WEBVTT 00:00:00.650 --> 00:00:03.600 I had a request for a talk yesterday, 00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:06.200 which I promised I would give today, 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:08.630 for someone who is asking the question, 00:00:08.630 --> 00:00:11.320 "Is happiness really possible 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:12.539 in our modern life, 00:00:12.539 --> 00:00:15.259 or are we always going to have to 00:00:15.259 --> 00:00:17.000 have suffering and problems 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:18.830 and difficulties in our life?" 00:00:18.830 --> 00:00:23.690 So, it's a talk about happiness 00:00:23.690 --> 00:00:27.849 and obviously, many of you know that 00:00:27.849 --> 00:00:29.670 Buddhist monks are supposed to be 00:00:29.670 --> 00:00:31.800 the happiest people in the world -- that 00:00:31.800 --> 00:00:33.910 was the findings from Professor 00:00:33.910 --> 00:00:37.060 Davidson of Wisconsin University. 00:00:37.060 --> 00:00:40.480 And, that's objective 00:00:40.480 --> 00:00:42.420 in other words, that's what they 00:00:42.420 --> 00:00:43.690 find on a functional 00:00:43.690 --> 00:00:46.840 Magnetic Resonance (fMRI) scan of a person's brain. 00:00:46.840 --> 00:00:49.870 So, surely that Buddhists should know 00:00:49.870 --> 00:00:53.550 something about happiness and its causes. 00:00:53.550 --> 00:00:55.370 And for those of you who know basic 00:00:55.370 --> 00:00:57.380 Buddhism, that's the whole purpose of the 00:00:57.380 --> 00:00:58.640 Four Noble Truths. 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:02.050 The basic teachings of the Buddha, the 00:01:02.050 --> 00:01:04.000 heart of this thing we call, "Buddhism." 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.670 You may say, and it's accurate 00:01:05.670 --> 00:01:07.780 to say, it's all about the Four Noble 00:01:07.780 --> 00:01:09.860 Truths, and you also know that the 00:01:09.860 --> 00:01:11.660 way I've been teaching the Four Noble 00:01:11.660 --> 00:01:13.720 Truths for many years now, is 00:01:13.720 --> 00:01:16.560 rearranging the Four Noble Truths 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:19.180 and talking about: happiness, it's cause, 00:01:19.180 --> 00:01:20.720 sometimes we are happy, and why 00:01:20.720 --> 00:01:22.410 we're not happy. 00:01:22.410 --> 00:01:24.070 Those four Noble Truths: 00:01:24.070 --> 00:01:26.640 happiness, the cause of happiness, 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:28.730 that sometimes we're unhappy, 00:01:28.730 --> 00:01:30.690 why we're unhappy. 00:01:30.690 --> 00:01:32.810 And, that to me made so much sense 00:01:32.810 --> 00:01:34.460 when I was a young man, because 00:01:34.460 --> 00:01:36.380 really I thought the essence of all 00:01:36.380 --> 00:01:38.960 religions was basically the answer to 00:01:38.960 --> 00:01:41.359 two questions: "what is happiness" 00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:44.070 and, "how do I get it." 00:01:44.070 --> 00:01:46.080 If I knew those two answers, then you'd 00:01:46.080 --> 00:01:49.440 have all the religion you really wanted in the world. 00:01:49.440 --> 00:01:51.110 Because all the other theories, 00:01:51.110 --> 00:01:53.460 and philosophies and theologies 00:01:53.460 --> 00:01:55.130 and all that sort of stuff 00:01:55.130 --> 00:01:57.200 was all very well to talk about, 00:01:57.200 --> 00:01:59.100 but what I was really concerned with 00:01:59.100 --> 00:02:00.960 in my life, was, you know, the problem 00:02:00.960 --> 00:02:02.450 of happiness and suffering 00:02:02.450 --> 00:02:04.460 and how to overcome the suffering 00:02:04.460 --> 00:02:07.520 and find real true happiness. 00:02:07.520 --> 00:02:10.779 So, the question of, "is there happiness 00:02:10.779 --> 00:02:12.719 in this world," from personal experience 00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:15.809 I can say yes, there certainly is. 00:02:15.809 --> 00:02:17.829 Real happiness, true happiness. 00:02:17.829 --> 00:02:21.079 But it's also fascinating in my life's journey to find 00:02:21.079 --> 00:02:23.079 that that happiness lies in places where 00:02:23.079 --> 00:02:24.889 people just don't even look. 00:02:24.889 --> 00:02:27.489 And it's because we don't look in those places 00:02:27.489 --> 00:02:29.479 that many people will live their whole 00:02:29.479 --> 00:02:31.840 life and never actually experience the deep, 00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:33.510 peaceful, wonderful happinesses 00:02:33.510 --> 00:02:37.069 which are possible in life. 00:02:37.069 --> 00:02:39.099 But first of all, I'm sort of saying about 00:02:39.099 --> 00:02:41.170 what happiness is and how to get it. 00:02:41.170 --> 00:02:43.739 Now all this -- is start talking -- in 00:02:43.739 --> 00:02:47.680 this little presentation today, about why 00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:50.599 is it that people have problems in life? 00:02:50.599 --> 00:02:54.659 What is the cause of unhappiness in life? 00:02:54.659 --> 00:02:55.969 Why do people keep getting 00:02:55.969 --> 00:02:57.610 into these unhappy states? 00:02:57.610 --> 00:02:59.549 Certainly there is part of life 00:02:59.549 --> 00:03:00.999 which is beyond one's control, 00:03:00.999 --> 00:03:03.359 there are the difficulties and pains 00:03:03.359 --> 00:03:05.370 of life: the death of a loved one, 00:03:05.370 --> 00:03:07.309 the disappointments in one's career, 00:03:07.309 --> 00:03:09.549 the problems with one's children, 00:03:09.549 --> 00:03:11.599 the arguments with one's partner, 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:13.790 the pain of sickness in the body, 00:03:13.790 --> 00:03:15.849 or just the basic getting caught in 00:03:15.849 --> 00:03:17.760 traffic jams when you're on the way 00:03:17.760 --> 00:03:19.139 to the Buddhist Society. 00:03:19.139 --> 00:03:20.540 The basic sufferings in life 00:03:20.540 --> 00:03:24.249 are there but they're not the real sufferings. 00:03:24.249 --> 00:03:27.080 The point is, that one of the things which the Buddha 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:28.879 says, is it's the attachment -- 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:31.169 carrying those burdens around 00:03:31.169 --> 00:03:33.639 more than they should be. 00:03:33.639 --> 00:03:36.090 And that's where I'm going to start 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:37.579 this talk today. 00:03:37.579 --> 00:03:39.889 Why is it that people get 00:03:39.889 --> 00:03:43.689 attached to suffering? 00:03:43.689 --> 00:03:46.430 And that's basically what it is. 00:03:46.430 --> 00:03:49.930 Many years ago, I was privileged to give a 00:03:49.930 --> 00:03:52.819 talk at a grief and loss conference 00:03:52.819 --> 00:03:54.499 in Observation City. 00:03:54.499 --> 00:03:56.919 It was a national conference 00:03:56.919 --> 00:03:58.949 on grief and loss 00:03:58.949 --> 00:04:01.199 all run by some psychologists 00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:03.569 and psychiatrists. 00:04:03.569 --> 00:04:06.599 And, I remember giving a presentation 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:08.829 there, just after there'd been 00:04:08.829 --> 00:04:10.749 a presentation by the parents 00:04:10.749 --> 00:04:13.349 of, I think, Ciara Glennon, one of the 00:04:13.349 --> 00:04:15.870 young ladies who was killed by the 00:04:15.870 --> 00:04:18.548 'Claremont Killer, ' (still not found 00:04:18.548 --> 00:04:20.329 who exactly did that) 00:04:20.329 --> 00:04:23.480 and they're expressing just their pain 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:25.229 at the loss of their daughter. 00:04:25.229 --> 00:04:28.601 I think a young girl, I think she was a 00:04:28.601 --> 00:04:31.290 lawyer, successful, beautiful, who 00:04:31.290 --> 00:04:32.590 just disappeared one night 00:04:32.590 --> 00:04:34.120 and her body was found 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:36.610 sometime later, by the 'Claremont 00:04:36.610 --> 00:04:39.180 Killer, ' whoever that was. 00:04:39.180 --> 00:04:41.240 And apparently that session (which I did 00:04:41.240 --> 00:04:44.280 not attend myself) created a great feeling 00:04:44.280 --> 00:04:47.490 of suffering and angst amongst the 00:04:47.490 --> 00:04:49.729 people in the conference. 00:04:49.729 --> 00:04:51.430 And I came along with my usual 00:04:51.430 --> 00:04:54.539 positive attitude on how to deal with death. 00:04:54.539 --> 00:04:56.800 It's not just my positive attitude, 00:04:56.800 --> 00:04:58.300 because I had lived in Thailand 00:04:58.300 --> 00:05:01.389 for nine years and it's one of those 00:05:01.389 --> 00:05:04.020 sayings which comes from my experience. 00:05:04.020 --> 00:05:07.430 In nine years, if you like research, 00:05:07.430 --> 00:05:09.159 and my research was actually 00:05:09.159 --> 00:05:11.200 attending funeral after funeral after 00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:12.979 funeral, cremation after cremation 00:05:12.979 --> 00:05:15.000 because our monastery in Thailand 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:18.020 was a local cremation ground. 00:05:18.020 --> 00:05:20.240 We hang out with the ghosts. 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:22.850 Which was actually a very peaceful place to stay. 00:05:22.850 --> 00:05:25.140 When I was wandering, you wanted to get away 00:05:25.140 --> 00:05:26.443 from people 'cause you know, 00:05:26.443 --> 00:05:28.929 I was a monk I like a bit of peace and quiet, 00:05:28.929 --> 00:05:30.549 Ajahn Chah always used to tell us 00:05:30.549 --> 00:05:32.440 that when you want to stay somewhere 00:05:32.440 --> 00:05:34.269 at night time, ask the local village 00:05:34.269 --> 00:05:35.750 where the cremation ground is, 00:05:35.750 --> 00:05:37.669 it'd be like an open area in a forest 00:05:37.669 --> 00:05:39.260 and you go and stay there. 00:05:39.260 --> 00:05:40.620 It's the most peaceful place 00:05:40.620 --> 00:05:42.659 because the villagers are too scared 00:05:42.659 --> 00:05:44.349 to come and visit you. [laughter] 00:05:44.349 --> 00:05:46.370 So I really loved those ghosts 00:05:46.370 --> 00:05:48.030 for protecting me, they were my 00:05:48.030 --> 00:05:49.840 bodyguards, my minders to keep all 00:05:49.840 --> 00:05:51.780 the people away, so I could meditate 00:05:51.780 --> 00:05:53.229 quietly and peacefully. 00:05:53.229 --> 00:05:55.930 So, good on you ghosts! 00:05:55.930 --> 00:05:58.560 But that particular forest monastery 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.300 Wat Pah Nanachat that was like a ghost monastery 00:06:01.300 --> 00:06:03.690 because they had a cremation ground there 00:06:03.690 --> 00:06:07.580 but also, I used to see so many funeral 00:06:07.580 --> 00:06:09.770 services, again and again and again. 00:06:09.770 --> 00:06:11.960 And because you were dependent upon those 00:06:11.960 --> 00:06:13.810 villagers for your alms food, you'd 00:06:13.810 --> 00:06:15.860 see them every morning. 00:06:15.860 --> 00:06:18.659 You'd go into their village. 00:06:18.659 --> 00:06:20.750 And these are the people you grew up with. 00:06:20.750 --> 00:06:23.550 I remember, just I was nine years in 00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:25.340 Thailand mostly that monastery, 00:06:25.340 --> 00:06:27.490 when I came over here, 00:06:27.490 --> 00:06:29.870 to help start this monastery over in 00:06:29.870 --> 00:06:32.000 Serpentine and help support 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:33.860 this Buddhist Society of Western 00:06:33.860 --> 00:06:35.570 Australia, I think it was about 00:06:35.570 --> 00:06:37.360 four or five years before I had the 00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:39.100 chance to go back to that village 00:06:39.100 --> 00:06:40.900 and as soon as I went back there, 00:06:40.900 --> 00:06:43.780 getting back into that monastery in the late afternoon, 00:06:43.780 --> 00:06:45.449 the first time the villagers knew I 00:06:45.449 --> 00:06:48.000 was there, was when I went on Alms Round, 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:52.430 see all these ladies and men 00:06:52.430 --> 00:06:53.680 and they looked up, 00:06:53.680 --> 00:06:56.710 "It's Ajahn Brahm!" and they'd start 00:06:56.710 --> 00:07:00.090 crying because you did become part of the village. 