1 00:06:30,002 --> 00:06:32,052 You wanted to see me, doctor? 2 00:06:32,052 --> 00:06:34,076 Have you seen Mrs. Vogler, sister? 3 00:06:34,076 --> 00:06:35,084 No, not yet. 4 00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:38,044 Then I will let you know about the situation 5 00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:42,004 and will explain to you why you must take care of her. 6 00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:45,004 As you may know, Mrs. Vogler is an actress, 7 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,064 and was cast as Electra. 8 00:06:48,064 --> 00:06:51,000 In the middle of the play she went silent 9 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,076 and looked around as if surprised. 10 00:06:52,076 --> 00:07:07,008 She stayed silent for a minute. 11 00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:13,004 Later she excused herself saying that she could not contain her laughter. 12 00:07:13,004 --> 00:07:15,004 The next day the theater called 13 00:07:15,004 --> 00:07:18,000 to ask if she had forgotten the rehearsal. 14 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,096 When the housekeeper went to see her, 15 00:07:19,096 --> 00:07:21,006 she was still in bed. 16 00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:26,004 She was awake, but did not respond to her questions and did not move. 17 00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:28,072 She's been like that for three months 18 00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:31,064 and they have done all tests imaginable. 19 00:07:31,064 --> 00:07:33,096 The result is clear: she is totally sane, 20 00:07:33,096 --> 00:07:37,008 physically as well as mentally. 21 00:07:37,008 --> 00:07:40,076 This is not even about a hysterical reaction. 22 00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:43,064 Any questions, Sister Alma? 23 00:07:43,064 --> 00:07:44,068 No? 24 00:07:44,068 --> 00:07:54,096 Well then, go with Mrs. Vogler. 25 00:07:54,096 --> 00:07:58,048 Good day, Mrs. Vogler. 26 00:07:58,048 --> 00:08:00,032 I am Sister Alma. 27 00:08:00,032 --> 00:08:06,016 They have put me in charge of taking care of you for some time. 28 00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:08,076 Maybe I should tell you about myself. 29 00:08:08,076 --> 00:08:11,076 I am 25 years old and engaged. 30 00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:15,064 I have been a nurse for two years now. 31 00:08:15,064 --> 00:08:18,072 My parents have a farm. 32 00:08:18,072 --> 00:08:23,076 My mother was a nurse before marrying. 33 00:08:23,076 --> 00:08:25,084 I will go for the dinner plate. 34 00:08:25,084 --> 00:08:30,004 Fried liver and a fruit salad. This looks very good. 35 00:08:30,004 --> 00:08:32,064 Would you like to raise your head? 36 00:08:32,064 --> 00:08:40,048 Are you fine like this? 37 00:08:40,048 --> 00:08:42,012 Sister Alma. 38 00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:44,006 What is your first impression? 39 00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:47,036 I don't know what to say, doctor. 40 00:08:47,036 --> 00:08:50,008 At first her face seemed sweet, almost infantile. 41 00:08:50,008 --> 00:08:53,088 Then her eyes... 42 00:08:53,088 --> 00:08:57,004 She has such a severe stare... 43 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,056 I don't know, maybe I should... 44 00:08:58,056 --> 00:09:01,032 What are you thinking Sister Alma? 45 00:09:01,032 --> 00:09:03,068 Maybe I should turn down this job. 46 00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:06,028 Has something scared you? 47 00:09:06,028 --> 00:09:08,006 No, but... 48 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:12,028 she should have an older and more experienced nurse. 49 00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:14,036 Experienced in life. 50 00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:17,004 It could be that I may not be able. To handle it. To resist? 51 00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:20,032 Mentally. Mentally? 52 00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:24,076 If the state of Mrs. Vogler is the result of a decision, 53 00:09:24,076 --> 00:09:26,052 it should be strong like when she was well. 54 00:09:26,052 --> 00:09:27,096 And? 55 00:09:27,096 --> 00:09:31,056 It is a decision that shows great mental strength. 56 00:09:31,056 --> 00:09:35,032 Maybe I am not up to it. 57 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,064 Maybe you would like to see the dusk, Mrs. Vogler. 58 00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:42,084 I will close it later. 59 00:09:42,084 --> 00:09:45,000 Would you like me to turn on the radio? 60 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,092 There is a radio soap, I think. 61 00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:51,088 Excuse me, my dear. 62 00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:54,088 Oh! You must forgive me! 63 00:09:54,088 --> 00:09:59,072 There is nothing else I desire other than your forgiveness. 64 00:09:59,072 --> 00:10:04,036 What are you laughing at, Mrs. Vogler? Is the actress,that one that's funny ? 65 00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:09,072 What do you know about compasion? What do you know? 66 00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:16,088 What do you know about compasion? 67 00:10:16,088 --> 00:10:20,006 I don't understand those sort of things, Mrs. Vogler. 68 00:10:20,006 --> 00:10:25,024 I like cinema and theatre, but I hardly go. 69 00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:28,092 I feel a great admiration for artists. 70 00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:32,092 I think art has a great importance in life. 71 00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:38,036 Especially for those that have serious problems. 72 00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:43,008 I should talk about those things. I'm skating on ice. 73 00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:46,056 Let me see if I can find music. 74 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:50,076 Is it alright like this? 75 00:10:50,076 --> 00:12:39,096 Good night, Mrs. Vogler. Sleep well. 76 00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:49,002 Damn it! 77 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,048 It's strange. 