1 00:00:00,039 --> 00:00:02,114 As you probably already know by now, 2 00:00:02,114 --> 00:00:04,969 people can have all kinds of subconscious patterns 3 00:00:04,969 --> 00:00:06,793 that they are completely unaware of. 4 00:00:06,793 --> 00:00:08,245 In fact, the subconscious mind 5 00:00:08,245 --> 00:00:10,518 can completely contradict the conscious mind. 6 00:00:10,518 --> 00:00:13,240 For example, we may say something like: 7 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,590 "You know I totally love helping people." 8 00:00:15,590 --> 00:00:16,965 But actually down deep 9 00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:19,640 the truth is we don't really like helping people at all. 10 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,059 in fact, we just do it for a sense of appreciation 11 00:00:22,059 --> 00:00:24,859 and guaranteed alliance and if we don't get those things 12 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:27,010 we regret helping in the first place. 13 00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:28,304 Another example is, 14 00:00:28,304 --> 00:00:30,709 we may have suppressed our anger a long time ago 15 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:34,159 and as a result, even though we may be very angry, 16 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,120 we don't even feel the anger. 17 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:40,190 In fact, we relate to ourselves only as a really peaceful person. 18 00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:42,680 I know you've met people like that before. 19 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,795 Now, one of these subconscious patterns 20 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:47,422 that plays out in our lives, plays out in relationships. 21 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,710 And if this pattern isn't seen directly and resolved, 22 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,750 it can ruin a relationship. 23 00:00:56,655 --> 00:01:01,075 Are You a Friend or a Foe Under the Guise of a Friend? 24 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:05,059 The pattern that makes you a foe on a subconscious level 25 00:01:05,059 --> 00:01:06,524 is needing to be the one 26 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,639 to reflect someone's shadows to someone. 27 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,434 Or needing to be the one 28 00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:14,479 who calls them out or can call them out. 29 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,439 Obviously being in this position in somebody's life 30 00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:19,539 is a rather empowering position. 31 00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:22,240 It's a position that gives you a lot of pride. 32 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,794 It's tempting to think that this is a loving position 33 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,649 to hold in somebody else's life. 34 00:01:26,649 --> 00:01:27,834 When in fact, 35 00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:29,410 there can be and often are 36 00:01:29,410 --> 00:01:33,120 deep, deep shadows involved in why 37 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,425 you want to occupy that space in someone's life. 38 00:01:35,425 --> 00:01:37,670 And what you're getting out of it. 39 00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:40,029 People in the awareness community 40 00:01:40,029 --> 00:01:42,589 see "shadow" as two different things. 41 00:01:42,589 --> 00:01:45,689 Basically, they're using the same word for two different things. 42 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:46,764 The first is: 43 00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:48,881 What someone is unconscious of. 44 00:01:48,881 --> 00:01:50,420 The second is: 45 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,399 Something about a person that is out of alignment 46 00:01:53,399 --> 00:01:56,169 or bad or wrong. 47 00:01:56,169 --> 00:01:57,853 If I had my way, 48 00:01:57,853 --> 00:01:59,885 we would no longer be using the same term 49 00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:02,048 for both of these states. 50 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,710 Because, 51 00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:06,739 the shadow is what you're unconscious of right? 52 00:02:06,739 --> 00:02:08,444 Once you become conscious of it, 53 00:02:08,444 --> 00:02:10,059 we can no longer call it a shadow. 54 00:02:10,059 --> 00:02:11,754 So what are we really talking about 55 00:02:11,754 --> 00:02:14,682 when we're referring to something about a person that's out of alignment 56 00:02:14,682 --> 00:02:17,090 bad or wrong according to our judgment? 57 00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:19,980 Obviously anytime we have a judgment we need to question it. 58 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:20,920 That being said, 59 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,169 sometimes you can accurately feel the "offness" of certain patterns 60 00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:25,709 within yourself or others. 61 00:02:25,709 --> 00:02:28,329 Meaning that something a person is thinking saying or doing 62 00:02:28,329 --> 00:02:30,744 is not in alignment with their desires, well-being 63 00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:32,669 and perhaps the well-being of others. 64 00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,880 This pattern of being out of alignment 65 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:35,974 in some way, 66 00:02:35,974 --> 00:02:37,761 is what many people call the shadow. 