1
00:00:03,931 --> 00:00:05,988
Before I begin I just want to say

2
00:00:05,988 --> 00:00:08,499
a humongous thank you to TEDxYouth@Hewitt.

3
00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:10,722
This is an incredible privilege to be here.

4
00:00:10,722 --> 00:00:13,913
So who here has heard that I have Tourette syndrome?

5
00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,831
OK, can't see. OK.

6
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:17,881
It is true, I do have Tourettes.

7
00:00:17,881 --> 00:00:19,666
I've had Tourette's for about 20 years of my life.

8
00:00:19,666 --> 00:00:22,056
Something cool has happened to me though recently.

9
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,770
And as of about 5 months ago

10
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:26,165
I have learned how to control my Tourette's.

11
00:00:26,165 --> 00:00:27,930
And so because I'm not gonna be ticcing on stage

12
00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:29,854
I'm going to bring you back into my life

13
00:00:29,854 --> 00:00:31,809
of what it's been like me for the past 20 years.

14
00:00:31,809 --> 00:00:34,651
So we can watch this short clip.

15
00:00:34,651 --> 00:00:37,474
WHAT MAKES YOU TIC?

16
00:00:37,844 --> 00:00:41,164
(Tourette's ticcs)

17
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:49,084
(Involuntary jaw movements)

18
00:00:49,761 --> 00:00:51,749
I have Tourette's by the way, just wanna
throw that out there. OK?

19
00:00:53,102 --> 00:00:55,163
Fuck! Fuck!

20
00:00:55,163 --> 00:00:56,965
Faggot! Faggot!

21
00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:59,011
Nigger! Nigger! Nigger! Nigger!

22
00:00:59,011 --> 00:01:00,816
Boston Public Library

23
00:01:00,816 --> 00:01:05,031
What's the matter? Sir!

24
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:06,597
No, no. I have Tourette's syndrome.

25
00:01:06,597 --> 00:01:08,181
Okay, well.

26
00:01:08,181 --> 00:01:09,765
You know, can you find a way to --

27
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,898
because you're scaring people.

28
00:01:11,898 --> 00:01:13,148
You can't control it?

29
00:01:13,148 --> 00:01:15,249
No, it's called Tourette's syndrome.

30
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,348
Have you ever heard of it before?

31
00:01:16,348 --> 00:01:17,281
I have, but --

32
00:01:17,281 --> 00:01:18,931
It's a medical disorder.

33
00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:20,798
And it's involuntary noises, so --

34
00:01:20,798 --> 00:01:23,787
I'm not trying to bother.

35
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:32,530
(Chomps)

36
00:01:37,838 --> 00:01:39,932
I won't tic.

37
00:02:00,018 --> 00:02:02,696
I do have the world's strongest jaw. Yes.

38
00:02:02,696 --> 00:02:05,431
My friends and I last year tried to estimate.

39
00:02:05,431 --> 00:02:07,442
We think that I've ticced somewhere between

40
00:02:07,442 --> 00:02:10,581
20 to 30 million times in my life.

41
00:02:10,581 --> 00:02:12,356
Which is a good amount of times of ticcing.

42
00:02:12,356 --> 00:02:13,968
And as you can imagine I've learned a lot

43
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,584
of different lessons from ticcing that many times.

44
00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:18,301
One of them being about tolerance.

45
00:02:18,301 --> 00:02:19,834
And for the past three years

46
00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:21,918
I've had the incredible privilege and opportunity

47
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:23,945
to travel all around the United States

48
00:02:23,945 --> 00:02:27,097
speaking with my presentation "What makes you tic?"

49
00:02:27,097 --> 00:02:28,802
And I just try to teach people

50
00:02:28,802 --> 00:02:31,255
how to become more tolerant individuals.

51
00:02:31,255 --> 00:02:34,076
And I do that by sharing a lot of my personal stories

52
00:02:34,076 --> 00:02:36,976
and by being really open about my challenges.

53
00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:39,199
And I do this because when I do,

54
00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:42,702
I find that people in the audience are simply reminded

55
00:02:42,702 --> 00:02:45,611
of how little we know about each other's lives.

56
00:02:45,611 --> 00:02:47,966
And it's my hope that when you remember that

57
00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:50,265
that you have a little bit more compassion for yourself

58
00:02:50,265 --> 00:02:52,495
and also for people who are different than you.

59
00:02:52,495 --> 00:02:54,865
So let's start talking about Tourette syndrome.

