Why do people brag? The psychology of bragging | Irene Scopelliti | TEDxSquareMile
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0:12 - 0:14I have a friend.
-
0:14 - 0:17To protect her privacy
I'm going to call her Maria. -
0:17 - 0:19Maria has a wonderful job.
-
0:19 - 0:22She's a photographer,
and she's really talented, -
0:22 - 0:25and things are doing really well for her.
-
0:25 - 0:29She's signing one contract
after the other - exhibitions. -
0:29 - 0:32Last year, she even won
a couple of prestigious awards. -
0:33 - 0:36What I like about her
is that when things go well, -
0:36 - 0:38she really knows how to celebrate.
-
0:40 - 0:42Maria has traveled all around the world.
-
0:42 - 0:45She's seen some of the most
beautiful places in the world. -
0:45 - 0:48She's a foodie - she likes
to eat at good restaurants, -
0:48 - 0:51but she's also a very generous person.
-
0:51 - 0:53Every year, she takes one month off,
-
0:53 - 0:58and she flies to Bolivia
where she volunteers at an orphanage. -
0:58 - 1:03There in Bolivia, last year, she met Dave,
who apparently is the love of her life, -
1:03 - 1:05who was another volunteer
there at the orphanage. -
1:05 - 1:08They seem to be really happy together.
-
1:09 - 1:13I haven't seen Maria
in the past three years, -
1:13 - 1:16so how do I know
all these things about her? -
1:17 - 1:19You might have probably guessed
-
1:19 - 1:24that it is through her meticulous updates
on her social media profile. -
1:25 - 1:28Maybe you also have a friend like Maria,
-
1:28 - 1:31and if you are like me, maybe at times,
you might have wondered, -
1:32 - 1:36"Why does she keep bragging
about her amazing life?" -
1:36 - 1:41When we ask ourselves that question,
there are two common answers that come up. -
1:41 - 1:42One is, "Maybe she's mean.
-
1:43 - 1:44She wants to rub it in my face,
-
1:44 - 1:47to make me feel miserable
about my own life." -
1:48 - 1:53Another possibility is
that she's fundamentally insecure, -
1:53 - 1:57so she brags because she's
seeking social approval. -
1:58 - 2:01But whatever reason
we think of for bragging, -
2:01 - 2:03there is one thing
that we all have in common, -
2:03 - 2:06which is how we react to it.
-
2:06 - 2:08In general, we all seem
to be annoyed by bragging. -
2:09 - 2:14So the puzzling questions is,
if we are all annoyed by bragging, -
2:14 - 2:17how come that bragging
is so pervasive around us? -
2:17 - 2:19How come it's so prevalent?
-
2:19 - 2:20How come our social media feeds
-
2:20 - 2:24are populated by your friends'
amazing holiday pictures, -
2:24 - 2:29first-class lounge check-ins,
and very good-looking food? -
2:31 - 2:33George Loewenstein,
Joachim Vosgerau, and myself -
2:33 - 2:38have conducted a series of experiments
to try to answer these questions. -
2:39 - 2:42In one study, we asked people
to tell us some stories. -
2:42 - 2:46So we asked them to tell
about a case in their life -
2:46 - 2:49in which they were
either bragging to somebody else -
2:49 - 2:52or they were listening
to someone else brag. -
2:52 - 2:56Half of the participants recalled a case
in their life in which they were bragging. -
2:56 - 2:58We called these participants
'the self-promoters,' -
2:58 - 3:01just a more polite way
to call the braggers, -
3:01 - 3:05and we asked them to tell
a lot about their interaction, -
3:05 - 3:09how it took place, what was
the topic of the conversation, -
3:09 - 3:11and most importantly,
-
3:11 - 3:15we asked them to tell us how the person
listening to them was reacting, -
3:15 - 3:18specifically, whether they were feeling
positive or negative emotions. -
3:19 - 3:22The other half of the participants,
which we called 'the recipients,' -
3:22 - 3:25were instead asked
to tell us about a situation -
3:25 - 3:28in which they were listening
to somebody else bragging. -
3:28 - 3:32Also, these people were asked to tell us
about the topic of the conversation, -
3:32 - 3:36and how they and the other person
were reacting in terms of emotions. -
3:37 - 3:41Participants told all sorts of stories.
-
3:41 - 3:43Interestingly, the ones
who were recalling cases -
3:43 - 3:46in which they were bragging
to somebody else -
3:46 - 3:48were more likely to tell us about cases
-
3:48 - 3:51in which they were bragging
about achievement like a promotion, -
3:51 - 3:54getting into med school, a good grade
-
3:54 - 3:57whereas participants
who were asked to recall cases -
3:57 - 3:59in which they were listening
to somebody else bragging -
3:59 - 4:03were more likely to remember cases
in which somebody was bragging to them -
4:03 - 4:05about making money, having money,
-
4:05 - 4:09having power, or status,
or having some material possessions. -
4:09 - 4:11But the most interesting result was
-
4:11 - 4:14that no matter
what the stories were about, -
4:14 - 4:18self-promoters systematically
underestimated -
4:18 - 4:22the extent to which their recipients
were experiencing negative emotions. -
4:22 - 4:27They figured out that about one fourth
of the recipients were feeling bad -
4:27 - 4:29as they were bragging,
-
4:29 - 4:35but in reality, over three quarters
of the recipients reported feeling bad -
4:35 - 4:37while listening to other people bragging.
