WEBVTT 00:00:39.935 --> 00:00:43.648 Subtitles by MisterMascolo 00:00:49.318 --> 00:00:50.176 Wake up! 00:00:50.176 --> 00:00:52.174 And smell the story, zoners. 00:00:52.244 --> 00:00:55.414 It's that time of the year again, when legends are ripped, 00:00:55.714 --> 00:00:59.170 screaming and bloody, from the womb of glory. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:59.282 --> 00:01:01.894 That's just one of the many disgusting ways 00:01:01.894 --> 00:01:03.996 we'll be describing the white knuckle action NOTE Paragraph 00:01:03.996 --> 00:01:06.967 of VGHS' FPS clan tryouts, NOTE Paragraph 00:01:06.967 --> 00:01:10.937 live here in our mobile news studio at Grand Theft Auditorium. 00:01:10.937 --> 00:01:12.340 And speaking of legends, NOTE Paragraph 00:01:12.530 --> 00:01:15.777 our special guest of today eats legends for brunch. 00:01:17.004 --> 00:01:19.461 Hey, Law, hope you grabbed a snack before the match. 00:01:19.591 --> 00:01:21.559 Ehm, I did Scott, thank you. 00:01:21.559 --> 00:01:23.817 (insincere laughter) 00:01:23.817 --> 00:01:26.870 So, Law, we've got 84 students gunning for just 00:01:26.870 --> 00:01:29.193 12 JV and Varsity jackets. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:29.193 --> 00:01:31.666 Any pro tips for your fellow mouse jockeys 00:01:31.666 --> 00:01:33.941 before they get needy for the death? 00:01:33.941 --> 00:01:39.022 Well, I don't know about pro tips, but let me tell you something NOTE Paragraph 00:01:39.022 --> 00:01:41.850 I once told a promising young newblade. 00:01:43.210 --> 00:01:45.988 VGHS is about being the best. 00:01:47.178 --> 00:01:50.074 But you can't be the best unless you be yourself. 00:01:50.936 --> 00:01:56.190 So before you walk into tryouts today, I want you to dig deep 00:01:57.120 --> 00:01:58.854 before you walk through those doors. 00:01:59.674 --> 00:02:05.487 I want you to find out what drives you 'cause once you find that out, 00:02:06.040 --> 00:02:12.763 once you know what it is to truly game, then nobody can break you. 00:02:16.320 --> 00:02:17.982 (sighs) You guys ready to go? 00:02:20.362 --> 00:02:22.918 Chiba, Honzo! 00:02:22.958 --> 00:02:24.941 - How did you--? - Fished them out of the dumpster. 00:02:24.941 --> 00:02:27.410 You didn't think I'd let you actually throw away your gear, did you? 00:02:27.660 --> 00:02:29.610 I fixed them for you. They should be fully functional. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:29.610 --> 00:02:33.723 And I've added a few...upgrades. 00:02:34.013 --> 00:02:37.638 (chuckles) You guys know you're the best friends ever, right? 00:02:37.748 --> 00:02:38.924 We are? 00:02:39.014 --> 00:02:40.316 Of course we are! 00:02:41.876 --> 00:02:43.448 Now let's go play some video games! 00:02:58.270 --> 00:03:00.238 (robot) Now we've seen some great action today, 00:03:00.238 --> 00:03:03.606 but this final match is the one that everyone is gabbing about. 00:03:03.986 --> 00:03:06.446 In the red corner: the leanest, the meanest NOTE Paragraph 00:03:06.536 --> 00:03:09.392 FPS-est varsity crew this school has ever seen. 00:03:09.672 --> 00:03:11.708 They must have a pretty good captain. 00:03:11.708 --> 00:03:16.384 (robot) And in the blue corner, a ragtag group led by Jenny Matrix, NOTE Paragraph 00:03:16.415 --> 00:03:19.331 who's fighting to be the first Sophomore ever to make it 00:03:19.331 --> 00:03:22.206 onto the VGHS varsity team. 00:03:22.336 --> 00:03:23.861 (sporstcaster) Doesn't help that she's down a man 00:03:23.861 --> 00:03:25.596 due to Brian D's expulsion. 00:03:25.606 --> 00:03:27.523 Yes, we've got you to thank for that, Law. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:27.523 --> 00:03:30.153 Look, when a troublemaker like Brian comes into a school-- 00:03:30.153 --> 00:03:32.462 STFU, Law, It's Brian D! 00:03:37.409 --> 00:03:38.344 Noo! 00:03:38.494 --> 00:03:39.454 No! NOTE Paragraph 00:03:40.254 --> 00:03:42.999 Don't you understand the meaning of the word "expelled", D? 00:03:43.399 --> 00:03:45.511 (D) I signed up. I'm still in the system. 