00:07:00.090 --> 00:07:03.250 I was one of them, had gone away for about four / five 00:07:03.250 --> 00:07:05.900 years and come back again. 00:07:05.900 --> 00:07:07.849 And that's actually how close we 00:07:07.849 --> 00:07:09.760 were knitted into that community. 00:07:09.760 --> 00:07:14.539 And I mention that point simply because 00:07:14.539 --> 00:07:16.459 it establishes a fact that I didn't 00:07:16.459 --> 00:07:18.509 just see these people at the funeral 00:07:18.509 --> 00:07:20.129 services, I saw them before, 00:07:20.129 --> 00:07:21.419 I saw them afterwards. 00:07:21.419 --> 00:07:24.770 These are the people I knew. 00:07:24.770 --> 00:07:26.439 I never saw grief. 00:07:26.439 --> 00:07:28.740 I never saw people crying. 00:07:28.740 --> 00:07:30.730 It was actually once, I must admit, in 00:07:30.730 --> 00:07:33.010 all those nine years, that once I saw a 00:07:33.010 --> 00:07:35.729 tear, maybe just one or two drops of 00:07:35.729 --> 00:07:37.430 tears fall down the cheek, 00:07:37.430 --> 00:07:39.910 of one lady who lost her husband. 00:07:39.910 --> 00:07:43.169 But apart from that, there was no 00:07:43.169 --> 00:07:46.340 solid grief like you see here in Western Australia. 00:07:46.340 --> 00:07:49.210 And it wasn't that it was 00:07:49.210 --> 00:07:50.639 suppressed, it was just people 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:52.539 solaced in a different attitude, 00:07:52.539 --> 00:07:55.270 they weren't so attached 00:07:55.270 --> 00:07:57.879 to their loved ones. 00:07:57.879 --> 00:08:01.069 And to me it was a revelation 00:08:01.069 --> 00:08:02.780 and what I said at the conference, 00:08:02.780 --> 00:08:05.270 that there is a difference, a separation 00:08:05.270 --> 00:08:08.460 between grief and loss. 00:08:08.460 --> 00:08:10.080 Loss will always be there. 00:08:10.080 --> 00:08:14.310 But grief, is an added extra. 00:08:14.310 --> 00:08:16.940 And seeing a culture -- and that northeast 00:08:16.940 --> 00:08:19.830 part of Thailand had not been affected 00:08:19.830 --> 00:08:22.550 by any other western influence 00:08:22.550 --> 00:08:26.099 so it was like a pure old Buddhist culture 00:08:26.099 --> 00:08:28.870 and when you actually saw just how 00:08:28.870 --> 00:08:31.620 that pure Buddhist culture related to a 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:34.480 death, it was a revelation to see that 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:38.960 there was a society where grief basically did not exist. 00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:43.820 And, it showed me that our grief 00:08:43.820 --> 00:08:45.770 is a cultural addition. 00:08:45.770 --> 00:08:49.460 There is another way of looking at it. 00:08:49.460 --> 00:08:53.580 And why is it that we attach to that sort of suffering? 00:08:53.580 --> 00:08:54.830 And basically, it's the 00:08:54.830 --> 00:08:57.160 same reason (you may not agree with 00:08:57.160 --> 00:09:00.010 me on this, but) I'm challenging you here. 00:09:00.010 --> 00:09:04.110 It's the same reason, why it is that we go to see these weepy movies, 00:09:04.110 --> 00:09:06.950 because we like to cry. 00:09:06.950 --> 00:09:10.680 We actually encourage these emotions inside of us. 00:09:10.680 --> 00:09:14.660 We like to feel emotional. 00:09:14.660 --> 00:09:16.530 There is a lady who comes here, 00:09:16.530 --> 00:09:18.192 she's not here this evening, thank 00:09:18.192 --> 00:09:20.032 goodness [audience laughter], but she 00:09:20.032 --> 00:09:21.402 once told me that her mother 00:09:21.402 --> 00:09:22.830 would always love going 00:09:22.830 --> 00:09:24.150 to see these weepy movies, 00:09:24.150 --> 00:09:29.230 these Chinese movies and she described them to me. 00:09:29.230 --> 00:09:32.860 Apparently the Chinese movies, there's enough people here from 00:09:32.860 --> 00:09:35.610 Malaysia, Singapore here, Hong Kong 00:09:35.610 --> 00:09:37.630 that you know what I'm talking about -- 00:09:37.630 --> 00:09:42.450 boy meets girl, but boy never gets girl! 00:09:42.450 --> 00:09:45.110 Either the family or the Imperial Army 00:09:45.110 --> 00:09:47.740 or some other tragedy gets in the way 00:09:47.740 --> 00:09:49.800 [audience laughing] and in the end, 00:09:49.800 --> 00:09:53.360 boy and girl, are killed or separated. 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:56.300 And they know that's going to happen! 00:09:56.300 --> 00:09:58.240 Every movie is the same. 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:00.190 It's always a sad ending. 00:10:00.190 --> 00:10:02.600 So her mother would come back from 00:10:02.600 --> 00:10:04.110 the weekly trip to the movies, 00:10:04.110 --> 00:10:07.400 with red eyes, she'd been crying all the 00:10:07.400 --> 00:10:10.560 way through, all the way home, and she 00:10:10.560 --> 00:10:13.730 asked, "What the heck you do that for?" 00:10:13.730 --> 00:10:15.770 "Ah, 'cause it's nice to cry. 00:10:15.770 --> 00:10:17.310 It's so sad 00:10:17.310 --> 00:10:20.500 and so enjoyable to feel sad." 00:10:20.500 --> 00:10:23.700 [audience laughing] 00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:27.681 Now, that's not so funny, because 00:10:27.681 --> 00:10:29.600 at this conference, there's always 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:31.621 key experiences which happen in 00:10:31.621 --> 00:10:35.010 my life, and it was after I gave 00:10:35.010 --> 00:10:36.420 that little presentation 00:10:36.420 --> 00:10:38.010 on how to look at life and 00:10:38.010 --> 00:10:40.960 death in a different way, so you don't have to be sad. 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:42.850 A lady came up to me 00:10:42.850 --> 00:10:45.690 and said, "What's wrong with being sad," 00:10:45.690 --> 00:10:49.350 because she'd lost a close relation 00:10:49.350 --> 00:10:51.620 in tragic circumstances, and she'd been 00:10:51.620 --> 00:10:54.260 grieving about 5 or 6 years, 00:10:54.260 --> 00:10:58.700 and there's no way she would give up her grief. 00:10:58.700 --> 00:11:01.430 What I saw, in that lady, she was attached 00:11:01.430 --> 00:11:03.240 to grieving. 00:11:03.240 --> 00:11:04.450 That was her persona. 00:11:04.450 --> 00:11:06.330 She would go to conference after 00:11:06.330 --> 00:11:09.730 conference, therapist after therapist, 00:11:09.730 --> 00:11:14.210 it was her identity to be the griever. 00:11:14.210 --> 00:11:16.730 That's one of our big problems there. 00:11:16.730 --> 00:11:18.870 Sometimes we form our identities, 00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:20.921 we attach to that suffering, and that's 00:11:20.921 --> 00:11:22.410 'me.' 00:11:22.410 --> 00:11:26.620 We become the victims. 00:11:26.620 --> 00:11:30.580 And we enjoy, in a perverse way, being 00:11:30.580 --> 00:11:32.310 that victim. 00:11:32.310 --> 00:11:35.240 We enjoy the grief. 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:38.570 There's one of the sayings of the Buddha 00:11:38.570 --> 00:11:40.690 which you see again and again in the 00:11:40.690 --> 00:11:44.010 original teachings, he's saying all these 00:11:44.010 --> 00:11:46.040 negative emotions, like grief, like anger, 00:11:46.040 --> 00:11:49.420 like jealousy, even like fear, 00:11:49.420 --> 00:11:53.550 he said there is a delight there. 00:11:53.550 --> 00:11:55.040 If there wasn't a delight, 00:11:55.040 --> 00:11:57.260 then people wouldn't get into the fear, or 00:11:57.260 --> 00:11:59.510 into the jealousy, or into the anger. 00:11:59.510 --> 00:12:02.560 'Cause you know that when you feel angry, 00:12:02.560 --> 00:12:04.970 sometimes people do feel the power. 00:12:04.970 --> 00:12:06.920 And it's like a heroin or like a 00:12:06.920 --> 00:12:08.700 methamphetamine. 00:12:08.700 --> 00:12:13.000 You know, you're empowered at that time. 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:15.070 There is a delight in those states, 00:12:15.070 --> 00:12:17.630 which is why people get into being angry 00:12:17.630 --> 00:12:21.060 or into being violent, into being jealous 00:12:21.060 --> 00:12:24.910 or actually even into being grief. 00:12:24.910 --> 00:12:26.840 There is a delight there. 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:29.640 And this is one of the wonderful sayings of the Buddha. 00:12:29.640 --> 00:12:33.540 Because there is a delight there, that's why people attach to those things. 00:12:33.540 --> 00:12:34.970 But the reason why they don't 00:12:34.970 --> 00:12:36.920 let go is because they see the delight 00:12:36.920 --> 00:12:39.740 but they don't see the danger. 00:12:39.740 --> 00:12:42.090 With anger, yeah, you get a high, 00:12:42.090 --> 00:12:44.312 but you have to pay for that afterwards. 00:12:44.312 --> 00:12:46.870 It's like a drug. 00:12:46.870 --> 00:12:48.790 And many of the other negative emotions 00:12:48.790 --> 00:12:51.450 which we have, like jealousy, yeah you 00:12:51.450 --> 00:12:55.630 get a sense of being the one left out, 00:12:55.630 --> 00:12:59.990 but you have to pay for it afterwards. 00:12:59.990 --> 00:13:02.220 Grief, you feel that, yeah, 00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:03.920 that you are the victim. 00:13:03.920 --> 00:13:05.760 But my goodness, how much 00:13:05.760 --> 00:13:08.490 you have to pay. 00:13:08.490 --> 00:13:10.550 And it's those attachments to those negative 00:13:10.550 --> 00:13:13.910 emotions, especially the attachment to the 00:13:13.910 --> 00:13:18.130 pain of the past, that stops us being 00:13:18.130 --> 00:13:22.640 free to be happy. 00:13:22.640 --> 00:13:25.640 This morning I went to a little conference 00:13:25.640 --> 00:13:29.110 run by the Catholic Education Society or Center. 00:13:29.110 --> 00:13:31.370 It was for the teachers and the 00:13:31.370 --> 00:13:32.940 counseling education system. 00:13:32.940 --> 00:13:36.180 It was about reconciliation and forgiveness. 00:13:36.180 --> 00:13:38.370 And there's some very good speakers there 00:13:38.370 --> 00:13:40.440 from an Assistant Commissioner to 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:42.590 Michelle Stubbs, who's the coordinator, 00:13:42.590 --> 00:13:46.350 I think, of the victims of child abuse. 00:13:46.350 --> 00:13:50.090 It's like a huge problem in our modern society. 00:13:50.090 --> 00:13:51.840 How many people have been 00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:54.220 sexually or physically abused when 00:13:54.220 --> 00:13:56.140 they were children. 00:13:56.140 --> 00:14:00.300 And how the heck do we deal with that. 00:14:00.300 --> 00:14:03.140 And, what was being suggested 00:14:03.140 --> 00:14:06.160 was and this is an interesting thing, that many of 00:14:06.160 --> 00:14:08.170 those victims of child sexual 00:14:08.170 --> 00:14:12.490 abuse feel that they need to have their 00:14:12.490 --> 00:14:15.930 day in court to be heard, to have their 00:14:15.930 --> 00:14:18.550 pain acknowledged, and to have 00:14:18.550 --> 00:14:22.000 some sort of retribution. 00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:24.641 Our society asks for more 00:14:24.641 --> 00:14:27.580 than retribution, asks for 00:14:27.580 --> 00:14:30.000 punishment: jail sentences, 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.620 non-jail sentences. 00:14:31.620 --> 00:14:37.870 Some people would want corporal punishment or even executions. 00:14:37.870 --> 00:14:39.980 But, on part of that 00:14:39.980 --> 00:14:42.460 debate, I was sitting next to a Catholic 00:14:42.460 --> 00:14:45.000 Priest who told me an anecdote from 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:48.390 the United States, where some of the 00:14:48.390 --> 00:14:50.980 relations of a person who was, I think 00:14:50.980 --> 00:14:55.730 killed, murdered, attended the execution 00:14:55.730 --> 00:14:58.490 of the relation's, loved-one's 00:14:58.490 --> 00:15:00.510 murderer. 