0:00:01.295,0:00:03.795 (peaceful music) 0:00:15.380,0:00:16.923 - Thanks for seeing me, Father. 0:00:18.600,0:00:21.250 The last time we talked, I was telling you 0:00:21.250,0:00:25.450 about how I seem to have[br]a sense all the time 0:00:25.450,0:00:28.410 of just great joy in the Lord's presence 0:00:28.410,0:00:33.430 and that's continued and so[br]much that I almost in silly ways 0:00:33.430,0:00:35.760 it seems like the Lord is just always, 0:00:35.760,0:00:39.323 I can't open the Bible[br]without finding Him there. 0:00:40.770,0:00:43.060 Even dumb things like, you're[br]going to think I'm silly, 0:00:43.060,0:00:46.820 but the other day I was stuck in traffic 0:00:46.820,0:00:48.260 and instead of being annoyed, 0:00:48.260,0:00:50.760 I started praising the Lord for the fact 0:00:50.760,0:00:51.990 that there were all these people. 0:00:51.990,0:00:53.560 And I thought, I'm a pro-life person. 0:00:53.560,0:00:56.100 A pro-life person should be[br]happy that they are people. 0:00:56.100,0:01:00.320 And that's dumb, but[br]that's the level of joy 0:01:00.320,0:01:02.963 that I'm experiencing at the moment. 0:01:04.070,0:01:07.470 In fact, I would say the only[br]negative thing that's come up 0:01:07.470,0:01:10.770 is in the last month or so of prayer 0:01:10.770,0:01:14.710 where it just comes easily is, 0:01:14.710,0:01:20.150 I have a sense of maybe I[br]should quit volunteering 0:01:20.150,0:01:23.523 for marriage preparation,[br]which I've done for many years. 0:01:27.700,0:01:28.850 I'm not sure what you think about it, 0:01:28.850,0:01:31.470 but my resolution was, no,[br]I'm going to stick with it. 0:01:31.470,0:01:33.520 I don't even know where that came from, 0:01:33.520,0:01:35.000 but I talked to my husband about it. 0:01:35.000,0:01:37.060 The doubt in my mind was maybe I should 0:01:37.060,0:01:39.950 be spending more time with[br]my husband and my family 0:01:39.950,0:01:41.300 and maybe this is too much. 0:01:42.740,0:01:44.354 But what I thought was, 0:01:44.354,0:01:46.460 first of all, I just asked my husband. 0:01:46.460,0:01:47.500 He doesn't seem to think 0:01:47.500,0:01:49.713 I'm neglecting the family in any way, 0:01:50.720,0:01:55.000 but also I just noticed that[br]when I talk to those couples, 0:01:55.000,0:01:57.410 even if what I say doesn't go over well 0:01:57.410,0:02:00.580 because I give kind of the hard teaching 0:02:00.580,0:02:03.360 of the church with respect to sexuality, 0:02:03.360,0:02:04.710 but even when it doesn't go well 0:02:04.710,0:02:07.320 and I can feel a certain hostility, 0:02:07.320,0:02:09.730 I just have such a sense[br]of the Lord's presence 0:02:09.730,0:02:13.830 at work in people and I[br]go home energized so that, 0:02:13.830,0:02:16.870 this is weird maybe,[br]but the number one thing 0:02:16.870,0:02:20.210 I feel like doing after talking[br]to couples at marriage prep 0:02:20.210,0:02:22.620 is make my husband his favorite meal. 0:02:22.620,0:02:26.500 So, I guess it could be the case 0:02:26.500,0:02:28.850 that I need to do something more at home, 0:02:28.850,0:02:32.060 but it seems to me like[br]my apostolic work in fact 0:02:33.360,0:02:35.130 energizes me for my life at home, 0:02:35.130,0:02:39.373 and so I decided to[br]just ignore that doubt. 0:02:41.300,0:02:43.890 - So, there's a deep sense of joy you said 0:02:43.890,0:02:47.310 and what a gift from God that is. 0:02:47.310,0:02:50.440 Could you tell me a little[br]bit more about that joy? 0:02:50.440,0:02:51.273 What's that like? 0:02:51.273,0:02:53.730 How do you experience that joy? 0:02:53.730,0:02:58.420 - Well, different ways at different times, 0:02:58.420,0:03:01.870 but I would say two things in particular. 0:03:01.870,0:03:06.600 One is oftentimes I just[br]experienced this abiding 0:03:06.600,0:03:10.630 sense of peace and a sense[br]of the Lord is really close. 0:03:10.630,0:03:15.630 And sometimes people will[br]say, "I'm in the zone." 0:03:15.900,0:03:18.780 I feel like I'm in the zone with the Lord 0:03:18.780,0:03:20.100 and that's beautiful. 0:03:20.100,0:03:22.257 But the other thing I feel a lot, 0:03:22.257,0:03:24.110 I wouldn't say this is[br]kind of all the time, 0:03:24.110,0:03:26.930 but I just have these constant insights 0:03:26.930,0:03:31.170 into feeling great love of everybody. 