1
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[Circus music]

2
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[Applause]

3
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We are organizing a baseball team

4
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here at the Retired Actors' Home.

5
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I am the manager. Now...

6
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You're going to be the manager

7
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of the Retired Actors'
baseball team?

8
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Yes.

9
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I would like to join
the Retired Actors' baseball team.

10
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Oh, you would?

11
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I would like to know
some of the guys' names

12
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on the team, so if I want to
play with them, I know them.

13
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If I meet them on the street,
I can say "Hello" to them.

14
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Oh. Sure.

15
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But you know, they give baseball
players nowadays,

16
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very peculiar names.

17
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Oh? A lot of funny names.

18
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You know, like "Stinky Fields."

19
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"Goofy Dan."

20
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"Boobie Barber."

21
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[Laughs]

22
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On our team, we have:

23
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"Who" is on first,

24
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"What" is on second,

25
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"I don't know" is on third.

26
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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

27
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Huh?

28
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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

29
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I'm telling you.

30
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"Who" is on first, "What" is on second,
"I don't know" is on third.

31
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Abbott, you gonna be the manager
of the baseball team?

32
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Yes.

33
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You know the guys' names?

34
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Why, sure.

35
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Well, you tell me the guys' names
on the baseball team.

36
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I say: "Who" is on first,

37
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"What" is on second,

38
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"I don't know" is on third.

39
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You ain't said nothing to me yet.

40
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Go ahead and tell me.

41
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I'm telling him. Look.

42
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Tell me.

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"Who" Is on first,

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"What" is on second.

45
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"I don't know" is on third.

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You know the guys' names
on the baseball team?

47
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Yes.

48
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Go ahead. Who's on first?

49
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Yes.

50
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I mean, the guy's name.

51
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"Who."

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The guy playing first.

53
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"Who."

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The guy playing first base.

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"Who!"

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The guy on first base.

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"Who" is on first.

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What are you asking me for?!
I don't know!

59
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Wait, I'm not...

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I'm asking YOU who is on first.

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That is his name.

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Go ahead and tell me.

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"Who."

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The guy on first.

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That's it.

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That's his name!

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You ain't said nothing.
I ain't asked you nothing.

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Yes you did.

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You know the guy's name
on first base?

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Sure.

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Tell me the guy's name
on first base.

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"Who."

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The guy playing first base.

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"Who" is on first, Lou.

75
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What are ya asking me for?!

76
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Now, don't get excited.
I'm saying "Who..."

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I'm asking you a simple question:
Who is on first?

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Yes.

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Well go ahead and tell me.

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That's it.

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That's who?

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Yes.

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I'm asking you. What is the guy's name
on first base?

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No, "What" is on second.

85
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I'm not asking you who is on second.

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"Who" is on first.

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One base at a time, now!

88
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Don't mix up my players.

89
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I'm not mixing up anybody.

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Now, what's the guy's name
on first base?

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No, "What" is on second.

92
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I'm not asking you who
is on second!

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"Who" is on first.

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I don't know.

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He is on third.

96
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Wait a minute. Whoa.

97
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.

98
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How did I get on third base?

99
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You mentioned his name.

100
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I mentioned his name?

101
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Yes.

102
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I don't know anybody's name
on the team.

103
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How could I mention
the guy's name?

104
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You did. You just mentioned it.

105
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All right. What is the guy's name
on third base?

106
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No. "What" is on second.

107
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Who is on second?

108
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"Who" is in first.

109
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I don't know.

110
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He's on third.

111
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I didn't even mention 
the guy's name on third base!

112
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Yes you did, Lou.

113
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All right. Then, who is playing
third base?

114
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No, "Who" is on first.

115
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I'm not asking you
what is on first.

116
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"What" is on second.

117
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Who is on second?

118
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"Who" is on first.

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I don't know.

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[Both] Third base.

121
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I don't know anybody
on the baseball team.

122
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You do.

123
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You mentioned their names.

124
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I do?

125
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Sure.

126
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You got an outfield?

127
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Naturally.

128
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The left fielder's name?

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"Why."

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[Laughter]

131
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I just thought I'd ask.

132
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I thought I'd tell you.

133
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Go ahead. Tell me.

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Tell you what?

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The left fielder's name.

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"Why."

