1
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[Circus music]

2
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[Applause]

3
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We are organizing a baseball team

4
00:00:23,586 --> 00:00:25,284
here at the Retired Actors' Home.

5
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I am the manager. Now...

6
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You're going to be the manager

7
00:00:29,382 --> 00:00:31,161
of the Retired Actors'
baseball team?

8
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Yes.

9
00:00:31,927 --> 00:00:33,739
I would like to join
the Retired Actors' baseball team.

10
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Oh, you would?

11
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I would like to know
some of the guys' names

12
00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:37,550
on the team, so if I want to
play with them, I know them.

13
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If I meet them on the street,
I can say "Hello" to them.

14
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Oh. Sure.

15
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But you know, they give baseball
players nowadays,

16
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very peculiar names.

17
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Oh? A lot of funny names.

18
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You know, like "Stinky Fields."

19
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"Goofy Dan."

20
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"Boobie Barber."

21
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[Laughs]

22
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On our team, we have:

23
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"Who" is on first,

24
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"What" is on second,

25
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"I don't know" is on third.

26
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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

27
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Huh?

28
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,743
That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

29
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I'm telling you.

30
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"Who" is on first, "What" is on second,
"I don't know" is on third.

31
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Abbott, you gonna be the manager
of the baseball team?

32
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Yes.

33
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,094
You know the guys' names?

34
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Why, sure.

35
00:01:08,761 --> 00:01:09,417
Well, you tell me the guys' names
on the baseball team.

36
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I say: "Who" is on first,

37
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"What" is on second,

38
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"I don't know" is on third.

39
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You ain't said nothing to me yet.

40
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Go ahead and tell me.

41
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I'm telling him. Look.

42
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Tell me.

43
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"Who" Is on first,

44
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"What" is on second.

45
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"I don't know" is on third.

46
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You know the guys' names
on the baseball team?

47
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Yes.

48
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Go ahead. Who's on first?

49
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Yes.

50
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I mean, the guy's name.

51
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"Who."

52
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The guy playing first.

53
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"Who."

54
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The guy playing first base.

55
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"Who!"

56
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The guy on first base.

57
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"Who" is on first.

58
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What are you asking me for?!
I don't know!

59
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Wait, I'm not...

60
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I'm asking YOU who is on first.

61
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That is his name.

62
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Go ahead and tell me.

63
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"Who."

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The guy on first.

65
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That's it.

66
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That's his name!

67
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You ain't said nothing.
I ain't asked you nothing.

68
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Yes you did.

69
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You know the guy's name
on first base?

70
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Sure.

71
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Tell me the guy's name
on first base.

72
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"Who."

73
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The guy playing first base.

74
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"Who" is on first, Lou.

75
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What are ya asking me for?!

76
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Now, don't get excited.
I'm saying "Who..."

77
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I'm asking you a simple question:
Who is on first?

78
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Yes.

79
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Well go ahead and tell me.

80
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That's it.

81
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That's who?

82
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Yes.

83
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I'm asking you. What is the guy's name
on first base?

84
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No, "What" is on second.

85
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I'm not asking you who is on second.

86
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"Who" is on first.

87
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One base at a time, now!

88
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Don't mix up my players.

89
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I'm not mixing up anybody.

90
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Now, what's the guy's name
on first base?

91
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No, "What" is on second.

92
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I'm not asking you who
is on second!

93
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"Who" is on first.

94
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I don't know.

95
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He is on third.

96
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[Laughter]

97
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Wait a minute. Whoa.

98
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.

99
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How did I get on third base?

100
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You mentioned his name.

101
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I mentioned his name?

102
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Yes.

103
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I don't know anybody's name
on the team.

104
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How could I mention
the guy's name?

105
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You did. You just mentioned it.

106
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All right. What is the guy's name
on third base?

107
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No. "What" is on second.

108
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Who is on second?

109
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"Who" is on first.

110
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I don't know.

111
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He's on third.

112
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I didn't even mention 
the guy's name on third base!

113
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Yes you did, Lou.

114
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All right. Then, who is playing
third base?

115
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No, "Who" is on first.

116
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I'm not asking you
what is on first.

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"What" is on second.

118
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Who is on second?