60
00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:56,281
Now who has heard of Tourette's before?

61
00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:57,261
Wonderful.

62
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,652
Anyone who never heard of it? Never?

63
00:02:58,652 --> 00:02:59,902
There's a couple. OK. Not bad.

64
00:02:59,902 --> 00:03:01,548
So since most of you have heard of it,

65
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,761
where have you seen it in TV shows and movies?

66
00:03:03,761 --> 00:03:05,570
If you can raise your hand really quickly.

67
00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:06,260
Anyone?

68
00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:07,335
Yes, in the way back.

69
00:03:07,335 --> 00:03:08,550
(Audience) ABC News Special.

70
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:10,318
ABC News Special. Cool.

71
00:03:10,318 --> 00:03:11,319
(Audience) Deuce Bigalow.

72
00:03:11,319 --> 00:03:13,983
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Classic movie, of course.

73
00:03:13,983 --> 00:03:14,897
Anyone else?

74
00:03:14,897 --> 00:03:15,700
Yes.

75
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,781
(Audience) South Park.

76
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,548
Do you think it's funny to bring up South Park?

77
00:03:19,548 --> 00:03:21,687
Because it is, it was hilarious.

78
00:03:21,687 --> 00:03:23,893
It is OK, so -- (Laughter)

79
00:03:23,893 --> 00:03:26,734
I was crying with friends, it was so funny.

80
00:03:26,734 --> 00:03:29,686
And has anyone seen the Tourette's Guy on youtube?

81
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,171
Tourette's Gut on youtube?

82
00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:32,755
So he is my first cousin.

83
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:33,931
No, that's not true. (Laughter)

84
00:03:33,931 --> 00:03:35,381
That's not -- (Laughter)

85
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:40,088
We're not all related. (Laughter)

86
00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:43,055
(Laughter)

87
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:45,300
So I'm glad you've seen a lot of places,

88
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,069
but let me be very clear about something.

89
00:03:47,069 --> 00:03:49,684
As you saw in the video, Tourette's is absolutely insane.

90
00:03:49,684 --> 00:03:51,238
It is totally crazy.

91
00:03:51,238 --> 00:03:53,025
And what's happening is that Tourette's creates

92
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,724
these itch like sensations inside of my body.

93
00:03:55,724 --> 00:03:57,299
So right now I want you to try

94
00:03:57,299 --> 00:03:58,949
to actually imagine having an itch.

95
00:03:58,949 --> 00:03:59,951
Right now.

96
00:03:59,951 --> 00:04:02,649
In my mouth I have this Tourette itch.

97
00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:03,547
I wanna make clear.

98
00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:06,267
It doesn't feel like the kind of itch
that might be in your arm,

99
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:08,717
but it's the same idea that

100
00:04:08,717 --> 00:04:10,743
I didn't choose for it to be there.

101
00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:11,939
It's completely involuntary.

102
00:04:11,939 --> 00:04:13,899
And it's also very uncomfortable.

103
00:04:13,899 --> 00:04:15,667
And when you see me go -- (Chomps)

104
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,960
or I say a word or do something with my body,

105
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,277
that's a tic.

106
00:04:19,277 --> 00:04:21,348
That's actually me trying to scratch that itch.

107
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,585
Does that make sense?

108
00:04:22,585 --> 00:04:24,181
So I have no control over that itch

109
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,215
but I do have some voluntary control, scratching it.

110
00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:28,233
And people would always ask, of course:

111
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:30,448
"Why do you just not scratch it?"

112
00:04:30,448 --> 00:04:32,385
And the reason it was so hard not to,

113
00:04:32,385 --> 00:04:34,042
is 'cause imagine that itch that you have,

114
00:04:34,042 --> 00:04:35,607
multiply that by 10 or 15.

115
00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:37,619
And that's what it was like for the past 20 years.

116
00:04:37,619 --> 00:04:39,631
And I've had all kinds of tics as you saw:

117
00:04:39,631 --> 00:04:43,339
blinking, sniffing, chomping, words,

118
00:04:43,339 --> 00:04:45,078
everything you can imagine.

119
00:04:45,078 --> 00:04:46,618
And when I was in middle school,

120
00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:48,832
then I started to say bad words.

121
00:04:48,832 --> 00:04:49,970
Now who here has heard,

122
00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:52,082
"If you have Tourette's you say bad words"?

123
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:53,549
Very big stereotype and rightfully so.

