0:00:03.931,0:00:05.988 Before I begin I just want to say 0:00:05.988,0:00:08.499 a humongous thank you to TEDxYouth@Hewitt. 0:00:08.499,0:00:10.722 This is an incredible privilege to be here. 0:00:10.722,0:00:13.913 So who here has heard that I have Tourette syndrome? 0:00:13.913,0:00:15.831 OK, can't see. OK. 0:00:15.831,0:00:17.881 It is true, I do have Tourettes. 0:00:17.881,0:00:19.666 I've had Tourette's for about 20 years of my life. 0:00:19.666,0:00:22.056 Something cool has happened to me though recently. 0:00:22.056,0:00:23.770 And as of about 5 months ago 0:00:23.770,0:00:26.165 I have learned how to control my Tourette's. 0:00:26.165,0:00:27.930 And so because I'm not gonna be ticcing on stage 0:00:27.930,0:00:29.854 I'm going to bring you back into my life 0:00:29.854,0:00:31.809 of what it's been like me for the past 20 years. 0:00:31.809,0:00:34.651 So we can watch this short clip. 0:00:34.651,0:00:37.474 WHAT MAKES YOU TIC? 0:00:37.844,0:00:41.164 (Tourette's ticcs) 0:00:45.164,0:00:49.084 (Involuntary jaw movements) 0:00:49.761,0:00:51.749 I have Tourette's by the way, just wanna[br]throw that out there. OK? 0:00:53.102,0:00:55.163 Fuck! Fuck! 0:00:55.163,0:00:56.965 Faggot! Faggot! 0:00:56.965,0:00:59.011 Nigger! Nigger! Nigger! Nigger! 0:00:59.011,0:01:00.816 Boston Public Library 0:01:00.816,0:01:05.031 What's the matter? Sir! 0:01:05.031,0:01:06.597 No, no. I have Tourette's syndrome. 0:01:06.597,0:01:08.181 Okay, well. 0:01:08.181,0:01:09.765 You know, can you find a way to -- 0:01:09.765,0:01:11.898 because you're scaring people. 0:01:11.898,0:01:13.148 You can't control it? 0:01:13.148,0:01:15.249 No, it's called Tourette's syndrome. 0:01:15.249,0:01:16.348 Have you ever heard of it before? 0:01:16.348,0:01:17.281 I have, but -- 0:01:17.281,0:01:18.931 It's a medical disorder. 0:01:18.931,0:01:20.798 And it's involuntary noises, so -- 0:01:20.798,0:01:23.787 I'm not trying to bother. 0:01:25.986,0:01:32.530 (Chomps) 0:01:37.838,0:01:39.932 I won't tic. 0:02:00.018,0:02:02.696 I do have the world's strongest jaw. Yes. 0:02:02.696,0:02:05.431 My friends and I last year tried to estimate. 0:02:05.431,0:02:07.442 We think that I've ticced somewhere between 0:02:07.442,0:02:10.581 20 to 30 million times in my life. 0:02:10.581,0:02:12.356 Which is a good amount of times of ticcing. 0:02:12.356,0:02:13.968 And as you can imagine I've learned a lot 0:02:13.968,0:02:16.584 of different lessons from ticcing that many times. 0:02:16.584,0:02:18.301 One of them being about tolerance. 0:02:18.301,0:02:19.834 And for the past three years 0:02:19.834,0:02:21.918 I've had the incredible privilege and opportunity 0:02:21.918,0:02:23.945 to travel all around the United States 0:02:23.945,0:02:27.097 speaking with my presentation "What makes you tic?" 0:02:27.097,0:02:28.802 And I just try to teach people 0:02:28.802,0:02:31.255 how to become more tolerant individuals. 0:02:31.255,0:02:34.076 And I do that by sharing a lot of my personal stories 0:02:34.076,0:02:36.976 and by being really open about my challenges. 0:02:36.976,0:02:39.199 And I do this because when I do, 0:02:39.199,0:02:42.702 I find that people in the audience are simply reminded 0:02:42.702,0:02:45.611 of how little we know about each other's lives. 0:02:45.611,0:02:47.966 And it's my hope that when you remember that 0:02:47.966,0:02:50.265 that you have a little bit more compassion for yourself 0:02:50.265,0:02:52.495 and also for people who are different than you. 0:02:52.495,0:02:54.865 So let's start talking about Tourette syndrome. 0:02:54.865,0:02:56.281 Now who has heard of Tourette's before? 0:02:56.281,0:02:57.261 Wonderful. 0:02:57.261,0:02:58.652 Anyone who never heard of it? Never? 0:02:58.652,0:02:59.902 There's a couple. OK. Not bad. 0:02:59.902,0:03:01.548 So since most of you have heard of it, 0:03:01.548,0:03:03.761 where have you seen it in TV shows and movies? 