0:00:00.984,0:00:04.720 I have stage IV lung cancer. 0:00:05.547,0:00:06.825 Oh, I know, "poor me." 0:00:06.849,0:00:08.091 I don't feel that way. 0:00:08.115,0:00:10.166 I'm so OK with it. 0:00:10.634,0:00:12.773 And granted, I have certain advantages -- 0:00:12.797,0:00:15.454 not everybody can take[br]so cavalier an attitude. 0:00:15.478,0:00:17.002 I don't have young children. 0:00:17.609,0:00:21.297 I have a grown daughter who's[br]brilliant and happy and wonderful. 0:00:21.928,0:00:24.950 I don't have huge financial stress. 0:00:25.965,0:00:27.975 My cancer isn't that aggressive. 0:00:27.999,0:00:30.219 It's kind of like[br]the Democratic leadership -- 0:00:30.243,0:00:33.926 (Laughter) 0:00:33.950,0:00:35.816 not convinced it can win. 0:00:35.840,0:00:37.490 It's basically just sitting there, 0:00:37.514,0:00:39.850 waiting for Goldman Sachs[br]to give it some money. 0:00:39.874,0:00:40.889 (Laughter) 0:00:40.913,0:00:45.802 (Applause) 0:00:45.826,0:00:48.659 Oh, and the best thing of all -- 0:00:48.683,0:00:52.151 I have a major accomplishment[br]under my belt. 0:00:52.175,0:00:53.326 Yes. 0:00:53.350,0:00:57.254 I didn't even know it until someone[br]tweeted me a year ago. 0:00:57.278,0:00:59.500 And here's what they said: 0:00:59.524,0:01:01.745 "You are responsible 0:01:01.769,0:01:04.828 for the pussification[br]of the American male." 0:01:05.293,0:01:07.123 (Laughter) 0:01:07.147,0:01:10.998 (Applause) 0:01:11.022,0:01:13.824 Not that I can take[br]all the credit, but ... 0:01:13.848,0:01:18.086 (Laughter) 0:01:18.110,0:01:22.039 But what if you don't have my advantages? 0:01:22.063,0:01:25.737 The only advice I can give you[br]is to do what I did: 0:01:25.761,0:01:28.457 make friends with reality. 0:01:28.888,0:01:32.660 You couldn't have a worse relationship[br]with reality than I did. 0:01:33.257,0:01:35.745 From the get-go, 0:01:35.769,0:01:38.091 I wasn't even attracted to reality. 0:01:38.630,0:01:41.337 If they'd had Tinder when I met reality, 0:01:41.361,0:01:42.551 I would have swiped left 0:01:42.575,0:01:44.568 and the whole thing would have been over. 0:01:44.592,0:01:46.258 (Laughter) 0:01:46.282,0:01:48.271 And reality and I -- 0:01:48.295,0:01:51.690 we don't share the same values,[br]the same goals -- 0:01:51.714,0:01:52.721 (Laughter) 0:01:52.745,0:01:55.444 To be honest, I don't have goals; 0:01:55.468,0:01:57.069 I have fantasies. 0:01:57.642,0:02:01.332 They're exactly like goals[br]but without the hard work. 0:02:01.356,0:02:03.306 (Laughter) 0:02:03.330,0:02:04.759 (Applause) 0:02:04.783,0:02:08.029 I'm not a big fan of hard work, 0:02:08.053,0:02:09.951 but you know reality -- 0:02:09.975,0:02:12.944 it's either push, push, push, push, push 0:02:12.968,0:02:17.281 through its agent,[br]the executive brain function -- 0:02:17.305,0:02:18.850 one of the "yays" of dying: 0:02:18.874,0:02:22.497 my executive brain function[br]won't have me to kick around anymore. 0:02:22.521,0:02:26.567 (Laughter) 0:02:26.591,0:02:29.896 But something happened 0:02:29.920,0:02:34.125 that made me realize 0:02:34.149,0:02:38.483 that reality may not be reality. 