This is us. On our 10th day, we got a little drunk, and married, yes it's a cliché,
but for us turns out equality isn't exactly equal.
We're destroying marriage or reinforcing stereotypes, depending on who you ask.
So for now, for better or for worse we are husbands.
And so love blossoms over time...
as two people grow together...
and learn to accept one another for all that they are...
Brady and Cheeks entered into this union six weeks ago,
but today is their first chance they've had to stand up and declare what they've learned
about life, and love...
and one another...
through the vows that they have prepared.
And so they will read those vows now.
Snap out of it, Katniss!
Hmm? Oh...
I do.
What are we doing?
I have no idea.
You do a vow. Then you. Then you.
Pow. Pow. Vow. Vow.
Just like we rehearsed!
Right. Yeah.
I... I asked for a teleprompter.
Brady...
I... promise...
to see you...
for...
see you for who you really are.
- I don't know if I... - Know your lines?
Try the cards.
Wait...
I will always be honest with you.
- No secrets. - Ha!
Running off looks bad.
Not running after... looks worse.
You are ruining our wedding!
Oh.
That looks expensive.
Nah. I got it at Ross.
It's part of my breaking vases collection for when I'm stressed.
Deflecting. Humor. Me. Hilarious.
Ha ha.
I'm glad you bailed first. I'd've never had the courage.
So you're not chasing after me right now?
Cheeks, I ran the other way.
I thought you were bad at chasing.
No...
It's just...
I feel like...
what I learned about you today...?
I learned about you too, Brady.
That's two secrets.
Except mine was a secret from myself.
Yours...
was the sneaky cloaky daggery kind.
Yeah, well, sorry that the darkest part of my life hadn't been made clear to you
in the whopping three months we've known each other.
Making my point even pointier.
You know, when we got drunk-married, I thought I didn't know you.
But now I know...
I don't know you!
I mean, for all I know, you could be...
a secret redhead!
A closet republican!
A cat person!
Wait...
Cat person like, someone who likes cats, or someone who turns into a cat?
The point is now a deadly weapon.
- Someone who lik... - Someone who turns... See?
Cheeks, we're both reeling from today. I mean, I've learned more about you
in last nine hours than I have in the last ninety days.
Nine hours?
Is that all?
Feels...
more, more like...
Are you okay?
What... What's wrong?
Yeah, yeah. I just...
I think I'm having a flashback...
I ever tell you, I love seeing all your tiny clothes in here?
It's like my new toy came with different outfits.
You know, if it wasn't your rewedding day...
Bang. Zoom. To the moon...
It's just me! Don't bother putting pants on!
Whoa! Haley was makin' funnies.
Put pants on. We have people here!
Here they are!
Oh!
Mom, Dad!
Dad, Hi!
Cheeks... these are my parents. This is Gillian and Scott.
It's such a ple...
well, we're finally meeting.
Yes. We've heard so much...
- and seen... so much. - So much.
The internet is just...
absolutely...
We have learned about the "safe search" option.
Without it, hello, mister, huh?
Well. Meeting you is...
also what I'm doing.
- I just wish it had been sooner. - Well, it was just, one of those...
You know how a marriage can just be like...
Wahbah! Here I am!
Awkward silence.
You guys are a family!
I'm Haley, b-t-dubbs.
Friend of the fam. Star of the SyFy original, Sharktocopter.
We don't own a TV.
Click!
Well...
we just want to say that we support you.
Right or wrong.
And I'm just glad that you're paying for it this time around.
You've... been around before?
I...
sorta had a fiancée once.
Claudia. And... then...
she... may even show up.
Fiancée.
Claudia.
Show up.
Well, that is like, three...
tiny, little...
nuclear explosions of new information.
- KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM! - Thank you, Haley.
- Splain. - I was in the closet
slash-denial. And Claudia solved a problem.
That must seem ironic to you now.
- Cheeks, I didn't mean to lie... - So why did you?
I think maybe I had a vision of this conversation?
You think you can out winning smile me?
- I will not be distrac... - Where is my little faggot?
Mom!
Don't you raise your voice in my house, Bitch!
Get down here, fucker!
I love your guts off.
If it isn't my favorite slut!
- Slap it. Clasp it. Think about it. - Slap it. Clasp it. Think about it.
And you must be the normal-Mormons!
C'mon, now. Don't be scared.
Listen I'll be honest, think you're b-a-n-a-n-a-s, but...
pleased nonetheless.
Pleased.
Awfully.
Why don't I show you where the cake and coffee is?
We don't drink caffeine.
I don't know what that means. Come on, come on.
I know who this is!
Let's take a look at this ocelot.
I call you that because I'm gonna look at your oss-a-lot.
Mom, Brady. Brady, Mom.
Actually though, we were kinda just in the middle of a triple kaboom moment...
Oh my Todd!
He is the living image! Of Todd!
Todd?
Once my poet mentor. Then my lover. Now passed,
he is my spirit guide.
Oh and he's Cheeks' dad, too.
Yeah, but Brady doesn't look anything like...
Daddy?
Did she say cake?
Closed captions: Francesco Bavastro [www.italiansubs.net]