67 00:02:37,761 --> 00:02:40,095 But what I would prefer is if we called this: 68 00:02:40,095 --> 00:02:41,970 "Someone's Misalignment" 69 00:02:41,970 --> 00:02:44,190 What we have to consider is that the reason 70 00:02:44,190 --> 00:02:47,439 that we perceive something to be "off" about somebody else 71 00:02:47,439 --> 00:02:51,109 may actually be because of something that is "off" about us. 72 00:02:51,109 --> 00:02:53,609 So often when we see something 73 00:02:53,609 --> 00:02:56,039 that is bad wrong or out of alignment 74 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:57,460 with somebody else, 75 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,224 what's actually happening there 76 00:02:59,224 --> 00:03:03,189 is that they are out of alignment with what we want for them. 77 00:03:03,189 --> 00:03:04,424 But here's the thing, 78 00:03:04,424 --> 00:03:06,429 our desires for what we want for somebody 79 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:09,599 are so often because of what we want for ourselves. 80 00:03:09,599 --> 00:03:12,454 So it really has nothing to do with that other person. 81 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,235 A better way of putting this is that 82 00:03:15,235 --> 00:03:17,700 we run the risk of thinking that somebody else is 83 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,080 misaligned 84 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,460 in conditions when actually what their misaligned with, 85 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:24,860 is not their own desires and their own needs 86 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:26,110 and their own well-being, 87 00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:28,320 but actually our overlay. 88 00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:30,885 To understand this in depth, watch my video titled: 89 00:03:30,885 --> 00:03:34,040 OVERLAY (What Prevents You From Having a Real Relationship) 90 00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:36,075 When it comes to this particular pattern 91 00:03:36,075 --> 00:03:37,930 that I'm going to talk about today, 92 00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:40,509 it is you that is actually in a state of misalignment 93 00:03:40,509 --> 00:03:42,149 looking at somebody else 94 00:03:42,149 --> 00:03:44,689 in terms of their misalignment. 95 00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:47,185 It is obvious that if people are close to us 96 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,970 they may perceive things about us that we're not aware of. 97 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:52,680 They may see where we are misaligned. 98 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,854 When a person in our life really loves us 99 00:03:54,854 --> 00:03:58,089 the energy behind them making us aware of these things is an assist. 100 00:03:58,089 --> 00:04:01,220 It feels pure because there's no subconscious strategy on their end. 101 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:03,970 But if there is a subconscious strategy behind this reflection, 102 00:04:03,970 --> 00:04:06,155 no matter how much the person thinks they're telling us 103 00:04:06,155 --> 00:04:07,980 what they're telling us for our own good, 104 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,625 it will feel like they're taking something away from us 105 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,580 instead of adding to our well-being by assisting us. 106 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:16,409 Taking pride in or being identified with 107 00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:19,839 being the one in someone's life that can reflect their shadow to them, 108 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,319 being the one who calls them on their shit, 109 00:04:22,319 --> 00:04:25,440 feels bad, because it's actually a power play. 110 00:04:25,570 --> 00:04:27,959 Inherent in it is the energy of: 111 00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,754 "I challenge and oppose you" 112 00:04:29,754 --> 00:04:32,089 instead of: "I assist you". 113 00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:35,539 If you have this particular "shadow" about yourself, 114 00:04:35,539 --> 00:04:37,574 this identification with being this person 115 00:04:37,574 --> 00:04:39,439 in somebody else's life, the truth, 116 00:04:39,439 --> 00:04:42,449 down deep at the core, is that you don't trust anyone. 117 00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:45,225 You've slipped into the illusion of self and other. 118 00:04:45,225 --> 00:04:46,892 You're not practicing love because 119 00:04:46,892 --> 00:04:49,360 you do not actually see the other person as a part of yourself. 120 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,425 Therefore what you can't see about yourself 121 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,880 is that you call people on their shadows out of fear. 122 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,710 It's all about your sense of well-being, 123 00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:58,690 rather than it is about the well-being of the person 124 00:04:58,690 --> 00:05:00,610 you're trying to reflect something to. 125 00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:02,295 Another harsh reality you have to accept 126 00:05:02,295 --> 00:05:04,407 is that if this is the role you're identified with, 127 00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:07,600 being in other people's lives or specifically in one person's life, 128 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,350 the person you're doing that with, 129 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,895 you don't actually see is a good person. 130 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,380 You don't actually trust them. 131 00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,274 Basically, you see them as the bad guy. 132 00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:19,680 Whether you are willing to admit to it or not. 133 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,154 You distrust their capacity to see themselves, 134 00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,870 you distrust their internal compass 135 00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:26,320 and you distrust them with yourself and distress them with others. 136 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,080 And so on a subconscious level, 137 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,320 you try to use their vulnerability against them 138 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,880 for the sake of your own safety. 