UNCLE MARIN, THE BILLIONAIRE Gogu! I'm not leaving you, Uncle Marin! - You're disturbing! - I have someone inside! - Pull me, Gogu! Pull! - We're pulling, Uncle Marin! - Don't hit me, lady! - Why did you pull me out? Why? - Where are you, Uncle Marin? - I'm here, nephew. Why did you hit me? - On which door did you get off? - This one. - How did you do it? - I didn't do anything. - They did. - What did they do? Once I told them I want to get out, they pushed me to the back and out. Good thing you saved the bag. Veta would have killed me. She got it from her mother. - Now what? - We go to the hotel. Come on. - Which hotel? - The big one. Couldn't it be some place else? You had to get a room in the big one. I told you I worked there. And a friend of mine works at the front desk. Gogu, you're stupid. If you work here, why didn't we get here in the first place? Wait a sec! Come on! Go! - What a lemon! Look at him! - You'll see lots of them around. This is the one. - Give me the bag. - Why? - Give me the bag. - Why? Give me the bag! We're making fools of ourselves! Why? She's got one too. - That one's from the shop. - Mine's from my mother-in-law. Come on, Uncle Marin! You want to sleep on the beach, in a boat again? - Not quite. - See? Stay here. Oh! Well I never... God forbid! Where did I end up? I'm screwed. - What? - You got a room? You know we're full. - Who do you want it for? - For Uncle Marin. If you don't get me a room, I'll make a fool of myself. - Yeah, right. - Can I have a room? - I can't... - Sache! ...say "no" to you! I've got an idea. I've got an apartment for an American billionaire. He missed his flight at Frankfurt, so he comes only tomorrow. - Bring your uncle. - OK! We don't have any. Uncle Marin! God took you in his hand. - You'll get a billionaire's room. - I won't sleep in there! Leave that damn bag! You're a billionaire now! - I have stuff inside! - Put it in this one. Take care not to lose the bag, or Veta will kill me! I'll bring it to you in the morning. Follow me. - Come here. Hi, Sache. - How do you do. What did you do? Whom did you bring? - You sure he's your uncle? - Yes, it's him. And he's got his leek with him! - What did you do? - What are you doing? - I'll throw this away. - Give it here! Take the key, lock him inside and bring back the key. Take him on the back stairs, so no one sees him. You don't leave the room even if it's on fire! Yikes! And where can I... You know... When nature calls. - You'll manage in there. - Inside? Are you sure? - Take him up! - Come on. - Is this an oleander? - Palm tree. Ana... I'll be right back. - Who's that chick? - A girl. You don't come back to the village if your intentions are not honorable. If you want some from her, first you marry her. Got it? What? - This is wonderful! - Hello. Take him outta here! What's she saying? Where does she know me from? Is this a respectable hotel? If Veta finds out, she'll skin me! - What? - Start running! I don't want to create trouble. Don't worry. I'll wake you in the morning. You should come really early, so they won't find me here. OK, get in! - Gogu... - Get in! It's drafty! And now the latest news from the international news agencies. This morning, only a few minutes after taking off, a Bluestar aircraft on route from Frankfurt to Hong Kong was hijacked by two men. At their request, the pilot took course to Cape Green Islands. Above the Mediterranean Sea the two men jumped from the plane with a hostage whose name remains unknown. The plane returned safely to Frankfurt. God damn... Right. - The billionaire called. - Everything's ready. Let me go, please! I've never seen a billionaire. Only in the movies. - Please, please! - OK, go. Here's the key. One, two... It's raining a bit. Gogu, where are you? - Should I take the laundry? - I'll be out in a minute. Gogu, it's good you came. The flies almost ate me alive. My rags! They stole my rags! Who took my rags? Give back my rags! - May I come in? - Let me get out first. Will you eat some more? I took your clothes. In half an hour..."finish". Finish... If Veta finds out, she'll kill me. Finish... Make sure everything's OK. And something else... I found out he likes yellow roses. Your suitcase. Please rent an American car for me. Very well. May I help you? He's here. Welcome, Mr. Juvett. - I'm honoured. Take the key. - Yes. I'll go with