-
4:37 - 4:40This was also true when we looked
at the positive emotions. -
4:41 - 4:44Self-promoters systematically
overestimated -
4:44 - 4:48the extent to which the recipients were
actually experiencing positive emotions. -
4:49 - 4:53These two results are mirrored
by another very interesting finding, -
4:53 - 4:56which is that self-promoters,
as they were bragging, -
4:56 - 4:59they were experiencing positive emotions,
-
4:59 - 5:03and only a very small fraction
of the recipients realized that, -
5:03 - 5:04as you can see from the chart.
-
5:05 - 5:09So self-promoters were projecting
their positive emotions -
5:09 - 5:11onto their listeners.
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5:11 - 5:14This made them overestimate the extent
-
5:14 - 5:17to which they were sharing
their positive feelings -
5:17 - 5:18and underestimate the extent
-
5:18 - 5:21to which they were sharing
their negative feelings. -
5:22 - 5:23We replicated this study
-
5:23 - 5:26trying to go a little more in depth
into the emotional reactions -
5:26 - 5:31that self-promoters and recipients
experience in these bragging interactions. -
5:31 - 5:36What we found was that self-promoters
significantly overestimate -
5:36 - 5:38the extent to which their listeners
-
5:38 - 5:42are happy for them and are proud
of them when they brag. -
5:42 - 5:45And at the same time,
they significantly underestimate -
5:45 - 5:47how much they're annoyed
by their bragging. -
5:48 - 5:51So we thought that this was
a really interesting result, -
5:51 - 5:52and we attributed it
-
5:52 - 5:55to a psychological phenomenon
called the empathy gap. -
5:56 - 5:59According to the empathy gap,
if we are very happy, -
5:59 - 6:04for us it becomes really difficult
to imagine how not being happy feels, -
6:04 - 6:05and it's even harder to imagine
-
6:05 - 6:09how experiencing
negative emotions would feel. -
6:09 - 6:12So basically, both parties
in our interactions, -
6:12 - 6:14the self-promoters and the recipients,
-
6:14 - 6:17had a hard time figuring out
how they would feel -
6:17 - 6:19if their roles were reversed.
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6:21 - 6:25If people are so miscalibrated
when it comes to figuring out -
6:25 - 6:29how others react emotionally
to their self-promotion, -
6:29 - 6:32maybe they are also miscalibrated
when they try to figure out -
6:32 - 6:35how their bragging affects
how others evaluate them. -
6:35 - 6:38So we conducted another experiment.
-
6:38 - 6:41If you were a participant
in this experiment, -
6:41 - 6:45we would ask you to write
some things about yourself, -
6:45 - 6:46to present yourself to others.
-
6:46 - 6:49You have to write five things
to create a personal profile, -
6:49 - 6:50similar to what we do
-
6:50 - 6:54on social media websites
or online dating websites, -
6:54 - 6:56and participants were free
to write whatever they wanted. -
6:56 - 6:59They could write about their job,
about their education, -
6:59 - 7:02their looks, or personality,
their hobbies, their interests - -
7:02 - 7:04really whatever they wanted.
-
7:04 - 7:08But only to half of the participants
we gave an additional instruction. -
7:08 - 7:11We told them to write in such a way
-
7:11 - 7:14that would maximize
others' interest in meeting them. -
7:15 - 7:19Once they were done
with writing up their profiles, -
7:19 - 7:21we also asked participants to predict
-
7:21 - 7:26how they thought
that others would like them, -
7:26 - 7:28and how much they would be
interested in meeting them. -
7:28 - 7:30Then we took these profiles,
-
7:30 - 7:33and we gave them to a large sample
of other participants, -
7:33 - 7:35different from those who wrote them,
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7:35 - 7:37and we asked these other participants
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7:37 - 7:40to tell us how much they liked
the profile writers -
7:40 - 7:43and how interested
they would be in meeting them. -
7:43 - 7:47We also had another sample
where we asked to indicate -
7:47 - 7:50to what extent the profile writers
were bragging in their profiles, -
7:50 - 7:52in their opinion.
-
7:53 - 7:55When we looked at the results,
we saw that first of all, -
7:55 - 7:59participants had no idea
how others would evaluate them. -
7:59 - 8:03When we compare the prediction
of how much they would be liked -
8:03 - 8:07and the actual liking
coming from the profile readers, -
8:07 - 8:09the correlation was basically zero.
-
8:09 - 8:14So participants had no clue whether others
would like their profile or not, -
8:14 - 8:17and the same was true
for the interest in meeting them. -
8:17 - 8:19But the second interesting result
-
8:19 - 8:21was that participants who were instructed
-
8:21 - 8:25to write in such a way
that would make them liked more -
8:25 - 8:26bragged more.