124
00:04:53,549 --> 00:04:55,919
Funny thing is most people don't.

125
00:04:55,919 --> 00:04:57,937
Less than 10% I think.

126
00:04:57,937 --> 00:05:01,000
Unfortunately, I like to do things a little bit differently,

127
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,087
and I said all sorts of things.

128
00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:04,882
As you heard on the video, I said some curse words,

129
00:05:04,882 --> 00:05:06,773
I said body parts including the word penis,

130
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,092
maybe you've heard of it.

131
00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:10,988
(Laughter)

132
00:05:10,988 --> 00:05:13,008
And I also was a substitute teacher in life.

133
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,557
And one day I was subbing for a fourth grade class.

134
00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:17,315
OK. Haven't said the joke. (Laughter)

135
00:05:17,315 --> 00:05:21,540
So I'm in this class that I was ticcing "penis" a lot

136
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,986
and this one fourth grader yelled out.

137
00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:27,941
He goes: "Mr Elliot, what are you saying?" (Laughter)

138
00:05:27,941 --> 00:05:32,103
I'm like oh my God, what am I gonna tell this kid?

139
00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,598
And another fourth grader yelled out:

140
00:05:33,598 --> 00:05:36,068
"He's saying pizza!"

141
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:40,627
(Laughter)

142
00:05:40,627 --> 00:05:42,631
Pizza. OK.

143
00:05:42,631 --> 00:05:46,289
So as I also said tough,

144
00:05:46,289 --> 00:05:48,464
some really offensive things as well.

145
00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:51,206
Imagine saying the most offensive
things that you can imagine

146
00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:53,196
to the people that you love the most.

147
00:05:53,196 --> 00:05:55,986
Imagine saying the riskiest thing to your black friends.

148
00:05:55,986 --> 00:05:58,670
I did that. Thousands of times.

149
00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:00,344
My older brother is gay.

150
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:01,880
I said the most offensive things

151
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,494
that you can ever imagine to him.

152
00:06:03,494 --> 00:06:06,217
This was by far the worst part about my Tourette's.

153
00:06:06,217 --> 00:06:07,614
By far the worst.

154
00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:08,888
And two summers ago I was in a Mc Donald's

155
00:06:08,888 --> 00:06:10,346
and a guy came out to me and he goes:

156
00:06:10,346 --> 00:06:12,280
"Oh, my god, dude, do you have Tourette's?"

157
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,848
I said, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do"

158
00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:17,803
He goes, "That is so awesome!"

159
00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:20,981
I was like, "Not exactly."

160
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:24,349
And so, he said to me, "Well do you say curse words?"

161
00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:25,232
I said "Yeah."

162
00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:26,666
He goes, "Well do you say the f word?"

163
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:28,529
I go, "Yeah". He goes,

164
00:06:28,529 --> 00:06:32,405
"Dude, that's so cool because you have an excuse".

165
00:06:32,405 --> 00:06:34,998
(Laughter)

166
00:06:34,998 --> 00:06:37,899
And I thought about it for just a moment, I thought --

167
00:06:37,899 --> 00:06:39,757
How can I try to convey to the stranger

168
00:06:39,757 --> 00:06:41,544
what's it really like to have Tourette's?

169
00:06:41,544 --> 00:06:43,224
So in the middle of Mc Donald's,

170
00:06:43,224 --> 00:06:45,773
it was totally packed, and I said to this man,

171
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,122
"So do me a favor, I want you to say the N word

172
00:06:48,122 --> 00:06:49,853
as loud as you can right now."

173
00:06:49,853 --> 00:06:51,523
And he didn't say a word after that.

174
00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:53,765
Because I think he got the point really quickly.

175
00:06:53,765 --> 00:06:56,083
That even though it might be funny to say penis one time,

176
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,784
when you're saying such offensive words,

177
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,646
like I was doing over the past 20 years,

178
00:06:59,646 --> 00:07:00,955
it's not very fun at all.

179
00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:03,018
And as I always used to tell people,

180
00:07:03,018 --> 00:07:06,340
"I am sorry if it bothers you, it bothers me more."

181
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:07,767
So you guys, that's my Tourette's in a nutshell.

182
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:09,887
But anytime that I talk I always wanna try to give people

183
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,151
the chance to see what is it like to have Tourette's.

184
00:07:12,151 --> 00:07:15,200
So can everybody stand up very quickly?