you. Deal them. - Chief, he's here. - OK. Anything else? - Mo's here too. - We'll take care of him. Stay in the lobby and report any move of the billionaire and of the enemy gang. OK, chief. The countdown has begun. The billionaire has arrived With the million he'll give to Do in exchange for the girl. - And we'll do the biggest job ever. - Excellent, chief. Only you, chief, could have such a brilliant idea. - Five aces. - What? I'm the fifth. Go. He's here. Chief! - Chief, he's here. - OK. Gather up on the terrace. This way, please. Gogu, where the hell are you? - Buy a briefcase, please. - Of course. For you. No, thank you. We don't accept tips. Asshole! Please make yourself at home. God damn you, Gogu! Your briefcase. I hope it's suitable. - Did you ring? - Me? You! Kill me... Call me! - Ding dong! - Ding dong? Ding dong! Her mind is as short as her skirt. Ding dong! - Yes, I'm listening. - Did you bring the money? Yes. An American car without a driver awaits in front of the hotel. Get in that car. You will receive further instructions. Is that clear? OK. I'll be down in a minute. - Uncle! - My glasses. Don't hit me! Get 'em out! You idiots! My pillow... Come on! Did you all eat today? Come on already! Look at him! I'm wasting my time with you! OK, that's enough! These clothes are too white. Now the smallest dirt will show. Gogu forgot his glasses. That's why he got lost. God damn you, Gogu! Where's that bag? The billionaire! - He's in disguise! - He's more cunning than we thought. We go after him. - Easy! - Pay more attention! We?! - Listen, would you be so kind... - Wait, can't you see I'm busy? You, Italians, are very cute. And you, Romanian girls, are warm and sensual... - All right? - Very good. Hands off! - What? - Sorry. Listen. Are you free tonight? - No. I'm very busy. - Come on! Yes or no? Yes. I'll pick you up tonight in my car. What car? A cool one, a Fiat. Bye, sweetie. Bye, love! I'll be waiting! I'll be waiting, you clown! - You finished? - Finish what? - With your client. - What do you want? - I'd like to buy that fur vest. - Your money's no good in here. - Let's go over there then. - Only foreign currency. Got it? What? What a surprise! Mr. Marlon Juvett! - Sorry I didn't recognise you. - Marin Juvete. These clothes suit you... How can I help you? - Go! - OK, chief. Do you like this fur vest? Your wife would love it. - How many? - What? - Calluses. - Two. You're just a beginner. - Do you like it? - Yes. It's Veta's size. - Shall I wrap it? - But how about the money? I see. I'll put it on your tab. The billionaire never carries money... Poor him! Tell him to come to me, I'll give him some money. - What's that? - A radio and tape player. It works with batteries, power outlet or in your car. My car? Bro, you're skinny like hell! You could use professional help. - Will you buy it? - What? The tape player. Shall I wrap it? - You want a few cartons? - What should I do with them? But what about the money? I understand. We'll do the same as with your briefcase. - This is where Gogu took it! - We'll put it on your tab. Why on the tab? I have money on me. Yikes! What match, Mister? It's long finished. An interview for the BBC! Mr. Juvett! Leave me alone! Don't you have jobs? Stop! At ease! Hard as hell! Now! So be it... Why didn't you say the water's so shallow? Hello. Geta! Towels for 19! - Hello, Mr. Manager. - I told you to wear glasses. I'm sorry. Good day. - Mr. Manager. - What? - The trousers. - Yes. Sorry. Gogu! Where have you been? - Is it really you, Uncle Marin? - Of course. Who else? You look like hell. Stop shaking your head! You make me dizzy! - I wish I could. But I can't. - Someone gave you a fright? Let aside the fright... But the blow... - He hit me right here... - Where? In the elevator. He hit me and now my head keeps twitching. Gogu, your mind is wandering. Stop it! I caught it too. What elevator? The elevator, this morning, When you were wearing those fancy clothes... When did you have the time to change clothes? In the elevator? This morning? You and me? - You and me. - Gogu! Come to your senses and don't drink this much! - If I smack you, I'll fix you! - It would be nice. - Come here! - Easy! Now! Is this better? This is much better! You slept on the wrong side and had a nightmare. - No pillow... - Let's go. What are you doing? I want to walk forward, but my