WEBVTT 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Circus music] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Applause] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We are organizing a baseball team 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 here at the Retired Actors' Home. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I am the manager. Now... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You're going to be the manager 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of the Retired Actors' baseball team? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I would like to join the Retired Actors' baseball team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, you would? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I would like to know some of the guys' names 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on the team, so if I want to play with them, I know them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If I meet them on the street, I can say "Hello" to them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh. Sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But you know, they give baseball players nowadays, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 very peculiar names. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh? A lot of funny names. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, like "Stinky Fields." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Goofy Dan." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Boobie Barber." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Laughs] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 On our team, we have: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I don't know" is on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's what I want to find out. The guys' names. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Huh? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's what I want to find out. The guys' names. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm telling you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first, "What" is on second, "I don't know" is on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Abbott, you gonna be the manager of the baseball team? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know the guys' names? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why, sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well, you tell me the guys' names on the baseball team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I say: "Who" is on first, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I don't know" is on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You ain't said nothing to me yet. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go ahead and tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm telling him. Look. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" Is on first, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I don't know" is on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know the guys' names on the baseball team? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go ahead. Who's on first? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean, the guy's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy playing first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy playing first base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy on first base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What are you asking me for?! I don't know! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Wait, I'm not... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm asking YOU who is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That is his name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go ahead and tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's his name! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You ain't said nothing. I ain't asked you nothing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes you did. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know the guy's name on first base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tell me the guy's name on first base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy playing first base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first, Lou. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What are ya asking me for?! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, don't get excited. I'm saying "Who..." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm asking you a simple question: Who is on first? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well go ahead and tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm asking you. What is the guy's name on first base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not asking you who is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 One base at a time, now! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Don't mix up my players. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not mixing up anybody. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, what's the guy's name on first base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not asking you who is on second! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He is on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Wait a minute. Whoa. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How did I get on third base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You mentioned his name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mentioned his name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know anybody's name on the team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How could I mention the guy's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You did. You just mentioned it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. What is the guy's name on third base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No. "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who is on second? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is in first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's on third. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I didn't even mention the guy's name on third base! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes you did, Lou. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. Then, who is playing third base? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not asking you what is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who is on second? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Both] Third base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know anybody on the baseball team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You do. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You mentioned their names. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I do? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You got an outfield? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The left fielder's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Why." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Laughter] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I just thought I'd ask. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I thought I'd tell you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go ahead. Tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tell you what? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The left fielder's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Why." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because I want to know! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, he's center field. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know these players. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who is in center field? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What's on first? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Both] Third base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do you know the guys' names on the team? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You don't seem to understand. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 See, I have a first baseman... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I know. I asked what's the first baseman's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No. "What" is the second baseman's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I asked you: What is the first baseman's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is the second baseman's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't even get past the first... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. Who is on second? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What base do you want to talk about?! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You talk about any one you want. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. Now. Who is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Right. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Okay. [Splutters] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now...stop that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. You got a first baseman. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When you pay the first baseman every month, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who gets the money? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Every dollar of it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who gets it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He does. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sometimes, his wife comes down, and collects it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Whose wife? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why not, Lou? He's earned it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who did? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When you pay the first baseman every month, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you get a receipt from the guy? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How does he sign his name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy you give the money to. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy you give the money to. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well, that's how he signs it, Lou. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's how who signs it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go on and tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Right. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Look: You go to the first baseman. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You tell him: "Here is your money. Sign the receipt." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How does he sign his name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy you give the money to. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's how he signs it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's how who signs it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He... [Splutters] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You gotta get a receipt, don't you? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I get one, Lou. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How does the guy on first base sign his name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "WHO." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's how he signs it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm asking you: What's the guy's name you give the money to? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, wait. "What" signs his own. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who signs his own? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, "Who" signs his. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What's the guy's name on first... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not asking you who is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is on first. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Both] Third base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Laughter] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The left fielder's name, the center fielder... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You got a pitcher on the team? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It would be a fine team without a pitcher. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a fine team anyway. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The pitcher's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Tomorrow." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Eh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I can't change their names! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You don't want to tell me the name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm telling you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go ahead. Tell me the pitcher's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Tomorrow." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why not tell me today?! I don't want to wait til tomorrow! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm telling you now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tell me the pitcher's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Tomorrow!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. What time tomorrow will you tell me the pitcher's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What time, what? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What time tomorrow will you tell me who is pitching? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Who" is not pitching. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'll break your arm! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want to know what is the pitcher's name. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "What" is on second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Third base! Third base! Third base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You got a catcher? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Certainly, you have a catcher on a baseball team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Catcher's name? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Today." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Today. Tomorrow is pitching. Today is catching. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now you've got it! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now I got it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All I got: We got a couple of days on the team. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I can't help that, Lou. I don't name them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm a pretty good catcher, myself. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So they tell me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When I get behind the plate, I'm going to do some catching. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tomorrow is pitching on my team, right? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yeah. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now Tomorrow, he winds up the ball. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm behind the plate, and a heavy hitter gets up. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now the heavy hitter is ready to hit the ball. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tomorrow is going to throw the ball, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I'm the catcher. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tomorrow throws, the guy bunts the ball. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, when he bunts the ball, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 me, being a good catcher, I'm going to throw the guy out 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on first base. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So, I pick up the ball, and throw it to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, that's the first thing you've said right. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't even know what I'm talking about! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well, that's all you have to do! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If I throw the ball to first base... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who has got it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sure. [Splutters] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The guy is running to first base, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I want to throw the guy out. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So I throw the ball to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Throw it to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And who has got it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Huh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So I pick up the ball, and I throw it to "Naturally." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, no! Wait. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You throw the ball to first base. Then "Who" gets it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's right. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I pick up the ball. So I throw it to "Naturally." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I throw it to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's what I'm saying!! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You're not saying that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I said throw the ball to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You ask me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Throw the ball to who? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Naturally." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Same as you! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pay attention. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I throw the ball. To "Naturally." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You don't. You throw the ball to "Who." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now who has got it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Both] Naturally. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's what I said! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All right. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Whoever it is, better get it! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He'll get it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Don't worry about "Who." "Who" will get it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He better get it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, I throw the ball to who. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Whoever it is, drops the ball. The guy runs to second. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who picks up the ball, and throws to what. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What throws the ball to I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know throws back to tomorrow. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Triple play. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Could be. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Another guy gets up, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and it's a long, fly ball to because. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. He's on third. And I don't give a darn! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I said "I don't give a darn!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ohhhh! That's our shortstop. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Splutters] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Laughter. Applause] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Circus music]