0:02:38.820,0:02:40.342 Though what happened was, 0:02:40.366,0:02:44.826 because I basically wanted reality[br]to leave me alone, 0:02:44.850,0:02:47.843 but I wanted to be left alone[br]in a nice house 0:02:47.867,0:02:51.633 with a Wolf range[br]and Sub-Zero refrigerator ... 0:02:51.657,0:02:54.008 private yoga lessons. 0:02:54.032,0:02:57.757 I ended up with[br]a development deal at Disney, 0:02:57.781,0:03:01.240 and one day I found myself[br]in my new office 0:03:01.264,0:03:03.579 on Two Dopey Drive -- 0:03:03.603,0:03:06.593 (Laughter) 0:03:06.617,0:03:09.697 which reality thought[br]I should be proud of ... 0:03:09.721,0:03:10.871 (Laughter) 0:03:10.895,0:03:15.301 And I'm staring at the present[br]they sent me to celebrate my arrival -- 0:03:15.325,0:03:20.419 not the Lalique vase or the grand piano[br]I've heard of other people getting, 0:03:20.443,0:03:23.800 but a three-foot-tall,[br]stuffed Mickey Mouse 0:03:23.824,0:03:24.839 (Laughter) 0:03:24.863,0:03:27.721 with a catalog, in case I wanted[br]to order some more stuff 0:03:27.745,0:03:29.749 that didn't jive with my aesthetic. 0:03:29.773,0:03:30.810 (Laughter) 0:03:30.834,0:03:32.580 And when I looked up in the catalog 0:03:32.604,0:03:36.962 to see how much[br]this three-foot-high mouse cost, 0:03:36.986,0:03:39.810 here's how it was described ... 0:03:40.857,0:03:43.185 "Life-sized." 0:03:43.209,0:03:48.047 (Laughter) 0:03:48.071,0:03:49.730 And that's when I knew. 0:03:50.132,0:03:52.527 Reality wasn't "reality." 0:03:52.551,0:03:54.509 Reality was an imposter. 0:03:55.191,0:03:59.692 So I dived into quantum physics[br]and chaos theory 0:03:59.716,0:04:01.862 to try to find Actual Reality, 0:04:01.886,0:04:03.531 and I've just finished a movie -- 0:04:03.555,0:04:05.755 yes, finally finished -- 0:04:05.779,0:04:06.957 about all that, 0:04:06.981,0:04:08.286 so I won't go into it here, 0:04:08.310,0:04:10.776 and anyway, it wasn't until[br]after we shot the movie, 0:04:10.800,0:04:12.862 when I broke my leg[br]and then it didn't heal, 0:04:12.886,0:04:15.327 so then they had to do[br]another surgery a year later, 0:04:15.351,0:04:16.722 and then that took a year -- 0:04:16.746,0:04:18.003 two years in a wheelchair, 0:04:18.027,0:04:23.977 and that's when I came[br]into contact with Actual Reality: 0:04:24.001,0:04:25.366 limits. 0:04:25.852,0:04:28.882 Those very limits I'd spent[br]my whole life denying 0:04:28.906,0:04:31.219 and pushing past and ignoring 0:04:32.720,0:04:34.287 were real, 0:04:34.311,0:04:36.648 and I had to deal with them, 0:04:36.672,0:04:42.363 and they took imagination,[br]creativity and my entire skill set. 0:04:42.715,0:04:47.096 It turned out I was great[br]at Actual Reality. 0:04:47.543,0:04:49.258 I didn't just come to terms with it, 0:04:49.282,0:04:50.876 I fell in love. 0:04:50.900,0:04:52.361 And I should've known, 0:04:52.385,0:04:56.367 given my equally shaky[br]relationship with the zeitgeist ... 0:04:57.421,0:05:01.617 I'll just say, if anyone[br]is in the market for a Betamax -- 0:05:01.641,0:05:03.635 (Laughter) 0:05:04.038,0:05:07.886 I should have known that the moment[br]I fell in love with reality, 0:05:07.910,0:05:11.193 the rest of the country would decide[br]to go in the opposite direction. 