0:03:03.761,0:03:05.570 If you can raise your hand really quickly. 0:03:05.570,0:03:06.260 Anyone? 0:03:06.260,0:03:07.335 Yes, in the way back. 0:03:07.335,0:03:08.550 (Audience) ABC News Special. 0:03:08.550,0:03:10.318 ABC News Special. Cool. 0:03:10.318,0:03:11.319 (Audience) Deuce Bigalow. 0:03:11.319,0:03:13.983 Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Classic movie, of course. 0:03:13.983,0:03:14.897 Anyone else? 0:03:14.897,0:03:15.700 Yes. 0:03:15.700,0:03:17.781 (Audience) South Park. 0:03:17.781,0:03:19.548 Do you think it's funny to bring up South Park? 0:03:19.548,0:03:21.687 Because it is, it was hilarious. 0:03:21.687,0:03:23.893 It is OK, so -- (Laughter) 0:03:23.893,0:03:26.734 I was crying with friends, it was so funny. 0:03:26.734,0:03:29.686 And has anyone seen the Tourette's Guy on youtube? 0:03:29.686,0:03:31.171 Tourette's Gut on youtube? 0:03:31.171,0:03:32.755 So he is my first cousin. 0:03:32.755,0:03:33.931 No, that's not true. (Laughter) 0:03:33.931,0:03:35.381 That's not -- (Laughter) 0:03:35.381,0:03:40.088 We're not all related. (Laughter) 0:03:40.088,0:03:43.055 (Laughter) 0:03:43.055,0:03:45.300 So I'm glad you've seen a lot of places, 0:03:45.300,0:03:47.069 but let me be very clear about something. 0:03:47.069,0:03:49.684 As you saw in the video, Tourette's is absolutely insane. 0:03:49.684,0:03:51.238 It is totally crazy. 0:03:51.238,0:03:53.025 And what's happening is that Tourette's creates 0:03:53.025,0:03:55.724 these itch like sensations inside of my body. 0:03:55.724,0:03:57.299 So right now I want you to try 0:03:57.299,0:03:58.949 to actually imagine having an itch. 0:03:58.949,0:03:59.951 Right now. 0:03:59.951,0:04:02.649 In my mouth I have this Tourette itch. 0:04:02.649,0:04:03.547 I wanna make clear. 0:04:03.547,0:04:06.267 It doesn't feel like the kind of itch[br]that might be in your arm, 0:04:06.267,0:04:08.717 but it's the same idea that 0:04:08.717,0:04:10.743 I didn't choose for it to be there. 0:04:10.743,0:04:11.939 It's completely involuntary. 0:04:11.939,0:04:13.899 And it's also very uncomfortable. 0:04:13.899,0:04:15.667 And when you see me go -- (Chomps) 0:04:15.667,0:04:17.960 or I say a word or do something with my body, 0:04:17.960,0:04:19.277 that's a tic. 0:04:19.277,0:04:21.348 That's actually me trying to scratch that itch. 0:04:21.348,0:04:22.585 Does that make sense? 0:04:22.585,0:04:24.181 So I have no control over that itch 0:04:24.181,0:04:26.215 but I do have some voluntary control, scratching it. 0:04:26.215,0:04:28.233 And people would always ask, of course: 0:04:28.233,0:04:30.448 "Why do you just not scratch it?" 0:04:30.448,0:04:32.385 And the reason it was so hard not to, 0:04:32.385,0:04:34.042 is 'cause imagine that itch that you have, 0:04:34.042,0:04:35.607 multiply that by 10 or 15. 0:04:35.607,0:04:37.619 And that's what it was like for the past 20 years. 0:04:37.619,0:04:39.631 And I've had all kinds of tics as you saw: 0:04:39.631,0:04:43.339 blinking, sniffing, chomping, words, 0:04:43.339,0:04:45.078 everything you can imagine. 0:04:45.078,0:04:46.618 And when I was in middle school, 0:04:46.618,0:04:48.832 then I started to say bad words. 0:04:48.832,0:04:49.970 Now who here has heard, 0:04:49.970,0:04:52.082 "If you have Tourette's you say bad words"? 0:04:52.082,0:04:53.549 Very big stereotype and rightfully so. 0:04:53.549,0:04:55.919 Funny thing is most people don't. 0:04:55.919,0:04:57.937 Less than 10% I think. 0:04:57.937,0:05:01.000 Unfortunately, I like to do things a little bit differently, 0:05:01.000,0:05:03.087 and I said all sorts of things. 0:05:03.087,0:05:04.882 As you heard on the video, I said some curse words, 0:05:04.882,0:05:06.773 I said body parts including the word penis, 0:05:06.773,0:05:08.092 maybe you've heard of it. 0:05:08.092,0:05:10.988 (Laughter) 0:05:10.988,0:05:13.008 And I also was a substitute teacher in life. 0:05:13.008,0:05:15.557 And one day I was subbing for a fourth grade class. 