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Four years ago, a cup of mocha [br]changed my life.

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Let me take you back[br]to when I was just 17 years old.

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I had just won a trophy[br]at a major bikini fitness competition,

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one of the largest in the country.

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This was me.

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I prepared for this competition [br]for six months;

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I worked out every single day;

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I dieted hardcore;

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and I thought that revolving[br]my life around fitness

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would help fix my[br]poor-body image struggles,

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but it only made things worse.

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While everybody was telling me[br]how great I looked,

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how fit I was,

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how dedicated I was,

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my mental health was just falling apart,

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and I was obsessed with anything[br]that went in my mouth

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that was not on my diet,

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even if it was just a handful of almonds.

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What nobody knew

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was that behind this perfect bikini body

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was a broken girl

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that was completely obsessed[br]with her weight.

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Have you ever been in this position?

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Have you ever been obsessed [br]with your weight

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or how your body looks in general?

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Unfortunately, too many of us[br]struggle with not liking how we look.

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Some of us go to extremes, like I did,

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and some of us want[br]to change a few things:

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a little tighter here,[br]a little smoother there,

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a lot thinner everywhere,

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but not too thin of course because curves,

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curves are in, ladies and gentlemen,

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but only here and here,[br]but nowhere in between.

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(Laughter)

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So, flash forward to a few months[br]after this bikini competition,

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I get a mid afternoon text from my mom:

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"Want to meet for coffee at 12?" she asks.

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"Sure, I'll be there soon", I replied.

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And as I'm driving to go meet her,

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I get another text from her;

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it says: "Sitting outside.[br]I got you a mocha."

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A mocha? A mocha! How could she?

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The calories, the sugars, the dairy!

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Didn't she know that I was on a diet?!

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I'm driving, I'm so angry,[br]and as I pull up to the café,

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my mom, who's sitting outside, [br]she sees my crying,

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runs over to my car door,[br]tries to open it,

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but I wouldn't let her in.

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"No mom, I just can't believe[br]you'd get me a freaking mocha,"

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I screamed as I closed the door[br]and drove away,

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feeling instantly ashamed[br]at how I just lashed out on her.

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As I'm driving,

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I'm having one of those[br]ugly cry moments,

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you know, it's like what Oprah refers to,

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when you're crying so hard[br]you can't breath,

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you got snot coming out of your nose.

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It's not pretty like the movies![br]It's really ugly.

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That was me in that moment.

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And at this rock bottom,[br]I get another text from my mom.

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It says this - that's the real text -

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[I just want you to know[br]that I love you very much..

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I am here for you anytime you need me]

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As I read the words[br]on the screen, I paused.

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I finally stopped crying.

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I took a deep breath,

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so relieved that she had[br]already forgiven me.

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And I let myself feel her love,

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because my mom loved me[br]when I couldn't love myself.

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In this moment, I also realized[br]that my body image struggles

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robbed me of so many[br]of life's beautiful experiences.

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I mean, what should've been [br]a lovely coffee date

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with one of my favorite people

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turned in to an absolute disaster

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because of my fears about food.

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My body image took away [br]from so much of me,

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and I missed out on so much of my life

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because I was too busy hating myself.

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Have you ever felt like[br]you missed out on your life?

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Maybe you didn't go to the pool party

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because you don't want[br]to get in a swimsuit.

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Or if you did go, you didn't take[br]your clothes off to go in the water,

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because you don't want people to see you.

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Or you spent the party[br]obsessing over the calories in the cookie

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instead of spending it connecting[br]with your friends and loved ones.

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I've been there one too many times.

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I mean, I missed out on the little things,

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like baking cookies[br]with my little sister -

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she's in the audience right now.

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And I missed out on the big things,[br]like my graduation parties,

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where I was too scared of the calories[br]in the cookies, so I didn't go.

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And also my grandfather's [br]70th birthday party,

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where my grandma had cooked[br]all of this delicious food,

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and I refused to have a single bite [br]because I was on a diet.

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And we usually use this term "body image"[br]quite a bit, but what does it mean?

