(birds chirping)
- I think for me and a lot of other trans girls that I know,
the bedroom starts to feel like a sanctuary.
It's a space to feel safe
and maybe not have to deal with what exists in the world.
(soothing tones)
We created a replica of my bedroom
in the actual gallery space.
(soothing tones)
It really feels like a full universe
that I'm trying to convey
of trans women in their bedroom
dreaming up their future and possibilities
and maybe even possibilities
if the world wasn't the way that it was.
(soothing music)
(people talking)
Places from my past
and places that I dream of for the future,
both kind of act as gardens to the room.
(soothing music)
When I had a brain tumor, I really treated CBD
as a sacred medicine, which is in Japanese history
and is in indigenous histories.
(soothing music)
I dream of having a farm in the future,
but then it's hard
'cause it's pretty hostile in rural places.
And then Torii gates are always this symbol in Shintoism
of a sacred spot.
So I think it all comes together in this way
that it does form a memory scape and a kind of longing.
(people talking)
A big part of existing as a trans person
is the fear that underlies everything.
But art is the realm where I feel like
I get to dictate things, and I get to, you know,
have some sort of say in things.
(soothing music)
I worked in a nonprofit called Trans Latina.
Art opportunities were coming around more, so I was like
maybe I can incorporate social work into this.
That started off by doing HIV testing inside the museum.
I used to be like, this is activism or this is art
or this is escapism.
But in reality a lot starts to intertwine.
(soothing music)
We were just starting to date
right before the exhibition,
and so I remember even feeling bad like, okay,
how am I gonna tell him?
- I didn't know what to think of it
because I never really,
I never really met a person that like does like art art,
like real art.
I thought it was a little crazy at first.
I was a little nervous to be on display
because I am a private person.
But like when she like showed me everything,
and I was like, oh, I understand now.
It was just great. It was genius.
- I was grateful you were there with me
so that I didn't have to feel alone in the fishbowl.
It isn't always in the front of my consciousness
that I'm being filmed,
but the feeling of it doesn't go away.
I grew up in Texas.
Everyone in my school had guns on display,
and I felt like I had to hide all the time.
So I made friends online and lived under a screen name.
So I think that mediation through the screen
was something that I've always thought about.
I've always found that kind of blurry,
that line between what you share and what you don't share.
I knew that I wanted to use this film that attaches to glass
and will basically fog with just a switch.
I think that was a way to be like,
okay, let me live behind a screen
that can be online or offline.
I thought it wasn't enough of a performance for people
or something, but it was honestly too much for me.
(gentle music)
So I invited friends to come to the space
to perform in the theater.
Things like that where I could like activate the space
and like people within my realm could utilize it.
(dramatic music)
- His girlfriend obviously didn't know
that he was sleeping with trans women.
He was the kind of person where he would be like,
drop everything.
But he's the only person
that I would maybe even think about that for
'cause he was like, I'll pay whatever.
It didn't feel safe, honestly,
but that was like a part of getting paid.
- I would like to think
that I've helped some of my clients
from being unlicensed therapist essentially,
or making them feel like they're human
because I would want the same in return.
- When certified nurses assistants, janitors,
garbage truck drivers or people in other occupations
considered undesirable go into work,
they're not doing it to feel empowered.
Power, power, power, power.
- [Lexii] Yeah, it was. (people laughing)
- Yeah, be honest. You can say whatever.
- It was very funny like,
so like she has this remote,
but there's these slits of glass
that you can still peek through,
and some people would still just try to peek.
So Jade would hit the button and just make it visible again,
and then they're just like, oh.
It just like made me laugh every time.
- But you know what's funny
is also like that level of curiosity from those spectators.
Like we experience that just existing, going out.
- Daily.
- Yeah, literally the people are always just like staring.
Like it just feels like, you know I'm a person, right?
Like you know I'm human.
- Yeah, just like making a spectacle sometimes
and like you have this remote in your hand
is just like, I think it's freedom.
- I just called it the power.
It was a way to kind of think about visibility,
but also resistance and absence.
It has this push pull effect
that I think is mirrored in my personality sometimes
to get intimate and then also pull back
and conceal or obscure.
It's this strange thing where I didn't get to be myself.
I had to be this other person in the south to like survive.
And now as a performer, I'm trying to be
as much myself as possible,
and I'm learning how to perform in a different way.
(soothing music)