0:03:31.170,0:03:34.510 So, the traffic idea,[br]which it makes me laugh. 0:03:34.510,0:03:39.360 It's so dumb in a way, but[br]it was a real experience. 0:03:39.360,0:03:42.803 And even sometimes when I hear bad news, 0:03:44.170,0:03:46.253 my sense is not a sense of, 0:03:47.430,0:03:49.770 I don't know, hatred or fear of evil, 0:03:49.770,0:03:51.970 but more just a sense of sorrow 0:03:51.970,0:03:54.086 because I know the Lord[br]loves that person so much. 0:03:54.086,0:03:57.130 The Lord seems to be filling[br]me with lots of insight 0:03:57.130,0:04:00.810 into how loved we are,[br]all of us as human beings. 0:04:00.810,0:04:02.790 And I experience that not only for myself 0:04:02.790,0:04:03.840 but for other people. 0:04:07.050,0:04:08.740 - So that experience you had in traffic, 0:04:08.740,0:04:10.240 that sounds like a great gift. 0:04:12.940,0:04:16.780 Did you get any sense in[br]that moment of where God was? 0:04:16.780,0:04:18.250 As you were sitting there in the car 0:04:18.250,0:04:20.210 just experiencing this[br]love for these people? 0:04:20.210,0:04:22.080 Where was the Lord in that? 0:04:22.080,0:04:23.980 - You mean location-wise? 0:04:23.980,0:04:27.450 - I mean how was he looking at the others? 0:04:27.450,0:04:28.780 So, you experienced this with, 0:04:28.780,0:04:33.533 any sense of how He was[br]experiencing that situation? 0:04:36.300,0:04:37.353 - I don't think so. 0:04:38.660,0:04:41.830 It's not something I've reflected[br]on, but when you ask me, 0:04:41.830,0:04:43.990 I would say I felt Him more inside me. 0:04:43.990,0:04:47.240 Like we are looking out[br]at the world together 0:04:47.240,0:04:49.810 and I had just a joy of, 0:04:49.810,0:04:54.810 the ordinary me would be[br]annoyed at this situation, 0:04:55.380,0:04:57.510 and what a gift it is[br]to just feel liberated 0:04:57.510,0:05:03.220 from annoyance and liberated[br]from caring whether I'm on time 0:05:03.220,0:05:06.843 and just a sense of[br]everybody here is beautiful. 0:05:08.520,0:05:11.020 - You got the sense that[br]that was a gift from God? 0:05:11.900,0:05:12.950 - Oh yeah, absolutely. 0:05:12.950,0:05:16.093 I'm not capable of thinking[br]that about traffic. 0:05:17.244,0:05:19.580 - Yeah. 0:05:19.580,0:05:21.680 Are there any Scripture passages 0:05:21.680,0:05:23.710 that are speaking to this experience 0:05:23.710,0:05:26.383 or resonating with you[br]especially right now? 0:05:29.570,0:05:32.270 - Well, nothing particular. 0:05:32.270,0:05:34.610 Sometimes in my spiritual[br]life when I pray, 0:05:34.610,0:05:37.700 I find like certain[br]passages keep coming back 0:05:37.700,0:05:40.910 and I'm not aware of that in particular. 0:05:40.910,0:05:44.590 But I do feel very moved[br]to just praise the Lord 0:05:44.590,0:05:46.290 and so I've been praying with the Psalms 0:05:46.290,0:05:49.253 and I especially just think[br]about make a joyful noise. 0:05:51.410,0:05:54.660 And I also have a really[br]dear friend who passed away 0:05:54.660,0:05:57.150 a number of years ago, but[br]when she was dying of cancer, 0:05:57.150,0:06:01.090 I remember her saying, and it[br]just touched my heart so much, 0:06:01.090,0:06:02.810 she said, "Worthy is the Lamb." 0:06:02.810,0:06:04.620 That was her response to realizing 0:06:04.620,0:06:05.900 that her cancer was terminal 0:06:05.900,0:06:08.594 and that there wasn't really[br]further hope and she just said, 0:06:08.594,0:06:10.350 "Worthy is the Lamb." 0:06:10.350,0:06:13.230 And I just have that sense of He's worthy 0:06:13.230,0:06:17.880 and He's trustworthy and He's alive 0:06:17.880,0:06:19.898 and moving through the world. 0:06:19.898,0:06:22.005 - And you can see Him everywhere. 0:06:22.005,0:06:24.255 - I can see Him everywhere. 0:06:25.430,0:06:27.040 - Let's spend a moment exploring 0:06:27.040,0:06:28.730 that second scenario you mentioned 0:06:28.730,0:06:32.070 where you have this[br]ministry that you're doing 0:06:32.070,0:06:33.230 with marriage preparation, 0:06:33.230,0:06:37.963 but you also had this sense or[br]this thought of stopping it. 0:06:38.813,0:06:40.880 Can you tell me a little[br]bit more about that, 0:06:40.880,0:06:41.713 what that was like? 0:06:41.713,0:06:44.023 Was it more of a thought[br]or what was that like? 0:06:47.750,0:06:48.900 - It was a little bit of a thought. 