00:15:00.510 --> 00:15:01.810 And after witnessing the 00:15:01.810 --> 00:15:04.810 execution, came back and said, 00:15:04.810 --> 00:15:08.560 the execution was too fast. 00:15:08.560 --> 00:15:10.550 It should've been slower. 00:15:10.550 --> 00:15:14.920 That really hurt me so much. 00:15:14.920 --> 00:15:17.060 They wanted pain. 00:15:17.060 --> 00:15:19.870 They wanted suffering in the person 00:15:19.870 --> 00:15:21.980 who killed their -- I don't know, child 00:15:21.980 --> 00:15:24.140 or relation or whatever it was -- he 00:15:24.140 --> 00:15:26.860 never gave the details. 00:15:26.860 --> 00:15:28.350 What is it in a human being 00:15:28.350 --> 00:15:31.920 wants to harm others because 00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:35.660 they have harmed us? 00:15:35.660 --> 00:15:39.450 I say that's this attachment to 00:15:39.450 --> 00:15:44.200 being a victim, attachment, you know, to, 00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:46.700 or this cultural way of looking at things, 00:15:46.700 --> 00:15:48.620 an 'eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth' 00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:51.560 is still very, very strong in many people 00:15:51.560 --> 00:15:53.390 in our society. 00:15:53.390 --> 00:15:56.480 And when I was asked, "What does Buddhism 00:15:56.480 --> 00:16:00.720 think about things like that," I quoted a 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:04.671 book which I read as a student, which 00:16:04.671 --> 00:16:07.840 changed much of the way I looked 00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:13.040 at being a victim or crime and punishments 00:16:13.040 --> 00:16:15.290 and I've mentioned that here before, 00:16:15.290 --> 00:16:17.280 that there's a wonderful book written 00:16:17.280 --> 00:16:18.920 written over a hundred years ago 00:16:18.920 --> 00:16:21.370 it's called "Erewhon," by Samuel Butler. 00:16:21.370 --> 00:16:24.560 And apparently, that really influenced 00:16:24.560 --> 00:16:27.990 the great British playwright George Bernard Shaw. 00:16:27.990 --> 00:16:29.590 It changed the way he looked 00:16:29.590 --> 00:16:31.680 at some of these social problems 00:16:31.680 --> 00:16:33.780 and the reason why it was a very 00:16:33.780 --> 00:16:38.350 effective argument against the way 00:16:38.350 --> 00:16:42.230 we treat "criminals," or people who've 00:16:42.230 --> 00:16:46.050 done harm, with punishment, 00:16:46.050 --> 00:16:49.260 was that it used the satire. 00:16:49.260 --> 00:16:50.750 It envisaged 00:16:50.750 --> 00:16:55.000 a society in which, what we call crime 00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:58.170 today, is looked upon as being a 00:16:58.170 --> 00:17:01.860 sickness and therapy, therapy, therapy 00:17:01.860 --> 00:17:05.010 is the only response to crime. 00:17:05.010 --> 00:17:07.380 If somebody steals, they go and see 00:17:07.380 --> 00:17:10.449 a doctor. 00:17:10.449 --> 00:17:13.310 If somebody rapes, that's 00:17:13.310 --> 00:17:16.299 looked upon as being a sickness. 00:17:16.299 --> 00:17:18.980 Punishment is not really looked at at all. 00:17:18.980 --> 00:17:21.470 But somehow, a rehabilitation 00:17:21.470 --> 00:17:25.449 of trying to work out and remedy 00:17:25.449 --> 00:17:29.000 that glitch in human nature. 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:33.180 But, when it came to health matters, 00:17:33.180 --> 00:17:35.790 if you were sick and ill, that 00:17:35.790 --> 00:17:37.790 was because you were careless 00:17:37.790 --> 00:17:41.360 and you were punished. 00:17:41.360 --> 00:17:43.620 Part of that book, a chapter which 00:17:43.620 --> 00:17:46.370 I will always remember, was of a 00:17:46.370 --> 00:17:48.670 court scene in which there was a 00:17:48.670 --> 00:17:52.510 poor man who had a cold. 00:17:52.510 --> 00:17:54.750 And when he had a cold (there's 00:17:54.750 --> 00:17:56.820 many colds going around right now 00:17:56.820 --> 00:17:58.340 [directed at audience], there's 00:17:58.340 --> 00:18:00.290 a cough already, you'd be in trouble in 00:18:00.290 --> 00:18:02.310 this society), because he had a cold 00:18:02.310 --> 00:18:04.520 he was in the dock, charged 00:18:04.520 --> 00:18:07.360 with being sick. 00:18:07.360 --> 00:18:08.971 And because he was 00:18:08.971 --> 00:18:12.310 sniffling, he had no defense and 00:18:12.310 --> 00:18:13.900 so the judge pronounced him 00:18:13.900 --> 00:18:17.680 guilty of having a cold and he, 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.220 before he gave judgment, uh, sentence 00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:21.930 sorry, the punishment, he said, 00:18:21.930 --> 00:18:23.600 "This is not the first time you 00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:25.320 appeared before me, you were here 00:18:25.320 --> 00:18:28.220 last week or three weeks ago with a cold. 00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:30.680 I warned you then, if you don't eat better, take 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:32.670 better care of your health, let go 00:18:32.670 --> 00:18:35.610 of your stress, it's your responsibility 00:18:35.610 --> 00:18:37.490 to be healthy and you have been 00:18:37.490 --> 00:18:40.220 negligent, and your cold is causing 00:18:40.220 --> 00:18:41.750 a danger to other people! 00:18:41.750 --> 00:18:43.380 You're being heedless, you're not 00:18:43.380 --> 00:18:45.060 caring for others, you're spreading 00:18:45.060 --> 00:18:46.470 your germs to other people, 00:18:46.470 --> 00:18:48.720 that's not appropriate, you should be 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:50.970 punished: three years in jail for having 00:18:50.970 --> 00:18:56.120 a cold, being a repeat offender!" 00:18:56.120 --> 00:18:58.960 There's some logic to that. 00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:02.539 In a sense, you know, if you are sick, 00:19:02.539 --> 00:19:04.970 isn't your responsibility to exercise 00:19:04.970 --> 00:19:09.910 and eat well and keep yourself healthy? 00:19:09.910 --> 00:19:13.400 And if you are sick, you are a scourge on society. 00:19:13.400 --> 00:19:16.360 You're robbing it of its resources. 00:19:16.360 --> 00:19:19.820 "You heedless scallywag, 00:19:19.820 --> 00:19:22.790 reprobate delinquent for always 00:19:22.790 --> 00:19:25.470 having colds." 00:19:25.470 --> 00:19:27.880 And they were punished. 00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:30.080 Now, obviously, what that really made 00:19:30.080 --> 00:19:32.540 very, very clear to me is that the double 00:19:32.540 --> 00:19:34.870 standards which we have. 00:19:34.870 --> 00:19:37.050 Why is it that when we're sick, 00:19:37.050 --> 00:19:40.510 no one gets punished for being sick. 00:19:40.510 --> 00:19:42.260 And what's the difference between 00:19:42.260 --> 00:19:44.170 some of the behavior of human 00:19:44.170 --> 00:19:48.530 beings which we call criminal. 00:19:48.530 --> 00:19:50.220 So when I was asked about what 00:19:50.220 --> 00:19:52.550 we think in Buddhism about punishment, 00:19:52.550 --> 00:19:54.890 it was very much the case that, 00:19:54.890 --> 00:19:57.070 yeah, sometimes it's like a sickness, 00:19:57.070 --> 00:19:58.960 you do need quarantine, to be put 00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:00.870 away, so you don't harm other human 00:20:00.870 --> 00:20:03.010 beings, from the time that sickness is 00:20:03.010 --> 00:20:05.950 still strong in you, you're still a danger to others. 00:20:05.950 --> 00:20:07.540 But when you're in quarantine, 00:20:07.540 --> 00:20:10.050 it's never looked upon as being a punishment. 00:20:10.050 --> 00:20:11.290 It's always looked upon 00:20:11.290 --> 00:20:12.510 as being rehabilitating. 00:20:12.510 --> 00:20:14.270 To try and take that problem, to work 00:20:14.270 --> 00:20:16.290 with it so that it's no longer there. 00:20:16.290 --> 00:20:17.809 And you stay in quarantine 00:20:17.809 --> 00:20:20.240 as long as you are contagious, 00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:22.680 a danger to society. 00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:25.520 In the same way, why don't we look at 00:20:25.520 --> 00:20:27.960 that as penal before... to stay as long 00:20:27.960 --> 00:20:29.660 as you're a danger to society. 00:20:29.660 --> 00:20:31.460 But not looked upon as being a 00:20:31.460 --> 00:20:33.330 punishment, looked upon as being 00:20:33.330 --> 00:20:35.470 a problem which needs to be healed. 00:20:35.470 --> 00:20:39.149 No punishment, but rehabilitation. 00:20:39.149 --> 00:20:41.570 That's how I understand Buddhism, 00:20:41.570 --> 00:20:43.440 over many, many years of being a 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.250 Buddhist, and also how I understand 00:20:45.250 --> 00:20:48.020 a positive way forward. 00:20:48.020 --> 00:20:50.690 But why is it that people don't want that, 00:20:50.690 --> 00:20:52.559 they want people to be punished for 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:55.770 their way they've hurt us. 00:20:55.770 --> 00:20:57.500 And I think it's very much 00:20:57.500 --> 00:21:00.940 that we can't just understand 00:21:00.940 --> 00:21:04.380 deeply why it is that people do these terrible things. 00:21:04.380 --> 00:21:05.890 Why they make these 00:21:05.890 --> 00:21:08.590 mistakes, to have a deeper understanding 00:21:08.590 --> 00:21:10.480 and also have a deeper understanding 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:13.280 not just where these crimes, these hurts, 00:21:13.280 --> 00:21:15.300 these harms come from, but 00:21:15.300 --> 00:21:18.059 how in the future we can lessen the 00:21:18.059 --> 00:21:21.100 chance of harm and hurt. 00:21:21.100 --> 00:21:22.870 Being attached to being a victim 00:21:22.870 --> 00:21:27.210 does not help. 00:21:27.210 --> 00:21:29.520 Sometimes, I just wonder why people 00:21:29.520 --> 00:21:33.470 want punishment of others, when 00:21:33.470 --> 00:21:36.370 if you're a Christian, you know that God 00:21:36.370 --> 00:21:38.860 will punish afterwards, what do you need 00:21:38.860 --> 00:21:40.390 to punish for? 00:21:40.390 --> 00:21:42.930 If you're a Muslim, Allah will look after it, 00:21:42.930 --> 00:21:44.770 if you're a Buddhist, karma 00:21:44.770 --> 00:21:46.291 will look after it, and if you 00:21:46.291 --> 00:21:48.900 don't believe in any religion, 00:21:48.900 --> 00:21:50.181 you know that person will 00:21:50.181 --> 00:21:52.370 have to go into psychotherapy for many, 00:21:52.370 --> 00:21:54.290 many years afterwards. 00:21:54.290 --> 00:21:57.000 Whatever it is, no one ever escapes 00:21:57.000 --> 00:22:03.360 from the problems of their bad behavior. 00:22:03.360 --> 00:22:05.180 It's also one of those insights which 00:22:05.180 --> 00:22:07.040 I had from the experience of visiting 00:22:07.040 --> 00:22:09.320 prisons many times in the early 00:22:09.320 --> 00:22:11.850 part of my life here in Western Australia. 00:22:11.850 --> 00:22:13.560 Visiting prisons so many 00:22:13.560 --> 00:22:14.960 times and getting to know 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:17.520 some of these people spending 00:22:17.520 --> 00:22:21.120 years in jail, never once did I find a 00:22:21.120 --> 00:22:24.760 prisoner who had no conscience. 00:22:24.760 --> 00:22:26.680 They would act as if they had no 00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:28.970 conscience, and think, "Yeah, when I get 00:22:28.970 --> 00:22:31.870 outta here, I'm just going to rob as many houses as I can. 00:22:31.870 --> 00:22:33.330 I don't care about the 00:22:33.330 --> 00:22:35.430 system, I'm just going to bear with this 00:22:35.430 --> 00:22:37.610 until I can get out." 00:22:37.610 --> 00:22:41.559 But when I got to know some of these prisoners, they would 00:22:41.559 --> 00:22:44.330 always, in every case, express just 00:22:44.330 --> 00:22:46.730 how bad and terrible they felt about 00:22:46.730 --> 00:22:50.110 what they'd done to others. 