78 00:12:51,048 --> 00:12:54,072 One goes through life doing the same things. 79 00:12:54,072 --> 00:12:59,076 Doing the same things. 80 00:12:59,076 --> 00:13:03,036 I will marry Karl-Henrik and will have some children... 81 00:13:03,036 --> 00:13:06,028 that I will raise. 82 00:13:06,028 --> 00:13:10,004 All of this is decided. It is inside me. 83 00:13:10,004 --> 00:13:13,052 There is nothing to think. 84 00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:16,088 It is an enormous feeling of security. 85 00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:21,004 I have a good job and I am happy with him. 86 00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:23,004 That is also good, 87 00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:26,024 but on the other hand. 88 00:13:26,024 --> 00:13:31,072 But it is good... 89 00:13:31,072 --> 00:13:40,044 It's good. 90 00:13:40,044 --> 00:13:46,004 I ask myself what will really happen? 91 00:13:46,004 --> 00:13:50,052 Elisabeth Vogler... 92 00:13:50,052 --> 00:13:53,002 Elisabeth... 93 00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:56,028 .... today, between the American artillery and the South Vietnamese 94 00:13:56,028 --> 00:13:58,012 and the desperate guerrilla of Vietcong 95 00:13:58,012 --> 00:14:00,008 that attacked the vital coastal base. 96 00:14:00,008 --> 00:14:03,024 Marine planes and the American airfoce in Quang 97 00:14:03,024 --> 00:14:07,012 are bombing positions of the Vietcong army in Tay Ninh. 98 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:11,000 Today planes have left on more than 48 bombing missions. 99 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,048 And in other fronts, various American troop batalions, 100 00:14:14,048 --> 00:14:21,048 landed yesterday in the coast near... 101 00:14:21,048 --> 00:14:24,044 In this zone more than 2.000 vietcongs were captured 102 00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:27,028 in the largest operation in the last three months. 103 00:14:27,028 --> 00:14:31,068 Today the street disturbances... 104 00:14:31,068 --> 00:15:25,032 .... that have sent more than 141 Vietcongs to the tribunals... 105 00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:34,084 Would you like me to open the letter, Mrs. Vogler? 106 00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:42,012 Should I read it? 107 00:15:42,012 --> 00:15:52,004 Would you like me to read it? 108 00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:57,008 "Dear Elisabeth: Since they don't permit me to see you, I am writing you. 109 00:15:57,008 --> 00:16:03,056 If you do not want to read my letter, then you can ignore it. 110 00:16:03,056 --> 00:16:08,008 I can not stop looking for contact with you, 111 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:11,052 since I am tormented constantly by one question: 112 00:16:11,052 --> 00:16:17,084 Have I hurt you in any way? Have I hurt you without knowing? 113 00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:27,006 Is there a terrible misunderstanding between us?" 114 00:16:27,006 --> 00:16:37,092 Do you think I should keep reading this? 115 00:16:37,092 --> 00:16:41,000 "Lately we were happy; as far I thought. 116 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:47,004 We'd had never been so close to each other. 117 00:16:47,004 --> 00:16:49,008 Do you remember when you'd say: 118 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:54,024 "Now I understand marriage"? 119 00:16:54,024 --> 00:16:57,004 You have shown me..." 120 00:16:57,004 --> 00:17:01,028 I do not understand... 121 00:17:01,028 --> 00:17:09,024 Yes. "... that we should see each other like two anxious children, 122 00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:13,088 Full of good will and the best intentions, 123 00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:17,044 but gov... 124 00:17:17,044 --> 00:17:22,052 But govern by forces that we only parcially control. 125 00:17:22,052 --> 00:17:26,036 Do you remember saying all this? 126 00:17:26,036 --> 00:17:28,088 We walked through the woods 127 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:39,036 and you stopped me holding from my belt..." 128 00:17:39,036 --> 00:17:43,004 There is also a picture with the letter. 129 00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:47,044 It is a picture of your son... I don't know if... 130 00:17:47,044 --> 00:17:51,036 Would you like to see it, Mrs. Vogler? 131 00:17:51,036 --> 00:18:24,044 He looks like such a sweet child. 132 00:18:24,044 --> 00:18:26,052 I have been thinking, Elisabeth, 133 00:18:26,052 --> 00:18:29,096 and I don't think you should still be in the hospital. 134 00:18:29,096 --> 00:18:32,008 I think it is for the worse. 135 00:18:32,008 --> 00:18:35,000 Since you don't want to return home, you and Sister Alma 136 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,044 can go my house on the coast, eh? 137 00:18:40,044 --> 00:18:43,016 You think I don't understand? 138 00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:45,096 The impossible dream. 139 00:18:45,096 --> 00:18:50,002 Not of seeming, but of being. 140 00:18:50,002 --> 00:18:55,024 Conscious every moment. Vigilant. 141 00:18:55,024 --> 00:18:56,068 At the same time, 142 00:18:56,068 --> 00:19:00,036 the abiss between what you are for others and for yourself, 143 00:19:00,036 --> 00:19:03,096 the feeling of vertigo and the constant desire 144 00:19:03,096 --> 00:19:07,008 at least, of being exposed, 145 00:19:07,008 --> 00:19:11,012 of being analalized, dissected, 146 00:19:11,012 --> 00:19:14,052 maybe even annihilated. 147 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:18,012 Every word a lie, every gesture a falsehood, 148 00:19:18,012 --> 00:19:20,096 every smile a grimace. 149 00:19:20,096 --> 00:19:23,006 Suicide? 150 00:19:23,006 --> 00:19:27,036 ¡Oh, no! That is horrible. 151 00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:29,004 You would not do such a thing. 152 00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:32,008 But you can stay immobile and in silence. 153 00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:34,096 At least that way you don't lie. 154 00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:38,052 You can close within yourself. alienate yourself? 155 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,032 This way you will not have to act roles, 156 00:19:40,032 --> 00:19:43,064 and not put on false gestures. 