0:00:01.262,0:00:04.746 When I was 26 years old,[br]barely out of grad school, 0:00:04.770,0:00:07.965 I was asked to come teach[br]a half-day class about motivation. 0:00:08.460,0:00:10.055 I was excited for it. 0:00:10.079,0:00:13.645 And then I found out my audience[br]would be generals and colonels 0:00:13.669,0:00:15.069 in the US Air Force. 0:00:15.812,0:00:17.956 I was way underqualified. 0:00:18.375,0:00:21.105 And I wanted to back out,[br]but it was too late. 0:00:21.625,0:00:22.958 So I walked in, 0:00:22.982,0:00:26.347 and I was staring at a room[br]full of people twice my age, 0:00:26.371,0:00:30.106 wearing full military garb[br]with all their medals on display. 0:00:30.807,0:00:34.672 They had nicknames like Gunner,[br]Striker and Stealth. 0:00:35.792,0:00:39.155 By the end of the first hour,[br]I felt like I was bombing. 0:00:39.990,0:00:43.029 And sure enough, in the reviews[br]they wrote after class, 0:00:43.053,0:00:44.402 they bombed me. 0:00:45.355,0:00:46.696 One wrote, 0:00:46.720,0:00:50.652 "There was more quality information[br]in the audience than on the podium." 0:00:51.978,0:00:53.410 Another said, 0:00:53.434,0:00:56.418 "I gained very little from the session, 0:00:56.442,0:00:59.577 but I trust the instructor[br]did gain useful insight." 0:00:59.601,0:01:02.049 (Music) 0:01:02.073,0:01:04.349 It felt like a punch in the stomach. 0:01:05.010,0:01:07.211 And I couldn't get it out of my head. 0:01:07.647,0:01:12.236 So I did what any self-respecting[br]organizational psychologist would do: 0:01:12.260,0:01:16.102 I started studying why it's often[br]soul-crushing to receive criticism. 0:01:16.656,0:01:19.631 And whether we could[br]actually learn to like it. 0:01:19.655,0:01:26.044 (Music) 0:01:26.068,0:01:27.537 I'm Adam Grant. 0:01:27.561,0:01:29.990 This is WorkLife, my TED podcast. 0:01:30.344,0:01:32.516 I study how to make work not suck. 0:01:32.950,0:01:36.450 Organizations like Google,[br]the NBA and the Gates Foundation 0:01:36.474,0:01:38.958 have invited me in to help[br]make jobs more meaningful, 0:01:38.982,0:01:41.783 teams more creative[br]and cultures more collaborative. 0:01:41.807,0:01:46.553 In this show, I'm inviting myself in[br]to some truly unusual places, 0:01:46.577,0:01:50.626 where they've mastered something[br]I wish everyone else knew about work. 0:01:51.267,0:01:54.410 Today, the art and science of criticism. 0:01:55.664,0:01:58.395 Thanks to Bonobos[br]for sponsoring this episode. 0:01:58.419,0:02:02.093 (Music) 0:02:02.117,0:02:04.310 Adam Grant: Hey, Kiran.[br]Kiran Rao: Hello, Adam. 0:02:04.334,0:02:06.308 AG: How are you?[br]KR: Doing well, and you? 0:02:06.332,0:02:07.499 AG: Good. 0:02:07.523,0:02:08.722 This is Kiran Rao. 0:02:08.746,0:02:11.093 He used to be a manager[br]at a financial company. 0:02:11.117,0:02:14.839 Like most managers,[br]he spent a ton of time in meetings. 0:02:14.863,0:02:17.537 And most of them[br]were pretty run-of-the-mill. 0:02:17.561,0:02:20.513 But there's one meeting[br]that Kiran will never forget. 0:02:21.307,0:02:24.284 Here's Kiran, breaking down[br]a recording of that meeting for us. 0:02:24.308,0:02:26.609 KR: We were in this large white tent, 0:02:26.633,0:02:30.230 200 people sitting around,[br]the top 200 or 300 managers. 0:02:30.254,0:02:32.207 Audio clip: Man: So the next two sections 0:02:32.231,0:02:34.315 are going to be[br]about practical application. 0:02:34.339,0:02:37.086 KR: We'd been talking[br]about multiple strategic points, 0:02:37.110,0:02:38.315 and up comes a chart -- 0:02:38.339,0:02:39.864 Audio clip: Man: This is a list 0:02:39.888,0:02:43.622 of forced-ranking the people[br]in this room by performance. 0:02:43.646,0:02:46.371 KR: Which was labeled[br]"the worst managers." 0:02:46.395,0:02:48.585 Audio clip: Man: So these are[br]people we love. 0:02:48.609,0:02:52.591 Some of the people in this room,[br]these names, probably shouldn't be here. 0:02:53.071,0:02:55.666 KR: And I was number one on the list. 0:02:55.690,0:02:58.214 Audio clip: Man: I look at this name --[br]I hired Kiran. 0:02:58.238,0:03:01.832 Apparently in his first couple years,[br]he's not doing that well. 0:03:01.856,0:03:05.504 AG: Wow. So you're totally[br]caught by surprise. 0:03:05.528,0:03:08.078 You're staring at a room of 200 people, 0:03:08.102,0:03:10.975 and being told you are the single[br]worst manager in that room. 0:03:10.999,0:03:12.286 KR: That's right. 0:03:12.310,0:03:13.460 AG: What was that like? 0:03:14.239,0:03:15.389 KR: Um ... 0:03:17.028,0:03:18.441 It was intense. 0:03:18.465,0:03:23.108 (Music) 0:03:23.132,0:03:25.243 AG: We'll hear more from Kiran later. 0:03:25.267,0:03:28.874 But right now, I want you to imagine[br]you're Kiran, right in that moment. 0:03:29.299,0:03:31.624 Think about what happens[br]when you get criticized. 0:03:32.141,0:03:36.346 Like, physically: your shoulders tighten,[br]your breath gets shallower. 0:03:36.887,0:03:39.204 Negative feedback sets off alarm bells. 0:03:39.228,0:03:41.277 It actually touches a nerve in your body. 0:03:41.982,0:03:43.450 And psychologically? 0:03:43.474,0:03:44.847 Your mind races. 0:03:45.379,0:03:48.211 You start to put up shields[br]and mount a counterattack. 0:03:49.085,0:03:51.419 If you were a peacock, you'd strut. 0:03:51.728,0:03:54.371 If you were an ape, you'd beat your chest. 0:03:54.680,0:03:57.268 But humans have another kind of reaction. 0:03:57.736,0:03:59.459 There was a study a few decades ago 0:03:59.483,0:04:02.761 that said our ego can get[br]so defensive in these situations 0:04:02.785,0:04:06.109 that it becomes its own little[br]totalitarian regime. 0:04:06.133,0:04:09.204 It starts to control the flow[br]of information to our brains 0:04:09.228,0:04:11.251 the way a dictator controls the media. 0:04:11.902,0:04:13.062 Think about that. 0:04:13.086,0:04:15.623 Your own ego is censoring what you hear. 0:04:16.298,0:04:19.833 But if we never hear criticism,[br]we'll never improve. 0:04:20.418,0:04:21.950 What would it be like in a place 0:04:21.974,0:04:24.252 where people constantly[br]criticize each other -- 0:04:24.276,0:04:26.950 and crave that kind[br]of feedback for themselves 0:04:26.974,0:04:29.094 in order to make everyone better? 0:04:29.450,0:04:31.593 I've worked with hundreds of organizations 0:04:31.617,0:04:34.371 and I found only one[br]where that's truly the norm. 0:04:34.395,0:04:37.695 Ray Dalio: You could say to me,[br]"Hey, jerk, you're being an asshole." 