00:22:50.110 --> 00:22:51.970 It wasn't the case, they never felt 00:22:51.970 --> 00:22:54.620 deep inside the hurt which they'd 00:22:54.620 --> 00:22:57.890 given to others, they always 00:22:57.890 --> 00:23:00.410 felt it, it was always remorse there, 00:23:00.410 --> 00:23:02.570 just usually it was a tough guy syndrome, 00:23:02.570 --> 00:23:05.150 they did not want to express it. 00:23:05.150 --> 00:23:08.550 So there is always a punishment comes 00:23:08.550 --> 00:23:09.770 there. 00:23:09.770 --> 00:23:11.559 If someone has done something 00:23:11.559 --> 00:23:13.900 bad to you, they are going to hurt. 00:23:13.900 --> 00:23:16.280 This, what we call, the law of karma, 00:23:16.280 --> 00:23:18.580 it has to come back to them. 00:23:18.580 --> 00:23:20.590 And that is not whether you're a Buddhist 00:23:20.590 --> 00:23:23.200 or a Christian or whatever, that's a law 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:25.990 like the law of gravity, you don't have 00:23:25.990 --> 00:23:28.510 to believe in that, or not believe in it 00:23:28.510 --> 00:23:30.370 it happens irrespective of your 00:23:30.370 --> 00:23:31.800 beliefs. 00:23:31.800 --> 00:23:34.630 So we don't need to punish others. 00:23:34.630 --> 00:23:36.150 Instead, we can let the whole 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:39.580 thing go. 00:23:39.580 --> 00:23:41.400 And unless we let them go, 00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:44.870 then we are a victim for the rest 00:23:44.870 --> 00:23:47.900 of our lives. 00:23:47.900 --> 00:23:49.420 It doesn't matter who has 00:23:49.420 --> 00:23:52.650 harmed, hurt, abused you. 00:23:52.650 --> 00:23:55.860 Until you can let that go, you're always 00:23:55.860 --> 00:24:00.320 the victim and you can never be free. 00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:03.980 It's just how we can reach that point of letting go 00:24:03.980 --> 00:24:07.010 that sometimes, just to think 00:24:07.010 --> 00:24:08.400 we need to confront 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:10.150 that person who's harmed us 00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:13.400 we need to fix the situation ourselves. 00:24:13.400 --> 00:24:14.850 We need to be acknowledged, 00:24:14.850 --> 00:24:18.090 we need to be heard. 00:24:18.090 --> 00:24:21.090 Sometimes that cannot be achieved. 00:24:21.090 --> 00:24:25.660 If it's not achieved, then what. 00:24:25.660 --> 00:24:27.580 Sometimes you don't need 00:24:27.580 --> 00:24:29.330 to be heard, 00:24:29.330 --> 00:24:30.920 sometimes you don't need to 00:24:30.920 --> 00:24:32.580 confront the person who's 00:24:32.580 --> 00:24:34.960 harmed you or hurt you. 00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:38.300 You are always free and every moment 00:24:38.300 --> 00:24:39.670 independent of others, 00:24:39.670 --> 00:24:42.520 independent of the judicial system, 00:24:42.520 --> 00:24:44.760 independent of where that 00:24:44.760 --> 00:24:46.730 person who harmed or hurt 00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:48.140 or abused you is, 00:24:48.140 --> 00:24:50.660 you're always free 00:24:50.660 --> 00:24:55.050 to let go at any time. 00:24:55.050 --> 00:24:56.679 These attachments which we carry 00:24:56.679 --> 00:25:00.610 around, we choose to carry them. 00:25:00.610 --> 00:25:02.149 We don't have to. 00:25:02.149 --> 00:25:05.080 The experience of seeing how 00:25:05.080 --> 00:25:07.240 grief was not a part of the Buddhist 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:09.020 culture, hundreds of years old 00:25:09.020 --> 00:25:10.620 in northeast Thailand, 00:25:10.620 --> 00:25:13.420 taught me that many of the things I thought 00:25:13.420 --> 00:25:15.220 were normal, natural, and had 00:25:15.220 --> 00:25:16.970 to happen, were not normal, 00:25:16.970 --> 00:25:18.680 natural, had to happen. 00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:21.370 It's just the way we've learned 00:25:21.370 --> 00:25:24.790 to deal with the problems of life. 00:25:24.790 --> 00:25:27.060 We can relearn them 00:25:27.060 --> 00:25:30.080 and do things in a different way. 00:25:30.080 --> 00:25:32.290 Someone has harmed and hurt you, 00:25:32.290 --> 00:25:36.670 why not let it go pretty quickly. 00:25:36.670 --> 00:25:38.300 I've often said, and this is 00:25:38.300 --> 00:25:40.600 just a start of understanding 00:25:40.600 --> 00:25:42.100 how to reconcile. 00:25:42.100 --> 00:25:44.480 Let go, forgive, let go, move on. 00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:47.600 I've often said that when someone 00:25:47.600 --> 00:25:50.150 calls you an idiot and you keep thinking, 00:25:50.150 --> 00:25:51.840 "Why did they call me an idiot, 00:25:51.840 --> 00:25:54.540 I'm not an idiot! You should not call me an idiot!" 00:25:54.540 --> 00:25:56.080 you've allowed them to 00:25:56.080 --> 00:25:59.190 call you an idiot three more times. [laughter] 00:25:59.190 --> 00:26:01.240 Every time you remember that, 00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:03.230 you're allowing them to call you 00:26:03.230 --> 00:26:05.830 an idiot another time. 00:26:05.830 --> 00:26:07.679 So why not, when they call you an 00:26:07.679 --> 00:26:10.110 idiot, you forget it straight away. 00:26:10.110 --> 00:26:13.410 Then they only call you an idiot once. 00:26:13.410 --> 00:26:15.390 They're wrong, you know they're wrong, 00:26:15.390 --> 00:26:16.670 end of problem. 00:26:16.670 --> 00:26:18.480 And I think many of you will accept 00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:20.361 the wisdom of that, and maybe 00:26:20.361 --> 00:26:21.700 you've heard it enough times 00:26:21.700 --> 00:26:23.300 you've done that already, 00:26:23.300 --> 00:26:25.679 these people call you an idiot, they call you foolish, 00:26:25.679 --> 00:26:27.640 they call you ugly, they call you stupid, 00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:29.800 you just forget it straight away. 00:26:29.800 --> 00:26:31.590 Or for those of you who don't know 00:26:31.590 --> 00:26:33.340 this wonderful saying of Ajahn Chah, 00:26:33.340 --> 00:26:36.170 "If they call you a dog, what should you do? 00:26:36.170 --> 00:26:39.510 Look at your..." [audience - inaudible] bow [laughter] 00:26:39.510 --> 00:26:42.020 (AB: very good you got there first, 00:26:42.020 --> 00:26:44.720 excellent) but no, that's not what Ajahn Chah said, 00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:46.800 If someone calls you a dog 00:26:46.800 --> 00:26:48.299 you look at your bottom 00:26:48.299 --> 00:26:49.700 to see if you got a tail. 00:26:49.700 --> 00:26:51.860 If you ain't got a tail, you're not a dog, 00:26:51.860 --> 00:26:53.720 end of problem. 00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:55.440 Most of the things which people say 00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:56.690 about you aren't true 00:26:56.690 --> 00:26:57.963 'cause they don't know 00:26:57.963 --> 00:26:59.760 who you are or what you're doing, 00:26:59.760 --> 00:27:01.970 so that's a great way of stopping the problem. 00:27:01.970 --> 00:27:03.320 But what a lot of people do, 00:27:03.320 --> 00:27:04.680 they keep thinking about it, 00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:06.070 every time you think about it 00:27:06.080 --> 00:27:08.530 you allow them to call you a dog another time. 00:27:08.530 --> 00:27:09.970 Now that's easy to understand 00:27:09.970 --> 00:27:12.280 but what about someone who’s really hurt you? 00:27:12.280 --> 00:27:14.500 Really abused you? 00:27:14.500 --> 00:27:20.070 Even like sexual abuse as a kid. 00:27:20.070 --> 00:27:21.510 Is it the case every time 00:27:21.510 --> 00:27:24.250 you remember that, 00:27:24.250 --> 00:27:28.450 you allow them to abuse you again? 00:27:28.450 --> 00:27:33.730 Every time you bring that up? 00:27:33.730 --> 00:27:37.230 Why is it we can't let it go 00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:40.960 straight away? 00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:42.850 It's hard. 00:27:42.850 --> 00:27:44.610 But with an inner strength, 00:27:44.610 --> 00:27:46.630 you know, a strength which is 00:27:46.630 --> 00:27:48.070 not coming from will power 00:27:48.070 --> 00:27:49.850 but from wisdom power, 00:27:49.850 --> 00:27:51.309 from compassion, 00:27:51.309 --> 00:27:53.600 why do we allow ourselves 00:27:53.600 --> 00:27:55.600 to be victims? 00:27:55.600 --> 00:27:58.240 To be made victims? 00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:01.150 Now I'm not just saying that out of theory. 00:28:01.150 --> 00:28:03.170 Many, many years ago 00:28:03.170 --> 00:28:06.380 there was a disciple, 00:28:06.380 --> 00:28:07.799 this was in the time of the 00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:10.910 Armadale group, part of the Armadale 00:28:10.910 --> 00:28:13.170 group, who came out to me 00:28:13.170 --> 00:28:15.110 (actually one of her friends said 00:28:15.110 --> 00:28:17.180 you better talk to her because she's 00:28:17.180 --> 00:28:18.480 in big trouble). 00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:19.870 And what the trouble was, 00:28:19.870 --> 00:28:22.240 was she found out her husband 00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:26.650 was sexually abusing her two children. 00:28:26.650 --> 00:28:29.380 She had missed it, and I told her 00:28:29.380 --> 00:28:31.240 why she'd missed it, "because, look, 00:28:31.240 --> 00:28:32.880 you love that man." 00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:34.350 When you love a man, 00:28:34.350 --> 00:28:35.980 the signs are there but you are in 00:28:35.980 --> 00:28:38.540 denial because the whole idea that 00:28:38.540 --> 00:28:40.880 the man you love is abusing the 00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:43.710 children you love, it's just it's so 00:28:43.710 --> 00:28:45.480 hard to reconcile that. 00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:47.290 It's so hard for the mind to fit 00:28:47.290 --> 00:28:49.320 those two together. 00:28:49.320 --> 00:28:51.809 So she just denied the signs 00:28:51.809 --> 00:28:53.980 of sexual abuse of her children 00:28:53.980 --> 00:28:55.280 by her husband. 00:28:55.280 --> 00:28:58.330 It was found out by the school. 00:28:58.330 --> 00:29:01.270 Investigated, it was true. 00:29:01.270 --> 00:29:03.080 The guy went to jail. 00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:06.240 The marriage was over. 00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:08.160 And I was counseling her, 00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:10.420 counseling her on these Buddhist principles. 00:29:10.420 --> 00:29:13.120 She'd been meditating enough, she understood 00:29:13.120 --> 00:29:16.330 the basic idea of karma and letting go 00:29:16.330 --> 00:29:19.290 and not being a victim 00:29:19.290 --> 00:29:22.220 and she took it on board. 00:29:22.220 --> 00:29:24.000 She said she could never live 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:25.880 with that man or love him again, 00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:27.640 but she's not going to allow him 00:29:27.640 --> 00:29:30.179 to make her suffer anymore. 00:29:30.179 --> 00:29:31.710 She completely let go. 00:29:31.710 --> 00:29:33.870 Wished him well, and eventually 00:29:33.870 --> 00:29:35.710 moved to the UK. 00:29:35.710 --> 00:29:37.460 And I kept in contact with her 00:29:37.460 --> 00:29:41.570 and her kids, but before she left 00:29:41.570 --> 00:29:43.690 it was compulsory at that time, 00:29:43.690 --> 00:29:46.010 probably still is, for her to go 00:29:46.010 --> 00:29:51.230 for counseling and the kids too. 00:29:51.230 --> 00:29:53.610 I was quite amused that after 00:29:53.610 --> 00:29:55.590 going to counseling 00:29:55.590 --> 00:29:57.910 for about four/five weeks 00:29:57.910 --> 00:29:59.730 she came to complain again. 