139 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,740 In that moment where you're able to see 140 00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:36,870 and show them something about themselves that they don't see, 141 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,224 in that second, 142 00:05:38,224 --> 00:05:40,541 you actually feel safer than ever, 143 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,260 because you feel the safety inherent 144 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,530 in that win 145 00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,810 of superiority. 146 00:05:47,810 --> 00:05:50,530 You have won up them. 147 00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:53,050 When this pattern becomes even unhealthier 148 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:54,680 is when people use this pattern 149 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,970 to create endearment with someone. 150 00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,605 The way that they do this 151 00:05:58,605 --> 00:06:00,882 is by convincing the other person 152 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:02,661 that they are the only ones 153 00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,680 that can truly see them. 154 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,094 "I'm the only one that can really see your shadow 155 00:06:07,094 --> 00:06:09,669 and you've got to keep me around because I'm the one 156 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,310 that calls you on your bullshit." 157 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,230 Sounds loving right? 158 00:06:13,230 --> 00:06:14,560 It's not. 159 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,225 It means you see yourself as indispensable to them. 160 00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:20,470 And then try to convince them that you're indispensable 161 00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:22,679 and that they must defer to your judgment. 162 00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:25,834 Specifically because no-one else is as good at seeing their shadow 163 00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:28,096 and therefore no one else can really see them 164 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,099 as clearly as you can. 165 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:32,330 This isolates them. 166 00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:35,485 Their health and well-being now depends on keeping you around 167 00:06:35,485 --> 00:06:37,582 to see the bad and wrong things about them, 168 00:06:37,582 --> 00:06:39,410 that they cannot see about themselves. 169 00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:42,324 The underlying message here that's being conveyed is: 170 00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:44,161 "I'm the one that really sees you 171 00:06:44,161 --> 00:06:46,549 and it just so happens that it's not so good." 172 00:06:46,549 --> 00:06:49,653 If you're one of the people who establishes this type of pattern 173 00:06:49,653 --> 00:06:52,538 in relationships the truth is you don't actually see them. 174 00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:53,614 At all! 175 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,832 What you do see, 176 00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:58,890 is every pattern within them that could potentially pose a threat to you. 177 00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,719 This conscious pattern 178 00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:03,514 is much easier to see in circumstances 179 00:07:03,514 --> 00:07:07,829 where you have a person who's in a position of recognized power. 180 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,000 Now if in your childhood especially 181 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,870 or some point in your life, 182 00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:15,994 you were put in the position where someone else had power. 183 00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:18,596 And based on them having more power than you had, 184 00:07:18,596 --> 00:07:20,279 you got hurt. 185 00:07:20,279 --> 00:07:21,949 Power in and of itself 186 00:07:21,949 --> 00:07:24,419 is going to be a trigger for you. 187 00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:27,389 Essentially what I need you to recognize about yourself, 188 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:30,254 if you're in this pattern, is that you don't recognize power 189 00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:31,619 as a good thing ever. 190 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,480 It's only ever a bad thing. 191 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,834 This means that all it takes for you to see somebody as a bad guy 192 00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:39,039 and to get into this pattern with them, 193 00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:41,588 is for them to have more power than you. 194 00:07:41,588 --> 00:07:43,378 For them to be an achiever. 195 00:07:43,378 --> 00:07:45,410 For them to be a boss. 196 00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:46,954 For them to be an authority. 197 00:07:46,954 --> 00:07:48,466 For them to be an expert. 198 00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,082 For them to be more of anything. 199 00:07:50,082 --> 00:07:52,519 More beautiful more wealthy more famous. 