185
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,822
Momentarily I'm gonna be giving you all
permission to have Tourette's.

186
00:07:18,822 --> 00:07:20,878
This is your one chance in life to yell

187
00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:24,023
"fire in a room" where there is no fire,

188
00:07:24,023 --> 00:07:26,152
you can do a physical or a vocal tic,

189
00:07:26,152 --> 00:07:27,836
I just ask that you don't say something

190
00:07:27,836 --> 00:07:29,639
that could potentially offend someone else.

191
00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:32,181
You have 10 seconds starting right now.

192
00:07:32,181 --> 00:07:38,032
(People yelling)

193
00:07:38,032 --> 00:07:41,331
OK. We can chill. We can chill.

194
00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:45,640
Do you wanna know it's --

195
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,115
Do you wanna know what's messed up?

196
00:07:48,115 --> 00:07:49,479
I was joking.

197
00:07:49,479 --> 00:07:51,265
No I'm just kidding. No. I'm just kidding.

198
00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:53,024
I do this though not because I think

199
00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:55,018
it's really funny to see you all have Tourette's,

200
00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:57,365
but this is just a cool social experiment.

201
00:07:57,365 --> 00:07:59,099
Because, even though I gave you all permission

202
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:01,231
to have Tourette's and you knew everyone else did,

203
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,917
a lot of you still chose not to tic.

204
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,785
And I hope this was just a co-opportunity to see

205
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,682
what is it really like to have Tourette syndrome.

206
00:08:07,682 --> 00:08:10,300
How uncomfortable it can be on a day to day basis.

207
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:13,098
So thanks for participating in that Tourettic experience.

208
00:08:13,098 --> 00:08:16,652
Give yourselves a round of applause. Will you?

209
00:08:16,652 --> 00:08:20,181
So, you guys can imagine, as some of you just experienced,

210
00:08:20,181 --> 00:08:22,541
I've just had a different perspective in life.

211
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:24,692
I got to see on a day to day basis

212
00:08:24,692 --> 00:08:27,034
how do people treat and react to someone

213
00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:29,931
who is so different from everyone else.

214
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:32,648
I mean for 20 years, doing weird things like this,

215
00:08:32,648 --> 00:08:35,105
chomping, saying offensive things,

216
00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:37,219
doing weird things with my body, scaring people.

217
00:08:37,219 --> 00:08:39,486
And I just had the chance to see what is it like

218
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,447
to be so different than everyone else?

219
00:08:41,447 --> 00:08:44,177
And from that different perspective,

220
00:08:44,177 --> 00:08:46,062
one of the most important lessons I learned

221
00:08:46,062 --> 00:08:47,474
was about tolerance.

222
00:08:47,474 --> 00:08:49,317
And I want to make something really clear:

223
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:51,099
I only talk about tolerance,

224
00:08:51,099 --> 00:08:53,433
the lowest level in my opinion.

225
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,335
I only talk about tolerance.

226
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,353
And some people, including some of you,

227
00:08:57,353 --> 00:08:58,905
maybe have a serious problem with that.

228
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,211
'Cause you might be thinking

229
00:09:00,211 --> 00:09:02,122
"Mark, why aren't you talking about acceptance?"

230
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,264
"Isn't that so much more powerful?"

231
00:09:04,264 --> 00:09:06,318
And I couldn't agree more.

232
00:09:06,318 --> 00:09:09,881
However, in my life over the past 20 years, in my opinion,

233
00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:12,164
I have just found that there are so many people

234
00:09:12,164 --> 00:09:14,546
that don't even meet that basic threshold of tolerance.

235
00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:16,651
So that's why I talk about tolerance.

236
00:09:16,651 --> 00:09:19,062
And instead of using the word "tolerance"
I use a different word.

237
00:09:19,062 --> 00:09:21,223
In fact a different phrase. And that is:

238
00:09:21,223 --> 00:09:23,180
"Live and let live."

239
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,798
Have you ever heard that phrase before?

240
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,815
I did not invent that. Just so we're clear on that.

241
00:09:26,815 --> 00:09:29,747
But to me that is what tolerance is all about.

242
00:09:29,747 --> 00:09:31,237
Can I ask you your name?

243
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,183
(Woman in audience) Tammy.

244
00:09:32,183 --> 00:09:34,196
Hey Tammy, don't worry, I won't call you up here.