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We usually use "body image" to describe[br]how we feel about ourselves,

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particularly our bodies,

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and because of rising concerns[br]and negative body image struggles,

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a lot of people have tried to help[br]girls and women especially

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feel more positively[br]about their body image.

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This idea of body positivity[br]has become really popular lately.

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"Let's all feel really good [br]about our bodies and how we look" -

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which is great;

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it's definitely a step forward -

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but what if all this hyper-focus[br]on our body's image,

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whether it's positive or negative,

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is actually what's causing[br]all the insecurities, discomforts

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and lack of confidence [br]in our bodies in the first place?

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I mean, we already live[br]in such an image driven society.

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Somebody even called [br]our generation "The selfie culture."

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So, not only do we see our own image[br]reflected back to us in the mirror

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when we are getting ready in the morning,

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but we also see our image in a selfie -

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if you happen to be into that -

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but if not, you also see[br]everybody else's selfie,

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and usually it's their perfect,[br]picture-perfect selfie,

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on social media every single day.

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I mean, It's no wonder that 96% of women

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report feeling unhappy with their bodies[br]or wanting to change something.

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96%!

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96% of us struggle with body image.

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But our bodies,[br]our bodies are not an image.

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They're an experience,[br]and they're a beautiful experience.

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So we cannot keep letting our body image[br]ruin our life experience.

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That afternoon, after getting [br]that loving text from my mom,

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I realized the true cause [br]of my obsession with my body image:

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missing out on my life.

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And I also made a decision [br]to change my life.

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I made a decision to not only heal[br]my own body image struggles

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by actually not focusing on my image[br]and instead just living my life,

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and I also made a commitment

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to help any women who's ever hated herself[br]shift her focus and change her life.

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Actually, I have an exercise for you

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that is a simple three-step process

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that's scientifically proven[br]to help you do just that:

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shift your focus and get out[br]of those negative thought patterns

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anytime you're feeling[br]not good about yourself.

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So the first step.

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First, you're going to pause -

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just like I did when I got this text -

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pause and face what you're feeling.

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I mean, it's so easy[br]to deflect and push away

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and try to avoid the situation.

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How many of us stay busy [br]just to avoid what we're feeling?

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So guilty.

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(Laughter)

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But the difficult thing to do is to pause.

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Next, breathe -

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and this part is really important -

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as you breathe,

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focus you energy and attention[br]to the area around your heart.

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This is going to help [br]shift your focus from your mind,

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from those negative thought patterns,

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to your heart,

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towards unconditional love for yourself.

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So as you breathe, just picture sending [br]all that energy to your heart space.

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And lastly, let yourself feel the love.

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And notice how I said "let yourself"

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because a lot of us, we say,[br]"Just love yourself!"

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But that's a lot easier said than done.

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You first have to give yourself permission[br]to feel your own love.

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And give yourself some compassion.

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Think of at least one thing

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that you can appreciate or you love[br]about your body or yourself in general.

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Talk to yourself as if you're [br]your own mom or best friend.

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Pause, breathe, [br]and let yourself feel the love.

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Actually, let's all do this together.

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Not to put you on the spot or anything,

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but wherever you're at,[br]just straighten up a little bit.

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(Inhales deeply)

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And now pause right here with me.

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Take this moment for yourself.

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Now, take a deep breath

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(Inhales deeply)

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and as you breathe,

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(Exhales)

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picture sending all that loving energy[br]to this area around your heart.

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And now let yourself feel the love,

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and think of one thing that you[br]can appreciate about yourself right now.

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How did that feel?

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So the next time you don't feel [br]so good about yourself -

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maybe you don't like[br]how you look that day,

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or your hair is not cooperating with you,

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or you're just struggling[br]with self-worth in general -

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remember to pause, breathe[br]and let yourself feel the love.

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Because in doing so,

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you will turn those lowest moments[br]into your greatest strength.

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In fact, I was actually preparing[br]for this exact talk,

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at that same café,

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while happily sipping my mocha.

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(Applause)