0:04:37.719,0:04:39.869 And then we'll say, OK,[br]am I being an asshole? 0:04:39.893,0:04:41.869 AG: This is the guy in charge. 0:04:41.893,0:04:43.052 His name is Ray. 0:04:43.076,0:04:45.273 RD: One of the biggest[br]tragedies of mankind 0:04:45.297,0:04:48.759 is people holding in[br]their opinions in their heads, 0:04:48.783,0:04:52.109 and it's such a tragedy[br]because it could so easily be fixed 0:04:52.133,0:04:53.783 if they put them out there 0:04:53.807,0:04:55.958 and stress-tested them in the right way. 0:04:55.982,0:04:59.593 They would so raise their probability[br]of making a better decision. 0:05:00.069,0:05:03.483 Everybody's giving high fives,[br]they're all smiling at each other. 0:05:03.507,0:05:06.490 But they're not dealing with the things[br]they need to deal with. 0:05:06.514,0:05:09.649 AG: It's incredibly fun[br]to think about, like, 0:05:09.673,0:05:11.649 you can go around calling people assholes 0:05:11.673,0:05:14.553 and their default response[br]is supposed to be, "Tell me more." 0:05:14.577,0:05:17.252 Is that really how you want[br]people to react to criticism? 0:05:17.276,0:05:20.920 RD: Well, I want to put that[br]on the table together and look at that, 0:05:20.944,0:05:24.783 because maybe I'm the one[br]who's being a jerk or misunderstanding. 0:05:24.807,0:05:26.371 AG: In the mid 1970s, 0:05:26.395,0:05:29.959 Ray Dalio started a financial firm[br]called Bridgewater Associates. 0:05:30.323,0:05:33.582 At first, he was working[br]out of a barn with his friends. 0:05:33.974,0:05:36.641 He got really successful really quickly. 0:05:37.141,0:05:38.648 And then he got cocky. 0:05:39.236,0:05:40.799 He placed a bad bet. 0:05:40.823,0:05:42.188 It tanked his firm. 0:05:42.212,0:05:43.776 He had to fire his friends. 0:05:43.800,0:05:46.347 RD: And I was so broke 0:05:46.371,0:05:49.569 that I had to borrow[br]4,000 dollars from my dad 0:05:49.593,0:05:51.319 to help pay for my family bills. 0:05:51.728,0:05:54.879 And that was extremely painful. 0:05:54.903,0:05:56.969 It turned out to be terrific. 0:05:57.577,0:06:01.125 AG: I'm sorry, you just said[br]it was terrific that is was so painful? 0:06:01.149,0:06:04.092 Because normal human beings[br]don't feel that way. 0:06:04.116,0:06:06.403 RD: I mean, like,[br]I was absolutely miserable. 0:06:06.427,0:06:10.652 But it gave me the humility that I needed[br]to deal with my audacity. 0:06:10.676,0:06:14.291 It made me want to find[br]the smartest people I could find 0:06:14.315,0:06:15.782 who disagreed with me. 0:06:16.085,0:06:17.627 AG: Ray realized that he crashed 0:06:17.651,0:06:20.064 because there wasn't anyone[br]around to check his ego 0:06:20.088,0:06:21.618 when he was on top of the world. 0:06:21.642,0:06:25.093 He only listened to himself[br]or people who constantly said yes. 0:06:25.117,0:06:27.204 Now, he was on his own. 0:06:27.593,0:06:32.243 RD: So that experience was the one[br]that really kind of, drove it home for me. 0:06:32.544,0:06:35.783 And I say, if you don't look back[br]on yourself and think, 0:06:35.807,0:06:38.791 "Wow, how stupid I was a year or two ago," 0:06:38.815,0:06:41.712 then you must not have learned much[br]in the last year or two. 0:06:41.736,0:06:44.320 AG: Ray decided that the next[br]version of his company 0:06:44.344,0:06:46.237 would have a different kind of culture 0:06:46.261,0:06:49.076 where everyone would be[br]brutally honest with each other. 0:06:49.100,0:06:51.434 And that's what Bridgewater does today. 0:06:51.458,0:06:53.725 Ray calls it radical transparency. 0:06:54.204,0:06:57.815 Every criticism, every opinion,[br]out in the open. 0:06:57.839,0:07:00.902 You're comfortable just putting that[br]out there, transparently? 0:07:00.926,0:07:04.585 RD: Why shouldn't we be? 0:07:04.609,0:07:09.998 AG: Embarrassment, pain,[br]you know, ridicule, cruelty. 0:07:10.022,0:07:13.117 RD: OK, but it's not those[br]kinds of things, right? 0:07:13.141,0:07:15.712 We recognize that it can be[br]a difficult moment. 0:07:15.736,0:07:20.323 Before people come here,[br]we ask them, do they want to do that. 0:07:20.347,0:07:21.656 Isn't this good, 0:07:21.680,0:07:25.799 to make them partners in that[br]self-discovery of what is actually true? 0:07:27.076,0:07:29.161 AG: Bridgewater Associates[br]is now considered 0:07:29.185,0:07:31.248 the most successful[br]hedge fund in the world. 0:07:31.867,0:07:35.306 And Ray believes the culture[br]is the driving force behind their success. 0:07:35.719,0:07:38.749 They manage 160 billion dollars in assets, 0:07:38.773,0:07:41.315 and Ray has become one[br]of the richest people on earth. 0:07:42.165,0:07:43.649 If you can't tell by now, 0:07:43.673,0:07:47.255 Bridgewater is also one of the strangest[br]workplaces I've ever seen. 0:07:47.815,0:07:50.513 Feedback is only one piece[br]of what makes them different. 0:07:50.883,0:07:53.244 I'm not here to analyze[br]all their practices, 0:07:53.268,0:07:56.306 dissect their performance[br]or suggest you copy them. 0:07:56.728,0:07:59.545 But I do believe that if we want[br]to get better at something, 0:07:59.569,0:08:01.617 we should go and learn from the extreme. 0:08:01.641,0:08:04.578 You know, the same way you might try[br]and pick up a workout tip 0:08:04.602,0:08:05.942 from an Olympic athlete. 0:08:05.966,0:08:08.682 Bridgewater goes[br]to the extreme on criticism. 0:08:09.165,0:08:12.173 They think you can learn[br]to dish it out and even crave it. 0:08:13.196,0:08:16.474 Over the years, they've had some[br]high-profile senior leaders. 0:08:16.498,0:08:19.402 Including James Comey,[br]the recent FBI director. 0:08:20.061,0:08:23.465 He even talked about Bridgewater[br]at his Senate confirmation hearing. 0:08:23.489,0:08:25.117 James Comey: I went to Bridgewater 0:08:25.141,0:08:27.475 in part because of that culture[br]of transparency -- 0:08:27.499,0:08:30.268 it's something[br]that's long been part of me. 0:08:30.292,0:08:32.417 AG: Today, about 2,000 people work there 0:08:32.441,0:08:36.854 and every single one of them is expected[br]to put criticism out in the open. 0:08:36.878,0:08:39.821 Even if the billionaire founder[br]is the target. 0:08:40.386,0:08:43.918 Here's an email Ray got one day[br]from a colleague named Jim Haskel. 0:08:44.347,0:08:47.806 "Ray, you deserve a 'D-minus'[br]for your performance today. 