245
00:09:34,196 --> 00:09:35,741
If I'm gonna say I'm gonna tolerante Tammy,

246
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,873
this is what I think I'm really saying:

247
00:09:37,873 --> 00:09:39,358
"I'm gonna live my life

248
00:09:39,358 --> 00:09:41,143
and I'm gonna let Tammy live her life"

249
00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:42,620
I'm gonna live and let live.

250
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,428
And I've learned so much about "live and let live"

251
00:09:44,428 --> 00:09:46,043
not from reading it in a textbook

252
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,611
but just because I've been in so many
intolerant situations.

253
00:09:48,611 --> 00:09:49,934
And after they happened

254
00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:52,345
I came out with the most simple conclusion.

255
00:09:52,345 --> 00:09:55,126
That when a person is being intolerant, usually,

256
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:58,755
he or she is making so many assumptions
about someone else,

257
00:09:58,755 --> 00:10:01,923
and I think we all can agree
assumptions are totally OK to make.

258
00:10:01,923 --> 00:10:05,948
But then they decide to turn those assumptions
into an action.

259
00:10:05,948 --> 00:10:07,098
And I'll share a story with you.

260
00:10:07,098 --> 00:10:09,084
Who likes Wendy's fast food restaurant?

261
00:10:09,084 --> 00:10:11,142
Spice your crispy chicken sandwich every time.

262
00:10:11,142 --> 00:10:13,431
So -- Standing in line at Wendy's.

263
00:10:13,431 --> 00:10:14,791
And there's a woman next to me,

264
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:17,044
and I'm barking like a dog doing my think.

265
00:10:17,044 --> 00:10:20,065
And she had no idea what was happening right next to [her]

266
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:22,310
and I can totally understand why.

267
00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,815
So I looked at her, I said

268
00:10:23,815 --> 00:10:25,900
"Hey m'am my name is Mark. I have Tourette syndrome.

269
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,064
I just wanna give you a heads up.

270
00:10:27,064 --> 00:10:28,635
Not trying to bother you."

271
00:10:28,635 --> 00:10:30,375
She sort of looked at me, dismissed what I had to say.

272
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:31,599
It was no big deal.

273
00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:33,593
And then about 10 seconds went by,

274
00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:36,210
and all of a sudden, this woman made an announcement

275
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:38,073
to all the workers that were facing us,

276
00:10:38,073 --> 00:10:40,107
and she said out loud,

277
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:43,271
"Don't worry everyone, he is retarded."

278
00:10:43,271 --> 00:10:46,267
And I took a deep breath and -- Headbutt!

279
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,357
No, I did not do that. No. (Laughter)

280
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:51,716
(Laughter)

281
00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:53,766
It was the Tourette's. No, just kidding. So --

282
00:10:53,766 --> 00:10:56,808
(Laughter)

283
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:59,881
I said, Mam I'm not retarded,
I just have Tourette's syndrome.

284
00:10:59,881 --> 00:11:02,332
And I wanna say something on a very serious note.

285
00:11:02,332 --> 00:11:05,731
She actually might have said that to try to help me.

286
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,948
She might have been trying to protect me.

287
00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:11,096
But the point is that she only met me for 10 or 15 seconds.

288
00:11:11,096 --> 00:11:14,450
Made so many assumptions about
who I was and what I was doing.

289
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,731
Which again, totally understandable.

290
00:11:16,731 --> 00:11:19,679
But then she believed that whatever she thought

291
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,604
was true and turned those assumptions into an action.

292
00:11:22,604 --> 00:11:24,391
And she chose not to live and let live.

293
00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:26,082
And I've been in a lot of situations like this.

294
00:11:26,082 --> 00:11:27,881
I've even been kicked out of a bus before.

295
00:11:27,881 --> 00:11:29,622
I've had doctors tell me that

296
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,140
they don't think I have Tourette syndrome.

297
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,629
I've been laughed at. Everything you can imagine.

298
00:11:33,629 --> 00:11:35,486
And I tell you this not because I want you to feel

299
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,555
bad about me or bad for me,

300
00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:40,794
it's just that it illustrates so well how

301
00:11:40,794 --> 00:11:42,406
there were these people who made

302
00:11:42,406 --> 00:11:44,220
so many assumptions about someone else,

303
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:47,250
and believed that whatever they thought was true.

304
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,358
And in my opinion they really just let their ignorance --

305
00:11:50,358 --> 00:11:52,595
and I don't mean ignorance in a negative way --

306
00:11:52,595 --> 00:11:54,460
they just let their lack of understanding

307
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:57,303
of someone else's life dictate their own actions.

