[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.51,0:00:50.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you weren't really\Nthat funny or snappy in reality,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.14,0:00:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you only thought\Nof comebacks on the way home,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.30,0:00:53.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she doesn't need to know that.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.95,0:00:56.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's on her third martini,\Nshe's ready to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.22,0:00:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good afternoon, everything all good?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.05,0:00:15.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience) Yeah!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.87,0:00:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lovely.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.96,0:00:20.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all storytellers\Nat different points in our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.03,0:00:23.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've all told stories in different ways\Nin different scenarios.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.46,0:00:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether you've been a parent\Ntelling a child a bed time story
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.74,0:00:28.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a desperate bid\Nto make them go to sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.43,0:00:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether you've been\Na friend telling a friend
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.58,0:00:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about another friend's\Ndrunken antic at the weekend
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.96,0:00:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make yourself seem\Nslightly less embarrassed.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.26,0:00:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or whether you've been\Nat a party telling a story
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.62,0:00:41.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to try and impress\Nthe red-head in the corner
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.20,0:00:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you regale a tale about this time\Nyou were very witty and snappy,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.97,0:00:47.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this verbal encounter\Nyou had with another person.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.61,0:00:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all tell stories\Nin different ways as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.94,0:01:01.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my dad tells stories\Nhe's straight to the point.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.84,0:01:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all the facts, no thrills.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.41,0:01:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This happened, this happened\Nthen this happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.72,0:01:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,therefore this happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.88,0:01:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Moral of this story is:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.07,0:01:11.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't drink tequila with your mother\Notherwise you happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.13,0:01:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laugh)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.90,0:01:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my mum tells a story,\Nshe likes to have all the extra details,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.90,0:01:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the back stories,\Nall the character biographies
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.49,0:01:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by the end, it's been like\Na nine-hour version of Inception.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.64,0:01:25.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not sure what's happened
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.13,0:01:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you just know apparently someone\Nyour mum works with is a bit of a cow.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.46,0:01:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laugh)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.01,0:01:32.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my grandparents tell stories
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.84,0:01:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they tell stories\Nthe way old people tell stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.83,0:01:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're very humble, don't like to brag.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.78,0:01:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's always stuffs like: "Oh,\Nand then I got my medal
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.50,0:01:41.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from Winston Churchill
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.59,0:01:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for saving all those orphans,\Nbut enough about me, how's school?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.04,0:01:46.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Children are the opposite.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.53,0:01:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my brothers tell stories,\Nthey do the thing all children do
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.54,0:01:52.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is they have so much\Nenthusiasm and excitement
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.02,0:01:55.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they promise a story that's never\Ngoing to live up to your expectations.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.66,0:01:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"And then what happened?"\N"And then we went outside."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.50,0:02:00.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"And then what happened?"\N"Then Matthew was here."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.84,0:02:02.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Then what happened?"\N"Then he farted."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.70,0:02:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Great."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.40,0:02:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,90% of stories\Nmy brothers have told me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.26,0:02:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has always ended with\Nan unpleasant bodily function.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.46,0:02:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone is a storyteller,\Neven in the media:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.58,0:02:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,television, newspapers, tabloids,\Npodcasts, music, artists.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.25,0:02:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything's a different way\Nof telling a story.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.49,0:02:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell stories differently as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.16,0:02:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a comedian.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.22,0:02:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell stories that are punchy, jokey,\Nall the way through in order to keep
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.80,0:02:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an audiences ever-shortening\Nattention span solely focus on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.08,0:02:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell true stories,\NI tell exaggerated stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.38,0:02:32.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell stories that are completely\Nand utterly made up. Total lies.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.91,0:02:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, I'll have been sitting\Nwith my friends, having a drink,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.01,0:02:37.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one of them'll say something like:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.97,0:02:40.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ah, wouldn't it be funny\Nif this happened?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.05,0:02:41.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'll think to myself:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.69,0:02:43.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yeah, that would be funny."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.31,0:02:46.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I shamelessly\Ntake it down in my iPhone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.87,0:02:50.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take it home. Write out. And somehow\Nintegrate myself into this story