157 00:19:43,064 --> 00:19:46,004 You think. 158 00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,072 But, do you see? Reality is in the way, 159 00:19:48,072 --> 00:19:51,064 your hiding place is not impenetrable. 160 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:57,056 Life sweeps in through everywhere. 161 00:19:57,056 --> 00:20:00,008 And you are obliged to react. 162 00:20:00,008 --> 00:20:04,004 No one asks if it is real or unreal, if you are true or false. 163 00:20:04,004 --> 00:20:09,052 The question is only important in theatre. 164 00:20:09,052 --> 00:20:12,008 And almost not even there. 165 00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:15,016 I understand you, Elisabeth. 166 00:20:15,016 --> 00:20:18,006 I understand that you are in silence, that you are immobile, 167 00:20:18,006 --> 00:20:23,002 that you have placed this lack of will in such a fantastic system. 168 00:20:23,002 --> 00:20:26,088 I understand you and admire you. 169 00:20:26,088 --> 00:20:31,048 I think you should maintain this role until it ends, 170 00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:33,006 until it stops being interesting. 171 00:20:33,006 --> 00:20:35,028 The you can leave it. 172 00:20:35,028 --> 00:20:44,002 The same way that you left little by little the others. 173 00:20:44,002 --> 00:20:47,068 Mrs. Vogler and the sister left for the the doctor's house 174 00:20:47,068 --> 00:20:49,084 at the end of the summer. 175 00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:54,024 Being close to the sea produced a favorable effect on the actress. 176 00:20:54,024 --> 00:20:58,068 The apathy that had crippled her was left behind for long walks, 177 00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:00,008 fishing, cooking, 178 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:03,004 writing letters and other entertainments. 179 00:21:03,004 --> 00:21:06,000 Sister Alma enjoyed her rural reclusion 180 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:49,052 and her patient. 181 00:21:49,052 --> 00:22:10,044 Don't you know that it's bad luck compare hands? 182 00:22:10,044 --> 00:22:12,056 Elisabeth, 183 00:22:12,056 --> 00:22:15,032 may I read you something from my book? 184 00:22:15,032 --> 00:22:18,068 Oh, am I bothering you? It starts like this: 185 00:22:18,068 --> 00:22:21,006 "All the anxiety that we carry with us, 186 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:25,036 our frustrated dreams, the incomprehensible cruelty, 187 00:22:25,036 --> 00:22:27,092 our fear of extinction, 188 00:22:27,092 --> 00:22:31,052 the interior painful view of our terrestrial condition, 189 00:22:31,052 --> 00:22:34,002 have slowly eroded our hope 190 00:22:34,002 --> 00:22:37,016 and any other salvation. 191 00:22:37,016 --> 00:22:41,008 The bellow of our faith and doubt against darkness and silence 192 00:22:41,008 --> 00:22:45,072 it is one of our most terrible tests of our abandonment 193 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:50,088 and of our terrified and indescribable knowledge." 194 00:22:50,088 --> 00:22:56,092 Do you think it is like this? 195 00:22:56,092 --> 00:23:00,012 I don't believe it. 196 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:01,006 Change... 197 00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:06,002 My worst defect is laziness and later I feel guilty. 198 00:23:06,002 --> 00:23:08,052 Karl-Henrik fights with me because of my lack of ambition. 199 00:23:08,052 --> 00:23:10,008 He says I go about like a zombie. 200 00:23:10,008 --> 00:23:12,076 I think that's unfair. 201 00:23:12,076 --> 00:23:15,096 In exams I was the best from my group. 202 00:23:15,096 --> 00:23:20,008 But it's certain that he refers to something else. 203 00:23:20,008 --> 00:23:21,008 You know? 204 00:23:21,008 --> 00:23:25,084 Sorry. Do you know what I sometimes think? 205 00:23:25,084 --> 00:23:28,000 In the hospital where I was examined 206 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,056 there is a home for elderly nurses. 207 00:23:30,056 --> 00:23:36,028 Those that always lived for their work. Always in uniform. 208 00:23:36,028 --> 00:23:38,002 They live in their small rooms. 209 00:23:38,002 --> 00:23:42,092 Imagine all your life dedicated to something. 210 00:23:42,092 --> 00:23:46,002 I mean to say, believing in something, carrying out, 211 00:23:46,002 --> 00:23:49,004 believing that your life has a purpose. 212 00:23:49,004 --> 00:23:51,024 I like things that way. 213 00:23:51,024 --> 00:23:54,032 Clinging to one thing intensely, and nothing else matters. 214 00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:56,002 It should be done. 215 00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:59,012 Meaning something to the rest. 216 00:23:59,012 --> 00:24:05,000 You don't think the same? 217 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:09,088 I know it seems childish, but I believe in it. 218 00:24:09,088 --> 00:24:13,052 OH my god!, look at the rain! 219 00:24:13,052 --> 00:24:15,008 Ah, yes! 220 00:24:15,008 --> 00:24:16,056 He was married. 221 00:24:16,056 --> 00:24:18,008 We had a relationship for five years. 222 00:24:18,008 --> 00:24:21,072 Then he was tired, ofcourse. 223 00:24:21,072 --> 00:24:25,068 I was so much in love, that's for sure, and he was the first. 224 00:24:25,068 --> 00:24:30,016 I remember everything like a long torment. 225 00:24:30,016 --> 00:24:34,072 Long periods of pain and later short periods of... 226 00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:37,076 It as if you teach me to smoke. 227 00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:40,048 He used to smoke a lot. 228 00:24:40,048 --> 00:24:42,072 Thinking about it now, it is really common, 229 00:24:42,072 --> 00:24:46,096 cheap fiction. 230 00:24:46,096 --> 00:24:51,012 In a certain way, it was never real. 231 00:24:51,012 --> 00:24:54,000 I don't know how to describe it. 232 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,088 At least, I was never real for him. 233 00:24:57,088 --> 00:25:02,032 My pain was real, that's certain. 234 00:25:02,032 --> 00:25:05,036 It seems that I was part of it, 235 00:25:05,036 --> 00:25:07,044 but in a disagreable manner, 236 00:25:07,044 --> 00:25:10,096 like it had to that way. 237 00:25:10,096 --> 00:25:20,002 Including the things we said to each other... 238 00:25:20,002 --> 00:25:23,036 Many people have told me that that I am a good listerner. 