0:08:48.323,0:08:50.378 You rambled for 50 minutes. 0:08:50.768,0:08:54.228 It was obvious to all of us[br]that you did not prepare at all. 0:08:54.553,0:08:57.950 Today was really bad,[br]we can't let this happen again." 0:08:58.855,0:09:03.069 When Jim sent his scathing review,[br]Ray decided to get a few more opinions. 0:09:03.565,0:09:06.192 He asked his colleagues[br]to rate his performance that day 0:09:06.216,0:09:07.945 on a scale from A to F. 0:09:08.398,0:09:11.795 Then he shared the feedback[br]with everyone else. 0:09:11.819,0:09:15.563 And let me tell you, Ray did not get[br]any As for that meeting. 0:09:15.587,0:09:16.744 RD: I sucked! 0:09:16.768,0:09:18.967 AG: I think a lot of people[br]in that situation 0:09:18.991,0:09:21.491 would have just sorted[br]the conversation out with Jim. 0:09:21.515,0:09:23.213 And you replied and you said, 0:09:23.237,0:09:25.912 "Hey, everybody else in the meeting,[br]I'm looping you in." 0:09:25.936,0:09:27.268 RD: No, the whole company. 0:09:27.292,0:09:29.498 AG: That went to the whole company?[br]RD: Yeah. 0:09:29.522,0:09:31.347 AG: A to F?[br]RD: It's very important. 0:09:31.664,0:09:34.577 AG: This kind of thing is happening[br]constantly at Bridgewater. 0:09:34.601,0:09:37.190 What would you do[br]if someone gave you a D-minus? 0:09:37.720,0:09:40.934 There are actual studies showing[br]that when coworkers criticize us, 0:09:40.958,0:09:43.276 we tend to drop them from our lives. 0:09:43.300,0:09:45.459 Or at least avoid them at all costs. 0:09:46.022,0:09:48.198 Instead, we go straight[br]to our cheerleaders 0:09:48.222,0:09:50.156 to complain and get reassurance. 0:09:50.553,0:09:53.807 Our friends, our favorite[br]like-minded colleagues, mom. 0:09:54.395,0:09:55.968 That's our support network. 0:09:55.992,0:09:57.561 (Music) 0:09:57.585,0:10:00.188 But there's another kind[br]of network that we all need: 0:10:00.212,0:10:01.546 a challenge network. 0:10:02.331,0:10:06.347 A challenge network is the group of people[br]that you trust to push you to get better. 0:10:06.934,0:10:10.291 They tell you the stuff you don't want[br]to hear but need to hear. 0:10:10.688,0:10:13.672 And Bridgewater[br]is one big challenge network. 0:10:13.696,0:10:15.950 RD: I want Jim's critiques. 0:10:16.371,0:10:18.807 Because I might be inclined to ramble, 0:10:18.831,0:10:22.149 and because I might be inclined[br]to not be prepared. 0:10:22.173,0:10:25.601 AG: So Ray made a promise to Jim:[br]he'd do better the next time. 0:10:25.625,0:10:28.188 RD: He said, "Listen,[br]I can't trust you to do that. 0:10:28.212,0:10:30.918 And I say, "Great, I can't trust me[br]to do that, either." 0:10:31.307,0:10:34.261 And so as a regular protocol,[br]he'll call me up, 0:10:34.285,0:10:36.915 because he understands[br]that it works well for both of us 0:10:36.939,0:10:38.537 and works well for the company. 0:10:38.561,0:10:42.633 AG: A challenge network can only help you[br]if you're ready to listen. 0:10:42.657,0:10:46.815 RD: It's particularly important for me[br]to be showing anybody what I'm doing, 0:10:46.839,0:10:48.791 including my failures, my successes. 0:10:48.815,0:10:51.370 Yes. Why would you not do that? 0:10:52.125,0:10:54.291 AG: Well, because[br]you're afraid of the answer. 0:10:54.315,0:10:55.847 RD: What are you afraid of? 0:10:55.871,0:10:59.836 AG: Of the emperor[br]being discovered to have no clothes. 0:11:00.450,0:11:04.934 RD: If your objective is to be[br]as good as you can possibly be, 0:11:04.958,0:11:07.117 then you're going to want that. 0:11:07.141,0:11:10.276 AG: I think a lot of people[br]would rather maintain 0:11:10.300,0:11:13.537 at least the illusion of a decent image[br]than to actually improve. 0:11:13.561,0:11:16.020 RD: But then they care[br]more about their image 0:11:16.044,0:11:17.977 than they care about results. 0:11:18.685,0:11:20.851 AG: And you're not willing[br]to tolerate that. 0:11:21.812,0:11:24.256 RD: You know, life's much better[br]with good results. 0:11:24.280,0:11:25.430 (Laughter) 0:11:26.415,0:11:29.101 AG: The idea of criticizing[br]each other this openly 0:11:29.125,0:11:30.658 might sound terrifying. 0:11:31.117,0:11:32.267 I get that. 0:11:32.624,0:11:35.649 In lots of workplaces,[br]it would be painful at best 0:11:35.673,0:11:37.073 and abusive at worst. 0:11:37.474,0:11:40.140 There's a bunch of work by economists 0:11:40.164,0:11:43.449 showing that rankings[br]generally demotivate people. 0:11:43.473,0:11:45.371 People, even at the top, are like, 0:11:45.395,0:11:47.251 "I expected to be further at the top." 0:11:47.275,0:11:49.896 And everybody at the bottom[br]doesn't enjoy the experience 0:11:49.920,0:11:52.928 of comparing themselves negatively[br]to everyone else around them. 0:11:52.952,0:11:59.102 RD: In normal companies,[br]I suspect that they don't prepare people, 0:11:59.126,0:12:02.254 agree on it, say, "Is this a good thing?" 0:12:02.634,0:12:04.569 (Music) 0:12:04.593,0:12:06.474 AG: What about your workplace? 0:12:06.498,0:12:08.636 What would happen[br]if you just decided one day 0:12:08.660,0:12:10.561 to be radically transparent? 0:12:10.585,0:12:12.185 It might not go so well. 0:12:12.847,0:12:15.728 AJ: I was working at "Esquire"[br]magazine at the time, 0:12:15.752,0:12:19.466 and I said to my editor[br]in a meeting at one point, 0:12:19.490,0:12:22.521 "You know what, I really[br]would rather be at the 'New Yorker,' 0:12:22.545,0:12:25.239 and if they offered me a job,[br]I would take that." 0:12:25.744,0:12:29.403 And he was stone-faced,[br]he did not like it. 0:12:29.427,0:12:30.625 AG: That's AJ Jacobs, 0:12:30.649,0:12:33.804 a writer who thinks it's fun[br]to live his life as an experiment. 0:12:34.299,0:12:35.871 For a story he was working on, 0:12:35.895,0:12:39.627 AJ committed to being 100 percent[br]transparent for a few weeks. 0:12:39.651,0:12:42.714 AJ: If you hate your boss,[br]tell your boss, "I hate you." 0:12:42.738,0:12:46.055 AG: AJ did that[br]with everyone he talked to. 0:12:46.079,0:12:51.442 His mother-in-law, elderly neighbors,[br]his kids, his wife's friends. 0:12:51.466,0:12:53.625 AJ: I was out with my wife[br]at a restaurant, 0:12:53.649,0:12:57.140 and we saw some friends of hers[br]that she hadn't seen since college. 