Sleepover - SNL

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK,
KNOCK.

DAD ALERT, DAD ALERT.
[ IMITATING ALARM ]

HI, SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR
SLEEP OVER.

I DON'T WANT TO SINGLE ANYONE
OUT OR EMBARRASS ANYONE.

BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED UPSTAIRS.
>> THE PIZZA CAME?

>> NO, NO.
IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

IT'S HARD TO TALK ABOUT.
BUT AS A PARENT I BELIEVE IN

MUTUAL RESPECT.
SO WE'LL JUST TALK AS ADULTS.

OKAY?
>> OKAY.

IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO
FLUSH A SANITARY NAPKIN, PAD,

SORT OF A BIG ONE, IN OUR
UPSTAIRS WASHROOM.

>> DAD, WHOA!
IS THE TOILET BROKEN?

>> IT IS.
THE PAD GOT STUCK.

WE DON'T HAVE A PLUNGER IN
THERE.

SO I THINK WHOEVER TRIED TO
FLUSH IT USED THE TOILET PAPER

STAND TO TRY TO SHOVE IT DOWN.
AND THEN THEY PUT IN A LOT OF

PAPER TO SORT OF BLANKET IT
WHICH MADE IT OVER FLOW PRETTY

BAD.
>> OH, NO.

>> YEAH, THEN I THINK THEY TRIED
TO DUCT TAPE IT SHUT.

IT CAUSED WATER TO SORT OF
EXPLODE UP OUT OF IT INTO THE

LIGHT SOCKET WHICH CAUSED AN
ELECTRICAL SHOCK.

HEY, WHERE'S MEGHAN?
>> I DON'T KNOW.

SHE WENT UPSTAIRS LIKE AN HOUR
AGO.

>> HI, MEGHAN.
>> I WAS JUST HAVING A TALK WITH

THE GIRLS, BECAUSE SOMEONE TRIED
TO FLUSH A PAD AND BROKE THE

TOILET.
>> WOW!

THAT'S SICK.
WHOEVER DID THAT, THAT'S PRETTY

SICK.
I'M GOING TO GO TO BED.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STAY

AND TRY TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT
HAPPENED.

>> WELL, THAT STINKS.
WHOEVER DID THAT, THAT'S A

MYSTERY.
WE GOT TO GET MARK HARMON IN

HERE TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
FROM "NCIS."

>> WELL, I'M JUST HOPING ONE OF
YOU WILL COME FORWARD?

>> WELL, IT'S NOT ME, YOU KNOW?
I CAN'T WEAR PADS 'CAUSE I DO

LITTLE THONGS.
>> OKAY, NO, WE DON'T NEED ALL

THE DETAILS.
>> YEP, YEP, I'M TAMPONS.

IT'S EASY.
YOU LUBE THEM UP, STRING FIRST

DOWN THE GULLET.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE IT.

>> YES, YOU KNOW, I'M NO MARK
HARMON.

BUT I THINK IT WAS PROBABLY
STEPHANIE.

SHE GOT BIG BOOBS, SO SHE
PROBABLY WEARS BIG PADS.

>> NO, I DON'T.
>> OKAY, LET'S NOT ACCUSE

PEOPLE.
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY TRIED TO SOAK

UP THE WATER WITH EVERYONE'S
COATS.

THEN THEY TRIED TO NAIL THE
BATHROOM DOOR SHUT AND PAINT

OVER THE DOORKNOB SO KNOW ONE
KNEW IT WAS A DOOR.

>> OH, THAT SOUNDS CLEVER TO ME.
>> DID THAT WORK?

>> NO.
AND THEN THEY WENT ON MY DESKTOP

TO TRY TO ORDER A NEW TOILET ON
AMAZON PRIME.

>> THEN THEY G-CHATTED SOMEONE
NAMED "MEGHAN'S MOM" AND SAID,

"IT HAPPENED AGAIN.
JUST LIKE IN CHURCH BUT WORSE."

>> LOOK, YOU GUYS, WHOEVER DID
THIS, JUST COME FORWARD.

WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE.
EVERYONE GETS A PERIOD.

AND WE ALL GET IT THE SAME WAY.
TWO STRONG WEEKS TAPERED WITH A

WEEK ON EITHER SIDE.
CRAMPS, MEDICAL FARTS, VIOLENT

SEXUAL HALLUCINATIONS.
>> WE NEED MARK HARMON HONESTLY.

>> OKAY, LOOK, GIRLS, HERE'S THE
TRUTH.

I SPOKE TO MY INSURANCE COMPANY.
AND WE'RE LOOKING AT $10,000 IN

DAMAGE.
AND I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO

TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED.
SO WHOEVER DID IT, I HOPE WOULD

FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO TELL ME.
>> COME ON, YOU GUYS, JUST TELL

THE HOT DAD THAT YOUR PERIOD
BROKE HIS WHOLE HOUSE.

>> MEGHAN, CAN I TALK TO YOU
ALONE?

>> HOW CAN I HELP?
>> I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE

AWAY FROM EVERYBODY ELSE.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU THAT WANT

TO TELL ME?
>> I THINK WE SHOULD BE

TOGETHER.
>> NO, NO, NO.

>> I PLANNED IT OUT.
THE NEXT SIX YEARS YOU BE WITH

YOUR WIFE.
I GO TO COLLEGE AND LEARN

THINGS.
AND THEN COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND

FRESHMAN YEAR, I COME HOME, WE
BANG.

>> NO.
MEGHAN, LOOK, I GIVE UP.

>> WAIT, I HAVE TO CONFESS
SOMETHING.

I FLUSHED THE PAD.
I'M SCARED OF TAMPONS.

I'M SORRY.
>> WAIT, I ALSO FLUSHED A PAD.

>> I DID TOO.
>> AND I FLUSHED MANY, MANY

PADS.
TODAY, YESTERDAY, THE DAY BEFORE

THAT AND EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK
AND A HALF.

>> WOW!
THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR HONESTY.

>> MEGHAN, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU
WOULD LIKE TO SAY?

>> NO, THERE IS NOT.
>> OKAY, GIRLS, HAVE FUN.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL BE
OKAY.

OKAY.
>> THANKS MR. MINNIEHAM.

[ CRASHING ]