239 00:25:23,036 --> 00:25:25,004 Funny, eh? 240 00:25:25,004 --> 00:25:28,008 But no one has bothered to listen to me. 241 00:25:28,008 --> 00:25:31,012 Like you are doing now. You are listening. 242 00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:34,084 I think you are the first person to have listened to me. 243 00:25:34,084 --> 00:25:39,028 It can't be that interesting. I think it might be better to read a book. 244 00:25:39,028 --> 00:25:42,008 God!, and I continue. Am I bothering you? 245 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:44,076 It is so nice to talk. 246 00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:46,072 one feels so warm and well. 247 00:25:46,072 --> 00:25:51,084 I have never felt this way in my life. 248 00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:53,064 I always wanted a sister 249 00:25:53,064 --> 00:25:56,016 and I only have a bunch of brothers. Seven. 250 00:25:56,016 --> 00:25:58,048 Funny, eh? And then I arrived. 251 00:25:58,048 --> 00:26:02,064 All of my life has been sorrounded by boys. 252 00:26:02,064 --> 00:26:05,004 I like boys, 253 00:26:05,004 --> 00:26:10,004 but you should know that with all of your acting experience. 254 00:26:10,004 --> 00:26:13,044 I really like Karl-Henrik . 255 00:26:13,044 --> 00:26:16,004 But, as you know, you only love one time. 256 00:26:16,004 --> 00:26:18,048 I am faithful to him. 257 00:26:18,048 --> 00:26:25,048 In my profession there are opportunities, I am telling you. 258 00:26:25,048 --> 00:26:29,008 Karl-Henrik and I had rented a house next to the sea. 259 00:26:29,008 --> 00:26:33,006 It was June and we were alone. 260 00:26:33,006 --> 00:26:38,052 One day, Karl-Henrik had to go to the city, and I went to the beach alone. 261 00:26:38,052 --> 00:26:42,076 It was trully great. 262 00:26:42,076 --> 00:26:45,002 There was also another girl. 263 00:26:45,002 --> 00:26:48,006 She lived in a nearby island, but had come to our beach 264 00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:53,016 because it was facing the south and much more protected. 265 00:26:53,016 --> 00:26:57,012 And we layed down to sunbathed completely naked. 266 00:26:57,012 --> 00:27:02,032 We slept a little, and then we rubbed suntan oil. 267 00:27:02,032 --> 00:27:07,028 We had on those cheap straw hats... 268 00:27:07,028 --> 00:27:12,048 Mine had a blue ribbon. 269 00:27:12,048 --> 00:27:15,092 I was laying and looking from underneath it. 270 00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:19,092 I contemplated the view, the sea and the sun. 271 00:27:19,092 --> 00:27:27,052 It was so very strange. 272 00:27:27,052 --> 00:27:33,004 Suddenly I saw two figures jumping from the rocks and on top of us. 273 00:27:33,004 --> 00:27:37,000 They would hide and then spy after us. 274 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,092 "There are two boys looking at us", I said to her. 275 00:27:39,092 --> 00:27:42,096 She was called Katarina. 276 00:27:42,096 --> 00:27:48,012 "Well then, let them look", she said. And then she turned around. 277 00:27:48,012 --> 00:27:51,008 It was a very strange sensation. 278 00:27:51,008 --> 00:27:55,088 I wanted to hide and dress, but I just stayed still 279 00:27:55,088 --> 00:27:58,052 face down, with my ass on the air, 280 00:27:58,052 --> 00:28:04,048 totally ashamed, totally quiet. 281 00:28:04,048 --> 00:28:07,004 The whole time I had Katarina next to me, 282 00:28:07,004 --> 00:28:10,008 with her thick chest and thighs. 283 00:28:10,008 --> 00:28:17,012 She was there, laying, laughing a little to herself. 284 00:28:17,012 --> 00:28:20,028 Suddendly I saw the two boys getting close and looking. 285 00:28:20,028 --> 00:28:23,032 I saw that they were extremely young. 286 00:28:23,032 --> 00:28:27,002 Then , one of them, 287 00:28:27,002 --> 00:28:29,002 the bolder one, 288 00:28:29,002 --> 00:28:31,076 got right close to us 289 00:28:31,076 --> 00:28:35,096 and then he started crouching next to Katarina. 290 00:28:35,096 --> 00:28:43,008 He pretended to be holding his foot and he seated to touch his toes. 291 00:28:43,008 --> 00:28:47,044 I was feeling totally strange. 292 00:28:47,044 --> 00:28:51,056 Then unexpectedly Katarina said: 293 00:28:51,056 --> 00:28:54,068 "Well aren't going to get on top?" 294 00:28:54,068 --> 00:28:59,008 And then she touched his hand and helped him get undressed. 295 00:28:59,008 --> 00:29:02,000 Suddenly he was on top of her, 296 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,092 and she was helping and was holding his behind. 297 00:29:06,092 --> 00:29:11,004 The other boy simply sat and observed. 298 00:29:11,004 --> 00:29:15,092 I heard Katarina whisper on his ear and laugh. 299 00:29:15,092 --> 00:29:19,048 I had his face directly in front of mine. 300 00:29:19,048 --> 00:29:24,096 It was all red and swollen. 301 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:30,032 Suddenly I turned around and said: Aren't you going to come with me?" 302 00:29:30,032 --> 00:29:33,004 Katarina said: "Now go with her". 303 00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:38,072 And he left her and landed on me, completely hard. 304 00:29:38,072 --> 00:29:44,006 He grabbed one of my breasts. God, how it hurt! 305 00:29:44,006 --> 00:29:49,068 And in some way I was ready and I came immediately... 306 00:29:49,068 --> 00:29:54,024 I was going to tell him: "Be careful so I won't be pregnant", 307 00:29:54,024 --> 00:29:57,004 when he came. I felt... 308 00:29:57,004 --> 00:30:03,068 I felt , for the first time in my life, how he poured inside me. 309 00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:06,076 He grabbed me by the shoulders and arched backwards. 310 00:30:06,076 --> 00:30:12,028 I came again and again. 311 00:30:12,028 --> 00:30:19,036 Katarina was now on his side, looking at him, and held him from behind. 312 00:30:19,036 --> 00:30:25,092 When he came, she hugged him and grabbed his hand to masterbate with. 313 00:30:25,092 --> 00:30:36,012 When she came,she cried so much. 314 00:30:36,012 --> 00:30:38,068 Then we all three started to laugh. 315 00:30:38,068 --> 00:30:41,068 We called the other boy that was seating. 316 00:30:41,068 --> 00:30:48,004 His name was Peter. 317 00:30:48,004 --> 00:30:55,000 He was confused, and with the aspect of being completly frozen in the sun. 318 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,084 Katarina unbuttoned his pants 319 00:30:56,084 --> 00:30:59,008 and started to play with him. 320 00:30:59,008 --> 00:31:04,002 He came in her mouth. 