feet take me backwards. So walk backwards! My controls are screwed, like Tasulica's bike! He crossed the chain, so he needed to pedal backwards! Watch it, Gogu! Uncle Marin! Uncle Marin! Where are you? - Here. - I don't want it. - It will do you good. - Hands off! You don't solve anything this way. Everything will be over soon. - Boss, a word. - Take her upstairs. Move! Come on. - He didn't come. - What? - He didn't come? - No. We'll call him. - Move. - Leave me alone! - I told you to move. - Let go of me! Come on, baby... This way. Come on. I really don't understand you, Mr. Juvett. - I thought you were a gentleman. - Where's Samantha? - Why didn't you come? - This is outrageous! You attack me in the elevator and then you... What?! You were attacked in the elevator? - So you didn't know? - No. It wasn't me. It means another gang got involved. - Did they take your money? - No. Perfect. This is how we'll do... We don't do anything until I talk to my daughter. Go get her. Just a moment, Juvett. - She's gone, boss! - How so? I don't know! Paul's out and the girl's missing. Go get her! Mr. Juvett, We'll contact you later. - There he is! - Mr. Juvett! I lost them. - No, I didn't! - One last question! Go get him! Occupied. Take care of him. It's occupied. Take care of her. The briefcase is ours. Please. Oh, boy! What boys? Screw 'em! Just some pussies! What did you do, idiots? I paid for your Judo lessons! - I tried to do a Uki-Makikomi. - You tried. And? And he counterattacked with a Uki-Tsurikomi. Why didn't you attack him with a Usket-Ne? - I missed that lesson, chief. - You missed it too? I tried a Kuso-Togikae. He's lying, chief. He didn't get to do a thing, because he threw him with a Nikoro-Tikawa with the head in the WC. Lucky him for the civilised people who flush... - It isn't true? - They didn't flush? - I bet he's a black belt. - His style, Nikoro-Tikawa! - He's fast as lightning. - He knotted our legs. I'll unknot them. - Did he see your faces? - Not mine. No, because the toilet seat had fallen on his head. Worthless! Buy Monte Cattini stock and let me know. What effects will have the actual economic crisis? Who? - Will you support the dollar? - Me? "American Herald" writes you don't agree with Rockefeller. Who? I don't even know him. Readers of "Femme d'aujour d'hul" want to know if you're a friend or an adversary to the women. Hello? Mr. Juvett's apartment. Rome? Just a moment. He's very busy right now. - Mr. Juvett! - Juvete! Your stock agent in Rome has a 40000 portfolio. - Quite a lot. - Too many. Sell! What about the monster in Loch Ness? I don't drink Ness, only Turkish. What about the competition between the dollar and the mark? Equal match. When will you sign the contract with United Petroleum? In the morning. - Hello? Mr. Juvett! - Juvete! Rome announces a gain of 2 million dollars. It's so easy for some people to earn money! Hello? Just a moment, please. Athens calling. If it's Athena, Besleaga's wife, I'm not here! I'm sorry, Mr. Juvett is not... Do you foresee financial problems for Mr. Nyarkos? I don't know. To each his own... I'm sorry. Do you have any mustard? Leave me alone! They say negotiations with Seiko are close to finalisation. Take it, man. I've got an acre back home. Onions, garlic, everything! What can you tell us about Operation Veta? Veta?! That's enough! How did they know about Veta's surgery? Everybody out! Move! Enough with those pictures! You too! Come on! What? You choked on something? - May I use the phone? - You may have it for good. - I'll go now. - Really? - I'll go now. - Good for you. God damned bag! Where should I hide you now? When you left the bedroom, the door remained locked from the inside. He's right. Gogu, where are you? Look what Gogu did to me! He left me with no money, no ID... But whose bag is this? What's with you? Where do you think you are? Come on! Git! What's wrong with you two? Why are you shaking like that? They bite! Karate! No shit! And you... What? Judo! Don't talk to me like that! Let go of my shirt! You're ruining it! Like that... Go away! He smacked me good... God damn you, punks! They're out of their minds! God damned bag! You're a pain in the ass! - Whose money is this? - Thieves! They're coming! - They attacked me on the hall! - Who? - About 6 or 10 bandits. - Screw 'em! They were only 2. - Only two? - Lady! Lady, what's