0:12:57.465,0:12:59.847 And they were all excited[br]to see her and they said, 0:12:59.871,0:13:03.085 "Oh, we should all get together[br]and have a play date with our kids." 0:13:03.109,0:13:05.018 And I had to say what was on my mind, 0:13:05.042,0:13:07.426 which was, "You guys[br]seem like nice people, 0:13:07.450,0:13:09.960 but I really don't want to see you again." 0:13:10.355,0:13:12.664 AG: (Laughter) Oh, no![br]AJ: Oh, yeah. 0:13:12.688,0:13:16.323 They were offended, rightly,[br]and my wife was furious. 0:13:16.704,0:13:18.331 So it was a disaster. 0:13:18.355,0:13:20.244 I mean, we never did see them again 0:13:20.268,0:13:23.014 so it is efficient, it was effective. 0:13:23.038,0:13:27.633 Kim Scott: (Laughter) So in my parlance, 0:13:27.657,0:13:30.816 saying something like that[br]is not radical candor, 0:13:30.840,0:13:32.236 it's obnoxious aggression. 0:13:32.260,0:13:35.735 AG: Kim Scott is an executive[br]coach in Silicon Valley. 0:13:35.759,0:13:37.720 She works with CEOs and managers 0:13:37.744,0:13:40.426 on being radically candid[br]in their feedback. 0:13:40.450,0:13:43.577 KS: Be a kick-ass boss[br]without loosing your humanity. 0:13:43.601,0:13:47.124 AG: I asked Kim how we can all[br]get better at providing criticism. 0:13:47.148,0:13:48.329 And guess what. 0:13:48.353,0:13:52.228 It's about just blurting out whatever[br]pops into your head, like AJ did. 0:13:52.252,0:13:54.273 KS: The idea of radical candor 0:13:54.297,0:13:57.919 is that you're caring personally[br]about the other person 0:13:57.943,0:14:00.767 at the same time that you're[br]challenging them directly. 0:14:01.188,0:14:05.013 AG: I guess then, how do I get comfortable[br]you know, challenging directly? 0:14:05.331,0:14:08.644 When I do challenge,[br]how do I make sure that I show care? 0:14:09.498,0:14:11.404 KS: My biggest piece of advice 0:14:11.428,0:14:14.380 is eliminate the phrase[br]"Don't take it personally" 0:14:14.404,0:14:15.950 from your vocabulary. 0:14:15.974,0:14:19.713 It's OK if somebody's getting upset[br]or having an emotional reaction, 0:14:19.737,0:14:20.998 it's normal. 0:14:21.022,0:14:22.339 It is inevitable. 0:14:22.847,0:14:26.486 What you want to do is you want to react[br]with compassion to them. 0:14:26.510,0:14:31.342 If I had emotional Novocaine,[br]I would give it to you. 0:14:32.073,0:14:35.284 AG: I have seen so many people say, 0:14:35.308,0:14:38.450 "Alright, I'm really uncomfortable[br]challenging directly, 0:14:38.474,0:14:41.325 and so one of the ways[br]I'll show that I care personally is, 0:14:41.349,0:14:43.657 I'm going to deliver a feedback sandwich: 0:14:43.681,0:14:47.252 you know, open up with some praise,[br]and then criticism comes in the middle, 0:14:47.276,0:14:49.347 and then a slice of praise again, 0:14:49.371,0:14:51.656 so we start and end on a high note. 0:14:51.680,0:14:54.839 And the research I've read on this[br]is pretty clear in saying 0:14:54.863,0:14:56.978 this is a bad idea, for two reasons. 0:14:57.002,0:14:59.004 One, when you lead with praise, 0:14:59.028,0:15:01.276 they're just waiting[br]for the other shoe to drop, 0:15:01.300,0:15:03.180 and it seems insincere. 0:15:03.649,0:15:06.483 And two is that people[br]often tune out what's in the middle. 0:15:07.013,0:15:10.616 And so, what's your preferred alternative[br]to the feedback sandwich? 0:15:10.973,0:15:13.545 KS: I agree, nobody[br]really likes a shit sandwich. 0:15:13.569,0:15:17.529 And so it's important[br]for both praise and criticism, 0:15:17.553,0:15:19.458 but especially for criticism, 0:15:19.482,0:15:22.172 is to go in being humble. 0:15:22.498,0:15:25.562 You may be wrong in what you're saying, 0:15:25.586,0:15:26.841 and that's OK. 0:15:27.235,0:15:31.522 One of the most important things[br]you can do when offering criticism 0:15:31.546,0:15:33.943 is to state your intention to be helpful. 0:15:33.967,0:15:35.886 (Music) 0:15:35.910,0:15:37.950 AG: There's evidence to back this up. 0:15:37.974,0:15:40.283 It's something I heard a lot[br]at Bridgewater, too. 0:15:40.307,0:15:43.541 It's easier to take criticism[br]when you know it's meant to help you. 0:15:43.983,0:15:46.181 From the outside, it might sound harsh. 0:15:46.530,0:15:48.356 But they think it's good for them. 0:15:48.380,0:15:50.928 KS: If you know that it's healthy, 0:15:50.952,0:15:53.776 and you've experienced[br]firsthand the benefit, 0:15:53.800,0:15:55.340 you're going to keep seeking it, 0:15:55.364,0:15:58.093 just like, it still hurts[br]sometimes to go running, 0:15:58.117,0:16:02.839 but I know how important that is[br]to my well-being, so I'll keep doing it, 0:16:02.863,0:16:06.633 even though it's always kind of an effort[br]to get myself out the door. 0:16:06.657,0:16:09.117 I think it's the same with criticism. 0:16:09.141,0:16:11.339 (Music) 0:16:11.363,0:16:13.134 AG: More on that after the break. 0:16:13.780,0:16:15.871 This is going to be[br]a different kind of ad. 0:16:15.895,0:16:18.426 In the spirit of exploring[br]creative ideas at work, 0:16:18.450,0:16:21.270 we're going to take you[br]inside Bonobos, our sponsor. 0:16:21.294,0:16:28.294 (Music) 0:16:32.911,0:16:35.374 (Music) 0:16:35.398,0:16:38.891 Like everyone else on earth,[br]I hate calling customer service. 0:16:39.474,0:16:41.268 It's hard to get a human on the line, 0:16:41.292,0:16:44.092 and if you do, they're usually[br]stuck reading from a script. 0:16:44.442,0:16:47.268 If you want to get anywhere,[br]you have to ask for the manager 0:16:47.292,0:16:48.825 over and over and over. 0:16:49.395,0:16:51.689 But that's not how things work at Bonobos. 0:16:52.058,0:16:55.910 They make great fitting men's clothes,[br]and if you call them with a problem, 0:16:55.934,0:16:58.690 you get a real person[br]empowered to actually help. 0:16:59.172,0:17:01.180 Bonobos calls them Ninjas. 0:17:01.204,0:17:06.031 Kelsey Nash: My actual title is Creative[br]Customer Engagement Lead. 0:17:06.055,0:17:09.441 I'm on the management team of the Ninjas. 0:17:09.465,0:17:10.910 AG: This is Kelsey Nash. 0:17:10.934,0:17:12.968 He and all the other Ninjas at Bonobos 0:17:12.992,0:17:16.180 have something pretty rare[br]in the world of customer service. 0:17:16.204,0:17:17.363 Freedom. 0:17:17.387,0:17:20.524 KN: Every Ninja is empowered[br]to take care of a customer 0:17:20.548,0:17:24.223 in the moment, in whatever way[br]that they think is necessary. 0:17:24.247,0:17:28.078 There's no real sending it[br]up the ladder and down the ladder 0:17:28.102,0:17:29.324 to find a resolution, 0:17:29.348,0:17:31.712 like, "We'll call you back[br]within 24 to 48 hours." 