How To Overcome Porn Addiction (Pornography) - Teal Swan-

[Opening Music]

Hello there.

Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry.

What does this mean?

It means that porn is more than just
a fringe trend.

It's more like the elephant in the room.

It's part of mainstream society,

and that means,
it's a really important topic.

It's difficult to wrap
our head around the topic of porn

because it's not possible to separate
the porn of today,

away from our human sexuality.

And today, human sexuality is incredibly
out-of-alignment;

Mostly because of the world religions.

Porn in and of itself as a concept

could potentially be an
in-alignment thing,

but because it is an extension

of our out-of-alignment human sexuality,

it then fuels our
out-of-alignment sexuality.

Pornography is the portrayal of
sexual subject matter

for the purpose of sexual arousal.

Why would we watch porn?

Because sexual desire and sexual arousal
are usually a pleasant experience,

and pleasure is not wrong.

So it must be understood,
that seeking out pleasure is also not wrong.

So it is useless to discuss the rightness
and wrongness of porn.

We must instead develop perspective
about porn.

First, let's look at the shadow
side of porn.

The first most extreme shadow of porn
is that like any addiction

porn serves as an escape from pain.

It's a way to avoid a feeling state.

Porn is self-medication.

It blunts the senses and makes you
forget everything else.

It is hypnotic and trance-like
and makes you lose track of time.

We use it to get relief from something.

For example, we may use S&M porn to
escape powerlessness by

feeling a sense of power over someone.

When it comes to porn addiction, the most
common feeling one is trying to escape

is the feeling of emptiness.

I am yet to meet one single person who
watches porn on an ongoing basis

who is not using the porn to avoid a
feeling state within them.

The chemicals that our own brain produces
in response to a certain stimulus

can be many times more addictive than
even external substances, like cocaine.

So it is absolutely possible to develop
addiction to something like porn.

It throws us out of balance to the degree
that when we do not watch porn

we begin to experience withdrawal
symptoms.

So even though porn feels like it fulfills
a need

it actually simply creates a new need.

In other words, people think porn is a
sexual outlet which is fulfilling the need

for release and satisfaction of sex drive,
when in fact it is creating sexual craving.

I do not think it is actually beneficial
to draw a line

between an addiction and a compulsion.

As far as I'm concerned if you feel out
of control of something,

a certain behavior, especially if that
particular thing

creates negative consequences, and you
still can't stop

that is an addiction.

The second major shadow aspect of porn
is that the porn industry itself is so

profoundly out of alignment.

Theoretically it would be possible to make
porn that is in-alignment,

but as I said earlier the current porn we
have in today's world is not in alignment.

It is an extension of our out-of-alignment
sexuality.

Now the religious fanatics of the world
would have you believe that nudity is porn.

This is not accurate and this is not
positive because it just teaches people

that their body is something to be ashamed
of.

It puts us even more at war with ourselves.

So dropping the conservative view,
let's look at it this way:

Regardless of whether we are conservative
or liberal, we all know at our core

that when we are completely in-alignment
with our sexuality

as an expression of our eternal
consiousness

sex is about much more than just physical
gratification.

The majority of porn available today
really truly is just about physical gratification.

The people cease to become people,
this is the concept of objectification.

Objectification is a serious issue when it
comes to porn.

We objectify both men and women in porn
when we watch them on the screen.

Because we are in essence disconnected
enough from it being another human being

that we are now able to use that other
person for personal gratification.

Now here's a really important point, the
minute we begin to objectify somebody else

we make ourselves a match to the vibration
of objectification.

You can't objectify something without
simultaneously yourself becoming

objectified.

And what happens as a result of that
objectification, you experience and

instantaneous drop in your self-esteem
and your self-worth.

This will come across as a feeling that
your soul is being taken and you may not

even realize that the one is linked
to the other.

The porn is linked to the sudden loss of
self-esteem.

The thrill of the interaction with porn
covers over or masks the internal

destruction that is in fact occuring.

You could argue that porn stars are
willing participants, so it's not

all that bad.

But I want you to look at it this way,
the majority of people who work in the

porn industry do not come from
healthy backgrounds.

Many of them were in fact sexually abused
youth.

Their sexuality became their only sense of
worth.

They see their bodies of commodities.

They have become comfortable with
objectification.

I want you to just think about where
someone has to be emotionally to become

comfortable and approving of themselves
being objectified.

A really good way to test your level of
objectification of people on the screen

is to ask yourself, how would I feel if my
son was being viewed by people

the same way that I'm viewing this person on
the screen?

Or how would I feel if my daughter was
being viewed by people in the same way

that I am viewing this person on the
screen?