00:29:59.730 --> 00:30:01.870 "This counselor will not 00:30:01.870 --> 00:30:04.360 understand I've moved on." 00:30:04.360 --> 00:30:08.000 And the counselor was still saying, "You hate your husband don't you?" 00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:10.510 "No, I don't hate my husband, I've let him go." [laughter] 00:30:10.510 --> 00:30:12.249 Counselor: "You hate him don't you?" 00:30:12.249 --> 00:30:13.470 Woman: "No, no I don't!" 00:30:13.470 --> 00:30:16.430 And she came because she could not be free of her counselor 00:30:16.430 --> 00:30:17.910 [audience laughter] 00:30:17.910 --> 00:30:20.324 until she admitted how much she 00:30:20.324 --> 00:30:23.340 hated and wanted to kill her husband. 00:30:23.340 --> 00:30:26.049 And so I had to write this letter 00:30:26.049 --> 00:30:27.920 to the counselor about Buddhist 00:30:27.920 --> 00:30:29.640 Psychology and how Buddhists 00:30:29.640 --> 00:30:32.100 relate to these things, to actually to free her. 00:30:32.100 --> 00:30:35.600 And I didn't write this letter easily 00:30:35.600 --> 00:30:37.340 because if I'd got it wrong, 00:30:37.340 --> 00:30:39.100 than she'd be suffering 00:30:39.100 --> 00:30:40.660 later on down the track. 00:30:40.660 --> 00:30:42.190 But because I knew her, 00:30:42.190 --> 00:30:43.640 because I'd talked with her, 00:30:43.640 --> 00:30:46.110 because I'd counseled her myself, 00:30:46.110 --> 00:30:48.180 yeah, I knew that she had moved on. 00:30:48.180 --> 00:30:49.630 She did not have the anger, 00:30:49.630 --> 00:30:51.320 she didn't go through this process 00:30:51.320 --> 00:30:53.580 of victimhood which is expected 00:30:53.580 --> 00:30:56.080 in our modern culture. 00:30:56.080 --> 00:30:58.090 She moved through fast 00:30:58.090 --> 00:31:00.750 and so gained her freedom fast. 00:31:00.750 --> 00:31:04.280 And I really salute her, 00:31:04.280 --> 00:31:05.960 because what she did 00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:09.510 by moving from that incredible hurt, 00:31:09.510 --> 00:31:11.380 a whole life being devastated, 00:31:11.380 --> 00:31:14.480 she moved so quickly through that -- 00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:17.970 not into forgetfulness, not into ignorance, 'that didn't happen,' 00:31:17.970 --> 00:31:19.690 not into denial -- but, yeah that 00:31:19.690 --> 00:31:22.090 happened, that was an awful thing to happen 00:31:22.090 --> 00:31:23.850 but I'm not going to allow that to 00:31:23.850 --> 00:31:27.809 hurt and harm me any more. 00:31:27.809 --> 00:31:30.850 Because she moved into that freedom, 00:31:30.850 --> 00:31:34.740 she took her two kids with her very quickly. 00:31:34.740 --> 00:31:36.580 They too followed their mother's lead, 00:31:36.580 --> 00:31:40.650 were not going to be victims 00:31:40.650 --> 00:31:42.790 and moved on. 00:31:42.790 --> 00:31:44.740 There are other ways of dealing with 00:31:44.740 --> 00:31:48.410 these terrible abuses. 00:31:48.410 --> 00:31:50.120 And the other personal example 00:31:50.120 --> 00:31:53.250 I have, again, is the story of my own 00:31:53.250 --> 00:31:58.500 father who told me that he was, 00:31:58.500 --> 00:32:00.030 before the Second World War, 00:32:00.030 --> 00:32:01.830 born and brought up in Liverpool 00:32:01.830 --> 00:32:04.059 in a very, very poor family 00:32:04.059 --> 00:32:06.809 as most people were in those days. 00:32:06.809 --> 00:32:09.310 And his father was a plumber 00:32:09.310 --> 00:32:12.630 who would go to work, 00:32:12.630 --> 00:32:14.230 before he'd come home 00:32:14.230 --> 00:32:17.860 spend most of his time in the pub, spending the money 00:32:17.860 --> 00:32:20.599 giving only a pittance to my 00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:22.309 paternal grandmother 00:32:22.309 --> 00:32:24.700 to look after the kids. 00:32:24.700 --> 00:32:27.010 As soon as he'd come home drunk, 00:32:27.010 --> 00:32:28.820 get out his belt and whip 00:32:28.820 --> 00:32:30.330 any kid who came in his path 00:32:30.330 --> 00:32:32.080 for no reason or another and then 00:32:32.080 --> 00:32:36.059 set on his wife. 00:32:36.059 --> 00:32:38.300 Which is why my father, 00:32:38.300 --> 00:32:39.980 in my presence, he said, 00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:41.330 "Look, I'm sorry son. 00:32:41.330 --> 00:32:44.160 Your grandfather was a bastard." 00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:45.910 And he hated him. 00:32:45.910 --> 00:32:47.980 But the other thing he told me, 00:32:47.980 --> 00:32:50.240 was that whenever he was under 00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:54.360 that belt himself, being beaten 00:32:54.360 --> 00:32:56.510 for no reason at all, except his father 00:32:56.510 --> 00:32:57.740 was drunk. 00:32:57.740 --> 00:32:59.950 He made a resolution, 00:32:59.950 --> 00:33:01.580 he told me he determined 00:33:01.580 --> 00:33:04.130 if ever he gets through this and 00:33:04.130 --> 00:33:07.340 has kids, he will never hit them. 00:33:07.340 --> 00:33:10.940 And that's what happened. 00:33:10.940 --> 00:33:13.510 There's no way that my father could hit us. 00:33:13.510 --> 00:33:15.790 My mother had to be the disciplinarian. 00:33:15.790 --> 00:33:17.070 And even she didn't do it 00:33:17.070 --> 00:33:18.790 very well. 00:33:18.790 --> 00:33:21.010 And he became this incredibly 00:33:21.010 --> 00:33:22.370 loving father. 00:33:22.370 --> 00:33:25.050 He was a person who, in that story I tell you 00:33:25.050 --> 00:33:28.360 about taking me down a side street 00:33:28.360 --> 00:33:30.550 of Acton in London, telling me, 00:33:30.550 --> 00:33:32.360 "Look, whatever you do in your life son, 00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:34.230 the door of my house will always 00:33:34.230 --> 00:33:35.540 be open to you." 00:33:35.540 --> 00:33:36.870 What I later interpreted as 00:33:36.870 --> 00:33:38.690 being, "whatever you do in your life, 00:33:38.690 --> 00:33:40.640 wherever you go, the door of my 00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:42.570 heart will be open to you." 00:33:42.570 --> 00:33:45.090 It was unconditional love. 00:33:45.090 --> 00:33:47.200 And that was a man who 00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:50.490 suffered tremendous physical 00:33:50.490 --> 00:33:53.410 abuse as a child. 00:33:53.410 --> 00:33:56.700 There is other ways of dealing with these things. 00:33:56.700 --> 00:34:00.690 And I look at that as a way forward. 00:34:00.690 --> 00:34:02.890 Whereas if we carry that abuse around 00:34:02.890 --> 00:34:05.350 with us, we become victims. 00:34:05.350 --> 00:34:07.299 We are stopping ourselves being 00:34:07.299 --> 00:34:10.000 happy. 00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:12.069 But we don't have to. 00:34:12.069 --> 00:34:13.760 Which is, if it happens great, 00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:15.739 but there has to come a time, 00:34:15.739 --> 00:34:18.539 some situation where we let go. 00:34:18.539 --> 00:34:20.199 Sometimes that letting go 00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:22.699 does happen when we face the 00:34:22.699 --> 00:34:26.079 person who has been hurting us, 00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:27.690 creating our problem. 00:34:27.690 --> 00:34:30.409 We face them and we hear them acknowledging, 00:34:30.409 --> 00:34:31.958 sometimes there is a letting go 00:34:31.958 --> 00:34:33.259 there. 00:34:33.259 --> 00:34:36.248 Maybe that might be the best way. 00:34:36.248 --> 00:34:37.690 But sometimes that way isn't 00:34:37.690 --> 00:34:39.309 there for us. 00:34:39.309 --> 00:34:40.757 If it's not there for us 00:34:40.757 --> 00:34:45.668 then we can do it ourselves. 00:34:45.668 --> 00:34:47.619 We can move on by letting go of 00:34:47.619 --> 00:34:51.289 this burden. 00:34:51.289 --> 00:34:55.929 When we say that, "Is there happiness in this world?" 00:34:55.929 --> 00:34:57.809 Unless we drop those attachments 00:34:57.809 --> 00:34:59.349 to the pain of our lives, 00:34:59.349 --> 00:35:02.609 to the disappointments, to what went wrong, 00:35:02.609 --> 00:35:05.180 to the hurt and the harm, 00:35:05.180 --> 00:35:08.950 if we can't drop those attachments 00:35:08.950 --> 00:35:13.850 how on earth can we ever be free? 00:35:13.850 --> 00:35:15.540 At this conference this morning, 00:35:15.540 --> 00:35:17.229 there was a very impressive 00:35:17.229 --> 00:35:18.759 young Aboriginal leader. 00:35:18.759 --> 00:35:21.950 I forget her name, Norelle was her first name, 00:35:21.950 --> 00:35:24.029 she was actually a basketball star or 00:35:24.029 --> 00:35:27.670 something, but she was saying 00:35:27.670 --> 00:35:29.860 (it's a very interesting thing), 00:35:29.860 --> 00:35:31.770 so... if our Prime Minister 00:35:31.770 --> 00:35:34.640 John Howard says sorry... 00:35:34.640 --> 00:35:37.240 so then what. 00:35:37.240 --> 00:35:41.640 She was telling her students, she teaches at ?Contell, 00:35:41.640 --> 00:35:43.859 have you got to wait until 00:35:43.859 --> 00:35:46.130 the government says sorry before we can 00:35:46.130 --> 00:35:48.849 reconcile and move forward? 00:35:48.849 --> 00:35:53.179 Why leave them that power? 00:35:53.179 --> 00:35:54.950 Why don't we do it now? 00:35:54.950 --> 00:35:57.640 I thought that was a very 00:35:57.640 --> 00:35:59.220 inspiring and wonderful way 00:35:59.220 --> 00:36:01.839 of taking responsibility 00:36:01.839 --> 00:36:03.660 for ourselves 00:36:03.660 --> 00:36:07.020 for our moving out of our victimhood. 00:36:07.020 --> 00:36:08.780 Rather than waiting for someone 00:36:08.780 --> 00:36:10.729 else to do it for us, whether it's 00:36:10.729 --> 00:36:12.710 the government, whether it's the 00:36:12.710 --> 00:36:14.499 courts, whether it's karma or 00:36:14.499 --> 00:36:15.759 whatever. 00:36:15.759 --> 00:36:17.349 Why can't we take 00:36:17.349 --> 00:36:21.389 responsibility for being free? 00:36:21.389 --> 00:36:24.219 Say, "I forgive. 00:36:24.219 --> 00:36:26.170 I let go. 00:36:26.170 --> 00:36:27.809 I will move on. 00:36:27.809 --> 00:36:30.549 I'm never going to allow 00:36:30.549 --> 00:36:33.880 anyone else ever again 00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:36.680 to control my happiness." 00:36:36.680 --> 00:36:38.289 You've heard me say that before. 00:36:38.289 --> 00:36:39.960 It's a very simple thing 00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:42.900 to say: don't allow others to control 00:36:42.900 --> 00:36:44.690 your happiness. 00:36:44.690 --> 00:36:48.230 It's a very powerful thing to say. 00:36:48.230 --> 00:36:51.499 It's very profound and you can see 00:36:51.499 --> 00:36:55.210 just how much of our lives 00:36:55.210 --> 00:36:57.949 is controlled by others. 00:36:57.949 --> 00:37:00.569 Part of Buddhism, I'd say, 00:37:00.569 --> 00:37:02.940 is always empowering, 00:37:02.940 --> 00:37:04.609 empowering you to take control 00:37:04.609 --> 00:37:06.970 of your happiness. 00:37:06.970 --> 00:37:09.180 And it can be done. 00:37:09.180 --> 00:37:11.729 Too often we look for solutions 00:37:11.729 --> 00:37:14.480 in controlling others. 00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:18.089 Or the problem lies with my abusers, the problem lies with 00:37:18.089 --> 00:37:20.860 the government, the problem lies somewhere else, the problem 00:37:20.860 --> 00:37:22.740 lies with my husband, the problem 00:37:22.740 --> 00:37:24.880 lies with my cancer, the problem 00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:29.120 lies with my loved one who's just died. 00:37:29.120 --> 00:37:31.049 If you want to, sort of, try fix 00:37:31.049 --> 00:37:32.610 up the world by fixing 00:37:32.610 --> 00:37:34.789 up all those people around you 00:37:34.789 --> 00:37:37.249 who've hurt you or harmed you, 00:37:37.249 --> 00:37:39.009 perhaps you'll die before that 00:37:39.009 --> 00:37:41.440 problem is solved. 