1
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[Circus music]

2
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[Applause]

3
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We are organizing a baseball team

4
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here at the Retired Actors' Home.

5
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I am the manager. Now...

6
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You're going to be the manager

7
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of the Retired Actors'
baseball team?

8
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Yes.

9
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I would like to join
the Retired Actors' baseball team.

10
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Oh, you would?

11
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,594
I would like to know
some of the guys' names

12
00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:37,360
on the team, so if I want to
play with them, I know them.

13
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If I meet them on the street,
I can say "Hello" to them.

14
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Oh. Sure.

15
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But you know, they give baseball
players nowadays,

16
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very peculiar names.

17
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Oh? A lot of funny names.

18
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You know, like "Stinky Fields."

19
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"Goofy Dan."

20
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"Boobie Barber."

21
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[Laughs]

22
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On our team, we have:

23
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"Who" is on first,

24
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"What" is on second,

25
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"I don't know" is on third.

26
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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

27
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Huh?

28
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:02,743
That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

29
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I'm telling you.

30
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"Who" is on first, "What" is on second,
"I don't know" is on third.

31
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Abbott, you gonna be the manager
of the baseball team?

32
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Yes.

33
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,094
You know the guys' names?

34
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Why, sure.

35
00:01:08,761 --> 00:01:09,727
Well, you tell me the guys' names
on the baseball team.

36
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I say: "Who" is on first,

37
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"What" is on second,

38
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"I don't know" is on third.

39
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You ain't said nothing to me yet.

40
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Go ahead and tell me.

41
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I'm telling him. Look.

42
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Tell me.

43
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"Who" Is on first,

44
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"What" is on second.

45
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"I don't know" is on third.

46
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You know the guys' names
on the baseball team?

47
00:01:21,727 --> 00:01:22,294
Yes.

48
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Go ahead. Who's on first?

49
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Yes.

50
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I mean, the guy's name.

51
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"Who."

52
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The guy playing first.

53
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"Who."

54
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The guy playing first base.

55
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"Who!"

56
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The guy on first base.

57
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"Who" is on first.

58
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What are you asking me for?!
I don't know!

59
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Wait, I'm not...

60
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I'm asking YOU who is on first.

61
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That is his name.

62
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Go ahead and tell me.

63
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"Who."

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The guy on first.

65
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That's it.

66
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That's his name!

67
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You ain't said nothing.
I ain't asked you nothing.

68
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Yes you did.

69
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You know the guy's name
on first base?

70
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Sure.

71
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Tell me the guy's name
on first base.

72
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"Who."

73
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The guy playing first base.

74
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"Who" is on first, Lou.

75
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What are ya asking me for?!

76
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Now, don't get excited.
I'm saying "Who..."

77
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I'm asking you a simple question:
Who is on first?

78
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Yes.

79
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Well go ahead and tell me.

80
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That's it.

81
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That's who?

82
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Yes.

83
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I'm asking you. What is the guy's name
on first base?

84
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No, "What" is on second.

85
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I'm not asking you who is on second.

86
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"Who" is on first.

87
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One base at a time, now!

88
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Don't mix up my players.

89
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I'm not mixing up anybody.

90
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Now, what's the guy's name
on first base?

91
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No, "What" is on second.

92
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I'm not asking you who
is on second!

93
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"Who" is on first.

94
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I don't know.

95
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He is on third.

96
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Wait a minute. Whoa.

97
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.

98
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How did I get on third base?

99
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You mentioned his name.

100
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I mentioned his name?

101
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Yes.

102
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I don't know anybody's name
on the team.

103
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How could I mention
the guy's name?

104
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You did. You just mentioned it.

105
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All right. What is the guy's name
on third base?

106
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No. "What" is on second.

107
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Who is on second?

108
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"Who" is in first.

109
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I don't know.

110
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He's on third.

111
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I didn't even mention 
the guy's name on third base!

112
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Yes you did, Lou.

113
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All right. Then, who is playing
third base?

114
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No, "Who" is on first.

115
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I'm not asking you
what is on first.

116
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"What" is on second.

117
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Who is on second?