wrong? - The bandits... - They're not coming back. They came in here? I hope you showed it to them. - Of course I did. - My hero! I've always dreamt of a man like you. She fainted again! If I had some pickle cabbage, I'd wake her in no time. If Veta sees me now, I'll sleep with the ducks for a week! I hope she doesn't die! That would be a problem. Good thing I took those classes. They taught us things... If someone faints, you either slap him or breathe mouth to mouth. I'd rather apply the second method. Veta, forgive me. A woman's life is at stake. That was a long kiss! I almost fainted myself. You bad boy! And you smell like dirt and green grass... I think I'll send Veta to learn this mouth to mouth stuff... - What, are you leaving? - Since you're OK now... I can faint again. This time, I'll pour some cold water on you. Look here! Her hand got stuck on the bag! You little brute! You're the billionaire! Yes. Now I understand why everybody was chasing me! I suppose this is your briefcase. - Any leek inside? - Yes. Then it's mine. I suppose this is yours. - Any dollars inside? - A lot! Then it's mine. - May I ask you something? - Please do. - Why all that money? - I've got some troubles. All that money and you have troubles? Some gangsters kidnapped my daughter and they asked for a ransom of one million dollars. - Didn't you call the police? - I did. But they can't do a thing. The gangsters would kill her. Complicated stuff... And why are you here? Nature call or just hiding? I'm waiting for a call from the gangsters. Here?! - Anyway, thank you. - What for? - You brought back my money. - Come on! I'm an honest man. I wouldn't have any use for it anyway. - Listen. Would you do me a favor? - Shoot. I want you to keep playing the "billionaire role". That way I can quietly arrange to rescue my girl. Leave them to me! I'll show it to them! My secretary arranged a tour. Take my car and go in my stead. - And with the faint-act lady? - Who is she? I don't know. She just showed up. - Take her with you. - OK. So be it. That is so good... It's like you poured living water on me... - It's pounding... - Who? - Come see. - No! You'll get stuck again. A trip would do you good. Lunch is over here. Is this an invitation? Where shall we go? This is the tour. The program... So... 10 o'clock, breakfast. 11 o'clock, beach. 11.30, a walk by the lake. 12 o'clock, mud bath. This way. Please, be civilised! Follow him! This way! Hey, corporal, open the door! Get in! God damn car, where's the front side? The roof's gone! What... What car is this? This is already broken! It only has two pedals! Where's the third? Is it on your side? No, it's not here. Hold on! Mother! I'll catch you! - Looking for something, sir? - No. One moment... - May I ask you a question? - Yes. You know... I have some laundry... May I give it to the cleaner's? - Underwear, long johns... - Of course, sir. - I'm sorry. - Yes... Mister! - Where to? - To the service stairs. To avoid the guys from this morning. More to the right. - And now what? - Now we switch. - Here? - But where? - You brought her here? Where? - Here. Bring her out. Come on. - Look! - What's this? - Your bag! - This is not what we talked! But how? I give you the briefcase, you give me the girl! Marine, are you not ashamed? You, of all people! You told me to marry her! What?! Uncle, I want to marry this girl, 'cause I'm fond of her! So leave her alone! Take your bag and give me the briefcase! Uncle Marin! Wait! - Mother! - Are you hurt? Help! Good day, Mr. Manager! I'm so sorry! I'll clean you! Here. And here a bit. I'll clean you... We switched them again! Good thing I know where to find him. Boy, this is a big pond! Oops! Veta! Watch out! What? Brothers gobbles, if Veta catches us, she'll fry us! Where are you? Georges! I'm here! I have hallucinations. It's better this way... Let's go out. - Come on, sweetie! - You're in such a hurry! Come on. - Where's the briefcase? - No worries. I hid it. You did? One, two, three, four... - Five. - What are you doing? Six, seven, eight, nine. One foot, two feet... Please move a bit. This is my spot. Don't disturb me. - I've got something under you. - You're blocking my UV's! I buried something here! You buried it here to disturb me! You have a mouth like a port buzzer! Sorry! There she is! We lost her! You idiots lost the girl! Now we have