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.59,0:02:51.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I'd become a hero,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.77,0:02:53.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I can then go out on stage
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.66,0:02:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in front of a room full of strangers,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.44,0:02:57.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a desperate bid to get them to like me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.68,0:02:58.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Chuckle)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.42,0:03:00.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because that's all a comedian is.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.28,0:03:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're desperate storytellers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.74,0:03:04.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All we do is go out to a room\Nfull of people we've never met
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.67,0:03:06.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and beg them to like us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.86,0:03:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So at any point you're wondering\Nwhy I agreed to do this talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.95,0:03:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's why.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.95,0:03:13.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.37,0:03:14.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And also because my mum told me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.86,0:03:17.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if I turn down\Nthe opportunity to do a TEDTalk,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.29,0:03:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'd put me up for adoption.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.54,0:03:21.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm 22 years old,\NI don't know how do that,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.73,0:03:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's best not to argue with her\Nwhen she's been drinking
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.56,0:03:25.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see that?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.94,0:03:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was a perfect example.\NI made that entirely up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.38,0:03:31.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just so half of you went: "Ha"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.50,0:03:34.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.30,0:03:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was willing to fabricate\Na story about my mother
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.53,0:03:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being an alcoholic\Nwith an emotional problem
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.23,0:03:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was willing to disown me\Nas a human being
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.69,0:03:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.57,0:03:45.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just so 50 of you went: "Very good."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.38,0:03:50.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what I mean by\N"desperate storyteller".
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.13,0:03:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the thing is we're\Nthe only storytellers, though,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.60,0:03:55.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that really get in trouble\Nfor our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.20,0:03:58.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every few weeks there is\Nsomething in the newspaper
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.60,0:04:01.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about this comedian\Nthat said something awful or offensive
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.47,0:04:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's offended one member of the audience
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.64,0:04:06.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who, by the way,\Nnine times out of ten, is an idiot.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.74,0:04:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then they talk about it\Non the news and everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.48,0:04:13.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They get scientists and doctors\Nto come on and analyse the joke,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.43,0:04:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,interview the traumatized audience member,\Nand then they all sit down
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.07,0:04:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and discuss, at length, a joke
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.27,0:04:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which lasted one minute\Nin an hour-long set
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.91,0:04:23.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we all sit patiently
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.32,0:04:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wait for the officials to tell us\Nwhether we were offended or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.60,0:04:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then at the end of it,\Nthey decide that we're offended.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.36,0:04:32.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps the comedian\Nshouldn't talk about rape or murder,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.03,0:04:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those sort of things on stage,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.52,0:04:35.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they shouldn't be\Nbroadcast in a household
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.70,0:04:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we all feel\Nquite good about ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.78,0:04:40.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then switch over\Nto Eastenders or True Blood
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.21,0:04:44.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where there are scenes of murder,\Nsexual audacity, drug abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.41,0:04:48.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,racially invoked crimes\Nand we all go: "This is amazing!"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.49,0:04:50.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it different?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.16,0:04:53.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How come when a comedian\Nsays something as a joke,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.13,0:04:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's offensive?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.39,0:04:56.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when it's acted out in front of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.60,0:04:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's intriguing, it's a twist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.81,0:05:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actors are never criticized\Nor abused for their roles in films.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.59,0:05:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody came out\Nof "Inglorious Bastards" going:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.83,0:05:09.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, I can't believe Christopher Waltz\Nkilled all those Jewish people.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.31,0:05:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What an awful man!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.06,0:05:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody came out Harry Potter \Nthinking: "You know what?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.68,0:05:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never trusted Snape.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.28,0:05:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not since he had that awful German accent\Nand tried to kill John McClane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.80,0:05:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.61,0:05:22.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There you go.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.95,0:05:25.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People don't get upset because\Nthey know it's fake.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.37,0:05:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They know the actors on stage\Nare just portraying characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.54,0:05:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So are comedians.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.86,0:05:30.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's our job,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.59,0:05:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're storytellers but we're also so vain
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.54,0:05:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we like to put ourselves\Nin the stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.63,0:05:37.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're the writers, directors,\Nand stars of our own show