The point being, when you care about
somebody enough to be close to them

suddenly it matters to you.

You can't objectify them anymore.

We have to stop and really remember the
people we're watching in these porn films

that's somebody's daughter, that's
somebody's mother, that's somebody's

sister or brother.

So what does that tell us? That tells us
that we disconnected from someone

to use them purely for physical arousal
and relief.

And so you cannot prove that it is
in-alignment unless you first prove that

disconnection is in-alignment.

The third major shadow of porn is what it
does to relationships.

Now, before I dive too deep into the
shadow aspect of what porn does to

relationships, I would like to say that if
you were completely in-alignment

with the idea of using porn for sex, you
would align with a partner who also agreed

with that particular stance on your
sexuality.

There wouldn't be a conflict.

But when we are out-of-alignment with our
sexuality, what happens is we attract the

partner who does not match or line up
with the sexuality which we are expressing

relative to porn what this means is if
you're a porn user you will line up with

a partner that doesn't like that about you
and it will create big relationship

problems between you.

So you could say that it might be a good
idea to find total approval for using porn

for sexual gratification, and thus line up
with a partner who completely agrees with

you and has no issue with your porn use,
or you can look at it this way:

potentially it is you that is
out-of-alignment with your own sexuality

using porn, and so your partner is a
reflection of the dichotomy within you,

the aspect of you that is using it, and
the aspect of you that knows that it is

not the truth of who you really are, and
it's not really a genuine expression of

your sexuality.

Porn destroys intimacy.

Intimacy is to see into someone, to feel
into them, to hear into them, to understand

them completely.

Now sex can enhance intimacy greatly, but
also you can have sex with zero intimacy

at all. If we objectify the person on the
screen or our partner, which is what we

are doing with porn, we have no intimacy
with them.

If we objectify our partner we are in
essence just two meat suits rubbing up

against each other for our own individual
pleasure.

It's more like mutual masturbation, on an
energetic level it appears more like

sexual or energetic vampirism, where
you're trying to get something from

somebody.

Even if we use porn to become aroused as a
couple, this also is a barrier to intimacy;

Because we are actually more involved in
and thus have more intimacy with the

fantasy, than we do with each other in
that moment.

I will also tell you that porn and
subsequent sexual escapades are a close

personal favorite of people who have a
major fear of intimacy; Because it allows

us to connect with someone or even just
connect with the idea of someone without

actually having to connect.

The fourth major shadow of porn, is that
sets up neuro pathways.

If we find sexual gratification one way,
we will seek it out again and again in

that very same way.

We may even lose our ability to be
turned on in any other way.

If we associate orgasm with our partner
or with a light kiss, this is what will

turn us on in the future. If we associate
orgasm to the things we observe in porn

those things start to be the only way we
can become aroused.

Most of these sex acts are not only
objectifying, they're unpleasurable to the

other partner, especially emotionally;
And many of them involve domination and

submission power dynamics.

I think that one of the worst things that
porn has done in the world today,

is to destroy the sex act between men and
women, why?

Because these porns generally, especially
in the beginning, were geared directly

towards men, towards male gratification.

The women in those scenes were acting,
they're not genuinely orgasming.

And so what's happening is it's setting up
an idea in men's minds about the kind of

sex that women like to have, when in
reality it couldn't be farther from the

truth.

In reality most women will not become
aroused or feel good or orgasm if you

mimick what you are seeing on the screen.

What has made me sad again and again is
that the nuero pathways set up by

pornography disable people from achieving
a sexual union with somebody.

It disables them from practicing the art
of lovemaking.

It makes it so that the only way that we
can experience sex that's pleasurable with

a partner, or even get ourselves aroused,
is if it is objectifying, if it is impersonal.

In past years access to porn was difficult.

Now due to the online presence of porn,
it is only a click away, and so young kids

are now watching porn.

And porn is setting up their expectation
about what sex should look like.

And this includes not just vanilla
pornography, but also extreme pornography

in the dysfunctional fetishes.

Pornography is becoming the only reference
for sex and intimacy that the youth of

today's world have. This has serious
social implication.

The fifth major shadow of porn, is that
porn is a serious waste of sexual energies

and a distortion of sexual energies.

Many of you have heard of kundalini
energy, it's basically just a word we use

to describe to vital force, or the
spiritual energy within a person.

That energy is creative energy.

It's not possible to separate out sexual
energy from creative energy, that is why

sexual energy creates life. It is
inherently creative.

If you are spending your energy getting
off on porn, you are wasting your

creative energy.

That is why so many people with porn
addictions develop a kind of apathy,

they don't really put energy into their
life, they're living a bit of a half-life.

They live in a state of atrophy because
the energy they have to create their

waking life is being spent.