308
00:11:57,303 --> 00:12:00,116
And so this is what "live and let live" is all about.

309
00:12:00,116 --> 00:12:02,066
When we go about our own life,

310
00:12:02,066 --> 00:12:05,238
and we see someone that is so different than us,

311
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:07,660
maybe they just look weird, they look funny,

312
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,372
a different skin color, different sexual orientation,

313
00:12:10,372 --> 00:12:11,946
they have Tourette syndrome,

314
00:12:11,946 --> 00:12:14,647
maybe they're just the annoying stranger.

315
00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:16,916
Have you met the annoying stranger?

316
00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:18,444
OK.

317
00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:21,523
When we encounter those people in life

318
00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:24,222
we can think whatever we want about that person.

319
00:12:24,222 --> 00:12:26,044
We can make whatever assumptions we want,

320
00:12:26,044 --> 00:12:27,913
we can make whatever judgements we want,

321
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,613
because, hey, we are human. That's what we do.

322
00:12:30,613 --> 00:12:32,265
We make assumptions about people that are different than us.

323
00:12:32,265 --> 00:12:35,481
But I say, why not just let it be that?

324
00:12:35,481 --> 00:12:37,858
An assumption and only an assumption.

325
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,621
And, why turn it into an action?

326
00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:42,895
That may negatively impact that person's life.

327
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,938
If at the end of the day we really do know so little

328
00:12:45,938 --> 00:12:47,906
about each others lives and what we're going through.

329
00:12:47,906 --> 00:12:49,799
And when you remember that, I hope that

330
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:51,997
that triggers something in you that says,

331
00:12:51,997 --> 00:12:54,134
"Hey, I'm gonna live my life, I'm gonna let them live their life.

332
00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:55,911
I'm gonna live and let live."

333
00:12:55,911 --> 00:12:57,149
And I met someone two years ago

334
00:12:57,149 --> 00:12:59,635
when I moved to Manhattan, of course in Manhattan,

335
00:12:59,635 --> 00:13:01,366
that was the total epidemy of live and let live.

336
00:13:01,366 --> 00:13:04,254
And this happened on 23rd and 7th.

337
00:13:04,254 --> 00:13:06,304
I was walking down on the Ave.

338
00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:07,848
I was walking down, I had my headphones on.

339
00:13:07,848 --> 00:13:09,008
And I don't know about you guys,

340
00:13:09,008 --> 00:13:11,078
but if I'm alone and my headphones are on, I'm dancing.

341
00:13:11,078 --> 00:13:12,348
Great job, by the way, before.

342
00:13:12,348 --> 00:13:16,192
So I'm dancing on the platform,

343
00:13:16,192 --> 00:13:18,066
and I was ticcing a bunch,

344
00:13:18,066 --> 00:13:19,216
and after about 30 seconds I noticed that

345
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,395
there was a guy about 6 feet away from me.

346
00:13:21,395 --> 00:13:24,147
Now he had not looked at me one time yet.

347
00:13:24,147 --> 00:13:26,583
But I was barking so loudly that

348
00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:28,487
I just wanted to give him a heads up.

349
00:13:28,487 --> 00:13:29,929
So I look over to this guy, I said,

350
00:13:29,929 --> 00:13:31,685
"Hey Sir, my name is Mark, I have Tourette's.

351
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:32,995
Not trying to bother you.

352
00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:34,851
I just wanted to give you a heads up."

353
00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:37,092
And he slowly turned to me and he goes,

354
00:13:37,092 --> 00:13:40,819
"Dude, no worries at all".

355
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,715
And then he went back to what he was doing.

356
00:13:42,715 --> 00:13:44,680
And because of the way that he responded to me

357
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,080
I just, for some reason, felt so inclined

358
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,002
to go back and ask this man a question.

359
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,433
And I kid you not, I've never done this in my entire life.

360
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:54,681
So after about 2 minutes I muster up the courage.

361
00:13:54,681 --> 00:13:57,461
I walk over to this guy. I go, "Sir,

362
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,764
I know this is really bizarre but

363
00:13:59,764 --> 00:14:02,918
what were you thinking about me

364
00:14:02,918 --> 00:14:04,749
before I told you I had Tourette's?"

365
00:14:04,749 --> 00:14:07,472
"What was going to your head?" He goes,

366
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,863
"Honestly? I just thought you were having
a really good time."