0:06:48.900,0:06:51.583 It was a recurring thought, which is why, 0:06:52.730,0:06:54.830 I don't actually have at my stage of life 0:06:54.830,0:06:57.460 enough memory to pay[br]attention to a single thought 0:06:57.460,0:06:58.890 that comes once. 0:06:58.890,0:07:01.380 But it was recurring and because[br]it came up more than once, 0:07:01.380,0:07:03.360 I thought maybe there's[br]something I'm supposed 0:07:03.360,0:07:06.290 to be looking at there. 0:07:06.290,0:07:09.970 And I think it's very much[br]on my heart to be a good wife 0:07:09.970,0:07:12.950 and to be a good mother. 0:07:12.950,0:07:16.033 And so, any kind of suggestion[br]that maybe I'm not being, 0:07:17.250,0:07:18.310 I pay attention to. 0:07:18.310,0:07:19.710 I also have to say very honestly 0:07:19.710,0:07:23.490 that the last couple of[br]sessions when I've given a talk, 0:07:23.490,0:07:25.440 there have been some kind of hard cases 0:07:25.440,0:07:29.669 where the Q&A afterwards[br]was a little difficult, 0:07:29.669,0:07:33.560 so maybe there's a little[br]fleeing from terror too. 0:07:33.560,0:07:37.573 That's not the most pleasant experience. 0:07:38.670,0:07:45.760 But when I just analyzed it,[br]I think I'm doing some good. 0:07:45.760,0:07:48.400 And as I said, it seems[br]like the Lord is blessing it 0:07:48.400,0:07:55.040 because the accusation was[br]that it's taking you away 0:07:55.040,0:07:55.950 from your family. 0:07:55.950,0:07:58.870 But when I looked at it,[br]it's actually taking me 0:07:58.870,0:08:00.790 towards my family because[br]it fills me with joy 0:08:00.790,0:08:04.820 to serve them and it[br]seems to give me energy. 0:08:04.820,0:08:09.270 - So, you used to an interesting[br]word there, accusation. 0:08:09.270,0:08:11.890 You said the accusation was this. 0:08:11.890,0:08:13.440 So, it felt like an accusation? 0:08:14.450,0:08:17.150 - Yeah. Maybe that's my legal[br]training coming through, 0:08:18.620,0:08:23.220 but yeah, it feels like that's[br]the premise of the argument 0:08:23.220,0:08:27.600 is when I started to weigh[br]the pros and cons was 0:08:27.600,0:08:29.110 this is taking you away from your family. 0:08:29.110,0:08:31.030 And then when I analyze that, 0:08:31.030,0:08:33.600 especially just taking[br]it to the Lord in prayer 0:08:33.600,0:08:36.730 and then taking it to my[br]husband to just analyze if 0:08:36.730,0:08:39.560 it was true, and it seems not to be true. 0:08:39.560,0:08:44.560 So, unless you show me[br]something that I'm not seeing, 0:08:44.860,0:08:46.883 my inclination is to just keep going. 0:08:48.390,0:08:51.300 - Had you ever heard anything[br]like that accusation before, 0:08:51.300,0:08:53.850 maybe in a different context[br]or in a different way? 0:08:55.490,0:08:57.563 - I mean, I would say that that's, 0:09:00.630,0:09:04.250 yeah, that's a pretty much constant fear 0:09:04.250,0:09:08.230 in my spiritual life is the[br]fear that I'm not a good wife, 0:09:08.230,0:09:09.883 that I'm not a good mother. 0:09:12.144,0:09:17.540 So yeah, those kinds of thoughts[br]come up on a regular basis. 0:09:18.030,0:09:19.480 - So how do you think the Lord 0:09:19.480,0:09:22.093 might want to speak to this fear? 0:09:28.970,0:09:33.270 - The simple answer seems[br]to be in a way He did speak, 0:09:33.270,0:09:37.270 which is I asked my husband[br]and he said, "No, it's fine." 0:09:37.270,0:09:40.450 Then He, the Lord, I'm taking it to be 0:09:40.450,0:09:44.230 the Lord pointed out to[br]me that it wasn't true. 0:09:44.230,0:09:46.990 So that's reassuring at[br]the level of something 0:09:46.990,0:09:49.110 that's very deeply important to me 0:09:49.110,0:09:50.960 that actually you're doing a good job. 0:09:50.960,0:09:53.790 Not to say that, there's always[br]growth to be had, I suppose. 0:09:53.790,0:09:55.840 And I'm sure my husband could list you 0:09:55.840,0:09:57.770 some things where I could grow, 0:09:57.770,0:10:01.150 but overall that nagging[br]fear that I sometimes have 0:10:01.150,0:10:04.290 that deep down he's not happy, 0:10:04.290,0:10:05.733 that's not actually true. 0:10:08.139,0:10:10.639 (peaceful music)