0:05:11.217,0:05:13.526 (Laughter) 0:05:13.550,0:05:18.095 But I'm not here to talk about Trump[br]or the alt-right or climate-change deniers 0:05:18.119,0:05:20.509 or even the makers of this thing, 0:05:20.533,0:05:22.399 which I would have called a box, 0:05:22.423,0:05:25.308 except that right here, it says, 0:05:25.332,0:05:28.019 "This is not a box." 0:05:28.043,0:05:32.559 (Laughter) 0:05:32.583,0:05:34.721 They're gaslighting me. 0:05:34.745,0:05:36.407 (Laughter) 0:05:36.431,0:05:39.067 (Applause) 0:05:39.955,0:05:44.686 But what I do want to talk about 0:05:44.710,0:05:49.828 is a personal challenge to reality 0:05:49.852,0:05:52.499 that I take personally, 0:05:52.523,0:05:59.200 and I want to preface it[br]by saying that I absolutely love science. 0:05:59.570,0:06:00.951 I have this -- 0:06:00.975,0:06:02.939 not a scientist myself -- 0:06:02.963,0:06:07.781 but an uncanny ability to understand[br]everything about science, 0:06:07.805,0:06:09.688 except the actual science -- 0:06:09.712,0:06:10.713 (Laughter) 0:06:10.737,0:06:11.935 which is math. 0:06:11.959,0:06:16.234 But the most outlandish concepts[br]make sense to me. 0:06:18.222,0:06:19.611 The string theory; 0:06:19.635,0:06:23.803 the idea that all of reality emanates[br]from the vibrations of these teeny -- 0:06:23.827,0:06:25.739 I call it "The Big Twang." 0:06:25.763,0:06:27.022 (Laughter) 0:06:27.659,0:06:29.656 Wave-particle duality: 0:06:29.680,0:06:33.321 the idea that one thing[br]can manifest as two things ... 0:06:33.345,0:06:34.496 you know? 0:06:34.520,0:06:38.342 That a photon can manifest[br]as a wave and a particle 0:06:38.366,0:06:40.727 coincided with my deepest intuitions 0:06:40.751,0:06:42.434 that people are good and bad, 0:06:42.458,0:06:44.548 ideas are right and wrong. 0:06:44.572,0:06:46.852 Freud was right about penis envy 0:06:46.876,0:06:49.456 and he was wrong about who has it. 0:06:49.480,0:06:53.069 (Laughter) 0:06:53.093,0:06:55.617 (Applause) 0:06:55.641,0:06:56.884 Thank you. 0:06:56.908,0:06:57.915 (Applause) 0:06:57.939,0:07:01.330 And then there's this slight[br]variation on that, 0:07:01.354,0:07:04.037 which is reality looks like two things, 0:07:04.061,0:07:08.219 but it turns out to be the interaction[br]of those two things, 0:07:08.243,0:07:10.391 like space -- time, 0:07:10.415,0:07:12.056 mass -- energy 0:07:12.080,0:07:15.330 and life and death. 0:07:15.698,0:07:17.227 So I don't I understand -- 0:07:17.251,0:07:20.321 I simply just don't understand 0:07:20.345,0:07:24.710 the mindset of people who are out[br]to "defeat death" and "overcome death." 0:07:24.734,0:07:26.326 How do you do that? 0:07:26.350,0:07:29.186 How do you defeat death[br]without killing off life? 0:07:29.793,0:07:32.008 It doesn't make sense to me. 0:07:32.032,0:07:33.964 I also have to say, 0:07:33.988,0:07:37.756 I find it incredibly ungrateful. 