When we become addicted to porn, just like
any other addiction, we stop investing in

our life. We stop engaging with real
people.

The sixth major shadow of porn, is that
we are creating a reality based on what

we are paying attention to, more than that
we are creating a collective reality based

on what we are collectively paying
attention to.

So the question to ask yourself is,
what is what I am paying attention to

creating for me in my waking life?

Also, like a drug, you need more and more
of it and higher levels to get the

same kind of high.

Think about horror films in the 50's,
they don't even compare to the horror

films of today.

It wouldn't scare us if we saw that, but
back then, that was downright terrifying.

This also applies to our sexual
gratification.

We need to keep upping the odds and upping
the odds in order to get the same kind of

rise.

What will the porn look like 20 years from
today?

If so many eyes are focused at the
distorted and out-of-alignment form of

sexuality, I can promise you one thing:
we will create a collective reality of

sexual distortion, as if the sexual
distortion of today's world is not bad

enough.

The seventh major shadow of porn, is that
when people watch it, they often

compartmentalize it from the rest of their
day-to-day life.

They exit their life and enter this zone
of pornography.

We have the tendency, when we watch porn,
to think that the law of attraction is

somehow not applicable to the time period
that we are watching porn, and so that

time is not part of the "I create my own
reality" actuality.

We think that we can keep that aspect of
life secret and contained.

So we don't realize that our porn watching
is in fact not a separate reality, it is a

part of our everyday reality and it will
absolutely merge with and affect our

day-to-day life experiences, our values,
our belief systems, our relationships, our

career, everything.

So what should you do if you're struggling
with a porn addiction?

The first thing that you have to do is to
is to really ask yourself this question:

Is porn adding something to my life, or is
it taking something away?

And you have to be really honest with
yourself about the answer to that question.

This is difficult for some of us because
if we like to watch porn, than we are in

the habit of justifying our porn-watching.

We keep telling ourselves that everyone
is doing it.

Only you can decide if pornography is
negatively affecting your life.

But until you decide it's negatively
affecting your life, you will have

absolutely no motivation to change it.

Step Two: Become aware.

You have to become completely aware of
what you are trying to escape from by

using porn.

The next time you feel the urge to watch
it, sit with the uncomfortable feelings as

if you were exploring the sensation, and
try to identify what it is.

Also, identify your triggers.

A trigger is something that causes you to
feel the compulsion to watch porn.

Think about the last hours and minutes
leading up to the moment when the urge

occurs.

Can you identify any triggers?

For example, did you get into a fight with
someone which caused you to feel stress,

and thus need release?

Step 3: Go in the direction of those
negative feeling states instead of away

from them.

So the next time you feel that urge to
go use porn, instead of doing that,

I want you to sink down into that feeling,
that negative feeling state, and I want

you to be unconditionally present with
it.

This is the beginning of integration.

To understand more about how to do
this process, I want you to watch my

video on YouTube titled: "How to Heal the
Emotional Body"

Also, if you find that the feeling state
that is in fact motivating your porn use

is the feeling of emptiness, which is so
often the case, I want you to go watch my

YouTube video titled: "How to Stop Feeling Empty"

Four: Change your life in accordance with
the feeling state that you discovered that

you're trying to avoid.

For example, if you are using porn to
avoid boredom, get busy.

Find a healthy preoccupation that
requires your focused attention and energy.

Or, if you find that you were using porn
to escape stress, figure out what is

making you the most stressed, and either
find healthier ways to manage the stress

or change that aspect of your life
entirely so the stress is no longer there.

Basically we have to face and work with
the very thing which we are using porn

to avoid, in order to overcome the
causation of our porn use.

Porn use is more like a symptom.

Why would you address the symptom without
addressing the cause?

Five: If you feel the urge to watch porn,

play a game of fast-forward instead.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the
sensations

of excitement and arousal, but if you can

use that feeling of arousal to remind
yourself,

to play the tape forward,

to post watching porn,

that feeling of disappointment,

that feeling of exhaustion,

that feeling of low self-worth,

the feeling of total and utter failure and
shame.

Then you can use the memory of what it
will be like if you do watch porn

to water down the intensity and the heat
of the arousal.

Six: Get into the mentality that porn
quite literally doesn't exist.

If you do the previous steps which I have
just listed,

this step will be much easier.

When it comes to addictions, as I have
said before,

the addiction in and of itself is the
symptom,

of a deeper underlying problem.

So when we are usually addressing
addictions,

Rather than focus on the substance that
we're addicted to,

What we want to do is to figure out a way

to solve the causation of the addiction,

to solve whatever is fueling that
addiction.

Cause if you do that,

then the addiction simply goes away
on its own.