0:05:15.557,0:05:17.315 OK. Haven't said the joke. (Laughter) 0:05:17.315,0:05:21.540 So I'm in this class that I was ticcing "penis" a lot 0:05:21.540,0:05:23.986 and this one fourth grader yelled out. 0:05:23.986,0:05:27.941 He goes: "Mr Elliot, what are you saying?" (Laughter) 0:05:27.941,0:05:32.103 I'm like oh my God, what am I gonna tell this kid? 0:05:32.103,0:05:33.598 And another fourth grader yelled out: 0:05:33.598,0:05:36.068 "He's saying pizza!" 0:05:36.068,0:05:40.627 (Laughter) 0:05:40.627,0:05:42.631 Pizza. OK. 0:05:42.631,0:05:46.289 So as I also said tough, 0:05:46.289,0:05:48.464 some really offensive things as well. 0:05:48.464,0:05:51.206 Imagine saying the most offensive[br]things that you can imagine 0:05:51.206,0:05:53.196 to the people that you love the most. 0:05:53.196,0:05:55.986 Imagine saying the riskiest thing to your black friends. 0:05:55.986,0:05:58.670 I did that. Thousands of times. 0:05:58.670,0:06:00.344 My older brother is gay. 0:06:00.344,0:06:01.880 I said the most offensive things 0:06:01.880,0:06:03.494 that you can ever imagine to him. 0:06:03.494,0:06:06.217 This was by far the worst part about my Tourette's. 0:06:06.217,0:06:07.614 By far the worst. 0:06:07.614,0:06:08.888 And two summers ago I was in a Mc Donald's 0:06:08.888,0:06:10.346 and a guy came out to me and he goes: 0:06:10.346,0:06:12.280 "Oh, my god, dude, do you have Tourette's?" 0:06:12.280,0:06:13.848 I said, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do" 0:06:13.848,0:06:17.803 He goes, "That is so awesome!" 0:06:17.803,0:06:20.981 I was like, "Not exactly." 0:06:20.981,0:06:24.349 And so, he said to me, "Well do you say curse words?" 0:06:24.349,0:06:25.232 I said "Yeah." 0:06:25.232,0:06:26.666 He goes, "Well do you say the f word?" 0:06:26.666,0:06:28.529 I go, "Yeah". He goes, 0:06:28.529,0:06:32.405 "Dude, that's so cool because you have an excuse". 0:06:32.405,0:06:34.998 (Laughter) 0:06:34.998,0:06:37.899 And I thought about it for just a moment, I thought -- 0:06:37.899,0:06:39.757 How can I try to convey to the stranger 0:06:39.757,0:06:41.544 what's it really like to have Tourette's? 0:06:41.544,0:06:43.224 So in the middle of Mc Donald's, 0:06:43.224,0:06:45.773 it was totally packed, and I said to this man, 0:06:45.773,0:06:48.122 "So do me a favor, I want you to say the N word 0:06:48.122,0:06:49.853 as loud as you can right now." 0:06:49.853,0:06:51.523 And he didn't say a word after that. 0:06:51.523,0:06:53.765 Because I think he got the point really quickly. 0:06:53.765,0:06:56.083 That even though it might be funny to say penis one time, 0:06:56.083,0:06:57.784 when you're saying such offensive words, 0:06:57.784,0:06:59.646 like I was doing over the past 20 years, 0:06:59.646,0:07:00.955 it's not very fun at all. 0:07:00.955,0:07:03.018 And as I always used to tell people, 0:07:03.018,0:07:06.340 "I am sorry if it bothers you, it bothers me more." 0:07:06.340,0:07:07.767 So you guys, that's my Tourette's in a nutshell. 0:07:07.767,0:07:09.887 But anytime that I talk I always wanna try to give people 0:07:09.887,0:07:12.151 the chance to see what is it like to have Tourette's. 0:07:12.151,0:07:15.200 So can everybody stand up very quickly? 0:07:15.200,0:07:18.822 Momentarily I'm gonna be giving you all[br]permission to have Tourette's. 0:07:18.822,0:07:20.878 This is your one chance in life to yell 0:07:20.878,0:07:24.023 "fire in a room" where there is no fire, 0:07:24.023,0:07:26.152 you can do a physical or a vocal tic, 0:07:26.152,0:07:27.836 I just ask that you don't say something 0:07:27.836,0:07:29.639 that could potentially offend someone else. 0:07:29.639,0:07:32.181 You have 10 seconds starting right now. 0:07:32.181,0:07:38.032 (People yelling) 0:07:38.032,0:07:41.331 OK. We can chill. We can chill. 