0:07:37.780,0:07:40.545 I mean, you're given[br]this extraordinary gift -- 0:07:40.569,0:07:41.955 life -- 0:07:41.979,0:07:46.637 but it's as if you had asked Santa[br]for a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow 0:07:46.661,0:07:49.373 and you had gotten[br]a salad spinner instead. 0:07:49.926,0:07:52.274 You know, it's the beef -- 0:07:52.298,0:07:56.119 the beef with it is that it comes[br]with an expiration date. 0:07:56.143,0:07:57.937 Death is the deal breaker. 0:07:59.208,0:08:00.359 I don't get that. 0:08:00.383,0:08:01.534 I don't understand -- 0:08:01.558,0:08:03.202 to me, it's disrespectful. 0:08:03.226,0:08:05.109 It's disrespectful to nature. 0:08:05.658,0:08:08.131 The idea that we're going[br]to dominate nature, 0:08:08.155,0:08:10.337 we're going to master nature, 0:08:10.361,0:08:14.241 nature is too weak[br]to withstand our intellect -- 0:08:15.138,0:08:17.934 no, I don't think so. 0:08:18.309,0:08:21.729 I think if you've actually read[br]quantum physics as I have -- 0:08:21.753,0:08:24.625 well, I read an email[br]from someone who'd read it, but -- 0:08:24.649,0:08:28.522 (Laughter) 0:08:28.546,0:08:29.793 You have to understand 0:08:29.817,0:08:33.650 that we don't live in Newton's[br]clockwork universe anymore. 0:08:33.674,0:08:36.879 We live in a banana peel universe, 0:08:36.903,0:08:40.583 and we won't ever be able[br]to know everything 0:08:40.607,0:08:42.253 or control everything 0:08:42.277,0:08:43.760 or predict everything. 0:08:43.784,0:08:45.991 Nature is like a self-driving car. 0:08:46.015,0:08:49.348 The best we can be is like[br]the old woman in that joke -- 0:08:49.372,0:08:51.194 I don't know if you've heard it. 0:08:51.506,0:08:53.829 An old woman is driving 0:08:53.853,0:08:58.082 with her middle-aged daughter[br]in the passenger seat, 0:08:58.106,0:09:00.505 and the mother goes[br]right through a red light. 0:09:00.529,0:09:04.705 And the daughter doesn't want to say[br]anything that makes it sound like, 0:09:04.729,0:09:06.423 "You're too old to drive," 0:09:06.447,0:09:08.258 so she didn't say anything. 0:09:08.282,0:09:11.006 And then the mother[br]goes through a second red light, 0:09:11.030,0:09:13.404 and the daughter,[br]as tactfully as possible, 0:09:13.428,0:09:15.583 says, "Mom, are you aware 0:09:15.607,0:09:17.845 that you just went through[br]two red lights?" 0:09:17.869,0:09:19.864 And the mother says, "Oh, am I driving?" 0:09:19.888,0:09:24.069 (Laughter) 0:09:24.093,0:09:28.457 (Applause) 0:09:28.481,0:09:29.838 So ... 0:09:31.258,0:09:35.410 and now, I'm going to take a mental leap, 0:09:35.434,0:09:39.323 which is easy for me because[br]I'm the Evel Knievel of mental leaps; 0:09:39.347,0:09:41.142 my license plate says, 0:09:41.166,0:09:43.806 "Cogito, ergo zoom." 0:09:44.326,0:09:47.693 I hope you're willing[br]to come with me on this, 0:09:47.717,0:09:53.337 but my real problem with the mindset[br]that is so out to defeat death 0:09:53.361,0:09:57.121 is if you're anti-death, 0:09:57.145,0:09:59.542 which to me translates as anti-life, 0:09:59.566,0:10:03.427 which to me translates as anti-nature, 0:10:03.451,0:10:06.582 it also translates to me as anti-woman, 0:10:06.606,0:10:10.912 because women have long been[br]identified with nature. 