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.57,0:05:40.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where we're just playing\Nan exaggerated parody of ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.85,0:05:42.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we're not going\Nto be ourselves onstage.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.95,0:05:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We might play a version of ourselves.\NBut we can't be our true selves.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.24,0:05:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we were to come on stage\Nand talk to you about our real opinions
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.42,0:05:53.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with balanced, thought-through points,\Nwe wouldn't be comedians,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.11,0:05:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we would be politicians\Nand you'd hate us even more.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.08,0:05:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.80,0:05:59.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we come on stage, we have to\Nfind ways to make you laugh
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.86,0:06:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our way of doing that is to come out
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.78,0:06:04.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and say something\Ncompletely stupid and ludicrous
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.07,0:06:04.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make you laugh.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.96,0:06:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another method of doing it\Nis to take a completely, utterly,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.86,0:06:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,point that no one would agree with,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.09,0:06:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something very obscure and blatantly wrong
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.10,0:06:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and find a way to twist it round
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.52,0:06:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and make it seem valid just for a second.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.51,0:06:18.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, if I were\Nto make the statement:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.64,0:06:20.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't think children should smoke."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.83,0:06:23.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone in this room\Nwould agree with it, yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.36,0:06:25.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if i were to\Ncome out on stage and say:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.36,0:06:27.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I think every child under the age of 13
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.100,0:06:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should be forced to smoke\Nfour packs of cigarettes a day
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.21,0:06:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because as my brothers are getting older,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.17,0:06:36.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it turns out they're very close\Nto being able to beat me in a foot race.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.13,0:06:39.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a way of turning it around.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.33,0:06:41.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not laughing me\Ntrying to kill my brothers.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.73,0:06:45.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're laughing at me for being an idiot\Nfor thinking that's a good idea. OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.74,0:06:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what we do with our comedy.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.55,0:06:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're playing stupid versions \Nof ourselves. For example,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.32,0:06:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if Ricky Gervais, Frankie Boyle,\Nor Jimmy Carr
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.43,0:06:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were actually as big as
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.11,0:06:57.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the bigoted, racist, fascist,\Nhomophobic, sexists
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.94,0:06:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the Daily Mail made them out to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.98,0:07:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they would probably end up\Nworking for the Daily Mail.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.50,0:07:04.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.27,0:07:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're making the stuff up\Nto get that reaction from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.19,0:07:11.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason I mentioned those names -\NFrankie Boyle, Ricky Gervais, Jimmy Carr -
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.91,0:07:14.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is they're the names commonly\Nassociated with "offensive comedy."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.99,0:07:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason I put offensive comedy\Nin inverted commas there
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.71,0:07:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't because I'm young and hip,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.28,0:07:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's because, basically, I don't really\Nget the term "offensive comedy."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.60,0:07:26.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No comedian wants to offend you,\Nthat's not our job.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.85,0:07:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our job is to make you laugh,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.42,0:07:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make you think,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.62,0:07:31.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make you smile,\Nmake you want to sleep with us
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.92,0:07:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that our night in that hotel room\Nis slightly less depressing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.02,0:07:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.14,0:07:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not to upset you in any way, shape, form.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.68,0:07:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because, the thing about it is\Nwhen comedians are telling these stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.72,0:07:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's to get any form\Nof a reaction out of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.63,0:07:48.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Jimmy Carr, famously,\Nwas in trouble recently.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.97,0:07:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He made a joke about the Paralympics.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.07,0:07:53.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He made a joke that our troops\Nin Iraq were getting injured
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.83,0:07:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but at least that would make us have\Na good Paralympic team.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.64,0:07:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And people went mental.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.22,0:08:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People were so upset.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.22,0:08:04.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were to believe the tabloids,\Ntrains stopped on the track
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.16,0:08:06.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that people could get off\Nin order to vomit