00:03:45.511 --> 00:03:46.773 The rules say I can play. 00:03:46.773 --> 00:03:49.318 Pff, who sold you that load of molineux? NOTE Paragraph 00:03:49.468 --> 00:03:53.309 Huh? 'Round here I'm the dungeon keeper, and my rules are in black and white. 00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:55.077 Looks like your fable ends here. 00:03:55.077 --> 00:03:56.103 I know it does. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:56.533 --> 00:03:59.597 It was my dream to play on a VGHS team and I screwed it up. 00:03:59.697 --> 00:04:02.379 Yeah, you messed it up bad! Like a failure. 00:04:03.299 --> 00:04:04.801 So what are you doing on my battlefield? 00:04:05.041 --> 00:04:06.501 This isn't about you and me. 00:04:06.991 --> 00:04:08.471 It's not about getting back in. 00:04:08.471 --> 00:04:12.806 It's about one last chance to play with the best of the best. 00:04:14.336 --> 00:04:15.684 It's about playing the game. 00:04:17.414 --> 00:04:21.939 So at the end of the day, Calhoun, it's all about the game. 00:04:25.836 --> 00:04:26.991 GG, Brian D. 00:04:34.241 --> 00:04:35.286 He plays! 00:04:36.296 --> 00:04:37.921 I can't believe that worked. 00:04:38.171 --> 00:04:40.753 Check out Brian D's old school gear! 00:04:41.163 --> 00:04:43.184 Don't tell me that's the set-up piece he smoked you with, 00:04:43.184 --> 00:04:44.559 Law-lipop. 00:04:45.859 --> 00:04:48.726 All right, everybody calm down. The game is about to start. 00:04:53.922 --> 00:04:55.506 Showin' up late again, huh, Brian? 00:04:55.696 --> 00:04:57.053 You never seem to learn, do you? 00:04:57.863 --> 00:05:01.065 Rule number one, Ace. Never give up. 00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:04.726 (Ace) Rule number 271: Never quote my rules back to me. 00:05:04.856 --> 00:05:06.733 Now sit your punk ass down and best of luck to you. 00:05:17.083 --> 00:05:19.543 Y'all know the routine. You keep it clean out there. 00:05:21.883 --> 00:05:23.611 (Ace) Match begins in thirty seconds 00:05:23.611 --> 00:05:26.371 Get busy fraggin' or get busy dyin'. 00:05:26.985 --> 00:05:27.905 Countdown! 00:05:28.805 --> 00:05:30.104 All right, bring it in. 00:05:31.414 --> 00:05:33.731 You should've stayed home, Brian. You're going to ruin it for all of us. 00:05:33.921 --> 00:05:36.980 Yeah, you're expelled. You've no chance of making JV. 00:05:36.980 --> 00:05:39.476 Hey, I've seen these two cats meow 00:05:39.476 --> 00:05:41.272 and it's about to be a fancy feast tonight. 00:05:41.732 --> 00:05:43.054 You plan on bringing the thunder? 00:05:43.054 --> 00:05:43.923 You know it. 00:05:43.923 --> 00:05:45.005 Good enough for me. 00:05:45.355 --> 00:05:46.179 Jenny? 00:05:46.179 --> 00:05:48.733 Well, now that you've worked out your feelings, 00:05:49.023 --> 00:05:52.440 - are you ready to kick some ass?! - Yeah! 00:06:39.301 --> 00:06:40.569 We're pinned down on the left! 00:07:06.139 --> 00:07:09.339 Fry my circuits! D and Matrix just grabbed the case! 00:07:09.339 --> 00:07:13.044 Bust out your butts and put butt bibs on those butts zoners, 00:07:13.044 --> 00:07:15.444 because this gumbo is bubble. 00:07:15.674 --> 00:07:18.488 Please, grabbing the case is the easy part. 00:07:18.738 --> 00:07:20.864 Let's see how these butts do on the long one back. 00:07:31.016 --> 00:07:32.819 Hot crawdads, that kid can play. 00:07:34.259 --> 00:07:35.477 I hate that kid. 00:07:54.403 --> 00:07:57.395 Bullim! Underclassmen draw first blood! 00:07:57.395 --> 00:08:00.291 Law, it looks like your ex-girlfriend and arch rival 00:08:00.291 --> 00:08:02.758 are really kicking your team's ass. 00:08:33.749 --> 00:08:35.397 Jenny Matrix has almost done. 00:08:35.867 --> 00:08:39.040 These underclassmen are one point away from the biggest upset 00:08:39.040 --> 00:08:40.833 in clan tryout's history. 