[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.08,0:00:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Half sound of the bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.83,0:00:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.00,0:00:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(FRENCH)\NDear Thay, dear Sangha
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.70,0:00:34.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like to ask\Nthe following question:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.49,0:00:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How to help a relative\Ntake care of his suffering
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.08,0:00:41.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he does not\Nacknowledge his suffering.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.30,0:00:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like to give\Nsome context for the question.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.01,0:00:51.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This relative is my husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.29,0:00:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He is the father of my three daughters.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.64,0:01:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He is in a severe depression\Nsince the end of March
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.07,0:01:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when our second daughter\Nhad a severe accident.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.37,0:01:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He loved her very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.25,0:01:12.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our second daughter,\Nwho is fourteen years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.50,0:01:16.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was hit by a car\Nand had a severe head injury.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.71,0:01:18.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She spent two months in a coma.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.64,0:01:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Miraculously she is alive,\Nand slowly she is improving.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.33,0:01:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plum Village chanted for her\Nduring the Francophone retreat
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.52,0:01:32.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we thank you all for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.92,0:01:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My husband has a lot of pain and anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.23,0:01:41.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he does not accept the situation\Nwhich he finds unjust.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.21,0:01:47.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is a very difficult situation\Nfor everyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.23,0:01:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had already felt this suffering in him\Nfor some years before this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.06,0:02:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He expressed it in the form of\Nanger, blaming and impatience.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.94,0:02:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He did not recognize it as his own.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.35,0:02:14.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also have my own suffering,\Nbut at least I am aware of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.22,0:02:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have my own questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.00,0:02:25.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very hard for me at present\Nto accept this big suffering, this test.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.20,0:02:31.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really hope our daughter\Ncan get back to life.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.33,0:02:36.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that with our three children we can...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.94,0:02:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,use this situation, this test\Nto get back together
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.14,0:02:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to become a family with\Nmore calm, more joy and more peace too.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.07,0:02:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I repeat my question:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.14,0:02:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How to help a relative\Nto transform his suffering
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.99,0:03:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he does not\Ntake this suffering to be his?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.58,0:03:28.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(ENGLISH)\NDear Thay,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.77,0:03:31.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the background for the question.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.39,0:03:34.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She says: "My husband, the father\Nof our three daughters
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.31,0:03:38.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is in a deep depression since\Nthe end of March this year.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.34,0:03:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was when our second daughter\Nwho is fourteen years old
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.02,0:03:45.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had a severe accident.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.77,0:03:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was very close with this daughter.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.60,0:03:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The daughter had been hit by a car\Nand had a severe head injury.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.18,0:03:59.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she spent two months in a coma.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.26,0:04:05.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Miraculously she is alive,\Nand slowly she is improving.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.82,0:04:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plum Village chanted for her in May\Nand we thank you for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.06,0:04:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my husband has a lot of pain and anger
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.87,0:04:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and does not accept the situation\Nwhich he considers very unjust.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.85,0:04:25.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had already felt in him a big suffering\Nbefore this happened for some years.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.51,0:04:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It would manifest in the form\Nof anger, blaming and impatience,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.48,0:04:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he never recognized this\Nand I suffer from it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.86,0:04:42.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If our daughter can\Ncome back fully into life
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.17,0:04:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish that this can make\Na new beginning for our whole family
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.89,0:04:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be able to live more\Nserenely and happily together."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.05,0:04:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the question is:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.04,0:05:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How can we help someone close to us\Nto transform their suffering
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.02,0:05:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they do not acknowledge it in them\Nthey do not see it inside."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.40,0:05:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe someone recognizes
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.38,0:05:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his own weakness, his suffering,\Nbut does not say it aloud.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.79,0:05:46.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we think he does not...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.73,0:05:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we think he does not want to...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.95,0:06:15.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recognize that he is suffering.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.24,0:06:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But maybe...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.30,0:06:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he may have accepted it,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.05,0:06:26.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he may be aware of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.23,0:06:29.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we do not need him to say out loud:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.100,0:06:33.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I recognise that I have suffering...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.69,0:06:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...and anger in me."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.89,0:06:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't need him to practically say that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.37,0:06:46.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe he has done it with himself.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.84,0:06:53.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That he says that may be our need\Nrather than his need.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.82,0:07:13.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes we have to use skillful means\Nin order to help a person.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.46,0:07:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we can't help directly then we can...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.04,0:07:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,help indirectly.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.18,0:07:24.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some things we should not\Ntell him directly,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.68,0:07:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but someone else can help and tell him.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.72,0:07:35.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone else may do it\Nbetter than ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.92,0:07:44.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From time to time I have\Ndisciples who need to be helped,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.73,0:07:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but Thay does not try\Nto help them directly.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.03,0:07:59.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thay knows that disciple has\Na brother or sister in the Dharma