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.69,0:08:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at how disgusted they were by this joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.03,0:08:12.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People killed themselves,\Nthey were so disgusted by what he said.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.08,0:08:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright? That's not the case.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.54,0:08:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only people who were not\Noffended by that joke?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.08,0:08:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The war veterans,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.31,0:08:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who found it hysterical.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.74,0:08:22.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They thought it was great.\NThey repeated to each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.71,0:08:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if they weren't offended by that joke,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.73,0:08:27.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's got the right to be offended?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.31,0:08:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People have developed\Nan amazing new ability recently.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.90,0:08:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People can be offended\Non behalf of other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.10,0:08:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't be offended\Non behalf of someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.42,0:08:39.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Feelings are non-transferable.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.16,0:08:42.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't be a husband\Nstanding beside a wife giving birth going:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.21,0:08:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Don't worry, honey.\NI'm feeling pain on behalf of you."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.37,0:08:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She would beat you to death.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.13,0:08:49.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.27,0:08:52.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody asks people\Nto be offended on behalf of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.05,0:08:52.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just did it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.89,0:08:55.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They jumped in front of a bullet\Nthat was heading towards a tree.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.54,0:09:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.28,0:09:04.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the other topics, one of the most\Ncontroversial ones last year,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.12,0:09:00.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright? It was a blatantly stupid\Nsacrifice they never needed to make.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.56,0:09:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that Frankie Boyle
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.14,0:09:08.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,made his comment\Nabout Katie Price and her family.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.78,0:09:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Regardless of your opinions on the joke,\Nwhich everyone will be divided on,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.52,0:09:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't pay that in context,\Nyou have to understand
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.80,0:09:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Frankie Boyle made those jokes
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.49,0:09:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about Katie Price.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.96,0:09:19.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.23,0:09:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About her.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.44,0:09:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He made that joke onstage\Nin front of a room full of people
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.28,0:09:27.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who were fully expecting him\Nto make that sort of comment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.17,0:09:30.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't until the newspapers\Nphoned up Katie Price
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.06,0:09:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and repeated that joke to her\Nseveral times
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.96,0:09:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to get a reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.18,0:09:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when she knew about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.76,0:09:37.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am fully aware
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.93,0:09:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there are many people\Nout there in the world
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.49,0:09:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who don't like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.30,0:09:44.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who say mean things about me everyday,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.66,0:09:46.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'd rather not know.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.65,0:09:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.36,0:09:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you came up to me and you told me that\Nthere was a man I'd never met before
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.32,0:09:53.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was saying horrible things about me
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.21,0:09:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you then listed the awful things\Nhe said about me to my face,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.42,0:09:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're the bad guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.29,0:10:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That person has the right to say\Nwhatever he wants about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.13,0:10:05.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never met him but he can say\Nwhat he wants, that's his right.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.39,0:10:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't until you told me\Nthat I knew it was going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.07,0:10:10.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've turned it into a personal attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.53,0:10:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mostly when comedians\Nare making jokes about
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.59,0:10:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these celebrities and celebrity culture,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.50,0:10:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's no different from stuff\Nyou hear from friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.06,0:10:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The banter we have\Nevery day with our mates
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.14,0:10:22.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about some celebrity on television\Nthat we don't particularly like.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.13,0:10:25.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you trying to suggest\Nthat celebrities
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.22,0:10:27.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know they're ridiculed\Nby the general public?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.86,0:10:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That Katie Price thinks\Nthat Frankie Boyle
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.82,0:10:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the only comedian that\Ndoesn't respect her life choices?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.30,0:10:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, of course.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.84,0:10:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're just individuals,\Nwilling to risk going onstage, saying
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.72,0:10:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what everyone else down\Nthe pub is saying on a Friday night.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.56,0:10:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems the general public can say\Nwhatever they want about celebrities
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.99,0:10:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but comedians can't, and that's hypocrisy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.20,0:10:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not fair.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.61,0:10:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a market for shock comedy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.16,0:10:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A huge market, OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.89,0:10:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's also a market for\Nlegging sadomasochism and Justin Bieber.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.60,0:10:58.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All arguably more offensive\Nthan anything anyone's ever said.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.12,0:11:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not trying to say that you\Nshouldn't be offended or upset by things.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.50,0:11:05.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in no position to tell you\Nwhat should or shouldn't upset you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.12,0:11:08.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is your right\Nto react however you want