118
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"Who" is on first.

119
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I don't know.

120
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[Both] Third base.

121
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I don't know anybody
on the baseball team.

122
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You do.

123
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You mentioned their names.

124
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I do?

125
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Sure.

126
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You got an outfield?

127
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Naturally.

128
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The left fielder's name?

129
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"Why."

130
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[Laughter]

131
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I just thought I'd ask.

132
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I thought I'd tell you.

133
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Go ahead. Tell me.

134
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Tell you what?

135
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The left fielder's name.

136
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"Why."

137
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Because I want to know!

138
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Because!

139
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Oh, he's center field.

140
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You know these players.

141
00:03:10,661 --> 00:03:11,978
Who is in center field?

142
00:03:11,978 --> 00:03:12,863
No, "Who" is on first.

143
00:03:12,863 --> 00:03:13,444
What's on first?

144
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:14,012
"What" is on second.

145
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I don't know.

146
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[Both] Third base.

147
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Do you know the guys' names
on the team?

148
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You don't seem to understand.

149
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See, I have a first baseman...

150
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I know. I asked what's
the first baseman's name?

151
00:03:27,645 --> 00:03:29,146
No. "What" is the 
second baseman's name.

152
00:03:29,146 --> 00:03:31,912
I asked you: What is the 
first baseman's name?

153
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,162
"What" is the second 
baseman's name.

154
00:03:33,162 --> 00:03:34,162
I don't even get past
the first...

155
00:03:34,162 --> 00:03:35,863
All right. Who is on second?

156
00:03:35,863 --> 00:03:36,978
"Who" is on first.

157
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What base do you want
to talk about?!

158
00:03:38,581 --> 00:03:40,414
You talk about any one
you want.

159
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All right. Now. Who is on first.

160
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Right.

161
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Okay. [Splutters]

162
00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:45,365
Now...stop that.

163
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All right. You got a first baseman.

164
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Yes.

165
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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

166
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who gets the money?

167
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Every dollar of it.

168
00:03:50,511 --> 00:03:53,378
Who gets it?

169
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He does.

170
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Sometimes, his wife comes down,
and collects it.

171
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Whose wife?

172
00:03:58,462 --> 00:04:01,112
Yes.

173
00:04:01,112 --> 00:04:03,730
Why not, Lou? He's earned it.

174
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Who did?

175
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:06,213
Yes.

176
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:09,113
When you pay the first baseman
every month,

177
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you get a receipt from the guy?

178
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Sure.

179
00:04:11,347 --> 00:04:11,795
How does he sign his name?

180
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:12,397
"Who."

181
00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:12,879
The guy you give the money to.

182
00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:13,447
"Who."

183
00:04:13,447 --> 00:04:15,214
The guy you give the money to.

184
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:16,396
Well, that's how he signs it, Lou.

185
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That's how who signs it?

186
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:17,714
Yes.

187
00:04:17,714 --> 00:04:18,495
Go on and tell me.

188
00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:19,047
That's it.

189
00:04:19,047 --> 00:04:19,964
Who?

190
00:04:19,964 --> 00:04:21,463
Right.

191
00:04:21,463 --> 00:04:23,131
Look: You go to the first baseman.

192
00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:23,847
Yes.

193
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,864
You tell him: "Here is your money.
Sign the receipt."

194
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:27,298
How does he sign his name?

195
00:04:27,298 --> 00:04:27,930
"Who."

196
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:28,997
The guy you give the money to.

197
00:04:28,997 --> 00:04:29,945
That's how he signs it.

198
00:04:29,945 --> 00:04:30,630
That's how who signs it?

199
00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:31,280
Yes.

200
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,845
Sure.

201
00:04:33,845 --> 00:04:34,813
He... [Splutters]

202
00:04:34,813 --> 00:04:36,196
You gotta get a receipt, don't you?

203
00:04:36,196 --> 00:04:37,296
I get one, Lou.

204
00:04:37,296 --> 00:04:38,830
How does the guy on first base
sign his name?

205
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:39,814
"WHO."

206
00:04:39,814 --> 00:04:40,529
The guy on first.

