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CYPRIEN - TOP CHEF

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    There is a new TV show that just came out,
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    it's called Top Chef,
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    I don't know if you have seen it.
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    September 10, 2010.
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    Cyprien walks quietly in the street.
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    At the same time an asteroid threatens to
    crash on the earth.
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    No measure is taken by the leading forces
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    who hadn't been warned due to an
    error of inattention.
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    Fortunately, it degrades in the air and
    becomes dust
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    which comes in contact with a piece of Cyprien's
    oily hair,
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    and by a molecular reaction that we can't
    explain now
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    coupled with a scriptwriting ease,
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    a time warp is created
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    propelling Cyprien several years into the past,
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    and, he will never know it.
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    I'm suffering from the Top Chef's curse.
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    That is to say that the evening when I eat the
    worst crap,
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    it's the night that Top Chef's on.
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    What's for dinner ?
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    Well.. I took all the week's leftovers, put it all in a Tupperware container,
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    added a little water, put it in the micro-wave,
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    and here it is, a kind of quiche,
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    and for the bread, we've got pizza crusts.
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    30 seconds !
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    They do it on purpose ! They know it !
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    It's to put us off of not eating well.
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    Let me eat shit in peace.
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    There is one disingenuous thing with
    Top Chef,
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    from the beginning, the opening credits,
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    with the head of all candidates,
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    they should remove the face of people
    eliminated over the weeks,
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    it looks obvious !
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    Sorry but it's not good, for you the
    adventure stops here.
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    Is it possible to remove me from
    the credits ?
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    Not at all, no way !
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    We will show your face every week to
    millions of viewers
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    who will think, "Fuck, I don't remember this guy at all".
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    Great.
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    This is Top Chef.
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    Honestly people who make this show, wow,
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    well done honestly, first because it's
    really well paced,
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    the music ! Have you ever heard the music
    they put in Top Chef ?
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    Oh, you're watching Pirates of the
    Caribbean ?
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    No I'm watching a guy cuting leeks.
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    And what happen this year ?
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    They have changed almost the whole jury !
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    Thierry Marx, there is no Thierry
    Marx anymore, my favorite !
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    Well, he left for new projects,
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    for gastronomic things, culinary,
    something technical I guess,
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    which take him a lot of time,
    that must be the reason.
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    Lustucru "As a chef",
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    pasta that make you want to cook,
    as a chef.
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    The only remaining jury member is
    the robot.
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    What ? Don't try to make me believe
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    that Jean-François Piège is a human being.
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    Someone who stands like this naturally,
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    is, of course, an artificial intelligence.
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    Excellent cooking, it's my favorite.
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    And who do they put in the jury ? Who ?
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    Philippe Etchebest !
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    The guy who yells at you non-stop,
    like this :
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    Damn, trust yourself ! Where is your
    creativity ?
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    Bring your creativity out !
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    If you don't regain control, it will
    hit you, alright ?
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    People are lost because he screams,
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    so they cook shit, so he screams.
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    Well this it's normal to be confused,
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    in front of someone who has no eyebrows. It's off-putting.
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    What the hell are you doing ?
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    Damn ! Where are his eyebrows ?
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    Did he have them at the beginning of the
    show ?
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    Is it contagious ?
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    Can I lose my eyebrows?!
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    No lies, every year it's almost the same,
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    every year tests are the same,
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    every year they must cook for kids,
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    every year there is an ass-kisser who
    decides to cook some fucking vegetables
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    to impress the jury.
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    So, for kids, I made them some turnips,
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    with pickled cabbage,
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    a medley of forgotten vegetables,
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    with a sweet-and-sour sauce,
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    and all together shaped like a fish,
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    kids love when it's fish-shaped.
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    Yuck ! It's disgusting ! I wanna die !
    I wanna die !
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    Really ?
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    Mom it's really not good !
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    I didn't expect it...
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    Every year, the winner is the one
    who cooks pasta.
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    For 6 years now.
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    The black box's test.
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    This is crazy.
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    They must reproduce a dish,
    that they must taste it, touch it,
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    in complete darkness. In a giant box.
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    With infrared cameras.
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    It's kind of weird in fact.
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    So, I've tasted everything,
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    put everything in my mouth,
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    I think that there is some seafood,
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    and cheese maybe,
    a strong cheese.
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    What is it ? Yet, I licked everywhere.
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    It'll come back to me.
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    The horrible moment in this show,
    it's the finale.
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    The finale is embarrassing,
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    Finalists have to prepare dozens of menus,
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    with the help of the guys who have been
    eliminated before.
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    People told them : "sorry the adventure
    is over,
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    you really suck, get lost !
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    Oh wait, come back, you will help someone
    else to win."
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    So, in front of you, sweet potato
    gnocchi,
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    chorizo emulsion, and a foie gras sauce
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    prepared by, wait... by, I forgot his name,
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    the guy who was kicked out on the
    first week, right.
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    Bon appétit !
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    ANTIFREEZE
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    To find out who won the show,
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    because there is money to win,
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    they do a small staging, they go to the
    finalists,
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    with all their friends, family and stuff,
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    they must pull a knife out of its case,
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    if the blade is orange, they have lost.
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    Well, maybe I have a twisted mind but
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    it's basic, survival instincts,
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    if I tell someone that he has lost,
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    I don't give him a bladed weapon.
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    It's your turn !
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    Orange blade, you lose.
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    100.000€ goes to the other finalist,
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    antifreeze in gnocchi
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    it hasn't convinced, it was not a very
    good idea.
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    Be careful to the seasoning, it lacked
    salt sometimes, it's right that...
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    And the red blade ! What does the red
    blade mean uh ?
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    It lacks salt.
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    Be careful to the seasoning.
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    It's important.
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    Well, Top Chef hasn't change my life,
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    I always eat the same thing unfortunately,
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    yes, there is a small difference.
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    Before I was cooking like this,
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    now, like this.
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    I still eat shit,
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    but it's stylish.
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    Subscribe.
Title:
CYPRIEN - TOP CHEF
Description:

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Video Language:
Arabic
Duration:
05:55

English subtitles

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