200 00:07:52,519 --> 00:07:55,679 Anything that makes you perceive that they hold more power, 201 00:07:55,679 --> 00:07:58,839 kicks you into this place 202 00:07:58,839 --> 00:08:00,904 where you see them as the bad guy. 203 00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:03,529 And thus, react as if they are. 204 00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:07,959 A person is going to react to this if they have this pattern, 205 00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,989 in one of two ways; 206 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:13,463 Either they are going to be so preoccupied 207 00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:17,718 with being the one in power in all situations, 208 00:08:17,989 --> 00:08:20,889 meaning: "I always have to have the upper hand", 209 00:08:20,889 --> 00:08:24,269 or they're going to be a person who makes such an enemy 210 00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,559 of power, 211 00:08:25,559 --> 00:08:27,729 that it becomes their, 212 00:08:27,729 --> 00:08:29,934 let's call it, calling in life, 213 00:08:29,934 --> 00:08:33,549 to demolish power and to establish an egalitarian 214 00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:35,549 type of regime. 215 00:08:35,729 --> 00:08:38,034 Basically, they'll want to live in a place 216 00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:41,310 where hierarchy does not exist and everyone's equal at all times. 217 00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:44,649 No one ever has power over anyone else. 218 00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:47,374 I can personally attest to this pattern, 219 00:08:47,374 --> 00:08:50,066 I see it almost every day in my career. 220 00:08:50,516 --> 00:08:52,099 The reason is, 221 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,249 obviously, in the world, 222 00:08:54,249 --> 00:08:55,874 based off of my purpose and career 223 00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:57,499 I've been put in a position 224 00:08:57,499 --> 00:09:00,430 where I have both power and authority 225 00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:01,989 relative to awareness 226 00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:04,089 and relative to seeing things. 227 00:09:04,089 --> 00:09:05,739 Especially shadows. 228 00:09:05,739 --> 00:09:08,539 Now obviously, for people who are triggered by this 229 00:09:08,539 --> 00:09:12,139 there's nothing more alluring than seeing things about me 230 00:09:12,139 --> 00:09:15,369 that I don't see about myself. 231 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:19,000 There is no more superior position 232 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,480 you can have with someone in my particular position 233 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,750 than to be the one who sees the shadows of the shadow seer. 234 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,819 Or to be the one that is more aware than the awareness leader. 235 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,049 People with this shadow 236 00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:32,519 use two excuses, 237 00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:35,569 mainly, in order to defend or justify 238 00:09:35,569 --> 00:09:38,404 this unhealthy pattern within themselves. 239 00:09:38,404 --> 00:09:39,799 The first is, 240 00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:42,603 it's easy to see things about other people 241 00:09:42,603 --> 00:09:44,955 and it's not easy to see things about yourself. 242 00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:47,628 In other words, you can't see your own shit. 243 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,290 Now, what's interesting about this 244 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,169 is they're taking a universal truth, 245 00:09:52,169 --> 00:09:54,959 which is it's much easier to see things about other people 246 00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:56,664 than it is to see about yourself, 247 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,639 to justify this behavior. 248 00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:01,799 The other excuse that people use 249 00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:03,943 or proof people find to back up this, 250 00:10:03,943 --> 00:10:05,465 or justify this behavior, 251 00:10:05,465 --> 00:10:08,338 is: "Just take a look at history." 252 00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:11,100 Again, they're using a truth 253 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,890 to back up unhealthy behavior. 254 00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,084 And that truth is: 255 00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:17,131 that they can look all throughout history 256 00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:18,935 at people who have had power, 257 00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:20,849 who have turned into Tyrants 258 00:10:20,849 --> 00:10:23,589 based off of not being able to see themselves. 259 00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,108 People with this shadow 260 00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:26,778 hate "Yes People" 261 00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:28,633 and perceived these historical tyrants 262 00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:30,648 to have been surrounded by "Yes People". 263 00:10:30,648 --> 00:10:33,688 "Yes People" of course being people who never oppose the tyrant 264 00:10:33,688 --> 00:10:35,930 and therefore enable horrible things. 265 00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:38,565 But here's where I'm going to take this resistance 266 00:10:38,565 --> 00:10:42,102 that you have towards these types of people in history 267 00:10:42,102 --> 00:10:43,969 and drop it down a level. 268 00:10:43,969 --> 00:10:45,874 The real anger 269 00:10:45,874 --> 00:10:49,460 that people with this pattern have towards "Yes People" 270 00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:51,884 is actually the anger that they had 271 00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:53,886 towards the person in their life 272 00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,610 that enabled 273 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:57,775 the tyrant in their life 274 00:10:57,775 --> 00:11:00,630 that used their power against them, 275 00:11:00,630 --> 00:11:03,360 to do what they did. 276 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,779 Essentially it's their pain at never being defended 277 00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:09,884 in case you want to look into this, It's called bystander trauma 278 00:11:09,884 --> 00:11:11,259 or enabling trauma. 