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[Circus music]

2
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[Applause]

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We are organizing a baseball team

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here at the Retired Actors' Home.

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I am the manager. Now...

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You're going to be the manager

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of the Retired Actors'
baseball team?

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Yes.

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I would like to join
the Retired Actors' baseball team.

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Oh, you would?

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I would like to know
some of the guys' names

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on the team, so if I want to
play with them, I know them.

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If I meet them on the street,
I can say "Hello" to them.

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Oh. Sure.

15
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But you know, they give baseball
players nowadays,

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very peculiar names.

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Oh? A lot of funny names.

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You know, like "Stinky Fields."

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"Goofy Dan."

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"Boobie Barber."

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[Laughs]

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On our team, we have:

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"Who" is on first,

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"What" is on second,

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"I don't know" is on third.

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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

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Huh?

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That's what I want to find out.
The guys' names.

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I'm telling you.

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"Who" is on first, "What" is on second,
"I don't know" is on third.

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Abbott, you gonna be the manager
of the baseball team?

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Yes.

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You know the guys' names?

34
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Why, sure.

35
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Well, you tell me the guys' names
on the baseball team.

36
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I say: "Who" is on first,

37
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"What" is on second,

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"I don't know" is on third.

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You ain't said nothing to me yet.

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Go ahead and tell me.

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I'm telling him. Look.

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Tell me.

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"Who" Is on first,

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"What" is on second.

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"I don't know" is on third.

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You know the guys' names
on the baseball team?

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Yes.

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Go ahead. Who's on first?

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Yes.

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I mean, the guy's name.

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"Who."

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The guy playing first.

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"Who."

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The guy playing first base.

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"Who!"

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The guy on first base.

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"Who" is on first.

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What are you asking me for?!
I don't know!

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Wait, I'm not...

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I'm asking YOU who is on first.

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That is his name.

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Go ahead and tell me.

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"Who."

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The guy on first.

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That's it.

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That's his name!

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You ain't said nothing.
I ain't asked you nothing.

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Yes you did.

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You know the guy's name
on first base?

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Sure.

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Tell me the guy's name
on first base.

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"Who."

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The guy playing first base.

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"Who" is on first, Lou.

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What are ya asking me for?!

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Now, don't get excited.
I'm saying "Who..."

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I'm asking you a simple question:
Who is on first?

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Yes.

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Well go ahead and tell me.

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That's it.

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That's who?

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Yes.

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I'm asking you. What is the guy's name
on first base?

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No, "What" is on second.

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I'm not asking you who is on second.

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"Who" is on first.

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One base at a time, now!

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Don't mix up my players.

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I'm not mixing up anybody.

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Now, what's the guy's name
on first base?

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No, "What" is on second.

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I'm not asking you who
is on second!

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"Who" is on first.

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I don't know.

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He is on third.

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Wait a minute. Whoa.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa.

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How did I get on third base?

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You mentioned his name.

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I mentioned his name?

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Yes.

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I don't know anybody's name
on the team.

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How could I mention
the guy's name?

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You did. You just mentioned it.

105
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All right. What is the guy's name
on third base?

106
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No. "What" is on second.

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Who is on second?

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"Who" is in first.

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I don't know.

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He's on third.

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I didn't even mention 
the guy's name on third base!

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Yes you did, Lou.

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All right. Then, who is playing
third base?

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No, "Who" is on first.

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I'm not asking you
what is on first.

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"What" is on second.

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Who is on second?

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"Who" is on first.

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I don't know.

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[Both] Third base.

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I don't know anybody
on the baseball team.

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You do.

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You mentioned their names.

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I do?

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Sure.

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You got an outfield?

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Naturally.

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The left fielder's name?

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"Why."

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[Laughter]

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I just thought I'd ask.

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I thought I'd tell you.

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Go ahead. Tell me.

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Tell you what?

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The left fielder's name.

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"Why."

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Because I want to know!

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Because!

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Oh, he's center field.

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You know these players.

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Who is in center field?

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No, "Who" is on first.

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What's on first?

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"What" is on second.

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I don't know.

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[Both] Third base.

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Do you know the guys' names
on the team?

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You don't seem to understand.

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See, I have a first baseman...

150
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I know. I asked what's
the first baseman's name?

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No. "What" is the 
second baseman's name.

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I asked you: What is the 
first baseman's name?

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"What" is the second 
baseman's name.

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I don't even get past
the first...

155
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All right. Who is on second?

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"Who" is on first.

157
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What base do you want
to talk about?!

158
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You talk about any one
you want.

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All right. Now. Who is on first.

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Right.

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Okay. [Splutters]

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Now...stop that.

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All right. You got a first baseman.

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Yes.

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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

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who gets the money?

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Every dollar of it.

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Who gets it?

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He does.

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Sometimes, his wife comes down,
and collects it.

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Whose wife?

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Yes.

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Why not, Lou? He's earned it.

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Who did?

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Yes.

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When you pay the first baseman
every month,

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you get a receipt from the guy?

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Sure.

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How does he sign his name?

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"Who."

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The guy you give the money to.

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"Who."

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The guy you give the money to.

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Well, that's how he signs it, Lou.

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That's how who signs it?

186
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Yes.

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Go on and tell me.

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That's it.

189
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Who?

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Right.

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Look: You go to the first baseman.

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Yes.

193
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You tell him: "Here is your money.
Sign the receipt."

194
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How does he sign his name?

195
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"Who."

196
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The guy you give the money to.

197
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That's how he signs it.

198
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That's how who signs it?

199
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Yes.

200
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Sure.

201
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He... [Splutters]

202
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You gotta get a receipt, don't you?

203
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I get one, Lou.

204
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How does the guy on first base
sign his name?

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"WHO."

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The guy on first.

207
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That's how he signs it.

208
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I'm asking you: What's the 
guy's name you give the money to?

209
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No, wait. "What" signs his own.

210
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Who signs his own?

211
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No, "Who" signs his.

212
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What's the guy's name on first...

213
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"What" is on second base.

214
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I'm not asking you who is on second.

215
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"Who" is on first.

216
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I don't know.

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[Both] Third base.

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[Laughter]

219
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The left fielder's name, 
the center fielder...

220
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You got a pitcher on the team?

221
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It would be a fine team
without a pitcher.

222
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It's a fine team anyway.

223
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What is the pitcher's name?