119
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"Who" is on first.

120
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I don't know.

121
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[Both] Third base.

122
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I don't know anybody
on the baseball team.

123
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You do.

124
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You mentioned their names.

125
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I do?

126
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Sure.

127
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You got an outfield?

128
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Naturally.

129
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The left fielder's name?

130
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"Why."

131
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[Laughter]

132
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I just thought I'd ask.

133
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I thought I'd tell you.

134
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Go ahead. Tell me.

135
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Tell you what?

136
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The left fielder's name.

137
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"Why."

138
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Because I want to know!

139
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Because!

140
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Oh, he's center field.

141
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You know these players.

142
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Who is in center field?

143
00:03:11,678 --> 00:03:12,753
No, "Who" is on first.

144
00:03:12,753 --> 00:03:13,604
What's on first?

145
00:03:13,604 --> 00:03:14,562
"What" is on second.

146
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I don't know.

147
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[Both] Third base.

148
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Do you know the guys' names
on the team?

149
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You don't seem to understand.

150
00:03:21,112 --> 00:03:23,230
See, I have a first baseman...

151
00:03:23,230 --> 00:03:26,545
I know. I asked what's
the first baseman's name?

152
00:03:26,545 --> 00:03:28,976
No. "What" is the 
second baseman's name.

153
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,212
I asked you: What is the 
first baseman's name?

154
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,972
"What" is the second 
baseman's name.

155
00:03:32,972 --> 00:03:34,222
I don't even get...

156
00:03:34,222 --> 00:03:35,863
All right. Who is on second?

157
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"Who" is on first.

158
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What base do you want
to talk about?!

159
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You talk about any one
you want.

160
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All right. Now. Who is on first.

161
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Right.

162
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Okay. [Splutters]

163
00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:44,515
Now...stop that.

164
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All right. You got a first baseman.

165
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Yes.

166
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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

167
00:03:48,277 --> 00:03:49,265
who gets the money?

168
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Every dollar of it.

169
00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:51,678
Who gets it?

170
00:03:51,678 --> 00:03:52,668
Every dollar of it.

171
00:03:52,668 --> 00:03:53,378
Who gets it?

172
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He does.

173
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Sometimes, his wife comes down,
and collects it.

174
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Whose wife?

175
00:03:58,462 --> 00:03:59,332
Yes.

176
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:00,812
[Laughter]

177
00:04:01,112 --> 00:04:03,240
Why not, Lou? He's earned it.

178
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,282
Who did?

179
00:04:04,282 --> 00:04:05,053
Yes.

180
00:04:05,053 --> 00:04:06,133
[Laughter]

181
00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:08,753
When you pay the first baseman
every month,

182
00:04:08,753 --> 00:04:10,276
you get a receipt from the guy?

183
00:04:10,276 --> 00:04:11,007
Sure.

184
00:04:11,007 --> 00:04:11,795
How does he sign his name?

185
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:12,397
"Who."

186
00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:13,069
The guy you give the money to.

187
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:13,807
"Who."

188
00:04:13,807 --> 00:04:15,174
The guy you give the money to.

189
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,396
Well, that's how he signs it, Lou.

190
00:04:16,396 --> 00:04:17,180
That's how who signs it?

191
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:17,714
Yes.

192
00:04:17,714 --> 00:04:18,495
Go on and tell me.

193
00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:19,507
That's it.

194
00:04:19,507 --> 00:04:20,474
Who?

195
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:21,221
Right.

196
00:04:21,221 --> 00:04:22,901
Look: You go to the first baseman.

197
00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:23,687
Yes.

198
00:04:23,687 --> 00:04:25,864
You tell him: "Here is your money.
Sign the receipt."

199
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:27,238
How does he sign his name?

200
00:04:27,238 --> 00:04:27,960
"Who."

201
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,587
The guy you give the money to.

202
00:04:29,587 --> 00:04:30,695
That's how he signs it.

203
00:04:30,695 --> 00:04:31,860
That's how who signs it?

204
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:32,680
Yes.

205
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,545
Sure.

206
00:04:33,545 --> 00:04:34,476
He... [Splutters]

207
00:04:34,476 --> 00:04:36,196
You gotta get a receipt, don't you?

