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I love football.

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I started playing when I was 12 years old.

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It has been a dominant presence
in my life ever since.

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From youth football, to high-school,

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and college,

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and now as a coach.

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Football has played a huge role
in shaping me as a person.

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Recently, I achieved my dream job
of becoming varsity line coach

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at my high-school alma mater.

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Last March I was at a coaching clinic.

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It was late in the afternoon
and I was tired.

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These coaching clinics can tend to be
a bit of a drag at times.

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Hours and hours, and days and days
of the presentations

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on the x's and o's of football.

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There was one presentation, though,
that looked interesting.

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It was titled "Disneyland."

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This presentation changed my life.

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This talk was not about
the x's and o's of football.

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But rather about the emotional truth
of why we coaches coach.

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We are coaches so that
we can have a meaningful impact

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on young people's lives,
and help them become better people.

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As coaches, we want to have 
the kind of impact

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that assure that one day our players
can hold hands with their children

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and walk into Disneyland.

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The moral of this
incredible message was this:

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as coaches, we can preach to our players

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that it is more important for them
be better people

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than it is great football players.

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But if we are not honest with them
and do not practice what we preach,

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it will never work.

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In other words,

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teenagers are adept at sensing bullshit.

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(Laughter)

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As coaches, we must
be willing to share our truth.

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And sharing our truth is the only way 
we can have the kind of impact

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we truly want to have.

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The coach who gave this presentation,

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his truth was that his son
became a drug addict

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due to the bullying and pressure
he was subjected to

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from his dad being the head football coach
at his school in Eagle, Idaho,

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a program that at the time
was not very succesful.

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I went from a presentation

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on how to run the power 
against a 3-4 defense

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to the most honest, emotional and
inspirational talks on coaching philosophy

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I'd ever heard.

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So it got me thinking.

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What's my bullshit?

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What is unique about me
that I bring to the table

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that will have a meaningful impact?

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What is my truth?

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My truth is this.

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I'm a former college football player.

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I'm a current high-school football coach.

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And I am gay.

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I battled with this truth for a long time.

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Personally, professionally and certainly
in my coaching and athletic career.

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It was an identity crisis 
that had a tremendous impact on my life.

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Long before I heard
this presentation on Disneyland

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I thought about coming out in football.

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In the beginning, I told myself

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"You're gay and
you will take it to the grave."

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Now, I've come a long way since that day.

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(Applause)

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Thank you.

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(Applause) (Cheers)

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Thank you.

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I've come a long way since that day,

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but the process almost cost me my life.

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I chose to come out to family and friends
starting in August of 2014.

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I told my immediate family first,

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and then I carefully picked my way
through family and friends,

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trying to choose the right time and place.

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Only being part way out of the closet

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meant that I had to be
two different people

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and always be very aware of where I was

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and whom I was with.

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It caused a constant state
of panic and anxiety.

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So the question became,

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"Is it important for 
me to come out publicly?"

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Yes it is, and here is why.

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My time in-and-out of the closet
helped my realize

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that there are other people 
in my situation.

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And it is not a pretty one.

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It also helped me realize

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that coming out is not about
sharing my bedroom habits,

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but about giving myself permission
to live my life in its entirety.

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Let me explain.

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After talking to one of my fellow coaches,
he told me:


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"I don't talk about my sex life
with players, why would you?"

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And it's a legitimate question,

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but a common misconception 
about coming out.

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Again, I'm not talking about my sex life.

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I'm talking about my life.

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It's often said that your private life
is your private life.

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But imagine you are put in a situation
where going virtually anywhere

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and doing very normal, healthy, human
activities with your significant other

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could have substantial consequences
on your life, reputation and career.

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You gain a very new perspective
on what your private life actually is.

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That's how being in the closet 
affected my life.

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It was quite literally a closet.

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No space, no freedom and no comfort.

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It's a suffocating lifestyle
with measurable effects.

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It wore me down until eventually

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I was abusing alcohol
and prescription medications

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to keep my anxiety in check.

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It was a horrible time in my life.

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When you are put in a situation
of having to live a double life,

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it strips you off dignity
and normal coping mechanisms.

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At that time the only place 
I felt somewhat safe was at home.

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I was living with my parents,
who had been nothing but supportive,

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but I did not feel comfortable
bringing guys around them yet.

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So there I was.

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No safe place, no place to be myself,


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facing a new lifestyle
I did not know how to navigate,

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the anxiety and depression
were inescapable.

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And I responded the only way 
I felt I could at the time.

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Drugs and alcohol.

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Football teaches so many great
life lessons to those who play or coach.

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Perseverance, toughness, 
respect, self-esteem.

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But the one negative thing
that it does teach

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is that being gay is not OK.

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To be frank, the word "faggot"

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is used almost as much
as the word "football."

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There is a misconception about
the prominence of gay men in football,

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and it has serious consequences.

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I'm the perfect example of this issue.

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An all-state player in high-school.

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A two-year varsity captain
among a select few in school history

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to go play for a top
tier division 1 football program.

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The youngest line coach
in the history of the school.

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And I was ready to kill myself.

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Because I thought that
even though this program

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was like a second family to me,
I feared they would shun me.

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It was a crushing weight
that I was carrying with me all the time.

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Months and months
of sleep deprivation,

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severe anxiety and depression.

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And honestly, a lack of the will to live
began to catch up with me.

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It was too much.

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I was desperate for a way out.
Any way out.

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One night I reached for a bottle of vodka
and a couple of pills.

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I didn't see a way out.
I just wanted it to be over.

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If I couldn't be me
and still live my life,

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what was the point?

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I passed out on the bathroom floor,

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and my mom found me.

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I was fortunate 
to wake up the next day.

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I escaped an overdose.

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It was the scariest moment of my life.

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When I woke up the next day,
I knew I really wasn't ready to give up.

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And when I heard that talk on Disneyland,
I knew how, when and why

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it was important for me to share my story.

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I worried for so long about
how the football community would react.

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And while at this point
only time will tell,

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my experience has given me a theory.

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It's simple.

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One day, being gay in football
will be normal.

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But in order for that to happen,

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those of us who are gay
need to stand up and own it.

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The coaches I know
are perfect examples of this.

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I have been met with nothing but love and
support from my fellow coaching friends.

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But now the challenge is to change this.

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And not just on the private level.

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The odds of a gay teen or young adult
abusing drugs, alcohol,

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or experiencing anxiety, depression,
or even attempting suicide

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are drastically high.

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When it comes to football,

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the social norm that we've created
leaves many without hope.

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We've made incredible progress


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in the equal rights movement 
under the law.

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But now we must tackle
a different problem.

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Social equality and the message we send
to young people who play football.

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Continue to use sports to inspire,
connect and to share a positive message.

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A healthy person 
cannot live life in the dark.

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And if you are out there,
stand up and own it.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)