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Because I want to know!

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Because!

139
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Oh, he's center field.

140
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You know these players.

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Who is in center field?

142
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No, "Who" is on first.

143
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What's on first?

144
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"What" is on second.

145
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I don't know.

146
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[Both] Third base.

147
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Do you know the guys' names
on the team?

148
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You don't seem to understand.

149
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See, I have a first baseman...

150
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I know. I asked what's
the first baseman's name?

151
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No. "What" is the 
second baseman's name.

152
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I asked you: What is the 
first baseman's name?

153
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"What" is the second 
baseman's name.

154
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I don't even get past
the first...

155
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All right. Who is on second?

156
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"Who" is on first.

157
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What base do you want
to talk about?!

158
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You talk about any one
you want.

159
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All right. Now. Who is on first.

160
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Right.

161
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Okay. [Splutters]

162
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Now...stop that.

163
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All right. You got a first baseman.

164
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Yes.

165
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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

166
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who gets the money?

167
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Every dollar of it.

168
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Who gets it?

169
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He does.

170
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Sometimes, his wife comes down,
and collects it.

171
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Whose wife?

172
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Yes.

173
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Why not, Lou? He's earned it.

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Who did?

175
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Yes.

176
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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

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you get a receipt from the guy?

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Sure.

179
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How does he sign his name?

180
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"Who."

181
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The guy you give the money to.

182
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"Who."

183
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The guy you give the money to.

184
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Well, that's how he signs it, Lou.

185
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That's how who signs it?

186
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Yes.

187
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Go on and tell me.

188
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That's it.

189
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Who?

190
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Right.

191
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Look: You go to the first baseman.

192
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Yes.

193
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You tell him: "Here is your money.
Sign the receipt."

194
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How does he sign his name?

195
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"Who."

196
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The guy you give the money to.

197
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That's how he signs it.

198
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's how who signs it?

199
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yes.

200
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sure.

201
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He... [Splutters]

202
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You gotta get a receipt, don't you?

203
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I get one, Lou.

204
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How does the guy on first base
sign his name?

205
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"WHO."

206
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The guy on first.

207
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That's how he signs it.

208
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm asking you: What's the 
guy's name you give the money to?

209
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No, wait. "What" signs his own.

210
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Who signs his own?

211
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
No, "Who" signs his.

212
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What's the guy's name on first...

213
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"What" is on second base.

214
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm not asking you who is on second.

215
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"Who" is on first.

216
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't know.

217
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Both] Third base.

218
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[Laughter]

219
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The left fielder's name, 
the center fielder...

220
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You got a pitcher on the team?

221
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It would be a fine team
without a pitcher.

222
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's a fine team anyway.

223
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The pitcher's name?

224
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Tomorrow."

225
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Eh.

226
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I can't change their names!

227
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You don't want to tell me the name?

228
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm telling you.

229
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Go ahead. Tell me the pitcher's name.

230
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Tomorrow."

231
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Why not tell me today?!
I don't want to wait til tomorrow!

232
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm telling you now.

233
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Tell me the pitcher's name.

234
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Tomorrow!"

235
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
All right. What time tomorrow
will you tell me the pitcher's name?

236
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What time, what?

237
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What time tomorrow will you
tell me who is pitching?

238
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"Who" is not pitching.

239
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'll break your arm!

240
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I want to know what 
is the pitcher's name.

241
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"What" is on second.

242
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't know.

243
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Third base! Third base!
Third base.

244
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You got a catcher?

245
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Certainly, you have a catcher
on a baseball team.

246
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Catcher's name?

247
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Today."

248
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Today. Tomorrow is pitching.
Today is catching.

249
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now you've got it!

250
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now I got it?

251
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
All I got: We got a couple of 
days on the team.

252
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I can't help that, Lou.
I don't name them.

253
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm a pretty good catcher, myself.

254
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So they tell me.

255
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When I get behind the plate,
I'm going to do some catching.

256
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Tomorrow is pitching
on my team, right?

257
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah.

258
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now Tomorrow, he winds up
the ball.

259
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm behind the plate, 
and a heavy hitter gets up.

260
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now the heavy hitter 
is ready to hit the ball,

261
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Tomorrow is going to
throw the ball,

262
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and I'm the catcher.