321 00:31:04,002 --> 00:31:07,004 He bent forward and started to kiss her on her back. 322 00:31:07,004 --> 00:31:10,004 She turned around, grabbed his head with both hands 323 00:31:10,004 --> 00:31:11,068 and offered her breast. 324 00:31:11,068 --> 00:31:13,044 The other boy was so excited , 325 00:31:13,044 --> 00:31:17,024 that we both started again. 326 00:31:17,024 --> 00:31:21,088 It was as good as the first time. 327 00:31:21,088 --> 00:31:24,036 Then we swamp and said good bye. 328 00:31:24,036 --> 00:31:30,084 When I returned home, Karl-Henrik had was home. 329 00:31:30,084 --> 00:31:36,068 We dined together and drank the red wine he had brought. 330 00:31:36,068 --> 00:31:39,064 Then we slept together. 331 00:31:39,064 --> 00:31:43,072 Never had it been that good, not before or after. 332 00:31:43,072 --> 00:31:45,036 Can you understand? 333 00:31:45,036 --> 00:31:49,044 I ended up pregnant, but ofcourse. 334 00:31:49,044 --> 00:31:55,008 Karl-Henrik, which was studying medicine, took me to a friend and had it aborted. 335 00:31:55,008 --> 00:31:59,092 We were both happy. We did not want children. 336 00:31:59,092 --> 00:32:08,024 Well at least for the moment. 337 00:32:08,024 --> 00:32:11,004 It didn't make sense. 338 00:32:11,004 --> 00:32:14,064 Him and I did not fit. 339 00:32:14,064 --> 00:32:17,006 Later one has a bad conscience for the little things, 340 00:32:17,006 --> 00:32:19,092 Do you understand? 341 00:32:19,092 --> 00:32:22,088 What happens with everything you believe in? 342 00:32:22,088 --> 00:32:27,028 Isn't it needed? 343 00:32:27,028 --> 00:32:31,002 Can you be one and the same person in a time? 344 00:32:31,002 --> 00:32:33,008 I mean to say, I was two people? 345 00:32:33,008 --> 00:32:37,012 God, I am so dumb! 346 00:32:37,012 --> 00:32:41,004 In any case, I don't have any reason for whining. 347 00:32:41,004 --> 00:33:04,004 Wait, I am going to go get a tissue. 348 00:33:04,004 --> 00:33:06,008 It is almost daylight 349 00:33:06,008 --> 00:33:15,052 and it keeps on raining. 350 00:33:15,052 --> 00:33:18,004 Imagine, I have been talking without stoping. 351 00:33:18,004 --> 00:33:20,028 I have been speaking and you have been listening. 352 00:33:20,028 --> 00:33:22,012 What a bore it must be for you! 353 00:33:22,012 --> 00:33:25,072 What interest can be my life be to you? 354 00:33:25,072 --> 00:33:30,008 One should be like you. 355 00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:33,096 You know what I saw when I say your movie last night? 356 00:33:33,096 --> 00:33:40,000 When I got home, I saw myself in the mirror and thought: "we are the same." 357 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,084 Don't misunderstande me, you are much more better looking, 358 00:33:41,084 --> 00:33:43,096 but we are similar. 359 00:33:43,096 --> 00:33:48,008 I think I could become you, if I made a real effort. 360 00:33:48,008 --> 00:33:52,044 I mean from the inside. 361 00:33:52,044 --> 00:33:56,076 You could become me like this, with nothing else. 362 00:33:56,076 --> 00:33:58,064 Although your soul would be much bigger. 363 00:33:58,064 --> 00:34:04,092 I would overflow all over. 364 00:34:04,092 --> 00:34:22,056 You should sleep, if not, you will sleep on the table. 365 00:34:22,056 --> 00:34:27,044 No, I should sleep, If not, I will sleep on the table 366 00:34:27,044 --> 00:34:33,044 and that would be a bit uncomfortable. 367 00:34:33,044 --> 00:37:28,000 Good night. 368 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:32,024 Listen, Elisabeth... 369 00:37:32,024 --> 00:38:04,072 Did you call me last night? 370 00:38:04,072 --> 00:38:48,012 Last night, were you in my bedroom? 371 00:38:48,012 --> 00:38:51,052 Do you also want me to take your mail. 372 00:38:51,052 --> 00:38:55,024 Can you give me a sip? 373 00:38:55,024 --> 00:40:00,068 Good bye. 374 00:40:00,068 --> 00:40:03,044 "Dear doctor: I always wanted to live this way. 375 00:40:03,044 --> 00:40:05,084 This silence, to live isolated, 376 00:40:05,084 --> 00:40:08,024 feeling how the maltreated soul 377 00:40:08,024 --> 00:40:15,044 started to finally heal. 378 00:40:15,044 --> 00:40:20,006 Alma is spoiling me in the most moving manner. 379 00:40:20,006 --> 00:40:23,024 I think, by the way, that she is enjoying it 380 00:40:23,024 --> 00:40:25,004 and that she likes me a lot, 381 00:40:25,004 --> 00:40:29,044 she is even excited in a delicious and unconscious way. 382 00:40:29,044 --> 00:40:40,084 It is fun to study her. 383 00:40:40,084 --> 00:40:42,084 Sometimes she cries for past sins, 384 00:40:42,084 --> 00:40:45,084 like an orgiastic episode with an unknown guy. 385 00:40:45,084 --> 00:40:47,024 Followed by an abortion. 386 00:40:47,024 --> 00:40:49,064 Complains that her life's concepts 387 00:40:49,064 --> 00:46:22,008 dont agree with her actions. " 388 00:46:22,008 --> 00:46:25,024 I see that you are reading theatre. 389 00:46:25,024 --> 00:46:31,068 That is a good sign. I will tell the doctor. 390 00:46:31,068 --> 00:46:33,084 Don't you think we should leave soon? 391 00:46:33,084 --> 00:46:53,016 I am starting to miss the city. Don't you? 392 00:46:53,016 --> 00:46:56,092 Would you really like to make me happy? 393 00:46:56,092 --> 00:47:01,036 I know it is a sacrifice, but Ineed your help right now. 394 00:47:01,036 --> 00:47:05,006 It is nothing dangerous. I want you to talk to me. 395 00:47:05,006 --> 00:47:08,006 It doesn't have to be anything special. Anything. 396 00:47:08,006 --> 00:47:11,032 What are we having for dinner 397 00:47:11,032 --> 00:47:13,096 or if you think that the water is cold after a storm 398 00:47:13,096 --> 00:47:16,056 or too cold to go swimming. 399 00:47:16,056 --> 00:47:19,000 We should only need to speak a few minutes. 400 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,004 One minuto. You could read it from your book. 401 00:47:22,004 --> 00:47:26,024 Only some words. 402 00:47:26,024 --> 00:47:30,048 I must not try to get upset. You stay in silence, that is yours. 403 00:47:30,048 --> 00:47:35,092 But I now need you to speak to me. 404 00:47:35,092 --> 00:47:41,008 Mi dear wife, can't you say not even a simple word? 405 00:47:41,008 --> 00:47:44,096 I knew you would oppose. 