207
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:41,312
That's how he signs it.

208
00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:44,347
I'm asking you: What's the 
guy's name you give the money to?

209
00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:46,264
No, wait. "What" signs his own.

210
00:04:46,264 --> 00:04:47,047
Who signs his own?

211
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:48,563
No, "Who" signs his.

212
00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:51,981
What's the guy's name on first...

213
00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:54,114
"What" is on second base.

214
00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:55,548
I'm not asking you who is on second.

215
00:04:55,548 --> 00:04:56,580
"Who" is on first.

216
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:57,147
I don't know.

217
00:04:57,147 --> 00:05:00,830
[Both] Third base.

218
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,548
[Laughter]

219
00:05:02,548 --> 00:05:03,563
The left fielder's name, 
the center fielder...

220
00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:04,831
You got a pitcher on the team?

221
00:05:04,831 --> 00:05:05,746
It would be a fine team
without a pitcher.

222
00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:06,646
It's a fine team anyway.

223
00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:07,530
The pitcher's name?

224
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,015
"Tomorrow."

225
00:05:09,015 --> 00:05:09,881
Eh.

226
00:05:09,881 --> 00:05:11,164
I can't change their names!

227
00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:14,463
You don't want to tell me the name?

228
00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:15,198
I'm telling you.

229
00:05:15,198 --> 00:05:15,465
Go ahead. Tell me the pitcher's name.

230
00:05:15,465 --> 00:05:17,547
"Tomorrow."

231
00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:20,098
Why not tell me today?!
I don't want to wait til tomorrow!

232
00:05:20,098 --> 00:05:21,146
I'm telling you now.

233
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,015
Tell me the pitcher's name.

234
00:05:22,015 --> 00:05:23,297
"Tomorrow!"

235
00:05:23,297 --> 00:05:24,882
All right. What time tomorrow
will you tell me the pitcher's name?

236
00:05:24,882 --> 00:05:26,115
What time, what?

237
00:05:26,115 --> 00:05:27,981
What time tomorrow will you
tell me who is pitching?

238
00:05:27,981 --> 00:05:29,098
"Who" is not pitching.

239
00:05:29,098 --> 00:05:31,679
I'll break your arm!

240
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,498
I want to know what 
is the pitcher's name.

241
00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:34,382
"What" is on second.

242
00:05:34,382 --> 00:05:34,848
I don't know.

243
00:05:34,848 --> 00:05:38,113
Third base! Third base!
Third base.

244
00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:39,199
You got a catcher?

245
00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:41,731
Certainly, you have a catcher
on a baseball team.

246
00:05:41,731 --> 00:05:42,647
Catcher's name?

247
00:05:42,647 --> 00:05:43,198
"Today."

248
00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:45,132
Today. Tomorrow is pitching.
Today is catching.

249
00:05:45,132 --> 00:05:45,966
Now you've got it!

250
00:05:45,966 --> 00:05:46,913
Now I got it?

251
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,433
All I got: We got a couple of 
days on the team.

252
00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:50,148
I can't help that, Lou.
I don't name them.

253
00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:51,631
I'm a pretty good catcher, myself.

254
00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:52,482
So they tell me.

255
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,399
When I get behind the plate,
I'm going to do some catching.

256
00:05:54,399 --> 00:05:55,965
Tomorrow is pitching
on my team, right?

257
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:56,698
Yeah.

258
00:05:56,698 --> 00:05:57,731
Now Tomorrow, he winds up
the ball.

259
00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:58,931
I'm behind the plate, 
and a heavy hitter gets up.

260
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:00,648
Now the heavy hitter 
is ready to hit the ball.

261
00:06:00,648 --> 00:06:01,867
Tomorrow is going to
throw the ball,

262
00:06:01,867 --> 00:06:02,716
and I'm the catcher.

263
00:06:02,716 --> 00:06:04,216
Tomorrow throws, 
the guy bunts the ball.

264
00:06:04,216 --> 00:06:05,881
Now, when he bunts the ball,

265
00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:07,399
me, being a good catcher,
I'm going to throw the guy out

266
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:08,447
on first base.