208
00:04:36,196 --> 00:04:37,076
I get one, Lou.

209
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,250
How does the guy on first base
sign his name?

210
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:40,134
"WHO."

211
00:04:40,134 --> 00:04:41,099
The guy on first.

212
00:04:41,099 --> 00:04:42,262
That's how he signs it.

213
00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:44,347
I'm asking you: What's the 
guy's name you give the money to?

214
00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:46,264
No, wait. "What" signs his own.

215
00:04:46,264 --> 00:04:47,257
Who signs his own?

216
00:04:47,257 --> 00:04:48,563
No, "Who" signs his.

217
00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:49,733
[Laughter]

218
00:04:49,733 --> 00:04:51,981
What's the guy's name on first...

219
00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:53,724
"What" is on second base.

220
00:04:53,724 --> 00:04:55,518
I'm not asking you who is on second.

221
00:04:55,518 --> 00:04:56,580
"Who" is on first.

222
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:57,507
I don't know.

223
00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:59,170
[Both] Third base.

224
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,538
[Laughter]

225
00:05:00,538 --> 00:05:02,733
The left fielder's name, 
the center fielder...

226
00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:04,221
You got a pitcher on the team?

227
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,746
It would be a fine team
without a pitcher.

228
00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:06,646
It's a fine team anyway.

229
00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:07,530
The pitcher's name?

230
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:08,525
"Tomorrow."

231
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:09,251
Eh.

232
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:11,164
I can't change their names!

233
00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:13,003
You don't want to tell me the name?

234
00:05:13,003 --> 00:05:13,878
I'm telling you.

235
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,695
Go ahead. Tell me the pitcher's name.

236
00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:16,487
"Tomorrow."

237
00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:19,327
Why not tell me today?!
I don't want to wait til tomorrow!

238
00:05:19,327 --> 00:05:20,286
I'm telling you now.

239
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,015
Tell me the pitcher's name.

240
00:05:22,015 --> 00:05:22,827
"Tomorrow!"

241
00:05:22,827 --> 00:05:25,092
All right. What time tomorrow
will you tell me the pitcher's name?

242
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,115
What time, what?

243
00:05:26,115 --> 00:05:27,981
What time tomorrow will you
tell me who is pitching?

244
00:05:27,981 --> 00:05:29,288
"Who" is not pitching.

245
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,769
I'll break your arm!

246
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,788
I want to know what 
is the pitcher's name.

247
00:05:32,788 --> 00:05:33,892
"What" is on second.

248
00:05:33,892 --> 00:05:34,848
I don't know.

249
00:05:34,848 --> 00:05:36,838
Third base! Third base!
Third base.

250
00:05:36,838 --> 00:05:38,423
You got a catcher?

251
00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:40,731
Certainly, you have a catcher
on a baseball team.

252
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:41,517
Catcher's name?

253
00:05:41,517 --> 00:05:42,498
"Today."

254
00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:44,842
Today. Tomorrow is pitching.
Today is catching.

255
00:05:44,842 --> 00:05:45,966
Now you've got it!

256
00:05:45,966 --> 00:05:46,913
Now I got it?

257
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,433
All I got: We got a couple of 
days on the team.

258
00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:50,148
I can't help that, Lou.
I don't name them.

259
00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:51,631
I'm a pretty good catcher, myself.

260
00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:52,482
So they tell me.

261
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,399
When I get behind the plate,
I'm going to do some catching.

262
00:05:54,399 --> 00:05:55,575
Tomorrow is pitching
on my team, right?

263
00:05:55,575 --> 00:05:56,278
Yeah.

264
00:05:56,278 --> 00:05:57,731
Now Tomorrow, he winds up
the ball.

265
00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:58,931
I'm behind the plate, 
and a heavy hitter gets up.

266
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:00,648
Now the heavy hitter 
is ready to hit the ball.

267
00:06:00,648 --> 00:06:01,867
Tomorrow is going to
throw the ball,

268
00:06:01,867 --> 00:06:02,716
and I'm the catcher.

269
00:06:02,716 --> 00:06:04,216
Tomorrow throws, 
the guy bunts the ball.