0:07:43.238,0:07:45.640 Do you wanna know it's -- 0:07:45.640,0:07:48.115 Do you wanna know what's messed up? 0:07:48.115,0:07:49.479 I was joking. 0:07:49.479,0:07:51.265 No I'm just kidding. No. I'm just kidding. 0:07:51.265,0:07:53.024 I do this though not because I think 0:07:53.024,0:07:55.018 it's really funny to see you all have Tourette's, 0:07:55.018,0:07:57.365 but this is just a cool social experiment. 0:07:57.365,0:07:59.099 Because, even though I gave you all permission 0:07:59.099,0:08:01.231 to have Tourette's and you knew everyone else did, 0:08:01.231,0:08:02.917 a lot of you still chose not to tic. 0:08:02.917,0:08:05.785 And I hope this was just a co-opportunity to see 0:08:05.785,0:08:07.682 what is it really like to have Tourette syndrome. 0:08:07.682,0:08:10.300 How uncomfortable it can be on a day to day basis. 0:08:10.300,0:08:13.098 So thanks for participating in that Tourettic experience. 0:08:13.098,0:08:16.652 Give yourselves a round of applause. Will you? 0:08:16.652,0:08:20.181 So, you guys can imagine, as some of you just experienced, 0:08:20.181,0:08:22.541 I've just had a different perspective in life. 0:08:22.541,0:08:24.692 I got to see on a day to day basis 0:08:24.692,0:08:27.034 how do people treat and react to someone 0:08:27.034,0:08:29.931 who is so different from everyone else. 0:08:29.931,0:08:32.648 I mean for 20 years, doing weird things like this, 0:08:32.648,0:08:35.105 chomping, saying offensive things, 0:08:35.105,0:08:37.219 doing weird things with my body, scaring people. 0:08:37.219,0:08:39.486 And I just had the chance to see what is it like 0:08:39.486,0:08:41.447 to be so different than everyone else? 0:08:41.447,0:08:44.177 And from that different perspective, 0:08:44.177,0:08:46.062 one of the most important lessons I learned 0:08:46.062,0:08:47.474 was about tolerance. 0:08:47.474,0:08:49.317 And I want to make something really clear: 0:08:49.317,0:08:51.099 I only talk about tolerance, 0:08:51.099,0:08:53.433 the lowest level in my opinion. 0:08:53.433,0:08:55.335 I only talk about tolerance. 0:08:55.335,0:08:57.353 And some people, including some of you, 0:08:57.353,0:08:58.905 maybe have a serious problem with that. 0:08:58.905,0:09:00.211 'Cause you might be thinking 0:09:00.211,0:09:02.122 "Mark, why aren't you talking about acceptance?" 0:09:02.122,0:09:04.264 "Isn't that so much more powerful?" 0:09:04.264,0:09:06.318 And I couldn't agree more. 0:09:06.318,0:09:09.881 However, in my life over the past 20 years, in my opinion, 0:09:09.881,0:09:12.164 I have just found that there are so many people 0:09:12.164,0:09:14.546 that don't even meet that basic threshold of tolerance. 0:09:14.546,0:09:16.651 So that's why I talk about tolerance. 0:09:16.651,0:09:19.062 And instead of using the word "tolerance"[br]I use a different word. 0:09:19.062,0:09:21.223 In fact a different phrase. And that is: 0:09:21.223,0:09:23.180 "Live and let live." 0:09:23.180,0:09:24.798 Have you ever heard that phrase before? 0:09:24.798,0:09:26.815 I did not invent that. Just so we're clear on that. 0:09:26.815,0:09:29.747 But to me that is what tolerance is all about. 0:09:29.747,0:09:31.237 Can I ask you your name? 0:09:31.237,0:09:32.183 (Woman in audience) Tammy. 0:09:32.183,0:09:34.196 Hey Tammy, don't worry, I won't call you up here. 0:09:34.196,0:09:35.741 If I'm gonna say I'm gonna tolerante Tammy, 0:09:35.741,0:09:37.873 this is what I think I'm really saying: 0:09:37.873,0:09:39.358 "I'm gonna live my life 0:09:39.358,0:09:41.143 and I'm gonna let Tammy live her life" 0:09:41.143,0:09:42.620 I'm gonna live and let live. 0:09:42.620,0:09:44.428 And I've learned so much about "live and let live" 0:09:44.428,0:09:46.043 not from reading it in a textbook 0:09:46.043,0:09:48.611 but just because I've been in so many[br]intolerant situations. 0:09:48.611,0:09:49.934 And after they happened 0:09:49.934,0:09:52.345 I came out with the most simple conclusion. 