279 00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:12,909 Due to all this pattern 280 00:11:12,909 --> 00:11:14,474 that I've just exposed to you, 281 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,846 people with this pattern, 282 00:11:15,846 --> 00:11:17,809 tend to play the devil's advocate. 283 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,439 Like, all the time. 284 00:11:19,439 --> 00:11:21,584 Playing the devil's advocate in the scenario 285 00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:23,776 is an attempt to get someone they already see 286 00:11:23,776 --> 00:11:25,619 as the bad guy in a position of power, 287 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,340 to consider the other which they perceived to be the underdog. 288 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:30,209 Because they're identified with the underdog. 289 00:11:30,209 --> 00:11:32,154 What they're defending through Devils Advocacy 290 00:11:32,154 --> 00:11:34,159 is really the disempowered part of themselves. 291 00:11:34,159 --> 00:11:37,273 Essentially they try to keep you both safe and good 292 00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:40,118 by knocking you down, so you never have power. 293 00:11:40,118 --> 00:11:42,213 It may be interesting for you to note 294 00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:44,839 something about this pattern of devil's advocacy, 295 00:11:44,839 --> 00:11:47,514 if you know people in your life who like to play this pattern out 296 00:11:47,514 --> 00:11:49,350 and tend to always play the devil's advocate. 297 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,664 I'm going to tell you a little bit about the psychology here 298 00:11:51,664 --> 00:11:54,639 and I hope I can describe it in a way that you understand it. 299 00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:57,299 People who play devil's advocate, 300 00:11:57,299 --> 00:12:00,069 tend to feel when someone's upset, 301 00:12:00,069 --> 00:12:02,954 that the person on the other side of that upset 302 00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:05,129 is going to get hurt. 303 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,999 Now when they perceive that that person is going to get hurt, 304 00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:10,720 that makes them 305 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,574 suddenly the perceived victim 306 00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:14,401 and thus the perceived underdog. 307 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,995 Because they see themselves as the underdog 308 00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:19,189 and that's actually where they identify, 309 00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:21,609 they will then go into a position 310 00:12:21,609 --> 00:12:23,589 of having to defend that person. 311 00:12:23,589 --> 00:12:25,259 So their alliance 312 00:12:25,259 --> 00:12:26,790 will be with the person 313 00:12:26,790 --> 00:12:29,379 whoever they're talking to, is upset at. 314 00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:31,969 Now, the reason that it's super confusing 315 00:12:31,969 --> 00:12:34,314 why the hell does this person defend that person 316 00:12:34,314 --> 00:12:36,600 then 10 seconds later defend the other person is 317 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,480 they would do the same thing on the other side. 318 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,020 If they were standing next to that person 319 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,420 and they were upset at you, suddenly the upset suggests 320 00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:43,800 you could get hurt, 321 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,340 the fact that you could get hurt 322 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,840 means you're now the underdog they identify with you and they play 323 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,750 the devil's advocate to that person. 324 00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,089 Okay, so basically to summarize it very simply 325 00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:53,729 the minute someone could get hurt 326 00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,009 they become the underdog, 327 00:12:55,009 --> 00:12:56,569 the one that could get hurt 328 00:12:56,569 --> 00:12:58,969 and thus this makes the person identify with them 329 00:12:58,969 --> 00:13:00,970 and argue on behalf of them. 330 00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:03,585 Again, they will subconsciously be defending themselves 331 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:07,150 and their position of perceived powerlessness vicariously. 332 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:10,630 And now, just when you thought we had 333 00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:12,329 dug as deep as we could, 334 00:13:12,329 --> 00:13:15,489 we're gonna have to go one layer deeper. 335 00:13:15,489 --> 00:13:16,709 ~ Laughter ~ 336 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,090 When a child is put in the position 337 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,705 where somebody in their life 338 00:13:20,705 --> 00:13:23,272 has this power and it's using this power against them, 339 00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:26,630 and it becomes an unsafe or perceived to be unsafe situation, 340 00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:30,019 the child copes with this by letting go of their identity. 341 00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:33,170 They become whatever pleases 342 00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:36,660 this tyrant of a powerful adult. 