0:17:31.736,0:17:34.666 So every day, we ask Ninjas, 0:17:34.690,0:17:37.053 "What would you want[br]if you were the customer? 0:17:37.077,0:17:38.426 How would you feel?" 0:17:38.450,0:17:40.972 AG: Which can lead to some[br]surprising interactions. 0:17:41.339,0:17:43.426 Like one Kelsey handled himself. 0:17:43.450,0:17:47.466 KN: There was a guy named Derek,[br]and he wrote in and he said, 0:17:47.490,0:17:49.648 "I had a fire at my house 0:17:49.672,0:17:53.117 and one of my favorite[br]flannel shirts was damaged. 0:17:53.141,0:17:56.418 Do you know of some way[br]to recuperate this or repair it, 0:17:56.442,0:17:59.085 I see you don't really have any[br]on the website anymore." 0:17:59.109,0:18:01.291 AG: Kelsey at Bonobos[br]wrote back right away. 0:18:01.315,0:18:03.189 KN: "We're happy to replace your shirt, 0:18:03.213,0:18:05.412 I'm so sorry about that,[br]is everybody alright?" 0:18:05.436,0:18:07.873 He wrote back and said,[br]"Actually, everybody's fine, 0:18:07.897,0:18:11.684 except our 15-year-old dog[br]was trapped in the house 0:18:11.708,0:18:15.617 and we lost our dog[br]and that's been the only thing." 0:18:15.641,0:18:18.767 AG: Kelsey heard that[br]and went into Ninja mode. 0:18:18.791,0:18:23.029 KN: I got online and I found[br]his dog on his Instagram account. 0:18:23.053,0:18:27.252 So I got a picture of the dog,[br]I commissioned this portrait 0:18:27.276,0:18:31.791 and then I got a couple flannel shirts[br]and I sent it to the guy. 0:18:31.815,0:18:34.061 Derek (on the phone):[br]I'm not an emotional guy, 0:18:34.085,0:18:36.765 but with all that had happened,[br]it was still very fresh. 0:18:36.789,0:18:38.812 I definitely cried[br]when I saw the painting. 0:18:38.836,0:18:41.797 AG: When I heard this story,[br]I had to get Derek on the phone. 0:18:41.821,0:18:44.966 Derek: You know, you're kind of[br]in a desperate situation. 0:18:44.990,0:18:50.053 Just any glimmer of something nice[br]happening to you at that point 0:18:50.077,0:18:51.696 goes a long, long way. 0:18:53.056,0:18:55.872 What they did wasn't necessary,[br]they didn't have to do it, 0:18:55.896,0:18:59.072 other than they thought[br]it was the right thing to do. 0:18:59.096,0:19:03.283 KN: What we pride ourselves on,[br]above everything, is that we're human. 0:19:03.307,0:19:06.934 Like, we deal with every contact[br]on a one-to-one basis: 0:19:06.958,0:19:10.054 as a human answering a phone call,[br]talking to another human, like, 0:19:10.078,0:19:11.529 "Yeah, let's work this out." 0:19:11.553,0:19:13.490 AG: Which is what you need sometimes. 0:19:13.514,0:19:17.156 It clearly meant something to Derek,[br]who recently started a new job. 0:19:17.180,0:19:20.522 Derek: The only picture I've put up[br]on the wall so far is that painting 0:19:20.546,0:19:23.643 and it's right above my desk[br]on the wall above the window. 0:19:24.561,0:19:27.812 When I walk in the door every morning,[br]that's the first thing I see. 0:19:28.542,0:19:30.194 AG: Bonobos makes great clothes, 0:19:30.218,0:19:33.836 but my favorite part is that I don't[br]have to leave my house to get them. 0:19:33.860,0:19:35.304 I hate going shopping 0:19:35.328,0:19:38.185 almost as much as I normally hate[br]calling customer service. 0:19:38.506,0:19:41.164 Ordering on the Bonobos[br]website is super easy. 0:19:41.188,0:19:44.521 They ship fast, and if it doesn't fit,[br]you can always call Kelsey. 0:19:45.045,0:19:46.578 You know, just to talk. 0:19:46.975,0:19:49.673 Try it today at bonobos.com/TED 0:19:49.697,0:19:52.118 and you'll get 20 percent[br]off your first order. 0:19:52.142,0:19:55.753 That's bonobos.com/TED for 20 percent off. 0:19:55.777,0:19:59.912 (Music) 0:20:03.944,0:20:05.094 (Music) 0:20:05.118,0:20:08.204 When I was in college,[br]I was a springboard diver. 0:20:08.228,0:20:09.998 I was learning a new dive: 0:20:10.022,0:20:12.021 two and a half flips with a twist. 0:20:13.165,0:20:16.061 When I tried it out in a meet,[br]I thought it went OK. 0:20:16.722,0:20:18.706 Then I saw the judges' scores: 0:20:18.730,0:20:23.164 two, two and a half, and zero point five. 0:20:24.015,0:20:26.744 I don't think I'd ever[br]even seen that score before. 0:20:27.721,0:20:30.308 Anyway, when you're flipping[br]and twisting in mid-air, 0:20:30.332,0:20:32.737 you can't always gauge[br]your own performance. 0:20:33.142,0:20:36.137 And I think big parts[br]of our work lives are like that, too. 0:20:36.451,0:20:38.403 We're so immersed in the situation 0:20:38.427,0:20:40.741 that we can't see ourselves objectively. 0:20:41.498,0:20:45.238 At that diving meet, there were multiple[br]judges who all saw the same flaws. 0:20:45.910,0:20:48.658 When I watched the video[br]afterward, I saw them, too. 0:20:49.006,0:20:51.371 I'd executed a near-perfect belly flop. 0:20:51.395,0:20:53.485 (Music) 0:20:53.509,0:20:55.042 If you've ever played sports, 0:20:55.066,0:20:57.434 you know the value[br]of reviewing the game tape 0:20:57.458,0:20:59.774 with coaches and colleagues[br]who keep you honest. 0:21:00.109,0:21:02.691 Why don't we do the same thing at work? 0:21:03.847,0:21:05.447 At Bridgewater, they do. 0:21:06.101,0:21:08.617 They're so obsessed[br]with radical transparency 0:21:08.641,0:21:12.441 that they record video or audio[br]of almost every meeting. 0:21:12.800,0:21:15.220 If that sounds a bit[br]like Big Brother is watching, 0:21:15.244,0:21:16.490 well, he is. 0:21:17.292,0:21:20.116 But here's the difference --[br]everyone is watching. 0:21:20.545,0:21:23.442 They're constantly going back[br]to the tapes to learn. 0:21:23.466,0:21:26.029 This is what radical[br]transparency sounds like. 0:21:26.053,0:21:29.085 Here's Ray Dalio, the founder,[br]talking with a colleague. 0:21:29.109,0:21:31.577 RD: No, I'm not saying[br]all your advice is bad. 0:21:31.601,0:21:35.045 Colleague: Well, it sounds like[br]you think it's bad. 0:21:35.069,0:21:36.799 RD: Some of it is bad. 0:21:36.823,0:21:38.418 All he's saying to you. 0:21:38.442,0:21:42.084 You need to display that you know[br]that you don't know. 0:21:42.108,0:21:43.767 AG: In too many workplaces, 0:21:43.791,0:21:46.482 people keep those comments[br]behind closed doors. 0:21:46.783,0:21:48.928 Jen Healy: In general[br]hierarchical structures, 0:21:48.952,0:21:51.126 you don't tell people[br]what you actually think. 