0:09:52.345,0:09:55.126 That when a person is being intolerant, usually, 0:09:55.126,0:09:58.755 he or she is making so many assumptions[br]about someone else, 0:09:58.755,0:10:01.923 and I think we all can agree[br]assumptions are totally OK to make. 0:10:01.923,0:10:05.948 But then they decide to turn those assumptions[br]into an action. 0:10:05.948,0:10:07.098 And I'll share a story with you. 0:10:07.098,0:10:09.084 Who likes Wendy's fast food restaurant? 0:10:09.084,0:10:11.142 Spice your crispy chicken sandwich every time. 0:10:11.142,0:10:13.431 So -- Standing in line at Wendy's. 0:10:13.431,0:10:14.791 And there's a woman next to me, 0:10:14.791,0:10:17.044 and I'm barking like a dog doing my think. 0:10:17.044,0:10:20.065 And she had no idea what was happening right next to [her] 0:10:20.065,0:10:22.310 and I can totally understand why. 0:10:22.310,0:10:23.815 So I looked at her, I said 0:10:23.815,0:10:25.900 "Hey m'am my name is Mark. I have Tourette syndrome. 0:10:25.900,0:10:27.064 I just wanna give you a heads up. 0:10:27.064,0:10:28.635 Not trying to bother you." 0:10:28.635,0:10:30.375 She sort of looked at me, dismissed what I had to say. 0:10:30.375,0:10:31.599 It was no big deal. 0:10:31.599,0:10:33.593 And then about 10 seconds went by, 0:10:33.593,0:10:36.210 and all of a sudden, this woman made an announcement 0:10:36.210,0:10:38.073 to all the workers that were facing us, 0:10:38.073,0:10:40.107 and she said out loud, 0:10:40.107,0:10:43.271 "Don't worry everyone, he is retarded." 0:10:43.271,0:10:46.267 And I took a deep breath and -- Headbutt! 0:10:46.267,0:10:48.357 No, I did not do that. No. (Laughter) 0:10:48.357,0:10:51.716 (Laughter) 0:10:51.716,0:10:53.766 It was the Tourette's. No, just kidding. So -- 0:10:53.766,0:10:56.808 (Laughter) 0:10:56.808,0:10:59.881 I said, Mam I'm not retarded,[br]I just have Tourette's syndrome. 0:10:59.881,0:11:02.332 And I wanna say something on a very serious note. 0:11:02.332,0:11:05.731 She actually might have said that to try to help me. 0:11:05.731,0:11:07.948 She might have been trying to protect me. 0:11:07.948,0:11:11.096 But the point is that she only met me for 10 or 15 seconds. 0:11:11.096,0:11:14.450 Made so many assumptions about[br]who I was and what I was doing. 0:11:14.450,0:11:16.731 Which again, totally understandable. 0:11:16.731,0:11:19.679 But then she believed that whatever she thought 0:11:19.679,0:11:22.604 was true and turned those assumptions into an action. 0:11:22.604,0:11:24.391 And she chose not to live and let live. 0:11:24.391,0:11:26.082 And I've been in a lot of situations like this. 0:11:26.082,0:11:27.881 I've even been kicked out of a bus before. 0:11:27.881,0:11:29.622 I've had doctors tell me that 0:11:29.622,0:11:31.140 they don't think I have Tourette syndrome. 0:11:31.140,0:11:33.629 I've been laughed at. Everything you can imagine. 0:11:33.629,0:11:35.486 And I tell you this not because I want you to feel 0:11:35.486,0:11:37.555 bad about me or bad for me, 0:11:37.555,0:11:40.794 it's just that it illustrates so well how 0:11:40.794,0:11:42.406 there were these people who made 0:11:42.406,0:11:44.220 so many assumptions about someone else, 0:11:44.220,0:11:47.250 and believed that whatever they thought was true. 0:11:47.250,0:11:50.358 And in my opinion they really just let their ignorance -- 0:11:50.358,0:11:52.595 and I don't mean ignorance in a negative way -- 0:11:52.595,0:11:54.460 they just let their lack of understanding 0:11:54.460,0:11:57.303 of someone else's life dictate their own actions. 0:11:57.303,0:12:00.116 And so this is what "live and let live" is all about. 0:12:00.116,0:12:02.066 When we go about our own life, 0:12:02.066,0:12:05.238 and we see someone that is so different than us, 0:12:05.238,0:12:07.660 maybe they just look weird, they look funny, 0:12:07.660,0:12:10.372 a different skin color, different sexual orientation, 0:12:10.372,0:12:11.946 they have Tourette syndrome, 0:12:11.946,0:12:14.647 maybe they're just the annoying stranger. 