406 00:47:44,096 --> 00:47:48,056 You can not know how I feel. 407 00:47:48,056 --> 00:47:51,036 I always thought that the great artist felt 408 00:47:51,036 --> 00:47:54,052 great compasion for the rest, 409 00:47:54,052 --> 00:47:57,004 that he created from a great understanding of sympathy 410 00:47:57,004 --> 00:47:59,028 and the necessity to help. 411 00:47:59,028 --> 00:48:04,072 Stupid me. 412 00:48:04,072 --> 00:48:06,056 You have used me! 413 00:48:06,056 --> 00:48:11,002 Now that you don't need me you throw me without more! 414 00:48:11,002 --> 00:48:14,088 Yes, I hear very well how it sounds!, how false it sounds! 415 00:48:14,088 --> 00:48:17,024 You have used me and now you get rid of me! 416 00:48:17,024 --> 00:48:28,096 Every word! And then, this glasses! 417 00:48:28,096 --> 00:48:31,068 You have really hurt me. 418 00:48:31,068 --> 00:48:36,004 You have laughed behind my back. 419 00:48:36,004 --> 00:48:39,092 I read the letter you sent the doctor, it wasn't sealed. 420 00:48:39,092 --> 00:48:44,028 And I read it all! 421 00:48:44,028 --> 00:48:46,048 You made me talk! 422 00:48:46,048 --> 00:48:48,096 You made me say things that I would never have told anyone. 423 00:48:48,096 --> 00:48:51,084 And you tell them! A study, eh? 424 00:48:51,084 --> 00:48:53,088 ¡You aren't...! 425 00:48:53,088 --> 00:48:57,024 Well now you are going to talk, if you have something to say! 426 00:48:57,024 --> 00:49:11,088 You are a rotten...! 427 00:49:11,088 --> 00:49:24,072 ¡No, still! 428 00:49:24,072 --> 00:49:28,008 You were really scared, eh? 429 00:49:28,008 --> 00:49:33,008 For one second you have really been afraid, no? 430 00:49:33,008 --> 00:49:36,016 a real fear of death, eh? 431 00:49:36,016 --> 00:49:38,084 You thought that Alma had become crazy. 432 00:49:38,084 --> 00:49:42,012 What kind of person are really? 433 00:49:42,012 --> 00:49:45,056 Or do you think like this: "I will always remember that face, 434 00:49:45,056 --> 00:49:48,004 that tone of voice, that expression." 435 00:49:48,004 --> 00:50:11,006 I will give something that you will not forget! 436 00:50:11,006 --> 00:50:15,016 You like, right? 437 00:50:15,016 --> 00:50:18,008 For me it is not that simple... 438 00:50:18,008 --> 00:50:20,096 nor that funny. 439 00:50:20,096 --> 00:51:45,000 But you always had your smile. 440 00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:49,076 It must be like that? 441 00:51:49,076 --> 00:51:52,052 Is it really important not to lie? 442 00:51:52,052 --> 00:51:56,088 to speak with a truthful tone? 443 00:51:56,088 --> 00:52:00,036 Can one live without speaking freely? 444 00:52:00,036 --> 00:52:05,056 To Lie, flee and avoid things. 445 00:52:05,056 --> 00:52:12,004 Isn't it better let oneself and be lazy and forgetful, false? 446 00:52:12,004 --> 00:52:20,004 Maybe you would be better if you allowed yourself to be what you are. 447 00:52:20,004 --> 00:52:23,024 No, you don't understand. 448 00:52:23,024 --> 00:52:27,000 You don't understand what I am saying. YOu are inaccessible. 449 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:31,002 They said you were mentally sane, but your crazyness is the worst. 450 00:52:31,002 --> 00:52:32,084 You act as if you were sane. 451 00:52:32,084 --> 00:52:35,004 You do it so well that all believe you. 452 00:52:35,004 --> 00:52:45,002 All except for me, because I know how rotten you are. 453 00:52:45,002 --> 00:52:47,084 What am I doing? 454 00:52:47,084 --> 00:52:49,008 ¡Elisabeth! 455 00:52:49,008 --> 00:52:51,092 ¡Elisabeth, forgive me! 456 00:52:51,092 --> 00:52:55,044 I have behaved like an idiot, I don't know what's happened to me. 457 00:52:55,044 --> 00:53:00,032 I am here to help you, but when I saw that horrible letter... 458 00:53:00,032 --> 00:53:06,016 I felt very betrayed. You asked me to talk about myself. 459 00:53:06,016 --> 00:53:08,072 It was nice, you seemed to compassionate. 460 00:53:08,072 --> 00:53:10,002 I had drank to much... 461 00:53:10,002 --> 00:53:13,032 It was so nice to be able to talk about that. 462 00:53:13,032 --> 00:53:19,004 I was also flattered because a great actress was listening. 463 00:53:19,004 --> 00:53:24,052 I thought it would be alright to tell it, if it would help you. 464 00:53:24,052 --> 00:53:28,004 But that is terrible, really? Total exhibitioniscm! 465 00:53:28,004 --> 00:53:31,000 Elisabeth, I want you to forgive me. 466 00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,024 I value you very much, you mean so much to me. 467 00:53:34,024 --> 00:54:00,016 I have learned so much from you, I don't want us to separate like enemies. 468 00:54:00,016 --> 00:54:03,092 Don't you want to forgive me! You have to much pride! 469 00:54:03,092 --> 00:54:07,006 You are not humiliating yourself, because you don't have to do it. 470 00:54:07,006 --> 00:58:06,076 I will not do it! I will not do it! 471 00:58:06,076 --> 00:58:08,076 We don't speak, 472 00:58:08,076 --> 00:58:14,036 we don't listen, we don't understand... 473 00:58:14,036 --> 00:58:16,056 Elisabeth? 474 00:58:16,056 --> 00:59:02,008 What does it mean to be able...? 475 00:59:02,008 --> 00:59:07,056 When you sleep your face is flaccid. 476 00:59:07,056 --> 00:59:13,008 The face is swollen and ugly. 477 00:59:13,008 --> 00:59:23,032 You have an ugly wrinkle on the face. 478 00:59:23,032 --> 00:59:30,000 You smell of sleep and tears . 479 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:33,084 I see your pulse beat on your throat. 480 00:59:33,084 --> 00:59:36,008 You have a scar that you normally cover with makeup. 481 00:59:36,008 --> 00:59:39,076 ¡Elisabeth! 482 00:59:39,076 --> 00:59:42,056 ¡Elisabeth! 483 00:59:42,056 --> 00:59:46,004 Is calling again. 484 00:59:46,004 --> 00:59:49,036 I will find out what they want from us. 485 00:59:49,036 --> 01:00:14,002 Here, far, in our solitude. 486 01:00:14,002 --> 01:00:16,056 ¡Elisabeth! 487 01:00:16,056 --> 01:00:18,004 Elisabeth? 488 01:00:18,004 --> 01:00:21,052 Sorry if I have frightened you. 489 01:00:21,052 --> 01:00:23,072 I am not Elisabeth. 490 01:00:23,072 --> 01:00:26,032 I don't come here asking you for anything. 491 01:00:26,032 --> 01:00:28,068 I didn't want to bother you. 492 01:00:28,068 --> 01:00:30,084 You think I don't understand? 493 01:00:30,084 --> 01:00:34,088 The doctor explained things. 494 01:00:34,088 --> 01:00:38,036 The most difficult is explaining to the child. 495 01:00:38,036 --> 01:00:42,000 I do what I can. 496 01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:47,004 There something that lies deep that is difficult to see. 497 01:00:47,004 --> 01:00:51,044 You love someone; to be exact, you say you love someone. 