WEBVTT
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DAN: What was that chunk?
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PHIL: Stop I don't even know what that was
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D: What is that pink thing?
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P: Soup. I hate it!
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It's my other nemesis aside from cheese.
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If you watched my last cheese video,
where I was trying that,
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I feel pretty similar feelings about soup.
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First of all, is it a food or
is it a drink?
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What's going on?
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Am I swallowing?
Am I chewing?
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Am I gulping?
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Why would you want all these delicious food
types to be blended together?
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Like some kind of mummy bird,
just sicking it into my mouth.
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I don't want it.
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I think I've eaten about three bowls
of soup in my life,
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Honestly,
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And all of those times, I've been forced
in some kind of social pressure situation
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where I'm sat at a table and they're like
"Oh, I've made you some soup!"
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And I'm like (pained soup noises)
"Mmm, blended food"
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So today, I'm gonna try some,
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And see if I can get over this
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'Cause it's holding me back in life.
I want to enjoy it!
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I want to be like, "Mm, yes Timothy, pass
me the extra Minestrone." But no, I'm not.
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Before I forget, we've still got some
Dan & Phil & Cats Calenders in stock,
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So if you wanna grab one before the new
year starts, you can.
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Also our shop is powered by Shopify.
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Which is sponsoring this video,
thank you very much.
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More on that later.
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I've got a little weasel behind the camera
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D: (gremlin voice) What up?
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P: (laughs) Here he is,
Agent of chaos.
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D: Today I'm gonna be the dealer of liquids
P: Oh, God.
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D: I'm gonna get this microwussy waving
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P: As usual, I don't know what I'm gonna
be trying.
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D: I love soup. I do not understand you.
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When you are cold, there is nothing that
will warm your heart
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like a hearty bowl of souP.
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I have procured for you a selection,
a spectrum of soup.
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P: Are some of them gay?
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D: I wanna get you in on the ground floor,
I wanna get you to acknowledge
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that there is something to soup.
P: Fine, okay.
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D: And then I'm gonna tease you on an
insidious journey of learning and growth
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Until you're just absolutely gagging to
guzzle that goop right at the end.
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P: (laughs) Oh my god.
D: Now Phil, what people liked
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about your cheese video is that you went
into it with an open mind.
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P: My mind is open!
D: You wanted your life to be less
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impacted by the cheese hate.
P: Yes.
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D: So you have to go into this wanting
soup to be a part of your life.
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P: I'm gonna imagine the soup is the gay
bar, and I'm recently out of the closet.
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I'm gonna go in there with my open...
D: Oh-kay.
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P: Maybe by the end of it, I'll be pouring
soup all over my...
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D: Okay, and then I'm out.
Static and beep.
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D: And before anyone says, 'why am I not
giving Phil a delicious slice
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of buttered bread as well'
P: Yes!
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D: I will say this to you, Phil
the thing with soup, honestly,
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Is it's just a vehicle for the bread.
It's just spicy bread lube.
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That's all that's going on there.
P: Yeah.
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D: I don't want this video to just be
you enjoying 10 slices of bread.
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P: I'd love that!
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D: This is about the soup, so you will NOT
get the bread,
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You must focus on the liquid.
P: Fine.
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D: First up, catch!
P: Ah! Ow!
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D: Yeah, sorry, I just threw a full can
of soup at you.
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P: Soup is hard!
D: That is not an easy catch item.
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P: My chest isn't strong. What is this?
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D: We are kicking off with the ultimate
go-to.
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P: Aww, no.
D: Phil, you cannot have a strong opinion on this.
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P: I have a strong opinion.
D: This is the point -
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you literally cannot have a strong
opinion on this.
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P: When anyone is-
D. Heinz. Tomato. Soup.
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P: Wait, it's not tomato soup,
it's cream of tomato.
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D: Cream of tomato.
P: How do you cream a tomato?
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D: I've got some good questions.
How'd you get those tomatoes creaming?
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P: What are they doing to them?
D: What're they doing?
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Do you like ketchup?
P: In small quantities
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D: Then what the fu-[bark]-ck?
P: I don't want to neck
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a whole glass of of it!
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Do I have to shake it first?
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D: I don't know,
that might make it explode.
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P: Whenever someone cooks this in a house,
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I'm like "(disgusted noises) smells delicious!"
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When really, I want to leave.
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Da da da music
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D: I have peeled the can.
Look at it.
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P: Oh! It's so orange.
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D: Look at that primordial liquid.
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P: Oh, it doesn't smell good.
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D: It doesn't smell good?
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P: It smells like pure ketchup.
It smells like someone's grandma's house.
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I have never eaten tomato soup in my life.
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D: Present it. Look at that.
That is the ultimate object. No way!
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P: I hate tomatoes and I hate soup.
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D: People that are normal
are looking at you like
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"Shut the [bark] up and drink the soup!"
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P: People out there
don't like other foods, right?