to follow the billionaire and find her before they meet! Boss, there he is! - Where to? - Nowhere. Back to the hotel. You grumpy boy! - Keep your eyes on the road! - You little brute! Look here... Let's talk like... businessmen do. So talk! There's no use to pretend any more. This way we won't get anywhere. We know what you want, you know what we want. - Fifty-fifty. OK? - No! Fifty one for us! Forget the cheap tricks! You're a gentleman! - Fifty-fifty and we have a deal. - OK. Agreed. But beware... No cheap tricks! Or else... I'm sorry. You don't know who you're talking to. - I know it very well. - No innuendo! I can make them myself! OK, fifty-fifty. How do we go on? Simple. We steal the briefcase and split the money. Perfect! - Good day. - Come on, dear. What? Now what do we do? Listen! Now you're on your own, 'cause I'm busy! - Maybe we go out tonight. - Maybe. Hi, honey! You're here! How are you? You said you had a nice Fiat! What's wrong with this one? It's beautiful! What? If he's as small as his car... Ciao! What was that? Wait! I'll go grab a paper. Let's not trust them. - He went to his room. - Why aren't you with him? He wanted to ditch me. I didn't want to push it. Stay here. If he comes down, follow him. Come on, brother, where were you? We switched them again! That's OK. Good thing the gangsters didn't take it. This one's mine. I'll put mine in the drawer, so we don't switch them again. Good. Then I'll leave mine out. OK, stay here. If you're hungry, you've got some cheese and leek in my bag. Samantha! - Does Mr. Juvett live here? - Room 1901. Block the elevator. Come! Quickly! If you suppose the girl escaped, what are you waiting for? Call the police! No. I can't take that risk. If they have caught her again and find out I called the police, they'll kill her. You don't know them. They are from the Syndicate. - What? - Crime Syndicate. Cosa Nostra. What syndicate is this? I don't get it. The phone. - Mr. Juvett? - Yes, it's me. Tonight at 10 be at the Ritz Bar with the money. - You'll be contacted. - Where's my daughter? - Right here. Listen! - I told you they got her! Daddy, don't give them money! I'm here, in the hot... Quiet! Don't forget, Juvett! 10 o'clock, Ritz Bar. We must take her outta here, she already made enough noise. - We stay here. - Why? We'll keep an eye on Juvett. OK. See you tonight. Quickly! Take her to the villa! Boss, we let them take the girl? It's not the girl we're interested in, genius! It's the money! The money's next door. When Juvett goes to the Ritz... Bam! We steal the money. We get on the first plane and we stop only in Miami! Our boss is great! Only he could cook a plan like that! Of course! Take her upstairs! Boss... Teach and his men stayed at the hotel and I don't like it. Me neither. - Hello? - Hello, Juvett. There's a change of plans. We meet at 9 in the hotel's bar. There'll be a table reservation under your name. You sit and wait. Don't forget! Go alone. - Who was that? - The gangsters changed the hour. What was that, boss? Our "friend" Do is cooking a surprise for us. Only the surprise... ...will be for him. Step on it! Good evening. I brought the suit and the shirts, sir. OK. Cut it out! Come on already! The money's in the briefcase. Over. - What are you doing with that? - Just tidying up a bit. You shouldn't let it there. Many people want it... Leave it there! I'm watching it. - What are you doing here? - I thought you were alone. And bored... Us, women, have the gift to make any frown disappear... Some brandy, some music... A visit to a night club... Come on, little brute! Do you want to go out to watch the stars? - It would be my pleasure. - On the back door. How funny! - And the briefcase? - I'll take it. - It's so dark! - You're with me. You little brute! - Come on, faster! - What's the hurry? - I don't understand. - This way. - That way? - Yeah. - Would you like to go in here? - In here? - You bad boy! - Come on already! Gogu, what's the matter with you? What are you doing? You of all the people... Shut up! It's not what you think, this is serious stuff. - You're marrying her?! - Gogu, you're crazy! You're tickling me! - Stop! - What do we do, chief? Plan "Camille". Did you get it? Plan "Camille". - Good evening, sir! - What's this corporal doing here? He's not a corporal, he's the doorman. - What did he do to deserve this? - Come