When it comes to porn,

we can focus on addressing the causation
and also the symptom.

We do this, by going cold turkey.

In other words, when it comes to porn

don't limit your time to watching porn.

Get rid of your outlets for the
addiction,

so you literally can't access it.

Then, think and act as if porn does not
exist.

Out of sheer necessity, you will be forced
to replace the porn

with other things to direct your energy
towards.

Seven: In alignment with the last point I
made,

when you feel that urge, recognize that
urge as an extreme burst of energy.

Of course you want to release that energy,

the question is towards what?

What I want you to do when you feel the
urge to watch porn,

is to redirect that energy towards
something that is more beneficial.

You cannot actually suppress your sexual
urges

it's not possible, it has to get out
somehow

Now, the fact that we can't suppress our
sexual urges is fact the reason why

our porn subscriptions are higher in
states like Utah,

where there's a high amount of sexual
suppression.

Suppression doesn't work.

You have to redirect that energy towards
something else.

Think about harnessing that energy, ask
yourself:

If I could harness that energy and put it
towards something else

that would directly benefit my life,
what would it be?

And then do that instead.

If you do this enough, you will realize
that you've actually got a life.

You're no longer watching porn, feeling
terrible about yourself

and feeling like you need to get a life.

Eight: Increase your self-esteem and start
to self-care.

As was discussed earlier,

porn instantly decreases your self-esteem.

So the opposite vibration to porn,

is self-esteem.

If you are addicted to porn,

it has become a self-hate spiral.

So pull yourself out of that
and start to live healthy

and alter your perspective so you can see
yourself in a positive light.

Take a look at the values you do have and
things the things you really do believe in

and begin to live according to those
values.

Live from a space of integrity with who
you are.

Do things you enjoy.

Eat a diet that makes you feel good about
yourself.

Exercise.

Groom yourself in a way that makes you
feel proud to present yourself to the world.

Get outside.

Help others.

Helping others increases your self-esteem
five-fold.

Seek out things that make you laugh.

Start meditating and going to yoga class.

Listen to motivating music that inspires
you to really live.

Start focusing on the things like about
yourself

and find approval for the things you
dislike about yourself.

These are just some examples.

Raise your frequency.

For more information about how to raise
your frequency

you can look up my YouTube video titled:
"How to Raise Your Frequency and Increase
Your Vibration"

Remember that the more you replace porn
with more beneficial pursuits,

the better and better your life will get.

While we're on this subject,

It must be known that if you think that
there is something not good

about watching porn, you can't watch porn
and feel good.

Nine: Now I am going to give you the #1
most important tip when it comes to

any addiction, including porn addiction.

Way back when, scientists were doing
studies

on rats and substance addiction.

They would put them in cages and they
would lace their water with substances

like cocaine.

Of course these rats would continue to go
to the water,

they would become addicted to the cocaine
in the water,

and other drugs, to the degree that they
would then die.

Of course the obvious assumption is that
the substances were to blame

for the addiction.

Then, in 1970, Bruce Alexander, who was
a scientist at the time

made and interesting observation.

These rats who are addicted to these
substances,

were placed in cages alone.

So he thought to himself,

what's the next logical thing to do to
test

whether substances are in fact to blame
for addiction?

Ah! Let's put these rats in nice cages
with friends.

And what did he find?

These rats did not become addicted to the
substances,

in fact they seemed to shun the water
which was

laced with these particular
medicinals.

What does this tell us about addiction?

It tells us that addiction is not about the
substance,

it's about an underlying feeling of
isolation.

The addiction was an adaptation to a
painful environment.

Most especially one that was void of
connection.

What I'm about to say I want you to
remember for the rest of your life.

Emotional isolation is the #1 cause of all
addictions on this planet.

Sobriety is not the opposite of addiction.

Human connection is.

So connect with people.

For more information about how to do this,

watch my YouTube video titled
"How to Connect with Someone"

It is my desire that sex not be associated
with sin in the minds of men.

We cannot be at war with our sexuality,

and become integral and whole beings
in and of ourselves.

It is not right my desire for porn to
become the scapegoat for society's

dysfunction, which is how many would paint
it to be.

I am all for becoming free and open-minded

and for embracing things that should never
be taboo.

But being free and open-minded is not the
same thing

as simply celebrating the taboo
because it is taboo.

I am open to the idea that when people
come into a state of alignment

with their sexuality, where their
relationship to their own sexuality

is healthy and also a beneficial one.

That we are fully capable of making
pornography that is completely

in-alignment.

But as for right now,

the vast majority of porn is
profoundly out of alignment.

It is an empty package, and you deserve

something of substance.

Have a good week.

[Outro Music]