270
00:06:04,216 --> 00:06:05,881
Now, when he bunts the ball,

271
00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:07,399
me, being a good catcher,
I'm going to throw the guy out

272
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:08,447
on first base.

273
00:06:08,447 --> 00:06:09,514
So, I pick up the ball,
and throw it to who?

274
00:06:09,514 --> 00:06:11,166
Now, that's the first thing
you've said right.

275
00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:13,170
I don't even know
what I'm talking about!

276
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:14,769
Well, that's all you have to do!

277
00:06:14,769 --> 00:06:16,798
Is throw the ball to first base...

278
00:06:16,798 --> 00:06:17,599
Who has got it?

279
00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:18,497
Naturally!

280
00:06:18,497 --> 00:06:19,710
Sure. [Splutters]

281
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,333
The guy is running to first base,

282
00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:22,951
and I want to throw the guy out.

283
00:06:22,951 --> 00:06:23,686
So?

284
00:06:23,686 --> 00:06:25,248
So I throw the ball to who?

285
00:06:25,248 --> 00:06:26,196
Naturally.

286
00:06:26,196 --> 00:06:27,249
Throw it to who?

287
00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:28,226
Naturally.

288
00:06:28,226 --> 00:06:29,473
And who has got it?

289
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:30,498
Naturally.

290
00:06:30,498 --> 00:06:31,257
Huh.

291
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,793
So I pick up the ball, and I throw it to
"Naturally."

292
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:34,774
No, no! Wait.

293
00:06:34,774 --> 00:06:37,499
You throw the ball to first base.
Then "Who" gets it.

294
00:06:37,499 --> 00:06:38,489
Naturally.

295
00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:39,532
That's right.

296
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:41,873
I pick up the ball.
So I throw it to "Naturally."

297
00:06:41,873 --> 00:06:42,645
No!

298
00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:43,774
I throw it to who?

299
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:44,733
Naturally.

300
00:06:44,733 --> 00:06:46,283
That's what I'm saying!!

301
00:06:46,283 --> 00:06:47,623
You're not saying that.

302
00:06:47,623 --> 00:06:48,831
I said throw the ball to who?

303
00:06:48,831 --> 00:06:49,514
Naturally.

304
00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:50,265
You ask me.

305
00:06:50,265 --> 00:06:51,065
Throw the ball to who?

306
00:06:51,065 --> 00:06:51,715
"Naturally."

307
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:52,501
That's it.

308
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:53,098
Same as you!

309
00:06:53,098 --> 00:06:53,733
Pay attention.

310
00:06:53,733 --> 00:06:54,648
I throw the ball. To "Naturally."

311
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,616
You don't. You throw it
to "Who."

312
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,349
Now who has got it?

313
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,226
[Both] Naturally.

314
00:06:57,226 --> 00:06:57,875
That's what I said!

315
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:58,848
All right.

316
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:00,254
Whoever it is, better get it!

317
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,330
He'll get it.

318
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:02,914
Don't worry about "Who."
"Who" will get it.

319
00:07:02,914 --> 00:07:04,213
He better get it.

320
00:07:04,213 --> 00:07:05,365
Now, I throw the ball to who.

321
00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:07,064
Whoever it is, drops the ball.
The guy runs to second.

322
00:07:07,064 --> 00:07:08,664
Who picks up the ball, and 
throws to what.

323
00:07:08,664 --> 00:07:09,749
What throws the ball to I don't know.

324
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:10,965
I don't know throws back to tomorrow.

325
00:07:10,965 --> 00:07:11,948
Triple play.

326
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:12,599
Could be.

327
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,762
Another guy gets up,

328
00:07:13,762 --> 00:07:15,757
and it's a long, fly ball to because.

329
00:07:15,757 --> 00:07:16,775
Why?

330
00:07:16,775 --> 00:07:20,535
I don't know. He's on third. 
And I don't give a darn!

331
00:07:20,535 --> 00:07:21,478
What?

332
00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:23,266
I said "I don't give a darn!"

333
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:25,231
Ohhhh! That's our shortstop.

334
00:07:25,241 --> 00:07:26,485
[Splutters]

335
00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:29,066
[Laughter. Applause]

336
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:37,249
[Circus music]