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Look if you don't like broccoli, you're
not gonna want to eat it on camera. Ok.
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D: Why are you holding the spoon like
someone that has never held a spoon before?
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P: I'm an alien in human skin.
D: (unintelligible snark)
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P: Ah! Okay, oh God.
D: Come on.
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P: I don't like - I don't want it!
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D: You gonna blow on it?
(Phil blowing air loudly, laughing)
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D: Yeah, do the thing, oh yeah.
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P: Count me down.
D: Shut up! 3,2,1
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(Very dramatic music.)
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P: Ew. That is like eating ketchup!
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Why would anyone want a whole
bowl of ketchup?
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D: (cackles)
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P: It's not horrible, okay.
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D: It is the midness of a tomato. It is
literally the most mid thing in the world.
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P: Yeah.
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D: With a little bit of cream to make it
creamy,
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and then a little bit of spice to
make it interesting. Have one more spoon
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Think of it as just the midness of tomato.
P: I'm dipping something in some fries.
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D: A little bit of cream -
P: I'm dipping. Here we go.
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D: Warming spices, cream of tomato.
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P: No. Nah. Euh.
D: Really?
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P: It's too strong!
It's like - I don't want,
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D: Who's paying you to have this reaction?
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P: Where's the spice? There's no spices.
You kept saying it's spicy!
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D: You can smell the spice!
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P: That's never been near a spice.
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D: What do you thing a [bark]ing tomato
tastes like?
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P: Horrible.
D: Agh..
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P: The aftertaste isn't so bad. I'm not
a hater, I'll give it a four.
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D: And would you say you were drinking it
or eating it?
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P: I was drinking that.
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D: Did your mouth go (ASMR mouth noise.)?
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I think if you put the soup in your mouth
and you do one (mouth noise), it's eating.
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P: I think it was a frink.
I'm not on the soup train yet.
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D: Well good, I'm going to give you
a reprieve, because now --
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P: Do not launch it at my face
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D: No. Before we go forward,
we're going to step backwards.
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P: Alright
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D: And in the genre of things that could
be considered soups, (P: Yes)
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there are several things that are not
really soup.
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The first of which is A Cup of Soup.
P: Cup of Soup?
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D:Notice how even though it's a completely
different brand, it is once again -
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P: Cream!
D: Cream!
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D&P: Cream of Vegetable
D: With croutons
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P: We've got a carrot, we've got a pea,
we've got a leek,
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And there's four croutons.
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D: Are there any ingredients you don't
like here? Come on, man.
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P: I like all of these things.
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D: Well, Phil you're about to take this
to the next level,
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Cause this one is gonna have chunks.
P: Ehww, chunky.
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(Da da da music)
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D: Here is your soup
P: Ooh, powdery
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D: All the best things come in suspicious
saches
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P: I'm feeling some chunks.
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D: And Phil, here is your vehicle.
P: Thank you.
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What'd happen if I snorted it?
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D: Let's find out. Now we're getting
to the real views.
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P: Ooh, it's not an appealing color.
D: Why is that nuclear green?
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P: Here we go --
D: Ohhoh, little chunks!
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P: Ehhm, can't wait for my snack!
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It smells like sour cream & onion Pringles
D: Wait a minute, what?
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Here is your cream of vegetable soup
with croutons.
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P: Ohh, that is an unappealing look.
(laughs, scared)
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D: It's so colorful!
P: Yes.
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D: And bright
P: I'm so happy to have this in my life,
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I've been so cold in those mines
D: yeah, slurp those chunks
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P: Ok, it's not that bad
D: That was a journey!
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That was a [bark]ing journey!
You are a complex animal, Phil Lester.
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P: (laughing) Stop!
D: What is going on? It's a Cup of Soup.
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P: I'm just scared of it.
Right, here's the thing-
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D: Take a gulp!
P: I did it! I did a gulp.
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D: No, a huge [bark]ing gulp.
yeah, come on, swallow a bit
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P: Mm. There's a chunk!
D: Oh yeah.
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P: Do I chew?
D: Yes, you chew the crouton.
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You don't just swallow it like a pill,
you maniac (P: laughs)
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D: It's not a punishment, it's bread.
P: I'm struggling.
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The flavor's alright, it's not too bad.
It tastes like Pringles.
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D: Right. So -
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P: It's more inoffensive and it feels a
little bit healthier,
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ironically for something that came
out of a powder (D: Yes)
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But you know what I mean. And also the
chunks are reminding me it's real food.
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D: Ok, so you like that, do you?
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P: But having both at the same time,
I'm like, Am I chewing? Am I swallowing?
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It's a confusing throat sensation.
D: Mm.
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P: Overall, (mouth noises), a six.
I wouldn't have it again,
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D: You'd never have it again? On a cold
day? If that was there, you'd not think,
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'oh I could go for a little Cup of Soup
right now?'
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P: No, I'd go for a delicious sandwich.