498 01:00:51,044 --> 01:00:56,052 It is incomprehensible. Intangible, like words, that's it. 499 01:00:56,052 --> 01:01:00,000 Mrs. Vogler, I am not your wife. 500 01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:02,028 YOu are also loved. 501 01:01:02,028 --> 01:01:04,072 You have created a small sisterhood. 502 01:01:04,072 --> 01:01:07,008 It generates security. 503 01:01:07,008 --> 01:01:12,056 Do you see the posibility of it lasting, isn't it like that? 504 01:01:12,056 --> 01:01:16,008 How can I say everything that I have thought without loosing myself, 505 01:01:16,008 --> 01:01:26,004 without borring you? 506 01:01:26,004 --> 01:01:36,052 I love you, just as I had loved you before. 507 01:01:36,052 --> 01:01:39,092 No, don't be so anxious, my loved one. 508 01:01:39,092 --> 01:01:41,068 We have each other. 509 01:01:41,068 --> 01:01:44,008 We have faith, we know our mutual thoughts. 510 01:01:44,008 --> 01:01:48,006 We love another. It is true, right? 511 01:01:48,006 --> 01:01:55,006 The most important thing is the effort, not what we obtain, right? 512 01:01:55,006 --> 01:02:00,024 See each other like children. Defenceless, tormented, alone... 513 01:02:00,024 --> 01:02:02,008 Elisabeth... 514 01:02:02,008 --> 01:02:05,088 Tell the boy that I will go soon. 515 01:02:05,088 --> 01:02:09,064 That mom has been sick, 516 01:02:09,064 --> 01:02:12,056 but that she has been longing to see her little one. 517 01:02:12,056 --> 01:02:15,000 Remember to buy him a gift from mommy. 518 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:21,008 You know that I have so much tenderness for you... 519 01:02:21,008 --> 01:02:24,056 It is almost dificult to bear. 520 01:02:24,056 --> 01:02:29,016 I don't know what to do with my tenderness. 521 01:02:29,016 --> 01:02:33,004 I live of from kindness. 522 01:02:33,004 --> 01:02:36,076 Elisabeth, do you like being with me? 523 01:02:36,076 --> 01:02:40,072 is it nice? 524 01:02:40,072 --> 01:02:44,008 You are a wonderful lover, you know that. 525 01:02:44,008 --> 01:02:47,044 and I love you... 526 01:02:47,044 --> 01:02:49,056 Curse me! Please leave me ! 527 01:02:49,056 --> 01:02:54,016 ¡No, I can't! I can't endure it anymore! 528 01:02:54,016 --> 01:02:58,012 Leave me in peace! It is a shame! Everything is a shame! 529 01:02:58,012 --> 01:03:00,004 Leave me in peace! 530 01:03:00,004 --> 01:03:03,048 ¡Estoy fría, podrida e indiferente! 531 01:03:03,048 --> 01:03:13,028 Everything is a lie or imitations! Everything! 532 01:03:13,028 --> 01:03:15,004 Elisabeth, 533 01:03:15,004 --> 01:03:17,068 What do you have there? 534 01:03:17,068 --> 01:03:24,008 What are you hiding under your hand? Let me see. 535 01:03:24,008 --> 01:03:29,008 It the picture of your boy, the one you had torn. 536 01:03:29,008 --> 01:03:38,072 We should talk about it. 537 01:03:38,072 --> 01:03:42,008 Tell me about it, Elisabeth. 538 01:03:42,008 --> 01:03:45,012 Then I will do it. 539 01:03:45,012 --> 01:03:48,048 It was one night at a party, right? 540 01:03:48,048 --> 01:03:52,008 It was late and very loud. 541 01:03:52,008 --> 01:03:55,084 The dawn was approaching, and someone in the group said: 542 01:03:55,084 --> 01:03:58,016 "Elisabeth, like a woman and an artist you have it... 543 01:03:58,016 --> 01:04:00,028 practically everything under your belt, 544 01:04:00,028 --> 01:04:04,036 but you lack motherly feelings." 545 01:04:04,036 --> 01:04:08,000 You laughed becuase you thought that it was nonsense. 546 01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:13,004 After a while, you started to think about what he said. 547 01:04:13,004 --> 01:04:16,052 It worried you more and more. 548 01:04:16,052 --> 01:04:19,024 You let your husband impregnate you. 549 01:04:19,024 --> 01:04:22,056 You wanted to be a mother. 550 01:04:22,056 --> 01:04:26,004 When you found out that it was true, you became afraid. 551 01:04:26,004 --> 01:04:31,096 The responsibility frightened you, to be tied, to leave the theatre. 552 01:04:31,096 --> 01:04:34,008 The pain scared you, death, 553 01:04:34,008 --> 01:04:38,032 that your body would swell. 554 01:04:38,032 --> 01:04:40,068 But you acted out the role. 555 01:04:40,068 --> 01:04:45,032 The role of a future young and happy mother. 556 01:04:45,032 --> 01:04:47,064 The whole world said: "She is so beautiful." 557 01:04:47,064 --> 01:04:52,072 "She has never been so beautiful" 558 01:04:52,072 --> 01:04:57,036 Mean while, you tried to abort several times. 559 01:04:57,036 --> 01:04:59,096 But you failed. 560 01:04:59,096 --> 01:05:01,096 When you saw that it was irreversible, 561 01:05:01,096 --> 01:05:10,004 you started to hate the baby and wanted a still birth. 562 01:05:10,004 --> 01:05:15,044 You wished that the baby was dead. 563 01:05:15,044 --> 01:05:22,064 You wanted a dead baby. 564 01:05:22,064 --> 01:05:25,064 It was a long and difficult birth. 565 01:05:25,064 --> 01:05:28,096 You were in pain for several days. 566 01:05:28,096 --> 01:05:31,044 Finally, the baby was born using forceps. 567 01:05:31,044 --> 01:05:35,068 You saw with disgust and terror your crying child and murmurred: 568 01:05:35,068 --> 01:05:40,064 "Can't you die soon?" "Can you die?" 569 01:05:40,064 --> 01:05:44,016 But he survived. 570 01:05:44,016 --> 01:05:49,068 The boy cried day and night. 571 01:05:49,068 --> 01:05:52,036 And you hated him. 572 01:05:52,036 --> 01:05:57,008 You were afraid and felt guilty. 573 01:05:57,008 --> 01:06:02,000 Finally relatives and a sitter took care of the baby. 574 01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:08,068 You could now get up from bed and return to theatre. 575 01:06:08,068 --> 01:06:12,002 But your pain had not ended. 576 01:06:12,002 --> 01:06:17,032 The boy saw himself trapped by an inmeasurable love for his mother. 577 01:06:17,032 --> 01:06:19,002 You defend yourself. 578 01:06:19,002 --> 01:06:21,084 You defend yourself desperately. 579 01:06:21,084 --> 01:06:24,072 You feel that you can't correspond. 580 01:06:24,072 --> 01:06:28,028 And you try and keep trying, 581 01:06:28,028 --> 01:06:31,088 but between you there is only cruel and rough encounters. 582 01:06:31,088 --> 01:06:36,076 You can't do it. You are cold and indifferent. 583 01:06:36,076 --> 01:06:38,092 He looks at you. 584 01:06:38,092 --> 01:06:41,084 He loves you and he is so tender... 585 01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:46,002 You want to hit him, because he doesn't live you alone. 