0:10:10.936,0:10:13.178 And my source on this is Hannah Arendt, 0:10:13.202,0:10:16.829 the German philosopher who wrote[br]a book called "The Human Condition." 0:10:17.424,0:10:20.863 And in it, she says that classically, 0:10:20.887,0:10:23.553 work is associated with men. 0:10:23.577,0:10:25.787 Work is what comes out of the head; 0:10:25.811,0:10:27.087 it's what we invent, 0:10:27.111,0:10:28.642 it's what we create, 0:10:28.666,0:10:31.306 it's how we leave our mark upon the world. 0:10:32.688,0:10:37.130 Whereas labor is associated with the body. 0:10:37.154,0:10:39.945 It's associated with the people[br]who perform labor 0:10:39.969,0:10:41.597 or undergo labor. 0:10:42.169,0:10:44.892 So to me, 0:10:44.916,0:10:49.044 the mindset that denies that, 0:10:49.068,0:10:53.381 that denies that we're in sync[br]with the biorhythms, 0:10:53.405,0:10:56.492 the cyclical rhythms of the universe, 0:10:56.516,0:11:02.170 does not create a hospitable[br]environment for women 0:11:02.194,0:11:04.628 or for people associated with labor, 0:11:04.652,0:11:06.166 which is to say, 0:11:06.190,0:11:09.609 people that we associate[br]as descendants of slaves, 0:11:09.633,0:11:11.980 or people who perform manual labor. 0:11:13.092,0:11:18.806 So here's how it looks[br]from a banana-peel-universe point of view, 0:11:18.830,0:11:22.165 from my mindset which I call[br]"Emily's universe." 0:11:23.062,0:11:24.237 First of all, 0:11:25.577,0:11:30.822 I am incredibly grateful for life, 0:11:30.846,0:11:32.913 but I don't want to be immortal. 0:11:33.386,0:11:37.404 I have no interest in having[br]my name live on after me. 0:11:37.428,0:11:39.607 In fact, I don't want it to, 0:11:39.631,0:11:41.285 because it's been my observation 0:11:41.309,0:11:44.034 that no matter how nice and how brilliant 0:11:44.058,0:11:45.670 or how talented you are, 0:11:45.694,0:11:48.306 50 years after you die, they turn on you. 0:11:48.330,0:11:49.806 (Laughter) 0:11:49.830,0:11:52.345 And I have actual proof of that. 0:11:52.369,0:11:55.601 A headline from the Los Angeles Times: 0:11:55.625,0:11:58.756 "Anne Frank: Not so nice after all." 0:11:58.780,0:12:04.050 (Laughter) 0:12:04.074,0:12:07.436 Plus, I love being in sync 0:12:07.460,0:12:09.979 with the cyclical rhythms of the universe. 0:12:10.003,0:12:12.272 That's what's so extraordinary about life: 0:12:12.296,0:12:14.493 it's a cycle of generation, 0:12:14.517,0:12:15.923 degeneration, 0:12:15.947,0:12:17.546 regeneration. 0:12:17.570,0:12:21.468 "I" am just a collection of particles 0:12:21.492,0:12:24.371 that is arranged into this pattern, 0:12:24.395,0:12:27.157 then will decompose and be available, 0:12:27.181,0:12:29.728 all of its constituent parts, to nature, 0:12:29.752,0:12:31.906 to reorganize into another pattern. 0:12:33.033,0:12:35.492 To me, that is so exciting, 0:12:35.516,0:12:39.924 and it makes me even more grateful[br]to be part of that process. 0:12:40.585,0:12:42.305 You know, 0:12:42.329,0:12:48.371 I look at death now from the point of view[br]of a German biologist, 0:12:48.395,0:12:49.850 Andreas Weber, 0:12:49.874,0:12:53.476 who looks at it as part[br]of the gift economy. 