on, drop the act! Come over here and we'll talk. - Uncle Marin, is it really you? - Of course it's me! Blow! - Leek! It's you! - I told you it was me! Give me the bag so I can put my stuff in it. What? This morning you weren't that eager! I'll tell you about this morning. Come on, hand it over. Open it. Yikes! Cut it out! He took mine again! Let's give him his money or the bad guys will kill his girl. - Who and what girl? - I'll tell you later. - My toe! - Come on already! Come see for yourself! - Lower your elbow. - Look! See? - Look at him! - He's a spitting image of you! Who knows where my dad wandered... Go around to the other door and take care he doesn't leave. Bring him here so I can give him the money. What if he doesn't trust me after what happened this morning? - Look! The bandits! - Who? - Now go! - Where? To the other door! Go! And... rock 'n' roll again! Come and dance! And now what? Invite the young lady to dance and leave the briefcase on the table. Don't leave the ring before the song ends. - You wanna dance? - My Daddy won't let me. - Where's the briefcase? - I don't know! Someone took it. - You stepped on my toes! - Sorry, chief. What a nice beard! - Stop, woman! - Good evening. - Where to? - Take your gloves off me! What's going on here? Madam? - I'm looking for my man. - And who is your man? - Juvete. - Mr. Juvett? That means you're Mrs. Juvett. I'm so sorry. This way, please. - Please. - See? Leek?! He tricked us again! Good evening. God bless. Veta! I'm hallucinating again! - Where is he? - Mr. Juvett is dancing. - Mr. Juvett! - Marin! - It's her! - Mrs. Juvett! How can you do this to me? Coming through! Step aside so I can go to him! God damn you all! You don't jump like this at the end of a shovel! Git! Marin! Leave him alone! He's not me! Marin, what did you drink? Go away, girl! Who's the chick? God damn her! I'll show you! Marin, don't run! Do you hear? Shut up! Give it here! Marin! Stop! Don't run! You can't get away from me! God damn you all! Here, eat this! I'll tear you in pieces when I get to you! Mr. Juvett! You took the girl! - What do you want? - Fifty-fifty. - The million! - The million... Take this! Veta, give me a hand! This is good. Come give me a kiss. God bless your eyes! I'm blind! - Good evening. - What happened, Mr. Gogu? - They kidnapped uncle Marin. - Can't be! I gave them the money! You gave them the leek! You switched the cases again. - My rib! - They thought it was me. - And the money? - I don't know. Marin had it. But the money wasn't there when he was kidnapped. The phone. No. You get it. It must be them. Hello? Samantha Juvett. Samantha, do you want your daddy back? Yes. Bring the million to the villa. Tonight. You know the way. Be careful! No tricks! Otherwise you'll be an orphan! Hello! What do we do? All banks are closed now. No need for no bank, Mister! They've gone too far this time! They made one mistake: They kidnapped my uncle! Show me the way to the villa, Miss. My neck! Sache! - Who's there? - It's me, Gogu! - Gogu, Pupaza's son! - What, you can't sleep? Gather all the southerners! They kidnapped Uncle Marin! - Wait! Let me put my trousers on. - Leave the trousers! Hurry! Stay together! You stupid sods! You wanted to get my Marin drunk? Not like that! Shut up! Are you sleeping, Curly? What happened, Uncle Marin? Did you fight them all? Gogu... Fight who? - They can't hold their liquor! - Gogu, you came! It's me, Auntie! Mr. Juvett! How do you dooo... Uncle Marin! Can you hear me? My briefcase! Mr. Juvett, your briefcase. But who are you? I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. Easy, don't shake him, I need him in one piece. - Do you need any medicine? - What medicine? - I'll give him some pickle cabbage. - OK. What do we do with them? Someone will take care of them. Move! - Do you have a light? - Yes. I'm sorry, sir, you can't smoke on the plane. You remind me of my wife. She doesn't allow me to smoke in the house. Please. Cosa Nostra, you say? We showed them good. Daddy, let's stay in Romania for one more week. Come on! Then we'll travel with my plane. - Is there an airport in Bailesti? - An airport in Bailesti? Did you hear that? Shut up! The pasture is flat as a pancake! Can we make an airport in Bailesti? - If we must, we'll do it! - We'll do it! Veta, remind me to teach you "mouth to mouth breathing".