00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:43.930 Perhaps if you get reborn many, many times 00:37:43.930 --> 00:37:45.870 you'll never find that freedom, 00:37:45.870 --> 00:37:48.170 that happiness, that peace. 00:37:48.170 --> 00:37:50.109 Fortunately, you don't have to 00:37:50.109 --> 00:37:54.769 go that path. 00:37:54.769 --> 00:37:56.880 There's one beautiful message of 00:37:56.880 --> 00:37:59.229 the Buddha, you cannot 00:37:59.229 --> 00:38:01.710 really change this world 00:38:01.710 --> 00:38:03.460 but you sure can change 00:38:03.460 --> 00:38:06.880 your attitude towards it. 00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:08.760 The abuse which you've had in the past, 00:38:08.760 --> 00:38:11.000 you can't change that. 00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:12.859 The pain, the difficulty, the loss, 00:38:12.859 --> 00:38:14.369 the person who's just died, 00:38:14.369 --> 00:38:17.640 you can't bring them back again. 00:38:17.640 --> 00:38:20.089 That's obvious, 00:38:20.089 --> 00:38:23.069 sometimes obvious, but we 00:38:23.069 --> 00:38:26.400 still think that way. 00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:28.990 We can't undo the abuse. 00:38:28.990 --> 00:38:32.430 We can't get back that youth 00:38:32.430 --> 00:38:35.030 which we may have lost. 00:38:35.030 --> 00:38:37.349 We can't undo things. 00:38:37.349 --> 00:38:40.749 We can't change the world or the past. 00:38:40.749 --> 00:38:43.640 But what we can do is change our attitude 00:38:43.640 --> 00:38:45.269 in this present moment. 00:38:45.269 --> 00:38:48.229 It's that attitude change which is 00:38:48.229 --> 00:38:50.700 the key, I've always found, 00:38:50.700 --> 00:38:53.799 to finding freedom and happiness. 00:38:53.799 --> 00:38:57.259 To find happiness and freedom 00:38:57.259 --> 00:38:59.900 in our world, rather than 00:38:59.900 --> 00:39:02.050 changing the world first so that 00:39:02.050 --> 00:39:03.780 some time in the future we can 00:39:03.780 --> 00:39:05.769 be free, that we can be happy, 00:39:05.769 --> 00:39:07.869 we can be at peace. 00:39:07.869 --> 00:39:09.249 And that's not a cop-out, 00:39:09.249 --> 00:39:10.969 because sometimes people say, 00:39:10.969 --> 00:39:12.690 "Well, if you don't do anything 00:39:12.690 --> 00:39:16.010 there'll be more abuse, more 00:39:16.010 --> 00:39:18.729 cheating, more stupid governments 00:39:18.729 --> 00:39:21.789 more wars, more child abuse, 00:39:21.789 --> 00:39:23.969 more crime." 00:39:23.969 --> 00:39:25.599 And the psychology 00:39:25.599 --> 00:39:28.380 which I know, that the more time 00:39:28.380 --> 00:39:30.130 you have blame, the more time you 00:39:30.130 --> 00:39:31.979 have punishment, the more time 00:39:31.979 --> 00:39:34.829 you exert revenge, that it makes 00:39:34.829 --> 00:39:36.250 the whole problem worse and 00:39:36.250 --> 00:39:38.119 worse and worse and worse. 00:39:38.119 --> 00:39:40.800 The more people you lock in jail 00:39:40.800 --> 00:39:42.989 the more criminals we have 00:39:42.989 --> 00:39:45.119 for our future. 00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:47.140 The more you punish, 00:39:47.140 --> 00:39:51.850 the more people have resentment. 00:39:51.850 --> 00:39:54.980 The quicker you can forgive, 00:39:54.980 --> 00:39:56.499 the quicker there can be 00:39:56.499 --> 00:39:58.439 rehabilitation. 00:39:58.439 --> 00:40:01.270 Not just for the victims, 00:40:01.270 --> 00:40:05.190 but the people who 00:40:05.190 --> 00:40:09.620 did those terrible things. 00:40:09.620 --> 00:40:12.710 Some few years ago, I should've 00:40:12.710 --> 00:40:14.650 kept this article because there was 00:40:14.650 --> 00:40:18.229 a brilliant article, it was concerning 00:40:18.229 --> 00:40:19.719 the killers of Jamie Bulger, 00:40:19.719 --> 00:40:21.400 (whatever his name was) 00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:24.160 this young -- was it two or three 00:40:24.160 --> 00:40:26.170 year old -- who was abducted in 00:40:26.170 --> 00:40:28.489 the shopping center in Liverpool 00:40:28.489 --> 00:40:30.110 tortured and killed on the 00:40:30.110 --> 00:40:32.360 railway track by some, was it, eight or 00:40:32.360 --> 00:40:36.430 nine year old children. 00:40:36.430 --> 00:40:39.469 And the whole culture of England 00:40:39.469 --> 00:40:41.920 at the time especially driven by the 00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:46.020 tabloid press, was wanting the blood 00:40:46.020 --> 00:40:48.299 of those two killers even though 00:40:48.299 --> 00:40:50.450 they were very, very young and 00:40:50.450 --> 00:40:52.359 they'd done a terrible terrible thing. 00:40:52.359 --> 00:40:54.099 To take the life of a two year old, 00:40:54.099 --> 00:40:56.089 and it's not just one person's death 00:40:56.089 --> 00:40:58.160 it's all the tears and the anxiety 00:40:58.160 --> 00:41:02.259 and the stress and the devastation 00:41:02.259 --> 00:41:04.290 of all of the people who knew 00:41:04.290 --> 00:41:08.309 that child, let alone the parents. 00:41:08.309 --> 00:41:10.650 But what I never knew at the time 00:41:10.650 --> 00:41:14.019 was pointed out in this article 00:41:14.019 --> 00:41:16.619 was that at about the same time 00:41:16.619 --> 00:41:19.869 a similar event happened in Norway 00:41:19.869 --> 00:41:23.499 in the town of Trondheim, north of 00:41:23.499 --> 00:41:26.569 Oslo where I think, two boys 00:41:26.569 --> 00:41:30.540 lured (I think) a girl into the snowfields, 00:41:30.540 --> 00:41:35.289 and had similarly killed her. 00:41:35.289 --> 00:41:38.559 And the similarities between the crimes 00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:40.880 were very close. 00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:42.559 But what was very dissimilar was 00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:44.430 the way those two societies 00:41:44.430 --> 00:41:46.319 dealt with the problem. 00:41:46.319 --> 00:41:48.430 As many of you know, 00:41:48.430 --> 00:41:50.069 the Jamie Bulger case, those two 00:41:50.069 --> 00:41:52.329 kids were put into some 00:41:52.329 --> 00:41:55.000 detention center, 00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:56.960 and the tabloid press 00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:58.619 just wanted them to be really 00:41:58.619 --> 00:42:00.810 punished hard and the parents 00:42:00.810 --> 00:42:02.109 were just waiting for them to 00:42:02.109 --> 00:42:05.589 be released so they could kill them. 00:42:05.589 --> 00:42:08.869 And even the public did not want them to be released. 00:42:08.869 --> 00:42:11.359 I read in the newspapers there was some idea of 00:42:11.359 --> 00:42:13.140 sending them to Australia where they 00:42:13.140 --> 00:42:14.769 wouldn't be known, new identities 00:42:14.769 --> 00:42:16.260 so they could live their life 00:42:16.260 --> 00:42:18.100 and the British public was saying, "No 00:42:18.100 --> 00:42:20.329 they don't deserve any freedom." 00:42:20.329 --> 00:42:22.139 That's what I read. 00:42:22.139 --> 00:42:24.950 With those other two kids 00:42:24.950 --> 00:42:27.190 the following day after they were caught 00:42:27.190 --> 00:42:31.460 they both went to school 00:42:31.460 --> 00:42:35.309 accompanied by psychiatrists 00:42:35.309 --> 00:42:38.780 and a social worker. 00:42:38.780 --> 00:42:41.319 They were not put into any 00:42:41.319 --> 00:42:45.379 punitive institution. 00:42:45.379 --> 00:42:49.079 Very, very soon, the mother and father 00:42:49.079 --> 00:42:52.780 of the child who died came to a closure, 00:42:52.780 --> 00:42:55.960 came to forgiveness and moved 00:42:55.960 --> 00:42:57.980 on in their life. 00:42:57.980 --> 00:42:59.460 Whereas the parents 00:42:59.460 --> 00:43:03.009 of Jamie Bulger never moved on as far as I know. 00:43:03.009 --> 00:43:04.940 The whole town of Trondheim 00:43:04.940 --> 00:43:08.529 came to a closure. 00:43:08.529 --> 00:43:10.640 They realized a terrible act, 00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:12.900 but the only way to move forward 00:43:12.900 --> 00:43:18.420 is not to wish harm on the killers. 00:43:18.420 --> 00:43:21.809 So many years later, one of the killers 00:43:21.809 --> 00:43:24.549 of that (I think it was a) little girl 00:43:24.549 --> 00:43:27.609 in Trondheim is perfectly well adjusted 00:43:27.609 --> 00:43:29.160 having a successful life 00:43:29.160 --> 00:43:31.849 completed the education, 00:43:31.849 --> 00:43:33.849 had really moved on, and so did the 00:43:33.849 --> 00:43:35.860 family and the rest of town. 00:43:35.860 --> 00:43:37.599 There's one of the killers still has 00:43:37.599 --> 00:43:39.740 social problems and some psychological 00:43:39.740 --> 00:43:42.539 problems, but nowhere near like 00:43:42.539 --> 00:43:44.849 the pain which was spread around 00:43:44.849 --> 00:43:49.329 England because of the Jamie Bulger case. 00:43:49.329 --> 00:43:53.479 To see those two separate accounts 00:43:53.479 --> 00:43:58.160 of a similar tragedy, one where there were 00:43:58.160 --> 00:44:00.289 many victims and their victimhood 00:44:00.289 --> 00:44:04.329 was, I dare to say, cherished 00:44:04.329 --> 00:44:07.710 and attached to and made much of. 00:44:07.710 --> 00:44:09.329 And the other one, where 00:44:09.329 --> 00:44:15.749 rehabilitation was the main aim and goal, 00:44:15.749 --> 00:44:18.880 to see the effects of those two cases 00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:21.579 I sure wish I'd lived in Norway 00:44:21.579 --> 00:44:23.979 than in England. 00:44:23.979 --> 00:44:25.410 That was the way forward, 00:44:25.410 --> 00:44:27.400 the way that everyone got healed, 00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:29.320 the way where there 00:44:29.320 --> 00:44:31.420 was less pain, less suffering. 00:44:31.420 --> 00:44:34.549 So, when we are not happy when we are 00:44:34.549 --> 00:44:40.380 suffering, when we are not free. 00:44:40.380 --> 00:44:42.140 Why is it? 00:44:42.140 --> 00:44:44.779 It's because we don't know how to 00:44:44.779 --> 00:44:46.519 move on from the pains 00:44:46.519 --> 00:44:49.170 and difficulties and stresses of life. 00:44:49.170 --> 00:44:51.789 Now these are big pains, 00:44:51.789 --> 00:44:54.829 big problems, big sufferings. 00:44:54.829 --> 00:44:56.140 You probably haven't had to 00:44:56.140 --> 00:44:59.339 experience that degree of 00:44:59.339 --> 00:45:01.989 suffering, but if those people 00:45:01.989 --> 00:45:04.689 can move on and find freedom, 00:45:04.689 --> 00:45:07.390 why can't we? 00:45:07.390 --> 00:45:09.660 One of the great causes 00:45:09.660 --> 00:45:11.109 for happiness 00:45:11.109 --> 00:45:14.599 is the ability to forgive, 00:45:14.599 --> 00:45:18.359 to let go, to move on. 00:45:18.359 --> 00:45:20.719 It causes happiness for 00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:22.920 the offenders, (I don't mean 00:45:22.920 --> 00:45:24.819 because they got away with it, 00:45:24.819 --> 00:45:26.410 no one gets away with anything 00:45:26.410 --> 00:45:28.950 in this world) but it means that 00:45:28.950 --> 00:45:30.579 they got away forward, 00:45:30.579 --> 00:45:33.009 and certainly a way forward 00:45:33.009 --> 00:45:34.509 for those people we call 00:45:34.509 --> 00:45:37.210 the victims. 00:45:37.210 --> 00:45:40.809 We have more freedom and happiness. 00:45:40.809 --> 00:45:44.249 Which is why I keep telling -- why is it that we 00:45:44.249 --> 00:45:46.140 carry around the shit of the past, 00:45:46.140 --> 00:45:47.550 and we don't carry the eggs, 00:45:47.550 --> 00:45:49.210 in that story of the two chicken 00:45:49.210 --> 00:45:50.689 farmers (which I won't repeat, 00:45:50.689 --> 00:45:52.399 because I think I tell that every 00:45:52.399 --> 00:45:53.759 couple of weeks here). 