0:21:51.150,0:21:53.195 AG: Jen Healy is a manager at Bridgewater. 0:21:53.219,0:21:56.173 JH: You're always managing[br]other people's perceptions of you 0:21:56.197,0:21:59.745 and what they think of you,[br]and trying to butter people up above, 0:21:59.769,0:22:02.673 trying to make sure they don't think[br]anything is going wrong, 0:22:02.697,0:22:04.128 that you have all the answers. 0:22:04.152,0:22:07.764 AG: Radical transparency is designed[br]to solve for a deadly sin of work life: 0:22:07.788,0:22:09.373 office politics. 0:22:09.397,0:22:12.295 In too many places,[br]what happens in the meeting 0:22:12.319,0:22:15.968 doesn't matter nearly as much[br]as secret alliances and conversations 0:22:15.992,0:22:17.160 after the meeting. 0:22:17.184,0:22:19.590 JH: And so, you're able[br]to just say what you think 0:22:19.614,0:22:22.449 and also be held accountable[br]if what you're thinking is bad. 0:22:22.473,0:22:25.141 AG: But for it to work,[br]you need all of your colleagues 0:22:25.165,0:22:27.565 to get past their knee-jerk[br]reactions to criticism. 0:22:27.926,0:22:30.331 Which isn't easy, especially at first. 0:22:30.355,0:22:33.671 Eileen Murray: When I first became[br]acquainted with Bridgewater, 0:22:33.695,0:22:35.125 you know, I wasn't enamored. 0:22:35.149,0:22:36.585 AG: This is Eileen Murray. 0:22:36.609,0:22:39.602 EM: When I first came up[br]to Bridgewater for a meeting, 0:22:39.626,0:22:42.171 I guess it was a management[br]committee meeting 0:22:42.195,0:22:43.594 and someone was being probed, 0:22:43.618,0:22:47.542 basically asking people questions[br]until you get to a logical answer 0:22:47.566,0:22:48.960 as to what might be going on, 0:22:48.984,0:22:51.279 and I was like, "I can't wait[br]to get out of here, 0:22:51.303,0:22:53.262 I think I'm going to put my hair on fire. 0:22:53.286,0:22:54.493 These people are crazy." 0:22:54.517,0:22:57.474 AG: But now, Eileen is one[br]of the company's two CEOs. 0:22:57.498,0:23:01.109 Along the way, she came to hear[br]the criticism as tough love. 0:23:01.133,0:23:03.553 Kind of like what you'd get[br]from your family. 0:23:03.577,0:23:06.061 EM: I have a younger sister[br]who says things to me 0:23:06.085,0:23:08.125 that I sometimes can't believe I tolerate, 0:23:08.149,0:23:11.426 but I tolerate it because[br]she's trying to make me better. 0:23:11.903,0:23:15.856 And so once I understood the intention[br]was to understand what people are like, 0:23:15.880,0:23:18.752 for the purpose of them[br]understanding what they're like, 0:23:18.776,0:23:22.601 so that, you know, you basically[br]are aware of what you do well, 0:23:22.625,0:23:26.276 you're aware of what you don't do well,[br]so you can do things better in life. 0:23:26.300,0:23:28.196 RD: It's a little bit like Navy SEALs. 0:23:28.220,0:23:30.713 Take the Navy SEAL,[br]put them in the cold water. 0:23:30.737,0:23:34.195 If that's a difficult moment,[br]let's practice that, right? 0:23:34.751,0:23:38.966 AG: Every day at the firm is a new[br]encounter with your challenge network. 0:23:38.990,0:23:41.347 You learn to seek out[br]your trusted critics, 0:23:41.371,0:23:43.059 which means you've opted in. 0:23:43.427,0:23:47.156 And little by little, you get[br]more comfortable hearing hard truths. 0:23:47.577,0:23:49.561 Unless you don't. 0:23:50.068,0:23:54.237 About a third of Bridgewater's new hires[br]leave in the first year and a half. 0:23:54.903,0:23:59.418 It was right at that year-and-a-half mark[br]that Kiran Rao, the guy you heard earlier, 0:23:59.442,0:24:02.736 found himself being told[br]he was the company's worst manager 0:24:02.760,0:24:04.847 in front of 200 of his colleagues. 0:24:05.363,0:24:08.336 Kiran might have been prepared,[br]but it still hurt. 0:24:08.672,0:24:13.506 KR: I was probably turning as red[br]as my Indian complexion allows me to. 0:24:13.530,0:24:16.284 And I was describing it[br]as like, basically, 0:24:16.308,0:24:19.061 dressing for the beach one day, 0:24:19.085,0:24:22.149 in flip-flops and your swimwear, 0:24:22.173,0:24:26.299 and you swing your door open[br]and you're in a full-force winter storm. 0:24:26.323,0:24:28.730 AG: The thing you need[br]to understand about Kiran 0:24:28.754,0:24:31.872 is that before Bridgewater,[br]he'd already had a successful career. 0:24:32.238,0:24:33.438 Actually, several. 0:24:33.770,0:24:36.824 He was a doctor and worked[br]with the World Health Organization. 0:24:37.127,0:24:39.093 He was a principal in a consulting firm. 0:24:39.419,0:24:41.728 And he worked at a successful[br]investment firm. 0:24:42.132,0:24:44.599 He'd never failed like this before. 0:24:45.077,0:24:49.236 But what happened next was something[br]I've never seen anywhere else. 0:24:49.553,0:24:52.286 Are you embarrassed, you know,[br]hide from everyone -- 0:24:52.310,0:24:54.482 how did you move forward? 0:24:54.506,0:24:56.744 KR: No, I felt great. 0:24:56.768,0:24:58.228 AG: I'm sorry, what? 0:24:58.252,0:24:59.438 KR: I felt great. 0:24:59.462,0:25:01.478 AG: Do you realize[br]how strange that sounds? 0:25:01.502,0:25:02.653 KR: It does. 0:25:02.677,0:25:05.114 AG: You can hear this[br]in the tape of the meeting, 0:25:05.138,0:25:06.940 right after he found out his ranking. 0:25:06.964,0:25:08.457 Audio clip: I'm Kiran Rao, 0:25:08.481,0:25:11.355 by now probably notorious/famous[br]number one on the list. 0:25:11.379,0:25:13.806 (Laughter) 0:25:13.830,0:25:15.220 I think it's a great list. 0:25:15.244,0:25:17.363 And I agree that I'm in that spot. 0:25:17.879,0:25:21.071 This leaves me more energized versus not. 0:25:21.546,0:25:24.575 I get energy from it and I look forward[br]to helping or leaving, 0:25:24.599,0:25:26.101 whichever is the right answer. 0:25:26.546,0:25:28.752 AG: So are you just[br]a glutton for punishment? 0:25:28.776,0:25:29.926 (Laughter) 0:25:30.902,0:25:32.434 KR: It's just data. 0:25:32.458,0:25:36.141 It's just data, objective data[br]about what I'm like. 0:25:36.165,0:25:40.244 I would rather know how bad the bad is 0:25:40.268,0:25:41.712 and how good the good is 0:25:41.736,0:25:43.704 so I can do something with it. 0:25:43.728,0:25:47.561 AG: I think a skeptic, particularly one[br]with my training, might say, 0:25:47.585,0:25:50.728 this is just cognitive[br]dissonance reduction. 