343 00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:39,759 Now obviously when they have to give themselves up in this way, 344 00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:42,019 they're not happy about it. 345 00:13:42,140 --> 00:13:45,024 Often when they begin to heal out of this pattern, 346 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,096 instead of focusing on what they want 347 00:13:47,096 --> 00:13:48,420 and what their feelings are 348 00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:52,250 and what they're thinking and going after their unique desires, 349 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,860 they turn against 350 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:57,240 anyone in a position of power. 351 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:58,700 Basically, 352 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:01,620 rebellion is their only way to feel a sense of self. 353 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,949 They can only feel definition 354 00:14:03,949 --> 00:14:07,004 for who they are and what they want and don't want and whatever, 355 00:14:07,004 --> 00:14:09,809 when they're in opposition to something. 356 00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:12,885 This means antagonism is their only way 357 00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,260 to feel a sense of self. 358 00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,564 So let's pretend you've watch this video 359 00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:20,559 and you can recognize this particular pattern within yourself. 360 00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:23,469 I'm gonna give you some suggestions for what you need to do. 361 00:14:23,469 --> 00:14:24,560 The first thing; 362 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,715 Stop being concerned with whether or not 363 00:14:26,715 --> 00:14:30,470 somebody can see their own shadows in general. 364 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,340 If you're in this pattern, 365 00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,065 what you have to recognize is you 366 00:14:34,065 --> 00:14:37,740 don't actually trust the person on the other side of this. 367 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,440 Obviously, the focus then needs to be placed on: 368 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,530 "Why don't I trust this person?" 369 00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:44,619 "How do I trust this person?" 370 00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:46,890 "Is this person really unworthy of trust?" 371 00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:49,330 "Or is it me that's just projecting that on to them 372 00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:51,590 based off of my previous experiences?" 373 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,200 The real thing you need 374 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,285 is not for them to see their shadow, 375 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,750 it's for you to have more personal power. 376 00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:02,390 And in this situation you're powerless to your own shadow. 377 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,185 One thing you need to see is that power was never the problem. 378 00:15:06,185 --> 00:15:08,950 I mean never ever the problem. 379 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,740 Power doesn't corrupt. 380 00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:14,415 Even though you've been told that. 381 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,920 Even though it seems like that's the way that the world works. 382 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,324 Power doesn't corrupt. 383 00:15:18,324 --> 00:15:22,209 All power does, is it magnifies someone's actual character. 384 00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,309 It just becomes more 385 00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:26,684 of what a person already is. 386 00:15:26,684 --> 00:15:27,649 Right? 387 00:15:27,649 --> 00:15:29,524 So I want you to think about power 388 00:15:29,524 --> 00:15:31,002 as if it's fire. 389 00:15:31,002 --> 00:15:33,500 A person could possess a lot of fire, 390 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,949 but obviously if that person wants to hurt someone, 391 00:15:35,949 --> 00:15:38,450 they're gonna do something different with that fire 392 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,799 than somebody who wants to make people feel good. 393 00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:43,424 So it's not about power. 394 00:15:43,424 --> 00:15:45,261 It's about the person who holds it, 395 00:15:45,261 --> 00:15:47,919 and what their whole MO is. 396 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,599 Perhaps the most important and critical thing for you to be doing 397 00:15:52,599 --> 00:15:54,399 is to focus on developing 398 00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:56,910 a healthy and a strong sense of self. 399 00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:58,220 For this reason, 400 00:15:58,220 --> 00:15:59,400 I have a few videos 401 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,220 that will help you immensely, 402 00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:02,735 if you have this pattern. 403 00:16:02,735 --> 00:16:03,912 The first is: 404 00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:07,380 Personal Boundaries versus Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) 405 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:08,555 The second is: 406 00:16:08,555 --> 00:16:09,932 How To Be Authentic 407 00:16:09,932 --> 00:16:10,951 and the third is: 408 00:16:10,951 --> 00:16:13,400 People Are Not All Equal 409 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,330 The next thing is, 410 00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:18,460 we have to try to really fully understand something 411 00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:21,055 that someone is doing and understand that person, 412 00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:23,792 before we automatically judge it as bad or wrong 413 00:16:23,792 --> 00:16:25,700 or out of alignment or shadow. 414 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:28,555 It's only after we face our own resistance to things 415 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,720 that the truth about that thing can finally emerge. 