367
00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:15,152
(Laughter)

368
00:14:15,152 --> 00:14:17,750
OK. I'm barking, I'm dancing,

369
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:20,082
I don't know what kind of party that is.

370
00:14:20,082 --> 00:14:24,815
I said, "Well, what about when I started to chomp my teeth?"

371
00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:27,650
He goes, "Oh yeah, that was weird."

372
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:30,766
(Laughter)

373
00:14:30,766 --> 00:14:33,144
OK. Good. We have some honesty here. And I go,

374
00:14:33,144 --> 00:14:37,696
"Sir, the reason I ask you is 'cause it was so cool what you did.

375
00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:39,757
No matter what you thought about me,

376
00:14:39,757 --> 00:14:41,049
no matter what assumptions you made about me,

377
00:14:41,049 --> 00:14:42,602
no matter what judgments you had about me,

378
00:14:42,602 --> 00:14:45,554
before and after I told you I had Tourette's,

379
00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:48,913
you just totally let me live my life. You just let live."

380
00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,180
And I told him about my speaking and my message.

381
00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:52,728
And I finally asked him straight up.

382
00:14:52,728 --> 00:14:55,215
I go, "Sir why are you like this?"

383
00:14:55,215 --> 00:14:57,644
He goes "That's really funny that you ask that Mark"

384
00:14:57,644 --> 00:14:59,912
And I should note, his name was Jay, first name basis,

385
00:14:59,912 --> 00:15:02,289
long conversation. (Laughter)

386
00:15:02,289 --> 00:15:04,511
And he goes "Mark, when I was 16 years old,

387
00:15:04,511 --> 00:15:07,219
I was in the back of a city bus in New York City,

388
00:15:07,219 --> 00:15:09,526
and in the front of this bus there was

389
00:15:09,526 --> 00:15:11,732
this screaming, annoying kid."

390
00:15:11,732 --> 00:15:13,493
You know the screaming annoying kid.

391
00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:17,834
He said, "This kid was absolutely out of control,

392
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,017
and to make matters even worse,

393
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:22,611
it looked like he was sitting next to his dad."

394
00:15:22,611 --> 00:15:24,847
So Jay was in the back of this bus thinking,

395
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,064
"Oh my God, why won't this kid just shut up?"

396
00:15:28,064 --> 00:15:30,881
And Jay told me, there was a woman sitting next to him.

397
00:15:30,881 --> 00:15:32,495
And that woman said to Jay:

398
00:15:32,495 --> 00:15:36,727
"If that was my kid, I would really show him up."

399
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,724
And while they were talking about how annoying this kid was,

400
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:41,609
another stranger on the bus got up,

401
00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:43,556
and walked up to this kid and to the dad.

402
00:15:43,556 --> 00:15:45,870
And the stranger said to the dad,

403
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:49,214
"Will you please control your kid?",

404
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:52,526
as we all might have been thinking on the back of that bus.

405
00:15:52,526 --> 00:15:57,884
And Jay told me, the dad turned to the stranger and said,

406
00:15:57,884 --> 00:16:02,640
"His mother just died, we came from her funeral".

407
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,348
And Jay said, "Mark, at that moment in life

408
00:16:06,348 --> 00:16:10,491
I realized I don't know anything about anybody.

409
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,834
I don't know what people are thinking,

410
00:16:11,834 --> 00:16:14,273
I don't know what people are doing,

411
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:16,664
I just want to let people be."

412
00:16:16,664 --> 00:16:20,721
In other words, I wanna live and let live.

413
00:16:20,721 --> 00:16:23,246
And guys I want you to go back to this morning,

414
00:16:23,246 --> 00:16:24,590
when you woke up and you were getting out of bed,

415
00:16:24,590 --> 00:16:27,290
and I want you to think about a challenge

416
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:30,289
that you knew that you were going to be dealing with today.

417
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:33,687
Some kind of challenge, a struggle, an insecurity.

418
00:16:33,687 --> 00:16:35,281
Something that you were dealing with.

419
00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:37,211
And I should note, this could be really small,

420
00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,680
it could be really big,

421
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,135
it might be as noticeable as my Tourette's,

422
00:16:41,135 --> 00:16:44,733
or maybe, no one in this entire world

423
00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:47,196
knows that you're dealing with this.

424
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:49,682
Everyone got something?

425
00:16:49,682 --> 00:16:52,214
And now I want you to think about

426
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:56,713
how does that challenge affect your behavior?