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.100,0:11:09.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.90,0:11:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we comedians also have a right;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.76,0:11:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a right to say whatever we want\Nto make our audience laugh
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.52,0:11:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get the reaction that we want.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.46,0:11:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're fortunate enough\Nto live in a society
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.46,0:11:20.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where there is loads of comedy nowadays.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.36,0:11:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Comedy's bigger than it's ever been.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.10,0:11:25.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you don't like one style of comedy,\Nyou can go see another one.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.52,0:11:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything's catered for.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.84,0:11:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we should be allowed to do\Nwhatever makes our audience laugh.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.58,0:11:32.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not people that weren't there,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.01,0:11:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the audience that paid to come see us,\Nthat traveled around the world
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.24,0:11:38.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and countries sometimes to come\Nand see us do what we do
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.07,0:11:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without having to worry that\Nthere's someone in the audience
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.88,0:11:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who might take one of our jokes\Nout of context and then repeat it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.64,0:11:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because most of the time\Nthe jokes are taken out of context.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.47,0:11:50.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, you're only given\Nthe brutal punchline.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.37,0:11:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're only told the joke\Nby a news presenter
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.67,0:11:54.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with her sour face just repeating it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.78,0:11:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not how it was delivered.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.32,0:11:57.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not given the context,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.76,0:11:59.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not given the setup,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.06,0:12:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not given the atmosphere,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.58,0:12:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not even given\Nthe audience reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.64,0:12:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's not fair. You don't take other\Nstoryteller's stories out of context.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.34,0:12:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I were to tell you \Nwhen I was five years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.68,0:12:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my dad would tell my a story\Nabout a mass murderer
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.53,0:12:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who would disguise himself\Nas a close relative
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.100,0:12:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to get close to a young girl\Nso that he could have his way with her,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.62,0:12:20.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just before he managed to do that,\Nhe was brutally murdered.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.89,0:12:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone would agree that\Nmy dad's a dreadful man.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.89,0:12:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if i point out
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.90,0:12:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that's the basic story line\Nfor 'Little Red Riding Hood,'
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.67,0:12:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot less people are phoning\Nchild services. OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.38,0:12:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know how it was intended\Nto be delivered and you expected that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.96,0:12:35.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.95,0:12:39.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A story is just a story,\Nand a joke is just a joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.65,0:12:43.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You knew the stories that you heard\Nas a kid weren't true. Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.01,0:12:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was no monster under the bed,\Nno Boogie Man in the corner.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.24,0:12:48.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your granddad wasn't really\Nripping off his thumb
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.53,0:12:50.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and taking the pain exceptionally well.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.48,0:12:52.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was just doing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.48,0:12:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please apply the same logic\Nto our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.43,0:12:57.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're saying these jokes as jokes.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.45,0:13:01.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's very rarely\Nmalicious intent behind it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.45,0:13:05.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There may not be jokes that you like,\Nbut what we're doing is taking a concept
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.14,0:13:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're exaggerating it,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.44,0:13:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lying about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.55,0:13:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turning it in such a way\Nyou weren't expecting it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.09,0:13:12.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sometimes, we turn it in a way\Nthat you don't like.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.84,0:13:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's your problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.33,0:13:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The world doesn't revolve around you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.15,0:13:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ignore it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.89,0:13:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Move on.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.63,0:13:18.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forget about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.01,0:13:19.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.77,0:13:23.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You seem to assume that comedians\Nhaven't gone through any hardships.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.02,0:13:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whereas most of the time it's a hardship\Nthat's caused us to get into comedy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.95,0:13:29.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our reaction to our hardships\Nwas to make light of the situation
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.99,0:13:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get over it, as opposed to\Ngoing round the country
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.52,0:13:36.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making sure that nobody ever mentions\Nit ever again to hurt my delicate soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.15,0:13:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's my point,\Nthat's the point I'm trying to make.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.78,0:13:41.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If at any point you've [dis]agreed\Nwith anything I've said,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.70,0:13:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't worry, it was just\Na story, I made it all up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.08,0:13:45.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.01,0:13:48.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)