Mr. Darnell "Moe" Washington.

(Applause)

I want to talk to you today
about being a leader.

To be a good leader,
you have to be a good motivator.

And what better way to motivate someone
than to let them know you believe in them.

Well, my Uncle Dornese, he let me know
he believed in me when he told me:

"When you graduate,"
not, "If "or, "Do your best," but

"When you graduate, I'm going to buy
you whatever you want."

And that motivated me to value
my education as well as others'.

I grew up in a very close-knit family,

and we spent a lot
of quality time together.

I was especially close
to my two cousins, Dwight and Damon,

because I had no brothers,
and they were both younger than me.

I always encouraged them to stay in school
and to do good just as my uncle told me.

I'll always remember the day my uncle
took me to school on his motorcycle,

because I had missed my school bus.

Before leaving, this is when he told me:

"When you graduate, I'm going
to buy you whatever you want."

At the time I was in the 10th grade
at Canoga Park High School.

But before my 10th grade year was up,
my Uncle Dornese was murdered.

Despite Dornese's murder, I was still
able to stay focused on my education,

because I still wanted to make
him proud of me.

At Canoga Park High, I played basketball,
which I really enjoyed.

Due to our hard work and dedication
to practice, we made it all the way

to the high school championship
at the Los Angeles Sports Arena.

It was a great experience
I'll never forget.

I was voted best defensive player
on my basketball team

as well as prom prince and best dancer
by my fellow senior classmates.

(Cheers) (Applause)

I'm sure Dornese would have been proud
of me after these accomplishments.

After graduating from high school,

I went on to further my education
at West Los Angeles City College.

Tragically, in my first semester,

my 15-year-old cousin Dwight
was also murdered.

He was walking down the street
with his friends when a car pulled up.

Dwight leaned down to look
into the car to see who it was,

and one of the gang members in the car

pulled out a shotgun
and shot him in his forehead.

After viewing his body
and seeing how he was shot,

I was so hurt, angry, full of rage
that someone could shoot

my 15-year-old cousin
in his face like that

that I could no longer stay focused
on my college classes.

I just wanted revenge.

So, I dropped out of college,
and I started gang banging.

After years of gang banging,

not caring how I was destroying
my community, my family, myself,

I was arrested, charged,
convicted of first-degree murder,

and sentenced to 35 years to life.

Day one when I got to prison I told myself
I needed to turn my life around.

I started going to church,
because I was brought up in the church.

Plus being on a maximum security yard
at Corcoran State Prison,

there wasn't much else to do.

My security points went down from me
working and staying out of trouble,

and I was then able to go
to a lower level prison.

First, the California Men's Colony
in San Luis Obispo, California,

and then here
to San Quentin State Prison.

At these lower level prisons,
there are a lot of self-help groups,

so I got involved in all the groups
I could to deal with all the issues I had,

like "Criminals
and Gang Members Anonymous."

While in CGA I remember watching a video
of a young man talking about

how his victim's mother was saying
that her son was such a nice guy.

And the young man was upset,
because her son was a rival gang member.

At the time, he didn't understand
the impact of his crime.

Until one day he was in his jail cell,
he happened to look out the back window.

And there was a graveyard there.

He then realized that
the young man he murdered

was buried right outside his window,
because he would see

the young man's mother
go visit the grave site every Sunday.

At that moment, my heart opened,

and I realized that the destructive
lifestyle I once lived would have

a long-lasting effect
on the people I harmed,

their families, and their communities.

I also attend Restorative Justice,
where I gained so much insight

about the impact of crime
listening to survivors' stories

of their healing journey.

While I was at California Men's Colony,
I ran into one of my young homeboys

who was 13 years old
when I left the streets.

And now was 21 years old, in prison,
with a '15 to life' sentence.

Knowing he'd be going
to the Parole Board soon,

I asked if he had
his high school diploma or GED.

He said no, but he was enrolled
in a GED class.

So, I told Robert
that when you pass your GED test,

I'm going to give you my work paycheck

for being a porter working
in the building, which was $20.

Robert went on to pass his GED test,

and I went to the canteen
and bought him $20 worth of food

and told him I was really proud of him.

I realized this was
a good way to give back

and be a positive influence to others.

So, a couple of days later,
I went to our workout area

and I told all the youngsters there:

"If you didn't have
your high school diploma or GED,

if you would enroll in that class,
I would give you my $20 paycheck as well."

They said, "Nah, Moe, are you serious?"
I said, "Yeah, for real."

Well, so many of them
enrolled in the class,

and started passing the test
at the same time,

that we had to change the agreement
since I only got paid $20 a month.

(Laughter)

So instead, we agreed upon that I would
just make each of them a meal

and buy them a pint of ice cream.

(Laughter)

I just really enjoyed watching them
eat and celebrate together,

and telling me how proud their parents
and grandparents was of them.

And just seeing
the excitement in their faces

that they had accomplished
something so positive.

This has showed me: It doesn't take much
to make a difference in someone's life.

No matter where you are.

Before being transferred from California
Men's Colony to San Quentin State Prison,

15 of those young men
had passed their GED tests.

(Applause) (Cheers)

Now I know some of you may say,

"Wow that $20 really motivated
these young men," and I'm sure it did.

But I believe the true motivation
was the word "when,"

which goes all the way back to my uncle
telling me, "When I graduate."

Not, "If" or, "Do your best," but, "When."

Because that let me know
he believed in me,

and I'm sure these young men
felt the same way,

that despite the bad choices they made,
somebody believed in them.

And that was more valuable
to them than the $20,

because they had no problem
with changing the agreement

which shows their unselfishness because
someone took the time to believe in them.

So, when you leave here today,
I would like to ask you to take the time

and sit face to face, not email, not text.

Sit face to face with someone
you care about,

and let them know how much
you believe in them,

and watch the joy and excitement
you bring to their face.

I'd like to leave you with a quote
from Nelson Mandela, which states:

"What counts in life is not
the mere fact that we've lived,

it is what difference we have made
in the lives of others that will determine

the significance of the life we've led."

Thank you.

(Applause)