0:12:53.500,0:12:56.278 You're given this enormous gift -- life, 0:12:56.302,0:12:58.645 you enrich it as best you can, 0:12:58.669,0:13:00.729 and then you give it back. 0:13:01.273,0:13:04.606 And, you know, Auntie Mame[br]said, "Life is a banquet" -- 0:13:04.630,0:13:06.741 well, I've eaten my fill. 0:13:07.380,0:13:09.651 I have had an enormous appetite for life, 0:13:09.675,0:13:10.898 I've consumed life, 0:13:10.922,0:13:13.557 but in death, I'm going to be consumed. 0:13:13.581,0:13:17.032 I'm going into the ground[br]just the way I am, 0:13:17.056,0:13:20.007 and there, I invite every microbe 0:13:20.031,0:13:21.387 and a [...] 0:13:21.411,0:13:23.561 and composer 0:13:23.585,0:13:24.751 to have their fill -- 0:13:24.775,0:13:27.331 I think they'll find me delicious. 0:13:27.355,0:13:28.557 (Laughter) 0:13:28.581,0:13:29.831 I do. 0:13:30.838,0:13:35.877 So the best thing about my attitude,[br]I think, is that it's real. 0:13:35.901,0:13:37.227 You can see it. 0:13:37.251,0:13:38.402 You can observe it. 0:13:38.426,0:13:39.892 It actually happens. 0:13:39.916,0:13:43.631 Well, maybe not my enriching the gift, 0:13:43.655,0:13:45.410 I don't know about that -- 0:13:45.434,0:13:49.002 but my life has certainly[br]been enriched by other people. 0:13:49.026,0:13:50.231 By TED, 0:13:50.255,0:13:53.414 which introduced me[br]to a whole network of people 0:13:53.438,0:13:56.117 who have enriched my life, 0:13:56.141,0:13:59.334 including Tricia McGillis,[br]my website designer, 0:13:59.358,0:14:01.723 who's working with my wonderful daughter 0:14:01.747,0:14:05.285 to take my website[br]and turn it into something 0:14:05.309,0:14:07.200 where all I have to do is write a blog. 0:14:07.224,0:14:09.720 I don't have to use[br]the executive brain function ... 0:14:09.744,0:14:13.323 Ha, ha, ha, I win! 0:14:13.347,0:14:14.446 (Laughter) 0:14:14.470,0:14:17.128 And I am so grateful to you. 0:14:18.107,0:14:20.627 I don't want to say, "the audience," 0:14:20.651,0:14:25.056 because I don't really see it[br]as we're two separate things. 0:14:25.080,0:14:30.705 I think of it in terms[br]of quantum physics, again. 0:14:31.255,0:14:36.552 And, you know, quantum physicists[br]are not exactly sure what happens 0:14:36.576,0:14:39.174 when the wave becomes a particle. 0:14:39.198,0:14:40.737 There are different theories -- 0:14:40.761,0:14:42.382 the collapse of the wave function, 0:14:42.406,0:14:43.557 decoherence -- 0:14:43.581,0:14:45.297 but they're all agreed on one thing: 0:14:45.321,0:14:48.390 that reality comes into being[br]through an interaction. 0:14:51.662,0:14:53.075 (Voice breaking) So do you. 0:14:53.882,0:14:56.222 And every audience I've ever had, 0:14:56.246,0:14:57.800 past and present. 0:14:58.762,0:15:02.743 Thank you so much for making my life real. 0:15:02.767,0:15:03.879 (Applause) 0:15:03.903,0:15:05.054 Thank you. 0:15:05.078,0:15:06.538 (Applause) 0:15:06.562,0:15:07.731 Thank you. 0:15:07.755,0:15:08.808 (Applause) 0:15:08.832,0:15:09.991 Thank you. 0:15:10.015,0:15:11.040 (Applause) 0:15:11.064,0:15:12.245 Thank you.