00:08:40.903 --> 00:08:44.257 And that's not all, shotbot. Another round like that, 00:08:44.257 --> 00:08:47.664 and Brian D. could actually get back into VGHS. 00:08:48.114 --> 00:08:49.925 Now how's that do ya, Law? 00:08:52.155 --> 00:08:53.377 He's gone. 00:08:54.097 --> 00:08:55.167 He left. 00:09:01.761 --> 00:09:04.698 All right, you three left flank. Everyone else with me. 00:09:05.108 --> 00:09:06.265 This is it, boys and girls-- 00:09:06.265 --> 00:09:08.012 THE LAW HAS ENTERED THE GAME! 00:09:08.012 --> 00:09:09.132 Wait, The Law?! 00:09:09.482 --> 00:09:10.516 Game over, man. 00:09:10.746 --> 00:09:12.619 Game all over our faces! 00:09:12.619 --> 00:09:13.845 Okay, everybody calm down. 00:09:13.845 --> 00:09:16.007 Don't panic. As long as we keep our-- 00:09:16.377 --> 00:09:17.430 (Law) HEADSHOT! 00:09:19.170 --> 00:09:20.318 Law'll ready for this? 00:09:20.428 --> 00:09:21.725 Run! 00:10:04.380 --> 00:10:05.248 Yowza! 00:10:05.248 --> 00:10:09.235 Lesson learned. Hell hath no fury like a Law scorned! NOTE Paragraph 00:10:27.112 --> 00:10:29.295 (robot) I know me some ownage, but that's got to be NOTE Paragraph 00:10:29.295 --> 00:10:31.483 one of the fastest case grabs I've ever-- 00:10:31.483 --> 00:10:33.243 Oh great Carmak's ghost! 00:10:33.423 --> 00:10:34.649 He scored again! 00:10:36.049 --> 00:10:36.965 (robot) Tie game. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:36.985 --> 00:10:38.807 You know what that means, Colonel Slanders. 00:10:38.807 --> 00:10:40.573 It's time for a sudden death! 00:10:40.743 --> 00:10:43.779 Three minutes, no respawns, no mercy. 00:10:44.129 --> 00:10:47.512 Ladies and gentlemen, it does not get better than this. 00:10:47.912 --> 00:10:52.020 Two incredible stories, one villain of Quakesperian proportions, 00:10:52.310 --> 00:10:54.653 and it all comes down to this final play. 00:10:56.903 --> 00:10:58.575 Jenny, Brian... 00:10:59.415 --> 00:11:00.547 make it a good one. 00:11:01.497 --> 00:11:04.716 Everybody, stop! We can still win this thing. 00:11:04.769 --> 00:11:06.860 Get real, Matrix. We're donezo. 00:11:06.890 --> 00:11:08.762 - The Law is coming-- - For me. 00:11:10.671 --> 00:11:14.095 The Law is here because I'm here, so I say let him have me. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:15.155 --> 00:11:17.008 You know you're almost back in school, right? 00:11:17.748 --> 00:11:18.926 I know. 00:11:20.426 --> 00:11:21.720 All right, here's the plan. 00:11:46.142 --> 00:11:48.851 LAW! (echoing) 00:11:52.251 --> 00:11:53.364 He's mine. 00:12:08.579 --> 00:12:09.486 Jenny. 00:12:10.046 --> 00:12:10.872 Law. 00:12:11.412 --> 00:12:12.792 Awkward! 00:12:13.542 --> 00:12:14.547 So... 00:12:14.897 --> 00:12:16.296 What's happening, captain? 00:12:17.206 --> 00:12:18.617 Should we just shoot each other? 00:12:18.617 --> 00:12:24.756 Oh, we could, but that won't get you on Varsity now, would it? 00:12:26.496 --> 00:12:30.787 Here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna go grab the intel. 00:12:31.622 --> 00:12:33.976 I'm gonna say hi to Brian. 00:12:34.956 --> 00:12:39.450 And I'll see you at Varsity practice tomorrow. 00:12:39.980 --> 00:12:41.849 You think I'd be caught dead on your team? 00:12:43.969 --> 00:12:45.836 Matrix, please. 00:12:48.486 --> 00:12:50.839 I should go before people start talking. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:03.343 --> 00:13:04.143 Hey, Brian. 00:13:04.143 --> 00:13:05.204 Argh. 00:13:05.254 --> 00:13:06.352 Argh! 00:13:06.352 --> 00:13:08.561 Jenny just shot me in the back. 00:13:09.771 --> 00:13:10.575 Oh wait, no. 00:13:10.575 --> 00:13:11.318 I'm sorry. 00:13:11.318 --> 00:13:12.939 She just stabbed you in the back! 00:13:17.928 --> 00:13:19.192 Really, Brian? 