0:00:04.004,0:00:07.755 Hey this is interesting, the other day a guy told me to suck a bag of dicks. 0:00:07.755,0:00:10.642 That was interesting. I never heard that before. 0:00:10.642,0:00:15.646 Total stranger told me to suck a bag of dicks. 0:00:15.661,0:00:21.789 A whole bag of 'em! 0:00:21.789,0:00:26.294 He was angry. He didn't just "Suck a bag of dicks!" like a greeting, you know... 0:00:26.294,0:00:30.920 "Oh, suck a bag of dicks to you too, sir, thank you very much." 0:00:30.920,0:00:37.988 It's a lovely day for sucking several bags of dicks. 0:00:37.988,0:00:42.678 No, what happened was, I cut him off in traffic. It was one of those things where...I had to get in, 0:00:42.678,0:00:48.951 and no one was in my car to judge me...and I just fuckin' you know, I just decided, "He's not ME, so 0:00:48.951,0:00:54.431 I don't care what happens to him." And I just cut him off. A shitty thing to do. And it was bad because 0:00:54.431,0:00:59.617 he was coming fast, cuz he didn't imagine in a million years that someone would be that big of an asshole. 0:00:59.617,0:01:05.133 So when I did it, he had to slam on his brakes and his dog went PFFF in the windshield, it was really 0:01:05.133,0:01:07.986 very bad...very bad. 0:01:08.971,0:01:13.076 And the worst part is when you cut people off, they don't vanish, they're behind you now. 0:01:13.076,0:01:19.087 So...looking back, and he's like FUCKING ASS, he's so mad! and he keeps trying to get next to me, 0:01:19.087,0:01:22.852 because he just wants to see my fucking face, he's dying, he's like, "I gotta see this cocksucker now. 0:01:22.852,0:01:25.264 I've got to see the fucking face of this piece of shit that just did that to me." 0:01:25.264,0:01:28.425 And I keep cutting him off, because I don't want him to see. I'm ashamed of what I did. 0:01:29.471,0:01:32.755 No...nope you don't. 0:01:35.109,0:01:38.735 Finally, we get to a red light, and I've got to face him. Only because there's a car in front of me, 0:01:38.735,0:01:44.975 otherwise I would have fucking blown right through there. But there he is, just fucking RAAAAAH, furious. 0:01:44.975,0:01:49.947 And I'm like, I know, it was awful! I shouldn't have done it. I'm not mad, I was wrong. Why 0:01:49.947,0:01:54.685 would I be mad? And he's like, "Fuck you!" and then he starts going like this, cuz he wants me to roll 0:01:54.685,0:02:00.758 my window down, like I'm supposed to take part in my own abuse during this argument? "Oh, I'm sorry, 0:02:00.758,0:02:07.793 I don't want to miss this, what do you have to say about me? Yes, How rude of me to shut out your anger 0:02:07.808,0:02:12.237 with my..." So I did. I rolled it down, I'm interested. 0:02:14.237,0:02:16.487 And he goes, "Hey Asshole!" 0:02:16.487,0:02:18.443 And I'm like, "Yeah." 0:02:18.443,0:02:21.485 He says, "Suck a bag of dicks!" 0:02:26.239,0:02:28.681 And then he drove away! 0:02:30.143,0:02:33.434 And I was kind of sad that he drove away, because I had a lot of questions. 0:02:37.803,0:02:44.235 That concept of sucking a bag of dicks...just weird. Like first of all, when you picture a bag of dicks, 0:02:45.404,0:02:49.041 What do you see, when you picture a bag of dicks? 0:02:49.041,0:02:53.592 Is it like a plastic bag and they're all mushing together like chicken parts, 0:02:53.592,0:02:56.999 with a date written on it with Sharpie? Keep it in the freezer. 0:02:58.384,0:03:04.924 Or is it like a paper bag, and they're sticking out like baguettes? Kinda like, you went shopping... 0:03:04.924,0:03:08.605 bringing home a bag of dicks for the kids. 0:03:09.789,0:03:14.502 Here you go Susie, take a blue one. 0:03:14.533,0:03:19.442 They were hanging in a window somewhere..."Give me two of those." 0:03:21.642,0:03:25.813 And how do you suck a bag of dicks. What does he want me to do? Does he want me to take a bag of dicks 0:03:25.813,0:03:32.319 and suck it? Like suck the side of the bag? Or does he want me to open the bag and suck each dick individually? 0:03:32.319,0:03:37.819 Throw the used ones in a bowl like edamame shells? Like that? [slurp slurp slurp] 0:03:43.296,0:03:47.342 Do I have to make them all cum? You know, like... how... 0:03:52.850,0:03:55.683 I don't know, I've never even sucked one dick, so it's not an area that I understand. 0:03:55.683,0:04:00.001 I've never, never sucked a dick. Isn't that weird? I've never sucked a dick. My whole life. 0:04:01.339,0:04:03.458 That's weird to me. 0:04:05.043,0:04:11.126 It is! It's weird. Because almost everybody has sucked a dick, when you think about it, most people 0:04:11.126,0:04:16.302 on earth suck dicks. It's true. Because 51% of the population are women. And they suck dicks. 0:04:16.302,0:04:19.785 Then there's all the gay guys that suck dicks. Then there's all the straight guys who have been forced 0:04:19.785,0:04:23.806 to suck a dick under various circumstances. 0:04:23.806,0:04:27.489 So...what...there's only like a thousand of us out there who... 0:04:29.105,0:04:31.180 ...never blew anyone! 0:04:31.180,0:04:37.136 Bunch of selfish assholes that are fuckin' getting blown, and not blowing back, you know. 0:04:38.721,0:04:42.278 It's like, that's what people do, we all fucking suck dicks, and I haven't done it. 0:04:43.893,0:04:47.697 I don't have like, a big reason not to either. I don't have a policy against sucking a dick. 0:04:47.697,0:04:52.302 It's not something I'm against doing...I just...have never seen a dick I wanted to suck. 0:04:52.302,0:04:57.565 That's really what it comes down to. I've never seen a penis that inspired me to suck it. 0:04:57.565,0:04:59.610 Every dick I've ever seen bummed has me out. 0:04:59.610,0:05:03.213 I hate em! I hate em. They ruin my day when I see them. 0:05:03.213,0:05:07.117 But that's just so far! 0:05:07.117,0:05:11.101 I mean, what the fuck do I know? There might...This guy right here might have a BEAUTIFUL dick. This guy...if I saw 0:05:11.101,0:05:16.674 his dick, I might go, oh, fuck, that shit's going in my mouth right now. And I'd just fuckin'...and I'd 0:05:16.674,0:05:22.767 have to blow him. Fuckin' hold him down and blow him. 0:05:22.767,0:05:26.070 That's the kind of...I would like, rape-blow people. That's what...I would like, hold the guy down and 0:05:26.070,0:05:33.310 blow him, just to spite him. That's the kind of shit I would do. Just to...you know. 0:05:33.310,0:05:36.379 I'm just saying, I'm not prejudiced. I haven't seen that many. There's billions - literally billions 0:05:36.487,0:05:40.219 of dicks in the world - and I've seen like 40 at the most, so how the fuck would I know. 0:05:41.327,0:05:44.863 Wait - is that too many? Yeah, that's too many right? 0:05:44.863,0:05:53.572 40, Jesus Christ. I'm only 39. That's a dick a year, plus another one. Why am I saying 40?! 0:05:53.572,0:05:56.669 That's a lot. 0:05:56.669,0:05:59.306 That's like 2 bags of dicks right there, at least. 40 dicks?! 0:05:59.337,9:59:59.000 Alright.