[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.99,0:00:03.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(birds chirping)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.48,0:00:13.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I think for me and a lot of\Nother trans girls that I know,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.86,0:00:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the bedroom starts to\Nfeel like a sanctuary.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.97,0:00:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a space to feel safe
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.98,0:00:23.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe not have to deal\Nwith what exists in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.61,0:00:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing tones)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.21,0:00:30.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We created a replica of my bedroom
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.03,0:00:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the actual gallery space.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.18,0:00:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing tones)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.82,0:00:38.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It really feels like a full universe
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.31,0:00:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm trying to convey
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.20,0:00:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of trans women in their bedroom
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.60,0:00:46.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dreaming up their future and possibilities
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.59,0:00:48.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe even possibilities
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.09,0:00:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if the world wasn't the way that it was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.53,0:00:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.77,0:01:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(people talking)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.81,0:01:14.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Places from my past
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.55,0:01:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and places that I dream of for the future,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.80,0:01:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both kind of act as gardens to the room.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.14,0:01:22.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.77,0:01:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I had a brain tumor,\NI really treated CBD
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.68,0:01:29.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a sacred medicine, which\Nis in Japanese history
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.13,0:01:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is in indigenous histories.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.88,0:01:35.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.45,0:01:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I dream of having a farm in the future,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.76,0:01:40.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then it's hard
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.26,0:01:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause it's pretty\Nhostile in rural places.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.52,0:01:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then Torii gates are\Nalways this symbol in Shintoism
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.04,0:01:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of a sacred spot.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.68,0:01:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I think it all comes\Ntogether in this way
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.87,0:01:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it does form a memory\Nscape and a kind of longing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.11,0:02:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(people talking)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.37,0:02:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A big part of existing as a trans person
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.37,0:02:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the fear that underlies everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.06,0:02:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But art is the realm where I feel like
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.16,0:02:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get to dictate things,\Nand I get to, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.83,0:02:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have some sort of say in things.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.44,0:02:31.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.99,0:02:37.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I worked in a nonprofit\Ncalled Trans Latina.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.41,0:02:40.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Art opportunities were coming\Naround more, so I was like
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.77,0:02:44.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe I can incorporate\Nsocial work into this.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.66,0:02:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That started off by doing HIV\Ntesting inside the museum.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.42,0:02:54.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to be like, this\Nis activism or this is art
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.06,0:02:55.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or this is escapism.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.56,0:02:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in reality a lot starts to intertwine.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.50,0:03:00.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.26,0:03:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were just starting to date
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.21,0:03:10.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right before the exhibition,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.53,0:03:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I remember even\Nfeeling bad like, okay,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.89,0:03:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how am I gonna tell him?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.39,0:03:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I didn't know what to think of it
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.25,0:03:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I never really,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.74,0:03:22.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never really met a person\Nthat like does like art art,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.47,0:03:23.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like real art.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.16,0:03:28.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was a little crazy at first.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.13,0:03:31.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a little nervous to be on display
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.62,0:03:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I am a private person.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.03,0:03:35.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But like when she like\Nshowed me everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.16,0:03:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was like, oh, I understand now.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.29,0:03:39.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was just great. It was genius.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.79,0:03:51.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I was grateful you were there with me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.78,0:03:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that I didn't have to\Nfeel alone in the fishbowl.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.99,0:04:00.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It isn't always in the\Nfront of my consciousness
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.99,0:04:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm being filmed,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.04,0:04:05.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the feeling of it doesn't go away.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.33,0:04:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up in Texas.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.25,0:04:11.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone in my school had guns on display,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.01,0:04:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I felt like I had\Nto hide all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.23,0:04:17.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I made friends online and\Nlived under a screen name.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.49,0:04:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I think that mediation\Nthrough the screen
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.28,0:04:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was something that I've\Nalways thought about.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.16,0:04:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've always found that kind of blurry,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.96,0:04:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that line between what you\Nshare and what you don't share.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.89,0:04:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew that I wanted to use\Nthis film that attaches to glass
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.85,0:04:39.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and will basically fog with just a switch.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.95,0:04:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that was a way to be like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.57,0:04:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,okay, let me live behind a screen
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.88,0:04:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can be online or offline.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.14,0:04:50.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it wasn't enough\Nof a performance for people
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.73,0:04:54.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or something, but it was\Nhonestly too much for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.88,0:04:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(gentle music)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.78,0:05:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I invited friends to come to the space
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.98,0:05:06.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to perform in the theater.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.40,0:05:11.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Things like that where I\Ncould like activate the space
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.25,0:05:15.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like people within my\Nrealm could utilize it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.88,0:05:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(dramatic music)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.42,0:05:32.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- His girlfriend obviously didn't know
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.41,0:05:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he was sleeping with trans women.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.59,0:05:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was the kind of person\Nwhere he would be like,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.18,0:05:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,drop everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.56,0:05:38.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he's the only person
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.39,0:05:40.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I would maybe even\Nthink about that for
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.05,0:05:43.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause he was like, I'll pay whatever.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.14,0:05:45.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It didn't feel safe, honestly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.09,0:05:47.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that was like a part of getting paid.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.41,0:05:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I would like to think
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.70,0:05:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I've helped some of my clients
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.87,0:05:56.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from being unlicensed\Ntherapist essentially,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.46,0:06:01.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or making them feel like they're human
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.35,0:06:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I would want the same in return.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.92,0:06:11.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- When certified nurses\Nassistants, janitors,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.17,0:06:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,garbage truck drivers or\Npeople in other occupations
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.04,0:06:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,considered undesirable go into work,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.64,0:06:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not doing it to feel empowered.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.32,0:06:21.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Power, power, power, power.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.80,0:06:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- [Lexii] Yeah, it was. (people laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.91,0:06:25.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah, be honest. You can say whatever.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.47,0:06:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It was very funny like,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.29,0:06:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so like she has this remote,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.51,0:06:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there's these slits of glass
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.37,0:06:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you can still peek through,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.60,0:06:35.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and some people would\Nstill just try to peek.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.97,0:06:39.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Jade would hit the button\Nand just make it visible again,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.33,0:06:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then they're just like, oh.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.40,0:06:44.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It just like made me laugh every time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.97,0:06:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- But you know what's funny
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.14,0:06:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is also like that level of\Ncuriosity from those spectators.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.16,0:06:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like we experience that\Njust existing, going out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.55,0:06:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Daily.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.72,0:07:00.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah, literally the people\Nare always just like staring.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.69,0:07:04.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like it just feels like, you\Nknow I'm a person, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.11,0:07:06.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like you know I'm human.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.23,0:07:07.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah, just like making\Na spectacle sometimes
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.50,0:07:11.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like you have this remote in your hand
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.19,0:07:14.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is just like, I think it's freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.65,0:07:18.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I just called it the power.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.78,0:07:24.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a way to kind of\Nthink about visibility,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.24,0:07:27.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also resistance and absence.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.47,0:07:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has this push pull effect
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.96,0:07:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I think is mirrored\Nin my personality sometimes
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.65,0:07:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get intimate and then also pull back
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.53,0:07:40.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and conceal or obscure.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.33,0:07:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's this strange thing where\NI didn't get to be myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.36,0:07:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to be this other person\Nin the south to like survive.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.89,0:07:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now as a performer, I'm trying to be
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.68,0:07:54.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as much myself as possible,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.13,0:07:58.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm learning how to\Nperform in a different way.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.88,0:08:02.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(soothing music)