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.96,0:08:02.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can do it better than Thay.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.07,0:08:10.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you are of the same age,\Nit is easier for you to talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.39,0:08:16.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Thay asks another disciple\Nto go and help him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.24,0:08:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thay does not have to do it directly.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.50,0:08:28.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there are friends, there are people\Nwho have the same kind of wavelength,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.82,0:08:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can tell a story,\Nwho can say something,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.41,0:08:39.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can bring that idea,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.65,0:08:46.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can bring that proposal\Nbetter than ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.81,0:08:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have tried a few times,\Nand we have failed.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.08,0:08:56.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we can always ask someone else\Nto do that for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.10,0:08:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do not want to take credit.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.66,0:09:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sometimes...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.53,0:09:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we tell the story\Nof another person
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.38,0:09:14.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is very much in the same situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.81,0:09:17.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.37,0:09:20.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So while listening to the story\Nof the other person
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.93,0:09:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reflection can take place in him,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.48,0:09:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it is easier for him to listen\Nto the story of another person
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.64,0:09:36.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than to listen to his own story.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.40,0:09:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there are many skillful means\Nin order to help a person.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.23,0:09:50.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to have enough compassion.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.02,0:10:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need a lot of understanding.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.66,0:10:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to understand ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.88,0:10:11.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we have to understand\Nthe other person, his way,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.47,0:10:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to offer the exact,\Nthe appropriate help.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.98,0:10:25.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to be patient
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.80,0:10:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we have to be fresh and loving.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.38,0:10:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of patience.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.60,0:10:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything we do in the day, whether\Nit be cooking, cleaning or washing
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.86,0:10:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be an act of love,\Ncan be an act of help.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.27,0:11:01.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our way of looking,\Nour way of smiling, our way of talking
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.72,0:11:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has a role to play\Nin that attempt to help.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.48,0:11:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the way we are, the way\Nwe live our lives, is the foundation
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.98,0:11:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not just what we want to say,\Nwhat we want to do to help.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.44,0:11:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Thay has also learned a lot\Nfrom being a teacher.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.45,0:11:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He has to look into\Nthe person of each disciple,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.76,0:11:45.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and recognize everyone's strength,\Nweakness, suffering and difficulties
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.68,0:11:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get a clear enough idea of
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.10,0:11:54.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what to say, what not to say,\Nwhat to do and what not to do
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.47,0:11:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to help such a disciple
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.03,0:12:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and think of when to say it,\Nwhen to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.81,0:12:09.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to look for\Nthe right moment, the right place
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.63,0:12:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to do it or to say it\Nin order to help.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.48,0:12:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes Thay has to wait three months.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.66,0:12:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to give him, give her enough space.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.67,0:12:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should not push,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.71,0:12:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we understand,\Nwe see the suffering.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.32,0:12:35.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love is patience.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.08,0:12:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Patience is a mark of love.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.12,0:12:44.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we have to love ourselves first,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.56,0:12:49.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before we can love the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.29,0:13:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to get enough calm,\Nand joy and peace for ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.08,0:13:05.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the practice helps.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.70,0:13:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a disciple, a nun.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.00,0:13:24.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She got arrested and put into prison\Nbecause of her peace activities.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.41,0:13:33.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The prison is a very difficult\Nplace to practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.43,0:13:37.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she tried to practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.66,0:13:48.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The guards did not like to see her\Npracticing sitting meditation.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.92,0:13:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They think...
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.01,0:13:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They see it as a challenge...
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.17,0:14:05.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a challenge against them.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.15,0:14:08.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means to them:
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.59,0:14:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Being in prison\NI don't have to suffer."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.75,0:14:17.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you practice\Nsitting meditation in your cell
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.57,0:14:21.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he understands that you are defying him.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.33,0:14:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she needs to wait\Nuntil the lights are out
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.30,0:14:29.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to sit up.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.74,0:14:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she did walking slowly in her cell\Nin order to nourish herself and so on.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.33,0:14:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a difficult situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.24,0:14:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she knew the practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.72,0:14:52.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only can she\Npreserve herself in prison,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.95,0:14:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she could also help\Nthe other prisoners to suffer less.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.84,0:15:03.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in difficult situations like that,\Nit is still possible for us to practice,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.49,0:15:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to retain our hope, our freshness,\Nour love, our patience,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.36,0:15:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to be able\Nto help the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.78,0:15:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Half sound of the bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.75,0:15:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)