00:45:53.759 --> 00:45:55.950 It's an interesting thing, 00:45:55.950 --> 00:45:58.650 why is it that our nature 00:45:58.650 --> 00:46:01.009 always to look at the past 00:46:01.009 --> 00:46:03.180 and collect the pain, to go to the 00:46:03.180 --> 00:46:05.599 movies and once a week 00:46:05.599 --> 00:46:07.059 to look, to be worried by 00:46:07.059 --> 00:46:09.059 watching too many soap operas. 00:46:09.059 --> 00:46:11.289 If people haven't got enough worries 00:46:11.289 --> 00:46:13.190 in their life, they create more 00:46:13.190 --> 00:46:14.950 worries by watching what's happening 00:46:14.950 --> 00:46:17.720 in Neighbors, by worrying who's 00:46:17.720 --> 00:46:19.109 going to win the cricket 00:46:19.109 --> 00:46:22.309 or who's going to win the soccer or who's going to win the footie 00:46:22.309 --> 00:46:25.170 and people love the nail-biting finishes. 00:46:25.170 --> 00:46:27.240 Or if they don't like those 00:46:27.240 --> 00:46:28.819 they go to these extreme 00:46:28.819 --> 00:46:31.490 sports and sometimes, 00:46:31.490 --> 00:46:33.160 I remember being in the airport 00:46:33.160 --> 00:46:34.930 in Bangkok, and I saw on the 00:46:34.930 --> 00:46:36.579 big TV screen there, some of these 00:46:36.579 --> 00:46:39.089 extreme sports people were doing. 00:46:39.089 --> 00:46:42.141 I remember seeing... they were 00:46:42.141 --> 00:46:46.980 doing these motorbike races on ice! 00:46:46.980 --> 00:46:49.589 That's crazy! 00:46:49.589 --> 00:46:50.880 What idiot would actually 00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:54.229 race each other on these ice tracks 00:46:54.229 --> 00:46:55.549 and sure enough, one person 00:46:55.549 --> 00:46:56.990 came off the bike (they had to 00:46:56.990 --> 00:46:58.230 have spikes on the wheels) 00:46:58.230 --> 00:47:00.190 and got spiked. 00:47:00.190 --> 00:47:03.119 Whoa, what do they do things like that for? 00:47:03.119 --> 00:47:06.299 Why do people do that? 00:47:06.299 --> 00:47:09.029 Because people like to suffer. 00:47:09.029 --> 00:47:11.479 Why they like to suffer, 00:47:11.479 --> 00:47:13.430 they like the thrill, the excitement 00:47:13.430 --> 00:47:18.610 there is delight in suffering. 00:47:18.610 --> 00:47:20.700 Be careful. 00:47:20.700 --> 00:47:22.990 If you delight in suffering 00:47:22.990 --> 00:47:24.740 there's no way you can ever 00:47:24.740 --> 00:47:26.450 be happy. 00:47:26.450 --> 00:47:29.619 If you attach to being the victim, 00:47:29.619 --> 00:47:32.559 if you just want the thrill 00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:34.829 of being hurt, or being on the edge 00:47:34.829 --> 00:47:37.570 of being hurt, however can 00:47:37.570 --> 00:47:40.770 you be free? 00:47:40.770 --> 00:47:42.039 So, one of the ways 00:47:42.039 --> 00:47:44.630 of happiness in this world 00:47:44.630 --> 00:47:48.560 is able to notice why one can't 00:47:48.560 --> 00:47:50.950 detach from that which is 00:47:50.950 --> 00:47:52.729 genuinely painful and difficult to 00:47:52.729 --> 00:47:54.339 bear with. 00:47:54.339 --> 00:47:57.920 Why do we become the victim? 00:47:57.920 --> 00:48:00.339 Why do we become the sad one? 00:48:00.339 --> 00:48:04.519 Why do sometimes we become the sick person? 00:48:04.519 --> 00:48:06.530 This is interesting, in some monasteries 00:48:06.530 --> 00:48:08.599 I've been in, you see people become 00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:10.969 sick and sick and sick and sick, 00:48:10.969 --> 00:48:12.989 and a lot of monks say it's because 00:48:12.989 --> 00:48:14.619 they want to leave, they want to 00:48:14.619 --> 00:48:16.389 disrobe, that's the only way they 00:48:16.389 --> 00:48:17.669 know how of doing it. 00:48:17.669 --> 00:48:19.169 They actually become attached 00:48:19.169 --> 00:48:20.860 to being the sick one 00:48:20.860 --> 00:48:23.759 that's their persona. 00:48:23.759 --> 00:48:25.700 It's called ego attachment. 00:48:25.700 --> 00:48:29.230 It creates a sense of self. 00:48:29.230 --> 00:48:31.400 This is one of the things the Buddha 00:48:31.400 --> 00:48:33.000 kept on pointing to. 00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:35.599 Who do you think you are? 00:48:35.599 --> 00:48:39.420 What do you take as your self? 00:48:39.420 --> 00:48:40.849 What is your ego? 00:48:40.849 --> 00:48:43.619 If you had wrote a list of who you 00:48:43.619 --> 00:48:47.229 were, what your attributes were, 00:48:47.229 --> 00:48:48.869 not in theory, but in practice 00:48:48.869 --> 00:48:52.519 and you wrote them down 00:48:52.519 --> 00:48:54.509 how many of those things would be 00:48:54.509 --> 00:48:56.500 the angry person, the victim, the 00:48:56.500 --> 00:48:57.890 person who was abused, 00:48:57.890 --> 00:48:59.249 the person who was divorced, 00:48:59.249 --> 00:49:01.599 the person who was sick, 00:49:01.599 --> 00:49:05.299 the person who's had the mastectomy? 00:49:05.299 --> 00:49:08.079 How many of you take that 00:49:08.079 --> 00:49:10.130 to be your self? 00:49:10.130 --> 00:49:11.599 There's a problem there, 00:49:11.599 --> 00:49:13.439 because the Buddha noticed 00:49:13.439 --> 00:49:16.299 if you identify with being that, 00:49:16.299 --> 00:49:23.049 if you become that, you repeat it. 00:49:23.049 --> 00:49:26.050 This is the sense of identity, 00:49:26.050 --> 00:49:27.749 it's one of the reasons why 00:49:27.749 --> 00:49:30.069 when I did go into prisons 00:49:30.069 --> 00:49:31.670 to visit prisoners. 00:49:31.670 --> 00:49:33.589 Again, I've never 00:49:33.589 --> 00:49:35.130 called them criminals, as you've 00:49:35.130 --> 00:49:36.519 heard me say before, there's 00:49:36.519 --> 00:49:38.099 people who've done crimes 00:49:38.099 --> 00:49:40.140 and I kept on telling the people 00:49:40.140 --> 00:49:42.069 in jail, "You are not a criminal. 00:49:42.069 --> 00:49:45.089 You are a person who's done a crime. You're not a criminal. 00:49:45.089 --> 00:49:47.419 You're something bigger than that. 00:49:47.419 --> 00:49:49.279 Never think of yourself as a criminal. 00:49:49.279 --> 00:49:52.140 You're a person who's done a crime. 00:49:52.140 --> 00:49:56.450 Don't identify with that terrible act which you did. 00:49:56.450 --> 00:49:57.900 If you make that sense 00:49:57.900 --> 00:49:59.810 of self with your crime, if that's who 00:49:59.810 --> 00:50:01.919 you think you are, you are the burglar, 00:50:01.919 --> 00:50:03.920 you are the killer, you are the rapist, 00:50:03.920 --> 00:50:06.170 you become that. 00:50:06.170 --> 00:50:08.879 Which means when you get released you'll do it again. 00:50:08.879 --> 00:50:10.249 Because that's who you are. 00:50:10.249 --> 00:50:12.410 You're the rapist, you're the killer, 00:50:12.410 --> 00:50:15.420 you're the adulterer, you're the 00:50:15.420 --> 00:50:21.749 child abuser. 00:50:21.749 --> 00:50:24.539 This is psychology, which I know 00:50:24.539 --> 00:50:26.209 because I've gone deep into my 00:50:26.209 --> 00:50:27.959 mind and seen the way that minds 00:50:27.959 --> 00:50:29.200 work. 00:50:29.200 --> 00:50:33.529 If you're -- you make an identity 00:50:33.529 --> 00:50:36.680 of who you think you are, that's 00:50:36.680 --> 00:50:38.619 how you relate to the the world. 00:50:38.619 --> 00:50:40.209 That's who you become. 00:50:40.209 --> 00:50:42.319 That's what you repeat. 00:50:42.319 --> 00:50:44.189 That's what's expected of you, 00:50:44.189 --> 00:50:46.869 so of course, that's what you do. 00:50:46.869 --> 00:50:50.519 And there we get the repeat 00:50:50.519 --> 00:50:52.210 of the harm and the hurt 00:50:52.210 --> 00:50:54.899 again and again and again and again. 00:50:54.899 --> 00:50:56.369 Why my father never 00:50:56.369 --> 00:50:58.010 thought of himself as the abused 00:50:58.010 --> 00:51:00.140 child, so that's why he never 00:51:00.140 --> 00:51:02.079 repeated the abuse on me. 00:51:02.079 --> 00:51:04.660 Why a person who just forgives, 00:51:04.660 --> 00:51:07.950 lets go, does not become the victim, 00:51:07.950 --> 00:51:15.619 becomes free and can live. 00:51:15.619 --> 00:51:20.189 Last story, was a story which -- again 00:51:20.189 --> 00:51:23.410 many of these stories you've heard here before 00:51:23.410 --> 00:51:25.539 but, I usually try to bring them 00:51:25.539 --> 00:51:27.369 together in one talk which is on 00:51:27.369 --> 00:51:30.660 this one subject, simply because it fits 00:51:30.660 --> 00:51:32.749 and this talk goes outside and gets 00:51:32.749 --> 00:51:35.099 put on CDs and it's nice to be complete -- 00:51:35.099 --> 00:51:38.160 and this was the story of those two 00:51:38.160 --> 00:51:41.089 Australian soldiers meeting together 00:51:41.089 --> 00:51:43.519 in a reunion, they'd both been in the 00:51:43.519 --> 00:51:45.579 Second World War, they'd both been 00:51:45.579 --> 00:51:48.269 in Singapore, the fall of Singapore, 00:51:48.269 --> 00:51:50.999 and both been put in P.O.W. camps. 00:51:50.999 --> 00:51:54.639 Well, one met the other, and said, 00:51:54.639 --> 00:51:56.759 "Have you forgiven the Japanese yet 00:51:56.759 --> 00:51:59.090 for what they did to us and our friends?" 00:51:59.090 --> 00:52:00.550 "No! Never! 00:52:00.550 --> 00:52:02.810 How can you forgive that??" 00:52:02.810 --> 00:52:04.660 said one of the soldiers. 00:52:04.660 --> 00:52:06.260 "What about you?" 00:52:06.260 --> 00:52:08.460 His friend said, "I forgave years ago. 00:52:08.460 --> 00:52:14.009 But you, my friend, are still in the P.O.W. camp." 00:52:14.009 --> 00:52:16.779 I love that story, simply because 00:52:16.779 --> 00:52:20.240 until you forgive -- until he forgave 00:52:20.240 --> 00:52:22.499 what those guards, those soldiers, 00:52:22.499 --> 00:52:25.261 did to him and his friends, 00:52:25.261 --> 00:52:27.559 in the camps in Changi on the 00:52:27.559 --> 00:52:30.029 Death Railway in Thailand 00:52:30.029 --> 00:52:32.019 on the Burmese border. 00:52:32.019 --> 00:52:33.849 Until they forgave, they were still 00:52:33.849 --> 00:52:35.899 being tortured. 00:52:35.899 --> 00:52:38.651 They're still in the camps. 00:52:38.651 --> 00:52:42.100 They can never be happy. 00:52:42.100 --> 00:52:45.469 His friend had let go and therefore 00:52:45.469 --> 00:52:48.390 he was free. 00:52:48.390 --> 00:52:50.140 So when it comes 00:52:50.140 --> 00:52:53.299 to happiness, you don't have to be 00:52:53.299 --> 00:52:56.450 controlled by what others did to you. 00:52:56.450 --> 00:52:59.559 You don't have to be limited, 00:52:59.559 --> 00:53:04.940 in prison, in jail, by the crimes which have 00:53:04.940 --> 00:53:08.559 been perpetrated on you in the past. 00:53:08.559 --> 00:53:10.479 You don't even have to worry about 00:53:10.479 --> 00:53:11.939 the crimes which you've done, 00:53:11.939 --> 00:53:14.119 I'm not talking about against the law, 00:53:14.119 --> 00:53:16.319 but the harm and hurt which you 00:53:16.319 --> 00:53:17.929 have done to others. 00:53:17.929 --> 00:53:20.269 I don't know how many people feel guilty about 00:53:20.269 --> 00:53:22.339 some of the things they've done, 00:53:22.339 --> 00:53:24.179 I've mentioned a few of those things 00:53:24.179 --> 00:53:26.629 I've always felt guilty about: playing 00:53:26.629 --> 00:53:28.760 my Jimmie Hendrix records too loud 00:53:28.760 --> 00:53:31.229 to my father while he was playing his 00:53:31.229 --> 00:53:34.190 Sinatra records, never really, sort of 00:53:34.190 --> 00:53:35.880 being a really good son to 00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:37.860 him; never selling those 00:53:37.860 --> 00:53:39.649 encyclopedias when I was a kid, 00:53:39.649 --> 00:53:41.940 getting someone actually to buy 00:53:41.940 --> 00:53:43.730 an encyclopedia, just a rubbish book. 00:53:43.730 --> 00:53:45.629 I don't know why they even bought that, 00:53:45.629 --> 00:53:46.940 but I made them buy it. 00:53:46.940 --> 00:53:49.059 And all the terrible things you did as 00:53:49.059 --> 00:53:52.430 a kid, gee, what did I do those for? 00:53:52.430 --> 00:53:56.380 It's so easy to feel guilty about the smallest of things. 00:53:56.380 --> 00:53:58.119 Why not, why can't we just let them 00:53:58.119 --> 00:54:02.200 go, learn from them and move on? 00:54:02.200 --> 00:54:04.059 Until you do, you can never be 00:54:04.059 --> 00:54:06.190 free and never be happy. 