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(birds chirping)

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- I think for me and a lot of
other trans girls that I know,

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the bedroom starts to
feel like a sanctuary.

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It's a space to feel safe

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and maybe not have to deal
with what exists in the world.

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(soothing tones)

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We created a replica of my bedroom

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in the actual gallery space.

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(soothing tones)

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It really feels like a full universe

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that I'm trying to convey

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of trans women in their bedroom

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dreaming up their future and possibilities

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and maybe even possibilities

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if the world wasn't the way that it was.

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(soothing music)

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(people talking)

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Places from my past

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and places that I dream of for the future,

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both kind of act as gardens to the room.

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(soothing music)

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When I had a brain tumor,
I really treated CBD

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as a sacred medicine, which
is in Japanese history

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and is in indigenous histories.

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(soothing music)

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I dream of having a farm in the future,

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but then it's hard

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'cause it's pretty
hostile in rural places.

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And then Torii gates are
always this symbol in Shintoism

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of a sacred spot.

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So I think it all comes
together in this way

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that it does form a memory
scape and a kind of longing.

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(people talking)

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A big part of existing as a trans person

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is the fear that underlies everything.

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But art is the realm where I feel like

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I get to dictate things,
and I get to, you know,

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have some sort of say in things.

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(soothing music)

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I worked in a nonprofit
called Trans Latina.

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Art opportunities were coming
around more, so I was like

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maybe I can incorporate
social work into this.

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That started off by doing HIV
testing inside the museum.

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I used to be like, this
is activism or this is art

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or this is escapism.

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But in reality a lot starts to intertwine.

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(soothing music)

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We were just starting to date

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right before the exhibition,

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and so I remember even
feeling bad like, okay,

51
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how am I gonna tell him?

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- I didn't know what to think of it

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because I never really,

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I never really met a person
that like does like art art,

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like real art.

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I thought it was a little crazy at first.

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I was a little nervous to be on display

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because I am a private person.

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But like when she like
showed me everything,

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and I was like, oh, I understand now.

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It was just great. It was genius.

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- I was grateful you were there with me

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so that I didn't have to
feel alone in the fishbowl.

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It isn't always in the
front of my consciousness

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that I'm being filmed,

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but the feeling of it doesn't go away.

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I grew up in Texas.

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Everyone in my school had guns on display,

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and I felt like I had
to hide all the time.

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So I made friends online and
lived under a screen name.

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So I think that mediation
through the screen

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was something that I've
always thought about.

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I've always found that kind of blurry,

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that line between what you
share and what you don't share.

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I knew that I wanted to use
this film that attaches to glass

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and will basically fog with just a switch.

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I think that was a way to be like,

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okay, let me live behind a screen

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that can be online or offline.

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I thought it wasn't enough
of a performance for people

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or something, but it was
honestly too much for me.

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(gentle music)

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So I invited friends to come to the space

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to perform in the theater.

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Things like that where I
could like activate the space

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and like people within my
realm could utilize it.

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(dramatic music)

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- His girlfriend obviously didn't know

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that he was sleeping with trans women.

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He was the kind of person
where he would be like,

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drop everything.

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But he's the only person

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that I would maybe even
think about that for

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'cause he was like, I'll pay whatever.

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It didn't feel safe, honestly,

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but that was like a part of getting paid.

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- I would like to think

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that I've helped some of my clients

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from being unlicensed
therapist essentially,

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or making them feel like they're human

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because I would want the same in return.

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- When certified nurses
assistants, janitors,

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garbage truck drivers or
people in other occupations

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considered undesirable go into work,

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they're not doing it to feel empowered.

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Power, power, power, power.

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- [Lexii] Yeah, it was. (people laughing)

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- Yeah, be honest. You can say whatever.

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- It was very funny like,

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so like she has this remote,

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but there's these slits of glass

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that you can still peek through,

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and some people would
still just try to peek.

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So Jade would hit the button
and just make it visible again,

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and then they're just like, oh.

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It just like made me laugh every time.

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- But you know what's funny

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is also like that level of
curiosity from those spectators.

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Like we experience that
just existing, going out.

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- Daily.

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- Yeah, literally the people
are always just like staring.

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Like it just feels like, you
know I'm a person, right?

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Like you know I'm human.

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- Yeah, just like making
a spectacle sometimes

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and like you have this remote in your hand

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is just like, I think it's freedom.

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- I just called it the power.

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It was a way to kind of
think about visibility,

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but also resistance and absence.

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It has this push pull effect

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that I think is mirrored
in my personality sometimes

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to get intimate and then also pull back

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and conceal or obscure.

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It's this strange thing where
I didn't get to be myself.

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I had to be this other person
in the south to like survive.

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And now as a performer, I'm trying to be

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as much myself as possible,

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and I'm learning how to
perform in a different way.

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(soothing music)