427
00:16:56,713 --> 00:16:58,028
Here's what I mean:

428
00:16:58,028 --> 00:17:01,013
How does that challenge and dealing with it

429
00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:04,321
influence the way that you behave and act,

430
00:17:04,321 --> 00:17:07,568
that potentially alters the way that people perceive you.

431
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,070
For example, I've zits on my back.

432
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,194
I've had them my whole life. I hate them.

433
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:12,873
And sometimes when I'm in a room with friends

434
00:17:12,873 --> 00:17:14,838
and my shirt is off, and I have to walk by them,

435
00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:17,712
I will literally change directions when I walk by them,

436
00:17:17,712 --> 00:17:19,023
so they don't have to see my back

437
00:17:19,023 --> 00:17:21,043
because I'm so embarrassed.

438
00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:24,294
How does your challenge influence your behavior?

439
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,149
I want you to take a quick glance at someone

440
00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:31,260
in this room that you do not know. A quick glance.

441
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,153
This also might get awkward.

442
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,853
(Laughter)

443
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:40,215
And now I want you to take a quick glance

444
00:17:40,215 --> 00:17:41,962
at someone in this room that you do know.

445
00:17:41,962 --> 00:17:43,437
And if you don't know someone you can look at me.

446
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,702
You know me pretty well at this point.

447
00:17:45,702 --> 00:17:49,657
(Laughter)

448
00:17:49,657 --> 00:17:52,906
So I asked you to do this because --

449
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:56,009
Have you ever seriously just slowed down life,

450
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,307
enough for just one moment to think about

451
00:17:58,307 --> 00:18:00,990
that stranger in the grocery store,

452
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,298
your friend in your classroom,

453
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,990
or maybe even your best friend.

454
00:18:03,990 --> 00:18:05,252
Have you ever thought about

455
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,834
what challenges are they dealing with

456
00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:10,478
that are potentially influencing their behavior,

457
00:18:10,478 --> 00:18:13,060
and altering the way that you perceive them.

458
00:18:13,060 --> 00:18:14,318
And when you think about your life

459
00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:16,219
whether here at the Hewitt School,

460
00:18:16,219 --> 00:18:17,967
or your life at work, wherever you are.

461
00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:19,660
Have you thought about that maybe someone

462
00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:21,539
is overweight actually because they're on

463
00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:24,003
medication that's causing them to gain weight.

464
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,479
Or someone is really rude to you,

465
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,387
not because it has anything to do with you at all.

466
00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:30,709
It's just because the night before their parents got divorced,

467
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,574
or the person is dealing with anxiety,

468
00:18:32,574 --> 00:18:35,226
an eating disorder, their sexuality, or maybe

469
00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:37,295
you just happened to experience that person

470
00:18:37,295 --> 00:18:41,474
have one bad moment out of a really good day.

471
00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:43,212
So the next time that you're about to turn

472
00:18:43,212 --> 00:18:45,483
your assumptions into an action

473
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:48,275
that might negatively impact someone else's life,

474
00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:49,889
gossiping about someone,

475
00:18:49,889 --> 00:18:51,240
deciding to put someone down,

476
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,160
choosing to not be someone's friend.

477
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,399
Before you do that I encourage you to stop

478
00:18:55,399 --> 00:18:57,348
and just think about this:

479
00:18:57,348 --> 00:19:00,695
Do you really know what's going on in that person's life?

480
00:19:00,695 --> 00:19:04,661
Do you really know what makes that person tic?

481
00:19:04,661 --> 00:19:06,703
I think the answer is no.

482
00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:09,102
And I hope that inspires something in all of us that says,

483
00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:12,493
"I'm gonna live my life, I'm gonna let them live their life.

484
00:19:12,493 --> 00:19:13,844
I'm gonna live and let live."

485
00:19:13,844 --> 00:19:16,119
And I'll end with a quote that's an iteration from Plato.

486
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,952
I think it captures the essence of what my speech is all about.

487
00:19:18,952 --> 00:19:20,877
And it goes just like this:

488
00:19:20,877 --> 00:19:23,304
"Be kinder than necessary.

489
00:19:23,304 --> 00:19:25,829
Everyone is fighting their own battles

490
00:19:25,829 --> 00:19:28,151
that you know nothing about."

491
00:19:28,151 --> 00:19:29,502
Thank you so much TEDx@Hewitt!

492
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,939
(Cheers) (Applause)