Thich Nhat Hanh- Comment arrêter de chercher l'approbation des autres?, Sous-titré

- Dear Thay,

my question is, um,

since I was younger, growing up,

I felt like I was always
being compared

to someone who is
better than myself.

And, I've experienced
that since I was little,

up until now as well.

And, my question—

and it causes me to

feel like I need to
seek affirmations

in my own decisions
on someone else's opinion

whether what I did is

a good decision or
a bad decision.

And, I feel when someone speaks

good of me or compliments me,

I feel very happy about it,

but when someone
speaks negatively of me,

I feel like I'm not good enough.

And, it makes me feel like, um,

I'm always second
or I'm always a shadow

of something that I cannot attain.

So I feel, sometimes,
I lose ground of my own self,

and my question is:

how do I become more stable

so that I don't need
to seek affirmations

outside of myself?

- Dear Thay, dear Sangha,

our friend's question

is about how to
be solid in herself.

When she makes decisions,

she may look for compliments
or approval from others

for those decisions or
actions that she's taken.

And, when she is praised,

then she feels good about herself,

but if there is some criticism,

then she feels that
she's not good enough—

that she's just second best,

that she's fall short,

that she is a shadow
of what she could be.

So her question is how she can...

be more solid in those situations

and practice with that.

- The practice of
mindfulness can help you

to have faith in yourself.

If you look deeply at things,

they are our own
way of understanding.

And in our little life,

that kind of insight that we get

concerning people and things

is confirmed by...

by your life, your
daily experiences.

And you believe in your insight.

And if you really
believe in the insight,

and then you'll have
confidence in yourself.

Practice fondness—

if you practice mindful
breathing well enough...

and find it helpful...

you get the joy, the happiness,

the peace by practicing.

And then, you believe in it—

you believe in the
effectiveness of the practice.

And even if one
thousand people say,

tell you that "It's useless.

"It doesn't make sense
to practice mindful breathing,"

you still smile.

Because you know
by your own experience

that mindful breathing
help you to be fresh,

to be blissful, to be happy.

So, the opinions of other people

cannot make you abandon
your conviction, your belief.

And, if...

If you know that
the notion of beauty

differs with every person,

something can be
very beautiful to someone

but not beautiful to
any— to other people.

So the notions of
beauty or ugliness—

they are notions

and you are not affected
by their opinions.

You are a flower in
the garden of humanity.

You are not something
less than a flower

in the garden of humanity.

You belong to the kingdom of God

like any other wonders of life.

And, if you have that insight...

that you know that
you have the seed

of compassion, of joy,
of happiness in you,

and then you know
that you have value.

That...

And if you believe in the
existence of these qualities,

transmitted by your
parents, your ancestors,

and your continuation of them,

and then the opinions
people have on you

will have no effect.

You'll still continue.

During the war in Vietnam,

I worked for peace.

My community did not take sides.

In the war,

we wanted reconciliation.

We don't want the
North and the South

fighting and killing each others.

And we believed
that will be the truth,

the best, most beautiful, um,

most beautiful path to go.

The path of compassion.

But, people in the warring
parties look upon us...

with suspicion.

And they think that we are stupid.

If you take side with
one warring party,

you are at least protected
by that warring party.

If you don't take side
of any warring party,

you are exposed to being attacked

by both warring parties.

But, if you believe that your
path is the path of compassion,

the path of humanity,

and then you continue.

Millions of people believe
that we are communists—

we were communists.

And they are afraid of communism,

they want to kill communists.

We put ourselves in danger.

And other people thought
that we are pro-American.

And many people,
many millions of people

misunderstood us.

And, yet, we still
continue with our path

because we have
belief in our values.

I think if you continue
to practice like that,

you'll be solid as a mountain

and you will not be assaulted
by any kind of opinions.

Good luck.

[audience laughs]