00:54:06.190 --> 00:54:11.839 And this is not a small thing. 00:54:11.839 --> 00:54:13.619 You can never really be virtuous 00:54:13.619 --> 00:54:17.420 and good until you're free. 00:54:17.420 --> 00:54:20.150 And as far as meditation is concerned, 00:54:20.150 --> 00:54:22.200 no matter how many people I've taught 00:54:22.200 --> 00:54:24.450 meditation to, when they get to a 00:54:24.450 --> 00:54:26.950 certain point in happiness and peace, 00:54:26.950 --> 00:54:29.599 they can't go any further, and they kept 00:54:29.599 --> 00:54:32.700 coming back with the same complaint, 00:54:32.700 --> 00:54:38.599 "I don't think I deserve to be so happy. 00:54:38.599 --> 00:54:43.209 I don't think I deserve to be at peace. 00:54:43.209 --> 00:54:44.930 I don't think I deserve to be 00:54:44.930 --> 00:54:48.239 enlightened," basically. 00:54:48.239 --> 00:54:51.469 And really that's another dagger to my heart. 00:54:51.469 --> 00:54:54.019 Why not? If all I do in my life 00:54:54.019 --> 00:54:56.829 as a monk, teaching here Friday night, 00:54:56.829 --> 00:54:59.789 going overseas, if that's all I ever 00:54:59.789 --> 00:55:02.460 give to you, the conviction that 00:55:02.460 --> 00:55:05.829 you deserve to be happy, that you 00:55:05.829 --> 00:55:08.920 deserve to be free, that you deserve 00:55:08.920 --> 00:55:11.080 to be enlightened. 00:55:11.080 --> 00:55:15.469 You don't feel so guilty, you don't attach to those 00:55:15.469 --> 00:55:17.460 painful things in the past. 00:55:17.460 --> 00:55:19.769 You are free. 00:55:19.769 --> 00:55:21.390 You can let go, 00:55:21.390 --> 00:55:23.751 both other people's harm, and 00:55:23.751 --> 00:55:27.539 your own harm as well; 00:55:27.539 --> 00:55:30.269 be able to forgive yourself and forgive others. 00:55:30.269 --> 00:55:31.719 What that means 00:55:31.719 --> 00:55:34.009 is giving yourself the gift of 00:55:34.009 --> 00:55:36.009 freedom. 00:55:36.009 --> 00:55:38.009 No one else can do that for you. 00:55:38.009 --> 00:55:40.059 Look, a Jesus can't forgive, 00:55:40.059 --> 00:55:42.690 a monk can't forgive, a Buddha 00:55:42.690 --> 00:55:45.759 can't forgive, a God can't forgive, 00:55:45.759 --> 00:55:48.039 only you can forgive you. 00:55:48.039 --> 00:55:49.670 No one else. 00:55:49.670 --> 00:55:50.900 All these other people 00:55:50.900 --> 00:55:52.489 they can encourage, they can teach, 00:55:52.489 --> 00:55:54.209 they can lead, they can inspire, 00:55:54.209 --> 00:55:57.940 but in the end it's up to you. 00:55:57.940 --> 00:56:02.920 One day, one day you'll do that. 00:56:02.920 --> 00:56:06.189 This life, the next life, or some life, 00:56:06.189 --> 00:56:08.120 you'll look at all your past, all the 00:56:08.120 --> 00:56:13.592 hurt, all the harm, and let it go. 00:56:13.592 --> 00:56:15.792 Say to yourself, in those words of 00:56:15.792 --> 00:56:19.210 my father, "Whatever I have done 00:56:19.210 --> 00:56:21.810 in my life, what other people 00:56:21.810 --> 00:56:25.569 have done to me, the door of my heart 00:56:25.569 --> 00:56:29.809 is open to me, fully, absolutely. 00:56:29.809 --> 00:56:34.450 Happiness, freedom, come in." 00:56:34.450 --> 00:56:37.609 To be able to invite freedom in, 00:56:37.609 --> 00:56:39.729 invite happiness in. 00:56:39.729 --> 00:56:43.180 There's a liberation there, 00:56:43.180 --> 00:56:44.949 which is why very often the Buddha 00:56:44.949 --> 00:56:47.420 called those enlightenment 00:56:47.420 --> 00:56:50.299 experiences liberations. 00:56:50.299 --> 00:56:53.650 Freedom from suffering, freedom from pain, 00:56:53.650 --> 00:56:56.819 freedom from the past! 00:56:56.819 --> 00:56:59.099 Why do we carry the past around, 00:56:59.099 --> 00:57:01.069 so heavy on our back? Because 00:57:01.069 --> 00:57:04.900 that's what being a victim is. 00:57:04.900 --> 00:57:06.819 I was telling people in Melbourne, 00:57:06.819 --> 00:57:08.459 I just came back from Melbourne 00:57:08.459 --> 00:57:11.359 on Wednesday night, just reminiscing, 00:57:11.359 --> 00:57:13.470 'cause someone asked, "What was 00:57:13.470 --> 00:57:15.630 it like being a monk in Thailand 00:57:15.630 --> 00:57:17.690 many years ago?" 00:57:17.690 --> 00:57:19.769 I was reminiscing 00:57:19.769 --> 00:57:23.849 about one of the most wonderful times 00:57:23.849 --> 00:57:26.029 I had in Thailand. 00:57:26.029 --> 00:57:29.370 When after five years I left my monastery 00:57:29.370 --> 00:57:32.880 with all my possessions on my back 00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:36.359 (and that wasn't many possessions). 00:57:36.359 --> 00:57:39.690 You had to walk and you had 00:57:39.690 --> 00:57:43.180 no place to go, you could go to 00:57:43.180 --> 00:57:46.119 any monastery and have a bed 00:57:46.119 --> 00:57:48.849 for the night, any village in the morning 00:57:48.849 --> 00:57:52.499 with your bowl, and get some food in it. 00:57:52.499 --> 00:57:54.869 You're completely free. 00:57:54.869 --> 00:57:57.149 Any tree you could just sit 00:57:57.149 --> 00:57:59.469 underneath it, put your mosquito net 00:57:59.469 --> 00:58:03.710 there, meditate, sleep. 00:58:03.710 --> 00:58:06.019 It was literally like being a bird, 00:58:06.019 --> 00:58:08.400 but better than being a bird, 00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:10.910 a bird always has to hunt for their food. 00:58:10.910 --> 00:58:12.859 For me, I knew any place, 00:58:12.859 --> 00:58:14.670 any village I went to, there was food 00:58:14.670 --> 00:58:17.829 there for me. 00:58:17.829 --> 00:58:19.150 And it was such a freedom 00:58:19.150 --> 00:58:22.199 because I was attached to no place 00:58:22.199 --> 00:58:26.389 and to no thing. 00:58:26.389 --> 00:58:28.180 Every crossroads I got 00:58:28.180 --> 00:58:32.720 to I could go forward, go left, go right, 00:58:32.720 --> 00:58:35.359 or just turn 'round and go back. 00:58:35.359 --> 00:58:38.130 I had no duties, nothing compelling 00:58:38.130 --> 00:58:42.309 me to go in any directions. 00:58:42.309 --> 00:58:45.640 No duties, no burdens, no things 00:58:45.640 --> 00:58:49.430 to do, no unfinished business. 00:58:49.430 --> 00:58:53.349 This complete freedom is physically 00:58:53.349 --> 00:58:56.029 the most freedom I've ever felt, 00:58:56.029 --> 00:58:58.630 and everything you owned, 00:58:58.630 --> 00:59:00.599 you had with you: my bowl, 00:59:00.599 --> 00:59:02.529 my mosquito net, an umbrella, 00:59:02.529 --> 00:59:04.509 water pot, spare set of robes 00:59:04.509 --> 00:59:06.180 and that was all. 00:59:06.180 --> 00:59:07.920 You could wander 00:59:07.920 --> 00:59:10.459 wherever you wanted. 00:59:10.459 --> 00:59:13.200 It was so much freedom. 00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:14.670 I always remember 00:59:14.670 --> 00:59:17.019 that that's the same freedom which you 00:59:17.019 --> 00:59:19.950 can have in your mind at any time. 00:59:19.950 --> 00:59:22.070 Any crossroads you come to in life, 00:59:22.070 --> 00:59:24.350 go whichever way, 00:59:24.350 --> 00:59:26.969 'cause you're not burdened by the past, 00:59:26.969 --> 00:59:30.589 you're not carrying baggage. 00:59:30.589 --> 00:59:32.990 How much baggage do people carry 00:59:32.990 --> 00:59:35.240 in this life? 00:59:35.240 --> 00:59:37.299 Mostly it's the baggage of our past, 00:59:37.299 --> 00:59:40.229 our history. 00:59:40.229 --> 00:59:41.729 What happened to you, 00:59:41.729 --> 00:59:46.439 who did what to you, who said what, 00:59:46.439 --> 00:59:50.939 if you want happiness, let go. 00:59:50.939 --> 00:59:55.490 Free your past, at very least, 00:59:55.490 --> 00:59:57.549 free the pain of the past and keep 00:59:57.549 --> 01:00:01.029 the happy memories -- at least that way 01:00:01.029 --> 01:00:03.689 you're carrying enjoyable baggage -- 01:00:03.689 --> 01:00:06.619 but even better to leave it all behind. 01:00:06.619 --> 01:00:09.569 There is such a thing as happiness 01:00:09.569 --> 01:00:12.959 in this world and the happiness 01:00:12.959 --> 01:00:15.109 is no one else's responsibility, 01:00:15.109 --> 01:00:18.769 it's yours and that happiness 01:00:18.769 --> 01:00:20.950 is there for you at any moment 01:00:20.950 --> 01:00:22.949 at any time. 01:00:22.949 --> 01:00:24.259 There's a door, which 01:00:24.259 --> 01:00:26.789 is open from the cell which is 01:00:26.789 --> 01:00:29.349 sometimes what your life feels like, 01:00:29.349 --> 01:00:31.130 being in a prison of your past, 01:00:31.130 --> 01:00:33.019 of what happened to you, 01:00:33.019 --> 01:00:37.359 of your body, your pain, your sickness, 01:00:37.359 --> 01:00:39.319 this pain which has happened to you -- 01:00:39.319 --> 01:00:42.449 That's like being in a prison, but it's 01:00:42.449 --> 01:00:45.880 a prison whose door is always open, 01:00:45.880 --> 01:00:48.640 always open, it's just sometimes we 01:00:48.640 --> 01:00:51.879 don't know how to walk through it. 01:00:51.879 --> 01:00:53.670 Sometimes we think we're not supposed 01:00:53.670 --> 01:00:55.069 to walk through it. 01:00:55.069 --> 01:00:58.039 And here I tell you, 01:00:58.039 --> 01:01:01.130 walk, be free, let go. 01:01:01.130 --> 01:01:03.211 There is such a thing as happiness in 01:01:03.211 --> 01:01:07.719 life, there is such a thing as freedom, 01:01:07.719 --> 01:01:10.180 there is such a thing as forgiveness 01:01:10.180 --> 01:01:12.450 and reconciliation, there is such 01:01:12.450 --> 01:01:16.240 a thing, there's such love that you can 01:01:16.240 --> 01:01:20.230 free yourself and free others and let go. 01:01:20.230 --> 01:01:22.569 And that freedom and that love is 01:01:22.569 --> 01:01:26.210 not a copping out of life, that is the 01:01:26.210 --> 01:01:29.559 heart of a positive response. 01:01:29.559 --> 01:01:31.810 Free yourself and you show 01:01:31.810 --> 01:01:33.870 the way to freedom for others. 01:01:33.870 --> 01:01:35.650 And much of the pain and 01:01:35.650 --> 01:01:38.839 the cause of pain in life -- as the 01:01:38.839 --> 01:01:40.680 Assistant Commissioner said today, 01:01:40.680 --> 01:01:43.010 something like 80 or 90%, 01:01:43.010 --> 01:01:45.970 he was saying of people in prisons 01:01:45.970 --> 01:01:48.400 in Western Australia have themselves 01:01:48.400 --> 01:01:54.009 been victims of child abuse. 01:01:54.009 --> 01:01:56.009 Because they could not forgive, 01:01:56.009 --> 01:01:59.009 because they could not let go, 01:01:59.009 --> 01:02:01.119 because they could not find freedom, 01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:04.079 now they're in jail 01:02:04.079 --> 01:02:07.779 having also caused pain to others. 01:02:07.779 --> 01:02:10.680 So what is the way forward? 01:02:10.680 --> 01:02:13.410 I think I've shown it to you: 01:02:13.410 --> 01:02:16.479 to have the guts to see things in 01:02:16.479 --> 01:02:20.829 a different way, to free oneself. 01:02:20.829 --> 01:02:22.809 You don't need to feel grief, 01:02:22.809 --> 01:02:24.579 you don't need to feel that pain. 01:02:24.579 --> 01:02:27.039 You can walk out whenever you want. 01:02:27.039 --> 01:02:29.249 It's called freedom, 01:02:29.249 --> 01:02:32.469 the path to happiness. 01:02:32.469 --> 01:02:34.049 That's the talk this evening 01:02:34.049 --> 01:02:35.509 on is it possible to be happy? 01:02:35.509 --> 01:02:38.700 Yes, that's one of the ways how. 01:02:38.700 --> 01:02:42.169 Audience: Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu! 01:02:42.169 --> 01:02:45.210 Ajahn: Ok, so any questions or comments? 01:02:45.210 --> 01:02:47.160 I hope it's been challenging, 01:02:47.160 --> 01:02:49.680 I hope a few people disagree with me. 01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:53.150 Otherwise, I didn't challenge hard enough. 01:02:53.150 --> 01:02:55.879 Any comments or questions 01:02:55.879 --> 01:02:59.759 about the talk this evening? 01:02:59.759 --> 01:03:01.660 Maybe that's just something for 01:03:01.660 --> 01:03:03.619 you to contemplate... see later on 01:03:03.619 --> 01:03:07.670 if it makes sense or not. 01:03:07.670 --> 01:03:10.565 No, no comments, questions? Ok