267
00:06:08,447 --> 00:06:09,514
So, I pick up the ball,
and throw it to who?

268
00:06:09,514 --> 00:06:11,166
Now, that's the first thing
you've said right.

269
00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:13,400
I don't even know
what I'm talking about!

270
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,449
Well, that's all you have to do!

271
00:06:15,449 --> 00:06:16,798
If I throw the ball to first base...

272
00:06:16,798 --> 00:06:17,599
who has got it?

273
00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:18,697
Naturally!

274
00:06:18,697 --> 00:06:20,300
Sure. [Splutters]

275
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,183
The guy is running to first base,

276
00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:23,681
and I want to throw the guy out.

277
00:06:23,681 --> 00:06:24,266
So?

278
00:06:24,266 --> 00:06:25,248
So I throw the ball to who?

279
00:06:25,248 --> 00:06:26,196
Naturally.

280
00:06:26,196 --> 00:06:27,649
Throw it to who?

281
00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:29,016
Naturally.

282
00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:29,733
And who has got it?

283
00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:30,648
Naturally.

284
00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:31,397
Huh.

285
00:06:31,397 --> 00:06:32,983
So I pick up the ball, and I throw it to
"Naturally."

286
00:06:32,983 --> 00:06:35,614
No, no! Wait.

287
00:06:35,614 --> 00:06:37,749
You throw the ball to first base.
Then "Who" gets it.

288
00:06:37,749 --> 00:06:38,599
Naturally.

289
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,532
That's right.

290
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:42,183
I pick up the ball.
So I throw it to "Naturally."

291
00:06:42,183 --> 00:06:43,265
No!

292
00:06:43,265 --> 00:06:44,183
I throw it to who?

293
00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:44,882
Naturally.

294
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,283
That's what I'm saying!!

295
00:06:46,283 --> 00:06:47,816
You're not saying that.

296
00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:48,831
I said throw the ball to who?

297
00:06:48,831 --> 00:06:49,514
Naturally.

298
00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:50,265
You ask me.

299
00:06:50,265 --> 00:06:51,065
Throw the ball to who?

300
00:06:51,065 --> 00:06:51,715
"Naturally."

301
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:52,501
That's it.

302
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:53,098
Same as you!

303
00:06:53,098 --> 00:06:53,733
Pay attention.

304
00:06:53,733 --> 00:06:54,648
I throw the ball. To "Naturally."

305
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,616
You don't. You throw the ball
to "Who."

306
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,349
Now who has got it?

307
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,366
[Both] Naturally.

308
00:06:57,366 --> 00:06:58,415
That's what I said!

309
00:06:58,415 --> 00:06:59,199
All right.

310
00:06:59,199 --> 00:07:00,314
Whoever it is, better get it!

311
00:07:00,314 --> 00:07:01,330
He'll get it.

312
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:02,914
Don't worry about "Who."
"Who" will get it.

313
00:07:02,914 --> 00:07:04,213
He better get it.

314
00:07:04,213 --> 00:07:05,365
Now, I throw the ball to who.

315
00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:07,064
Whoever it is, drops the ball.
The guy runs to second.

316
00:07:07,064 --> 00:07:08,664
Who picks up the ball, and 
throws to what.

317
00:07:08,664 --> 00:07:09,749
What throws the ball to I don't know.

318
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:10,965
I don't know throws back to tomorrow.

319
00:07:10,965 --> 00:07:11,948
Triple play.

320
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:12,599
Could be.

321
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,482
Another guy gets up,

322
00:07:13,482 --> 00:07:15,497
and it's a long, fly ball to because.

323
00:07:15,497 --> 00:07:16,715
Why?

324
00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:20,715
I don't know. He's on third. 
And I don't give a darn!

325
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:21,548
What?

326
00:07:21,548 --> 00:07:23,266
I said "I don't give a darn!"

327
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:25,331
Ohhhh! That's our shortstop.

328
00:07:25,331 --> 00:07:27,015
[Splutters]

329
00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:29,066
[Laughter. Applause]

330
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:37,249
[Circus music]