-
8:26 - 8:29At the same time, these efforts backfired.
-
8:30 - 8:33People were not more interested
in meeting them, -
8:33 - 8:35and actually liked them less
-
8:35 - 8:38than the participants
who didn't put that effort in. -
8:38 - 8:40So we thought this was a striking result,
-
8:40 - 8:43and we were wondering,
"How is that possible? -
8:43 - 8:45How is it not obvious to everyone
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8:45 - 8:48that bragging has
these negative consequences?" -
8:49 - 8:52And we thought that the answer
lies again in the empathy gap. -
8:52 - 8:56We tend to project our emotions
onto our listeners, -
8:56 - 8:58and when we are enthusiastic
about something, -
8:58 - 9:02an achievement, an unexpected upgrade,
or we are in a beautiful place, -
9:02 - 9:06we are like little children and expect
others to share in our enthusiasm, -
9:06 - 9:08and at the same time, don't see
-
9:08 - 9:12that others may be not as happy as we are
about the good things that happened to us. -
9:13 - 9:15These results are particularly interesting
-
9:15 - 9:19in an age in which we are
more and more connected to one another. -
9:19 - 9:23First of all, as the number
of connections between us increases, -
9:23 - 9:27we tend to feel like
we are talking to an audience. -
9:27 - 9:29We call this 'broadcasting.'
-
9:29 - 9:34When we broadcast, we tend to share
more self-promotional content. -
9:35 - 9:38At the same time, although we are
more and more connected, -
9:38 - 9:40that doesn't necessarily mean
-
9:40 - 9:43that the psychological distance
between us is decreasing. -
9:43 - 9:45It may actually be increasing,
-
9:46 - 9:48and this may exacerbate the empathy gap.
-
9:48 - 9:52It would make it more difficult
for a self-promoter to figure out -
9:52 - 9:55what the reactions
of the listeners could be, -
9:55 - 9:56and at the same time,
-
9:56 - 9:59reduces the likelihood
that the recipient has any interest -
9:59 - 10:03in sharing the positive emotions
of the self-promoter. -
10:03 - 10:08And a third thing which I noticed
relatively recently -
10:08 - 10:11is that companies have started
to do something really strange, -
10:11 - 10:15which is encouraging consumers
to brag about their products. -
10:15 - 10:18The other day, I saw
a letter from an airline -
10:18 - 10:21inviting their frequent fliers
-
10:21 - 10:24to post pictures
of their frequent flier card, -
10:24 - 10:27using the hashtag 'brag tag.'
-
10:27 - 10:30So they were inviting them
to brag about their status to others. -
10:30 - 10:31I thought that was
-
10:31 - 10:37a really interesting new development
of marketing on social media. -
10:37 - 10:40So what can we do
to reduce these problems, -
10:40 - 10:44to make our social interaction,
especially online a little better? -
10:44 - 10:50I think some little actions may
actually help us improve the situation, -
10:50 - 10:54and they involve trying
to reduce the empathy gap. -
10:54 - 10:57So, if you are feeling the urge
to share something -
10:57 - 11:00to an audience, to your friends online,
-
11:00 - 11:01just doing something simple
-
11:01 - 11:04like putting ourselves
in the shoes of the receiving end -
11:04 - 11:06and trying to figure out
what's the likelihood -
11:06 - 11:10that they would be happy
about our good news, -
11:10 - 11:12or whether they would rather
be annoyed by it, -
11:12 - 11:14may on the one hand,
curb our urge to share, -
11:14 - 11:18or make us share things
only with people who really care. -
11:19 - 11:22A second little action would be
-
11:22 - 11:25involving people
who are on the receiving end. -
11:25 - 11:29So when we are reading
someone else's out-of-control praise, -
11:29 - 11:36maybe we can bolster our tolerance
and realize that they are bragging -
11:37 - 11:41believing that we genuinely share
their positive emotions and enthusiasm. -
11:42 - 11:43These are small actions,
-
11:43 - 11:47but I think they may go a long way
into reducing the empathy gap. -
11:47 - 11:51As we move to a more
and more connected world, -
11:51 - 11:55they may improve a lot
the quality of our social interactions. -
11:56 - 11:57Thank you.
-
11:57 - 11:59(Applause)
- Title:
- Why do people brag? The psychology of bragging | Irene Scopelliti | TEDxSquareMile
- Description:
-
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
Why do people brag online? Are they trying to make us jealous, or are they simply insecure?
Why do they seem oblivious to other people’s displeasure at their frequent bragging? Marketing lecturer and consumer psychology expert has an intriguing explanation.
Irene is a senior lecturer in marketing at Cass Business School, with research interests in consumer psychology, judgement, and decision making. Her research has been published in psychology magazines and journals, and has been reported on by major news organizations such as BBC News, The New York Times, Forbes Magazine, and The Huffington Post.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 12:15
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Denise RQ edited English subtitles for Why do people brag? The psychology of bragging | Irene Scopelliti | TEDxSquareMile | ||
Denise RQ edited English subtitles for Why do people brag? The psychology of bragging | Irene Scopelliti | TEDxSquareMile | ||
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