0:25:50.752,0:25:54.998 So you're like, "This felt really bad,[br]but I decided to stay 0:25:55.022,0:25:58.752 and so it must have taught me something,[br]I must have grown from the experience, 0:25:58.776,0:26:01.236 otherwise, like, how the hell[br]do I justify this?" 0:26:01.260,0:26:04.200 Do you ever wonder whether[br]you're just kind of rationalizing 0:26:04.224,0:26:05.845 the unpleasant experience? 0:26:06.188,0:26:07.434 KR: No. 0:26:07.458,0:26:10.910 But Bridgewater is not[br]about those dramatic moments, right? 0:26:10.934,0:26:15.037 The real challenge for people 0:26:15.061,0:26:17.672 to figure out if they're fit[br]for the culture or not 0:26:17.696,0:26:19.522 is not the dramatic moments, 0:26:19.546,0:26:21.759 it's the daily experience of it. 0:26:22.228,0:26:23.392 Right? 0:26:23.416,0:26:29.192 That drama is incidental to the real work[br]of getting to know yourself. 0:26:30.061,0:26:34.275 I do believe I've experienced deep,[br]fundamental change at Bridgewater. 0:26:34.703,0:26:37.203 AG: It is interesting,[br]because it almost sound like 0:26:37.227,0:26:40.629 you're trying to rewire[br]or override an instinct. 0:26:41.148,0:26:44.179 KR: When I have somebody[br]tell me I did something badly, 0:26:44.203,0:26:45.542 my ego kicks in, right, 0:26:45.566,0:26:49.946 and so my composure[br]starts to become worse and worse. 0:26:50.720,0:26:53.302 "That is so wrong,[br]how can that possibly be true, 0:26:53.326,0:26:57.407 I've done all these things in my life[br]and how could I be that person?" 0:26:58.140,0:27:00.171 AG: That's what I call proving mode. 0:27:00.195,0:27:02.506 It's the primal, emotional reaction. 0:27:02.530,0:27:03.863 The lower-level you. 0:27:04.458,0:27:06.950 But your brain has another[br]higher-level setting. 0:27:06.974,0:27:08.339 Its improving mode. 0:27:08.688,0:27:11.132 That's your inner Olympic diver, 0:27:11.156,0:27:13.341 who wants to know exactly how good you are 0:27:13.365,0:27:15.889 and every single thing[br]you can do to get better. 0:27:16.530,0:27:19.708 Improving mode means[br]you're always a work in progress. 0:27:20.370,0:27:21.895 At Bridgewater, the thinking is 0:27:21.919,0:27:24.275 that if you're exposed[br]to feedback all the time, 0:27:24.299,0:27:26.640 you get better at hearing[br]that improving voice. 0:27:27.188,0:27:29.196 KR: There is a much softer voice. 0:27:29.220,0:27:32.887 The logical person inside me who's saying, 0:27:32.911,0:27:34.712 "Yeah, it's been a rough year. 0:27:35.411,0:27:37.696 It hasn't been such an impactful year. 0:27:37.720,0:27:40.420 Kiran, you aren't really[br]accomplishing your goals. 0:27:40.879,0:27:42.839 That's not so surprising." 0:27:42.863,0:27:45.283 The difference, though,[br]is that those two voices 0:27:45.307,0:27:47.876 are very different[br]in amplitude at that moment. 0:27:48.617,0:27:50.966 The low-level me screaming, 0:27:50.990,0:27:53.093 the upper-level me is whispering. 0:27:53.117,0:27:54.276 AG: Interesting. 0:27:54.300,0:27:57.355 So the two yous will always[br]still be battling at some level. 0:27:57.379,0:27:59.566 KR: I think so. 0:27:59.590,0:28:03.124 And to me, the beauty is[br]I can see that now. 0:28:03.148,0:28:05.212 It used to take me a month or two 0:28:05.236,0:28:08.503 to recognize that[br]and come back to an even keel. 0:28:08.982,0:28:11.570 And with Ray, it takes a microsecond. 0:28:11.594,0:28:14.578 RD: Yes, it's almost exactly that quick. 0:28:14.602,0:28:19.404 I go, "Damn, I wish I would have ..."[br]whatever that thing is, 0:28:19.428,0:28:22.053 and simultaneously, "Where's the lesson?" 0:28:22.077,0:28:24.188 And I think it's a habit. 0:28:24.625,0:28:26.158 AG: OK, that's weird. 0:28:26.545,0:28:29.791 Ray is suggesting he doesn't just[br]feel less pain than the rest of us, 0:28:29.815,0:28:31.553 when he gets criticized. 0:28:31.577,0:28:34.141 He's trained himself[br]so that the pain signal 0:28:34.165,0:28:36.538 is actually followed by a pleasure signal. 0:28:36.911,0:28:39.267 Over years of seeing[br]that negative feedback 0:28:39.291,0:28:41.236 leads to positive outcomes, 0:28:41.260,0:28:44.045 he sort of seems to enjoy hearing it now. 0:28:44.069,0:28:47.696 RD: When you're getting criticism,[br]how do you feel about it? 0:28:48.482,0:28:50.791 AG: So I think overall ... 0:28:51.790,0:28:53.820 I don't think I enjoy it most of the time, 0:28:53.844,0:28:55.061 but I crave it. 0:28:55.085,0:28:58.304 I started teaching[br]and was terrified of public speaking. 0:28:58.783,0:29:00.743 I remember one of the feedback forms said 0:29:00.767,0:29:01.927 that I was so nervous 0:29:01.951,0:29:05.094 that I was causing the students[br]to physically shake in their seats. 0:29:05.118,0:29:08.071 At the time, I was like,[br]"Ugh, I don't want to be that person." 0:29:08.095,0:29:10.823 But I need the feedback[br]in order to not be that person. 0:29:11.514,0:29:14.441 I think it was easier to take[br]because I asked for it. 0:29:14.465,0:29:18.022 I don't think I take criticism so well[br]when somebody just springs it on me 0:29:18.046,0:29:21.046 and I don't feel like[br]I've opted in to it first. 0:29:21.703,0:29:23.180 RD: That's beautiful, right? 0:29:23.204,0:29:24.767 And it's totally understandable 0:29:24.791,0:29:27.918 that when it's sprung on you,[br]it takes you by surprise, 0:29:27.942,0:29:30.212 you know, because[br]it's an amygdala response. 0:29:30.236,0:29:34.034 And the amygdala is the fight or flight[br]and it is a very short-term thing. 0:29:34.371,0:29:37.863 But in some period of time,[br]that's going to fade 0:29:37.887,0:29:40.926 and then if at that moment you reflect, 0:29:40.950,0:29:45.279 pain plus reflection equals progress. 0:29:45.664,0:29:50.545 Because the pain is signaling you[br]that something is wrong; 0:29:50.569,0:29:54.338 the reflection helps[br]to produce that learning. 0:29:54.362,0:29:57.560 And if you do that over a period of time,[br]you can't help but learn. 0:29:57.584,0:29:59.172 (Music) 0:29:59.196,0:30:00.445 AG: That's the goal. 0:30:00.871,0:30:02.375 But if you're like most people, 0:30:02.399,0:30:05.149 reflection gets hijacked[br]by your inner dictator, 0:30:05.173,0:30:07.778 who immediately goes[br]into denial and attack. 0:30:08.720,0:30:11.301 We need a way to take[br]a more honest look in the mirror. 0:30:11.950,0:30:13.781 In the moment, that's hard to do. 0:30:14.331,0:30:18.164 So in psychology, we have a fun way[br]of making you a little more aware 0:30:18.188,0:30:19.866 of how you appear to others. 