00:13:28.647 --> 00:13:29.844 Really? 00:13:33.718 --> 00:13:35.462 I gotta admire your gumption, kid. 00:13:38.092 --> 00:13:40.709 You really want to play this game one last time? 00:13:42.079 --> 00:13:43.171 Okay. 00:13:43.581 --> 00:13:47.292 But the clock's ticking, so why don't you put that 'nade on your noggin 00:13:47.539 --> 00:13:53.457 and we'll put this all "is anybody on Earth better than The Law" issue to bed. 00:14:03.939 --> 00:14:05.142 Brian... 00:14:05.852 --> 00:14:07.052 do the face. 00:14:08.252 --> 00:14:13.330 I'm not the bad guy here. You were nothing and noone 00:14:15.630 --> 00:14:19.372 and then you met me and the whole world gave you 00:14:19.372 --> 00:14:23.791 a shot and you blew it. 00:14:26.001 --> 00:14:27.428 You proved you were nothing. 00:14:29.008 --> 00:14:30.308 But surprise! 00:14:30.498 --> 00:14:36.610 Here's your pal, The Law, coming here to give you one last chance. 00:14:39.808 --> 00:14:46.659 So are you gonna take it? Come on, you've got nothing to lose. 00:14:50.698 --> 00:14:51.951 Almost nothing. 00:16:17.335 --> 00:16:18.862 Law, ready for that?! 00:16:26.896 --> 00:16:28.095 Brian D... 00:16:29.985 --> 00:16:31.157 Congratulations! 00:16:31.517 --> 00:16:33.948 You're once again the lowest ranked player in VGHS. NOTE Paragraph 00:17:04.316 --> 00:17:05.438 Welcome to the team. 00:17:06.388 --> 00:17:07.465 Thanks. 00:17:09.305 --> 00:17:10.507 I'm sorry about Varsity. 00:17:11.597 --> 00:17:12.802 It's okay. 00:17:13.262 --> 00:17:14.586 I'm happy with what I've got. NOTE Paragraph 00:17:26.742 --> 00:17:30.996 Sorry, that was completely unprofessional. 00:17:30.996 --> 00:17:32.098 It's okay. 00:17:32.958 --> 00:17:35.185 I am your captain now, though. 00:17:35.735 --> 00:17:38.720 Oh, well, it won't happen again. 00:17:39.470 --> 00:17:41.077 - Captain... - Good. 00:17:44.702 --> 00:17:46.692 That was your first kiss, wasn't it? 00:17:48.692 --> 00:17:50.376 And my last, 'cause now I'm going to go die. 00:17:50.476 --> 00:17:51.991 No, Brian, it was... 00:17:52.121 --> 00:17:53.534 I'm...(laughs) NOTE Paragraph 00:18:12.331 --> 00:18:13.572 That was better. 00:18:14.657 --> 00:18:15.984 Good... 00:18:19.324 --> 00:18:21.591 'cause that was the last one, right? 00:18:24.061 --> 00:18:25.080 Yeah. 00:18:28.180 --> 00:18:30.211 - I hate this school. - (laughs) 00:18:40.294 --> 00:18:41.718 Practice starts tomorrow. 00:18:44.538 --> 00:18:45.617 See you there.... 00:18:45.797 --> 00:18:46.801 captain. 00:18:54.318 --> 00:18:56.133 Hey, sorry, DK. I'll catch you later. 00:18:56.593 --> 00:18:59.792 Fare thee well, young Theodore, for we drift at daybreak. 00:18:59.792 --> 00:19:01.443 Oh, hey,Ted. Turns out your girlfriend 00:19:01.443 --> 00:19:04.053 here is quite the rocker. She can learn a thing or two 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:08.279 I'm sure she is, dad. She's pretty awesome at everything. 00:19:08.804 --> 00:19:11.166 Ted, you can play cool all you want, but we both know at the end of the day-- 00:19:11.166 --> 00:19:12.209 Look, it's Brian! 00:19:13.349 --> 00:19:14.654 Oh, see you later, pops. 00:19:19.894 --> 00:19:22.066 Brian freaking D! 00:19:24.386 --> 00:19:25.894 Congratulations, Brian. 00:19:25.894 --> 00:19:27.329 I knew you'd make it back! NOTE Paragraph 00:19:27.329 --> 00:19:28.699 Roommates forever! 00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:30.054 Thanks, guys. 00:19:30.054 --> 00:19:31.212 Whoa, you've made your teams! 00:19:31.212 --> 00:19:33.457 Yeah, she melted my old man's face off. 00:19:33.607 --> 00:19:34.524 Literally. 00:19:34.524 --> 00:19:37.404 Oh no, not literally, but I did do very well. 00:19:37.404 --> 00:19:38.504 So did Ted. 00:19:38.734 --> 00:19:41.194 Put your jacket on. Let's get some victory pizzas! 00:19:41.194 --> 00:19:42.804 Pizza sounds great right about now.