416 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,054 For example, 417 00:16:33,054 --> 00:16:35,589 let's say that we have a lot of... 418 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,109 Judgement about dressing sexy. 419 00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,979 It's out of alignment 420 00:16:39,979 --> 00:16:42,440 with who that person should be. 421 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,224 You can't actually know that 422 00:16:44,224 --> 00:16:47,400 until you face your own resistance to dressing sexy. 423 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,084 1) "Where did I get the idea that this isn't Okay?" 424 00:16:50,084 --> 00:16:51,769 2) "Why do I feel it isn't Okay?" 425 00:16:51,769 --> 00:16:53,174 Facing the emotions, 426 00:16:53,174 --> 00:16:55,240 that reaction I have to it. 427 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,550 It's only by facing your resistance 428 00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:01,135 that the actual truth about dressing sexy, in this case, 429 00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:03,460 will rise to the surface. 430 00:17:03,830 --> 00:17:07,040 The next thing you have to do is to practice love. 431 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,690 I know that that sounds like a new-age 432 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:12,420 kind of a fairy tallish way of approaching the world. 433 00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:13,990 ~ Giggles ~ 434 00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:15,900 But here's the thing; 435 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,920 To love somebody is to take them as a part of yourself. 436 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,249 Now if you really understand those words, 437 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,009 I mean at a visceral level, 438 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,899 you will see that it is probably the most difficult practice 439 00:17:25,899 --> 00:17:27,379 you could ever do. 440 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,990 Ever! 441 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,629 What practicing love does 442 00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:34,409 is it demolishes power dynamics. 443 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,725 To understand more about this, 444 00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:38,877 you can feel free to watch my video titled: 445 00:17:38,877 --> 00:17:40,530 What is Love? 446 00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:43,104 When you are actually in the practice of love, 447 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,391 the reflections you give someone, 448 00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:49,240 if you show them someplace that you feel like they're misaligned, 449 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,449 the energy you will be doing this with 450 00:17:51,449 --> 00:17:53,094 is not against them. 451 00:17:53,094 --> 00:17:55,356 It's gonna be for them. 452 00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:57,809 And there's no way to fake this. 453 00:17:57,809 --> 00:17:59,843 If you are doing something 454 00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:02,870 for all of these subconscious reasons that I've just explained, 455 00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:04,348 as part of this shadow, 456 00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:07,053 it doesn't matter if you say that it's for someone 457 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,859 or if you even think it's for them. 458 00:18:08,859 --> 00:18:10,604 It will be completely obvious, 459 00:18:10,604 --> 00:18:12,546 because of the energy behind it, 460 00:18:12,546 --> 00:18:14,160 that it isn't. 461 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,354 In other words, it's important to realize 462 00:18:16,354 --> 00:18:19,829 that we can be in complete denial, 463 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:22,659 telling ourselves that something is for someone, 464 00:18:22,659 --> 00:18:24,319 when it's really against them. 465 00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:28,104 Also, we can be in complete and total denial 466 00:18:28,104 --> 00:18:31,326 that we are doing something for the best interest of someone else, 467 00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:33,539 when really the only reason we're doing it 468 00:18:33,539 --> 00:18:35,530 is for our own best interests. 469 00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:37,910 When someone does present an opposing opinion 470 00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:40,750 or show someone their shadows from outside that shadow, 471 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,349 the flavor of it changes, 472 00:18:42,349 --> 00:18:44,420 from a shadow to an assist. 473 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,529 It doesn't register as a rebellion, 474 00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:49,449 as antagonism or as a power play. 475 00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:51,739 Resolve the shadow within yourself, 476 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:54,249 or else, you will be a foe not a friend. 477 00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,049 It will be more dangerous than that, 478 00:18:56,049 --> 00:18:58,470 you will be a foe in the disguise of a friend. 479 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,400 And also, I want to remind you 480 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,535 that at this rather psychological and basic level of conversation 481 00:19:03,535 --> 00:19:05,390 that we've been having today, 482 00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:08,400 the devil doesn't really need more advocates. 483 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,100 Have a good week. 484 00:19:26,926 --> 00:19:29,286 Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com