0:12:14.647,0:12:16.916 Have you met the annoying stranger? 0:12:16.916,0:12:18.444 OK. 0:12:18.444,0:12:21.523 When we encounter those people in life 0:12:21.523,0:12:24.222 we can think whatever we want about that person. 0:12:24.222,0:12:26.044 We can make whatever assumptions we want, 0:12:26.044,0:12:27.913 we can make whatever judgements we want, 0:12:27.913,0:12:30.613 because, hey, we are human. That's what we do. 0:12:30.613,0:12:32.265 We make assumptions about people that are different than us. 0:12:32.265,0:12:35.481 But I say, why not just let it be that? 0:12:35.481,0:12:37.858 An assumption and only an assumption. 0:12:37.858,0:12:40.621 And, why turn it into an action? 0:12:40.621,0:12:42.895 That may negatively impact that person's life. 0:12:42.895,0:12:45.938 If at the end of the day we really do know so little 0:12:45.938,0:12:47.906 about each others lives and what we're going through. 0:12:47.906,0:12:49.799 And when you remember that, I hope that 0:12:49.799,0:12:51.997 that triggers something in you that says, 0:12:51.997,0:12:54.134 "Hey, I'm gonna live my life, I'm gonna let them live their life. 0:12:54.134,0:12:55.911 I'm gonna live and let live." 0:12:55.911,0:12:57.149 And I met someone two years ago 0:12:57.149,0:12:59.635 when I moved to Manhattan, of course in Manhattan, 0:12:59.635,0:13:01.366 that was the total epidemy of live and let live. 0:13:01.366,0:13:04.254 And this happened on 23rd and 7th. 0:13:04.254,0:13:06.304 I was walking down on the Ave. 0:13:06.304,0:13:07.848 I was walking down, I had my headphones on. 0:13:07.848,0:13:09.008 And I don't know about you guys, 0:13:09.008,0:13:11.078 but if I'm alone and my headphones are on, I'm dancing. 0:13:11.078,0:13:12.348 Great job, by the way, before. 0:13:12.348,0:13:16.192 So I'm dancing on the platform, 0:13:16.192,0:13:18.066 and I was ticcing a bunch, 0:13:18.066,0:13:19.216 and after about 30 seconds I noticed that 0:13:19.216,0:13:21.395 there was a guy about 6 feet away from me. 0:13:21.395,0:13:24.147 Now he had not looked at me one time yet. 0:13:24.147,0:13:26.583 But I was barking so loudly that 0:13:26.583,0:13:28.487 I just wanted to give him a heads up. 0:13:28.487,0:13:29.929 So I look over to this guy, I said, 0:13:29.929,0:13:31.685 "Hey Sir, my name is Mark, I have Tourette's. 0:13:31.685,0:13:32.995 Not trying to bother you. 0:13:32.995,0:13:34.851 I just wanted to give you a heads up." 0:13:34.851,0:13:37.092 And he slowly turned to me and he goes, 0:13:37.092,0:13:40.819 "Dude, no worries at all". 0:13:40.819,0:13:42.715 And then he went back to what he was doing. 0:13:42.715,0:13:44.680 And because of the way that he responded to me 0:13:44.680,0:13:47.080 I just, for some reason, felt so inclined 0:13:47.080,0:13:49.002 to go back and ask this man a question. 0:13:49.002,0:13:51.433 And I kid you not, I've never done this in my entire life. 0:13:51.433,0:13:54.681 So after about 2 minutes I muster up the courage. 0:13:54.681,0:13:57.461 I walk over to this guy. I go, "Sir, 0:13:57.461,0:13:59.764 I know this is really bizarre but 0:13:59.764,0:14:02.918 what were you thinking about me 0:14:02.918,0:14:04.749 before I told you I had Tourette's?" 0:14:04.749,0:14:07.472 "What was going to your head?" He goes, 0:14:07.472,0:14:10.863 "Honestly? I just thought you were having[br]a really good time." 0:14:10.863,0:14:15.152 (Laughter) 0:14:15.152,0:14:17.750 OK. I'm barking, I'm dancing, 0:14:17.750,0:14:20.082 I don't know what kind of party that is. 0:14:20.082,0:14:24.815 I said, "Well, what about when I started to chomp my teeth?" 0:14:24.815,0:14:27.650 He goes, "Oh yeah, that was weird." 