0:30:20.901,0:30:25.291 Imagine that you're sitting at a computer[br]to take a timed, multiple-choice test. 0:30:25.315,0:30:28.291 The instructions say[br]to answer question after question 0:30:28.315,0:30:29.849 until a timer goes off. 0:30:30.513,0:30:34.339 But what we haven't told you[br]is that we're recording your keyboard. 0:30:34.363,0:30:37.948 So if you submit an answer[br]after the timer, we know you're cheating. 0:30:39.204,0:30:42.640 It turns out you're significantly[br]less likely to cheat 0:30:42.664,0:30:44.525 if there's a mirror in the room. 0:30:45.203,0:30:48.550 It reminds you to reflect[br]on how your behavior will look to others. 0:30:48.574,0:30:50.060 (Music) 0:30:50.084,0:30:53.586 At Bridgewater, Ray is constantly[br]trying to look in the mirror, 0:30:53.610,0:30:56.590 so he can see himself[br]the way others see him. 0:30:57.134,0:30:59.553 Psychologists often talk[br]about a second score. 0:30:59.577,0:31:01.998 The idea being that you can't control 0:31:02.022,0:31:04.323 your unprepared, long-winded[br]meeting performance, 0:31:04.347,0:31:06.363 the D-minus is done,[br]that already happened. 0:31:06.387,0:31:08.229 The only thing you can do then is say, 0:31:08.253,0:31:10.268 "Alright, I can't control[br]that first score, 0:31:10.292,0:31:13.680 I can control the second, which is[br]how well did I take the first score." 0:31:13.704,0:31:15.729 Even if I got a D-minus[br]for my performance, 0:31:15.753,0:31:18.887 I can get an A-plus for how[br]I took the feedback of my performance. 0:31:18.911,0:31:21.656 Do you give yourself those kinds[br]of explicit evaluations? 0:31:21.680,0:31:23.141 RD: Everybody gives those. 0:31:23.165,0:31:25.228 AG: If people know they're being evaluated 0:31:25.252,0:31:27.855 on how well they learn[br]and how well they take feedback, 0:31:27.879,0:31:30.188 then there's no stable image[br]to protect anymore. 0:31:30.212,0:31:32.252 RD: Well put, it's a good point. 0:31:32.276,0:31:33.791 AG: A second score. 0:31:33.815,0:31:35.506 Every time I get feedback, 0:31:35.530,0:31:38.930 I rate myself now[br]on how well I took the feedback. 0:31:39.363,0:31:41.110 That's a habit we can all develop. 0:31:41.134,0:31:44.174 When someone gives you feedback,[br]they've already evaluated you. 0:31:44.593,0:31:47.978 So it helps to remind yourself[br]that the main thing they're judging now 0:31:48.002,0:31:50.232 is whether you're open or defensive. 0:31:50.256,0:31:52.764 You don't always realize[br]when you're being defensive. 0:31:52.788,0:31:54.891 So call on your challenge network. 0:31:54.915,0:31:57.077 Ask them to give you a second score, too. 0:31:57.101,0:31:59.712 "How did I come across[br]when you gave me feedback?" 0:32:00.251,0:32:03.410 And then really listen to what they say. 0:32:04.030,0:32:06.492 And respond by saying thank you. 0:32:06.516,0:32:08.434 (Music) 0:32:08.458,0:32:10.228 The best way to prove yourself 0:32:10.252,0:32:13.104 is to show that you're willing[br]to improve yourself. 0:32:13.625,0:32:14.775 Just ask Kiran. 0:32:15.124,0:32:18.609 KR: It's funny, I called my wife[br]on my way home and said this happened, 0:32:18.633,0:32:23.041 they put up the list of the worst managers[br]at Bridgewater and I was number one. 0:32:23.434,0:32:26.582 And I had an amazing, energizing day ... 0:32:27.768,0:32:28.919 And it felt great. 0:32:28.943,0:32:31.673 And she said, "That's wonderful,[br]Kiran, I'm proud of you." 0:32:31.697,0:32:33.426 AG: She said she was proud of you? 0:32:33.450,0:32:35.466 For being the worst[br]manager at Bridgewater? 0:32:35.490,0:32:37.370 KR: No, for looking in the mirror, 0:32:37.394,0:32:39.315 for not cringing from what I look like, 0:32:39.339,0:32:42.302 for being able to see reality[br]for what it is. 0:32:42.934,0:32:44.656 And I probably reached home by then. 0:32:44.680,0:32:46.425 It's a short commute. 0:32:46.449,0:32:53.397 (Music) 0:32:53.421,0:32:55.747 AG: WorkLife is hosted by me, Adam Grant. 0:32:56.294,0:32:58.903 The show is produced by TED[br]with Transmitter Media 0:32:58.927,0:33:00.752 and Pineapple Street Media. 0:33:00.776,0:33:04.378 Our team includes Colin Helms,[br]Gretta Cohn, Gabrielle Lewis, 0:33:04.402,0:33:06.434 Angela Cheng and Janet Lee. 0:33:06.458,0:33:10.166 This episode was produced by Dan O'Donell[br]with help from Julia Alsop. 0:33:10.768,0:33:14.069 Our show is mixed by David Herman[br]with help from Dan Dzula. 0:33:14.093,0:33:16.191 Original music by Hahnsdale Hsu. 0:33:17.037,0:33:18.799 Special thanks to our sponsors: 0:33:18.823,0:33:22.703 Bonobos, Accenture,[br]JP Morgan Chase and Warby Parker. 0:33:23.405,0:33:24.651 Next time on WorkLife, 0:33:24.675,0:33:27.230 we're going inside the writer's room[br]at The Daily Show 0:33:27.254,0:33:30.373 to find out how they do[br]creative work under the gun. 0:33:30.397,0:33:33.889 David Kibukka: The first draft[br]is not meant to be the last draft. 0:33:33.913,0:33:36.614 Dan Amira: Yeah, that's why[br]they call it the first draft. 0:33:36.638,0:33:39.060 DK: That was a big part[br]of the naming process. 0:33:39.574,0:33:41.405 AG: That's next time on WorkLife. 0:33:41.429,0:33:43.239 In the meantime, thanks for listening. 0:33:43.263,0:33:46.134 And if you like what you hear,[br]rate an review the show. 0:33:46.591,0:33:48.053 It helps other people find us. 0:33:48.741,0:33:49.947 See you next week. 0:33:49.971,0:33:53.582 (Music) 0:33:55.403,0:33:58.379 Ray, this has been fun and interesting 0:33:58.403,0:34:00.164 and thought-provoking as always. 0:34:00.188,0:34:02.656 RD: So, now what criticisms do I get? 0:34:02.680,0:34:04.537 AG: Oh, I have to criticize you? 0:34:04.561,0:34:05.783 RD: Yeah. 0:34:05.807,0:34:07.518 AG: Ugh. Do we have time for this? 0:34:07.542,0:34:09.053 (Laughter) 0:34:09.077,0:34:12.682 You stay at the level[br]of abstract concepts and ideas 0:34:12.706,0:34:17.349 as opposed to moving down into[br]sort of, the experiences that you've had, 0:34:17.373,0:34:19.508 the stories that you can tell, 0:34:19.532,0:34:23.268 the emotions that are part of that[br]that really bring your ideas to life. 0:34:23.292,0:34:26.759 If you brought more[br]of the concrete, the emotional in 0:34:26.783,0:34:28.610 along with the abstract conceptual, 0:34:28.634,0:34:31.045 I think your communication[br]would be more effective. 0:34:33.134,0:34:34.534 RD: Well, thank you.