586 01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:50,012 You think he is repulsive, with his thick lips and ulgy body , 587 01:06:50,012 --> 01:06:52,068 with his wet and begging eyes. 588 01:06:52,068 --> 01:06:56,044 He is repulsive and you are afraid. 589 01:06:56,044 --> 01:07:01,052 What are you hiding under your hand? 590 01:07:01,052 --> 01:07:07,002 Let me see. 591 01:07:07,002 --> 01:07:10,096 It is the picture of your boy, the one you tore. 592 01:07:10,096 --> 01:07:21,044 We should talk about it. 593 01:07:21,044 --> 01:07:26,044 Tell me about it, Elisabeth. 594 01:07:26,044 --> 01:07:30,088 Then I will do it. 595 01:07:30,088 --> 01:07:34,032 It was a night at a party, right? 596 01:07:34,032 --> 01:07:38,032 It was late and loud. 597 01:07:38,032 --> 01:07:42,008 Dawn was approaching and someone from the group said: 598 01:07:42,008 --> 01:07:44,068 "Elisabeth, like a woman and and artist you have it 599 01:07:44,068 --> 01:07:47,004 practically everything under your belt, 600 01:07:47,004 --> 01:07:51,004 but you lack motherly feelings." 601 01:07:51,004 --> 01:07:55,002 You laughed because you thought it was nonsense. 602 01:07:55,002 --> 01:07:59,044 After a while, you started to think about what he said. 603 01:07:59,044 --> 01:08:02,048 It worried you more and more. 604 01:08:02,048 --> 01:08:06,072 You let your husband impregnate you. 605 01:08:06,072 --> 01:08:11,024 You wanted to be a mother. 606 01:08:11,024 --> 01:08:15,044 When you found out that it was true, you became afraid. 607 01:08:15,044 --> 01:08:17,088 The responsibility frightened you, 608 01:08:17,088 --> 01:08:22,000 to be tied, to leave the theatre. 609 01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,088 The pain scare you, death, 610 01:08:24,088 --> 01:08:29,068 that your body would swell. 611 01:08:29,068 --> 01:08:32,004 But you played the role. 612 01:08:32,004 --> 01:08:36,064 The role of a future young and happy mother. 613 01:08:36,064 --> 01:08:39,000 The whole world said: "You are so beautiful. 614 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:42,024 You've never been so beautiful." 615 01:08:42,024 --> 01:08:46,048 Mean while, you tried to abort several times. 616 01:08:46,048 --> 01:08:50,004 But you failed. 617 01:08:50,004 --> 01:08:53,096 When you saw that it was irreversible 618 01:08:53,096 --> 01:08:58,008 You started to hate the baby 619 01:08:58,008 --> 01:09:04,004 and you wished a still birth. 620 01:09:04,004 --> 01:09:10,096 You wished that the baby would die. 621 01:09:10,096 --> 01:09:17,006 You wanted a dead baby. 622 01:09:17,006 --> 01:09:21,004 It was a long and difficult birth. 623 01:09:21,004 --> 01:09:24,036 You were in pain for several days. 624 01:09:24,036 --> 01:09:27,064 Finally, the baby was born using forceps. 625 01:09:27,064 --> 01:09:31,084 You was with disgust and terror your crying child and murmurred: 626 01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:36,032 "Can't you die soon?" "Can you die?" 627 01:09:36,032 --> 01:09:38,096 The day cried day and night 628 01:09:38,096 --> 01:09:41,068 and you hated him. 629 01:09:41,068 --> 01:09:47,002 You were afraid and felt guilty. 630 01:09:47,002 --> 01:09:51,036 Finally some relatives and a sitter took care of the baby. 631 01:09:51,036 --> 01:09:57,002 You could now get up from bed and return to theatre. 632 01:09:57,002 --> 01:10:01,004 But the suffering did not end. 633 01:10:01,004 --> 01:10:06,008 The boy was trapped with an inmeasurable love for his mother. 634 01:10:06,008 --> 01:10:09,006 You defend desperately. 635 01:10:09,006 --> 01:10:12,036 You feel that you can't correspond. 636 01:10:12,036 --> 01:10:15,096 And you try and keep trying, 637 01:10:15,096 --> 01:10:19,056 but between you there is only cruel and rough encounters. 638 01:10:19,056 --> 01:10:22,004 You can't do it. 639 01:10:22,004 --> 01:10:25,002 You are cold and indifferent. 640 01:10:25,002 --> 01:10:27,044 He looks at you. 641 01:10:27,044 --> 01:10:30,036 He loves us and is tender... 642 01:10:30,036 --> 01:10:34,072 You want to hit him because he doesn't leave you in peace. 643 01:10:34,072 --> 01:10:38,064 You think he is repulsive, with his thick mouth and ugly body, 644 01:10:38,064 --> 01:10:41,016 with his wet and begging eyes. 645 01:10:41,016 --> 01:10:51,048 He is repulsive and you are afraid. 646 01:10:51,048 --> 01:10:54,032 No! 647 01:10:54,032 --> 01:10:56,064 I am not like you. 648 01:10:56,064 --> 01:10:59,004 I do not feel like you. 649 01:10:59,004 --> 01:11:03,004 I am Sister Alma, I am only here to help you. 650 01:11:03,004 --> 01:11:05,012 I am not Elisabeth Vogler! 651 01:11:05,012 --> 01:11:07,072 You are Elisabeth Vogler! 652 01:11:07,072 --> 01:11:10,092 I would like to have...! 653 01:11:10,092 --> 01:11:14,096 I adore...! 654 01:11:14,096 --> 01:11:49,028 I don't have... 655 01:11:49,028 --> 01:12:05,004 I've learnt so much. 656 01:12:05,004 --> 01:12:13,006 We'll see how long I can last. 657 01:12:13,006 --> 01:12:17,008 I will never be like you, never. I change all the time. 658 01:12:17,008 --> 01:12:53,008 You can do whatever you like, it won't affect me. 659 01:12:53,008 --> 01:12:55,072 Talking is useless. 660 01:12:55,072 --> 01:12:57,064 Put out the candle. 661 01:12:57,064 --> 01:12:59,084 It is like being another. 662 01:12:59,084 --> 01:13:03,052 Now no, no. No, no. 663 01:13:03,052 --> 01:13:07,084 Cautious and outside time. Unforseen. 664 01:13:07,084 --> 01:13:11,048 When it was supossed to occur, it didn't, and therefore, failed. 665 01:13:11,048 --> 01:13:15,006 Stay where you are! But I should do it. 666 01:13:15,006 --> 01:13:19,076 Not inward, no... Get ready and tell the others... 667 01:13:19,076 --> 01:13:27,016 The inconsolable and, maybe... 668 01:13:27,016 --> 01:13:28,096 Here, yes... 669 01:13:28,096 --> 01:13:31,044 But, what is closer...? 670 01:13:31,044 --> 01:13:33,016 What do you call it...? 671 01:13:33,016 --> 01:13:35,048 No, no, no... 672 01:13:35,048 --> 01:13:38,048 Us, our, you, me... 673 01:13:38,048 --> 01:15:12,004 Many words and such nausea... Incomprehensible pain. 674 01:15:12,004 --> 01:15:21,008 Now listen to me. Repeat after me. 675 01:15:21,008 --> 01:15:26,072 Nothing... 676 01:15:26,072 --> 01:15:29,044 Nothing. 677 01:15:29,044 --> 01:15:37,008 No, nothing... 678 01:15:37,008 --> 01:15:40,084 Nothing. 679 01:15:40,084 --> 01:15:42,068 That's it. 680 01:15:42,068 --> 01:15:44,048 That's good. 681 01:15:44,048 --> 99:59:59,999 That's how it should be.