0:14:27.650,0:14:30.766 (Laughter) 0:14:30.766,0:14:33.144 OK. Good. We have some honesty here. And I go, 0:14:33.144,0:14:37.696 "Sir, the reason I ask you is 'cause it was so cool what you did. 0:14:37.696,0:14:39.757 No matter what you thought about me, 0:14:39.757,0:14:41.049 no matter what assumptions you made about me, 0:14:41.049,0:14:42.602 no matter what judgments you had about me, 0:14:42.602,0:14:45.554 before and after I told you I had Tourette's, 0:14:45.554,0:14:48.913 you just totally let me live my life. You just let live." 0:14:48.913,0:14:51.180 And I told him about my speaking and my message. 0:14:51.180,0:14:52.728 And I finally asked him straight up. 0:14:52.728,0:14:55.215 I go, "Sir why are you like this?" 0:14:55.215,0:14:57.644 He goes "That's really funny that you ask that Mark" 0:14:57.644,0:14:59.912 And I should note, his name was Jay, first name basis, 0:14:59.912,0:15:02.289 long conversation. (Laughter) 0:15:02.289,0:15:04.511 And he goes "Mark, when I was 16 years old, 0:15:04.511,0:15:07.219 I was in the back of a city bus in New York City, 0:15:07.219,0:15:09.526 and in the front of this bus there was 0:15:09.526,0:15:11.732 this screaming, annoying kid." 0:15:11.732,0:15:13.493 You know the screaming annoying kid. 0:15:13.493,0:15:17.834 He said, "This kid was absolutely out of control, 0:15:17.834,0:15:20.017 and to make matters even worse, 0:15:20.017,0:15:22.611 it looked like he was sitting next to his dad." 0:15:22.611,0:15:24.847 So Jay was in the back of this bus thinking, 0:15:24.847,0:15:28.064 "Oh my God, why won't this kid just shut up?" 0:15:28.064,0:15:30.881 And Jay told me, there was a woman sitting next to him. 0:15:30.881,0:15:32.495 And that woman said to Jay: 0:15:32.495,0:15:36.727 "If that was my kid, I would really show him up." 0:15:36.727,0:15:39.724 And while they were talking about how annoying this kid was, 0:15:39.724,0:15:41.609 another stranger on the bus got up, 0:15:41.609,0:15:43.556 and walked up to this kid and to the dad. 0:15:43.556,0:15:45.870 And the stranger said to the dad, 0:15:45.870,0:15:49.214 "Will you please control your kid?", 0:15:49.214,0:15:52.526 as we all might have been thinking on the back of that bus. 0:15:52.526,0:15:57.884 And Jay told me, the dad turned to the stranger and said, 0:15:57.884,0:16:02.640 "His mother just died, we came from her funeral". 0:16:02.640,0:16:06.348 And Jay said, "Mark, at that moment in life 0:16:06.348,0:16:10.491 I realized I don't know anything about anybody. 0:16:10.491,0:16:11.834 I don't know what people are thinking, 0:16:11.834,0:16:14.273 I don't know what people are doing, 0:16:14.273,0:16:16.664 I just want to let people be." 0:16:16.664,0:16:20.721 In other words, I wanna live and let live. 0:16:20.721,0:16:23.246 And guys I want you to go back to this morning, 0:16:23.246,0:16:24.590 when you woke up and you were getting out of bed, 0:16:24.590,0:16:27.290 and I want you to think about a challenge 0:16:27.290,0:16:30.289 that you knew that you were going to be dealing with today. 0:16:30.289,0:16:33.687 Some kind of challenge, a struggle, an insecurity. 0:16:33.687,0:16:35.281 Something that you were dealing with. 0:16:35.281,0:16:37.211 And I should note, this could be really small, 0:16:37.211,0:16:38.680 it could be really big, 0:16:38.680,0:16:41.135 it might be as noticeable as my Tourette's, 0:16:41.135,0:16:44.733 or maybe, no one in this entire world 0:16:44.733,0:16:47.196 knows that you're dealing with this. 0:16:47.196,0:16:49.682 Everyone got something? 0:16:49.682,0:16:52.214 And now I want you to think about 0:16:52.214,0:16:56.713 how does that challenge affect your behavior? 0:16:56.713,0:16:58.028 Here's what I mean: 0:16:58.028,0:17:01.013 How does that challenge and dealing with it 0:17:01.013,0:17:04.321 influence the way that you behave and act, 0:17:04.321,0:17:07.568 that potentially alters the way that people perceive you. 0:17:07.568,0:17:09.070 For example, I've zits on my back. 0:17:09.070,0:17:11.194 I've had them my whole life. I hate them. 0:17:11.194,0:17:12.873 And sometimes when I'm in a room with friends 0:17:12.873,0:17:14.838 and my shirt is off, and I have to walk by them, 0:17:14.838,0:17:17.712 I will literally change directions when I walk by them, 0:17:17.712,0:17:19.023 so they don't have to see my back 0:17:19.023,0:17:21.043 because I'm so embarrassed. 0:17:21.043,0:17:24.294 How does your challenge influence your behavior? 0:17:24.294,0:17:27.149 I want you to take a quick glance at someone 0:17:27.149,0:17:31.260 in this room that you do not know. A quick glance. 0:17:31.260,0:17:33.153 This also might get awkward. 0:17:33.153,0:17:36.853 (Laughter) 0:17:38.222,0:17:40.215 And now I want you to take a quick glance 0:17:40.215,0:17:41.962 at someone in this room that you do know. 0:17:41.962,0:17:43.437 And if you don't know someone you can look at me. 0:17:43.437,0:17:45.702 You know me pretty well at this point. 0:17:45.702,0:17:49.657 (Laughter) 0:17:49.657,0:17:52.906 So I asked you to do this because -- 0:17:52.906,0:17:56.009 Have you ever seriously just slowed down life, 0:17:56.009,0:17:58.307 enough for just one moment to think about 0:17:58.307,0:18:00.990 that stranger in the grocery store, 0:18:00.990,0:18:02.298 your friend in your classroom, 0:18:02.298,0:18:03.990 or maybe even your best friend. 0:18:03.990,0:18:05.252 Have you ever thought about 0:18:05.252,0:18:07.834 what challenges are they dealing with 0:18:07.834,0:18:10.478 that are potentially influencing their behavior, 0:18:10.478,0:18:13.060 and altering the way that you perceive them. 0:18:13.060,0:18:14.318 And when you think about your life 0:18:14.318,0:18:16.219 whether here at the Hewitt School, 0:18:16.219,0:18:17.967 or your life at work, wherever you are. 0:18:17.967,0:18:19.660 Have you thought about that maybe someone 0:18:19.660,0:18:21.539 is overweight actually because they're on 0:18:21.539,0:18:24.003 medication that's causing them to gain weight. 0:18:24.003,0:18:25.479 Or someone is really rude to you, 0:18:25.479,0:18:28.387 not because it has anything to do with you at all. 0:18:28.387,0:18:30.709 It's just because the night before their parents got divorced, 0:18:30.709,0:18:32.574 or the person is dealing with anxiety, 0:18:32.574,0:18:35.226 an eating disorder, their sexuality, or maybe 0:18:35.226,0:18:37.295 you just happened to experience that person 0:18:37.295,0:18:41.474 have one bad moment out of a really good day. 0:18:41.474,0:18:43.212 So the next time that you're about to turn 0:18:43.212,0:18:45.483 your assumptions into an action 0:18:45.483,0:18:48.275 that might negatively impact someone else's life, 0:18:48.275,0:18:49.889 gossiping about someone, 0:18:49.889,0:18:51.240 deciding to put someone down, 0:18:51.240,0:18:53.160 choosing to not be someone's friend. 0:18:53.160,0:18:55.399 Before you do that I encourage you to stop 0:18:55.399,0:18:57.348 and just think about this: 0:18:57.348,0:19:00.695 Do you really know what's going on in that person's life? 0:19:00.695,0:19:04.661 Do you really know what makes that person tic? 0:19:04.661,0:19:06.703 I think the answer is no. 0:19:06.703,0:19:09.102 And I hope that inspires something in all of us that says, 0:19:09.102,0:19:12.493 "I'm gonna live my life, I'm gonna let them live their life. 0:19:12.493,0:19:13.844 I'm gonna live and let live." 0:19:13.844,0:19:16.119 And I'll end with a quote that's an iteration from Plato. 0:19:16.119,0:19:18.952 I think it captures the essence of what my speech is all about. 0:19:18.952,0:19:20.877 And it goes just like this: 0:19:20.877,0:19:23.304 "Be kinder than necessary. 0:19:23.304,0:19:25.829 Everyone is fighting their own battles 0:19:25.829,0:19:28.151 that you know nothing about." 0:19:28.151,0:19:29.502 Thank you so much TEDx@Hewitt! 0:19:29.502,0:19:32.939 (Cheers) (Applause)