1 00:00:39,935 --> 00:00:43,648 Subtitles by MisterMascolo 2 00:00:49,318 --> 00:00:50,176 Wake up! 3 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,174 And smell the story, zoners. 4 00:00:52,244 --> 00:00:55,414 It's that time of the year again, when legends are ripped, 5 00:00:55,714 --> 00:00:59,170 screaming and bloody, from the womb of glory. 6 00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:01,894 That's just one of the many disgusting ways 7 00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:03,996 we'll be describing the white knuckle action 8 00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:06,967 of VGHS' FPS clan tryouts, 9 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,937 live here in our mobile news studio at Grand Theft Auditorium. 10 00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,340 And speaking of legends, 11 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,777 our special guest of today eats legends for brunch. 12 00:01:17,004 --> 00:01:19,461 Hey, Law, hope you grabbed a snack before the match. 13 00:01:19,591 --> 00:01:21,559 Ehm, I did Scott, thank you. 14 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,817 (insincere laughter) 15 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,870 So, Law, we've got 84 students gunning for just 16 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:29,193 12 JV and Varsity jackets. 17 00:01:29,193 --> 00:01:31,666 Any pro tips for your fellow mouse jockeys 18 00:01:31,666 --> 00:01:33,941 before they get needy for the death? 19 00:01:33,941 --> 00:01:39,022 Well, I don't know about pro tips, but let me tell you something 20 00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:41,850 I once told a promising young newblade. 21 00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:45,988 VGHS is about being the best. 22 00:01:47,178 --> 00:01:50,074 But you can't be the best unless you be yourself. 23 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:56,190 So before you walk into tryouts today, I want you to dig deep 24 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,854 before you walk through those doors. 25 00:01:59,674 --> 00:02:05,487 I want you to find out what drives you 'cause once you find that out, 26 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:12,763 once you know what it is to truly game, then nobody can break you. 27 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,982 (sighs) You guys ready to go? 28 00:02:20,362 --> 00:02:22,918 Chiba, Honzo! 29 00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:24,941 - How did you--? - Fished them out of the dumpster. 30 00:02:24,941 --> 00:02:27,410 You didn't think I'd let you actually throw away your gear, did you? 31 00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:29,610 I fixed them for you. They should be fully functional. 32 00:02:29,610 --> 00:02:33,723 And I've added a few...upgrades. 33 00:02:34,013 --> 00:02:37,638 (chuckles) You guys know you're the best friends ever, right? 34 00:02:37,748 --> 00:02:38,924 We are? 35 00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,316 Of course we are! 36 00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:43,448 Now let's go play some video games! 37 00:02:58,270 --> 00:03:00,238 (robot) Now we've seen some great action today, 38 00:03:00,238 --> 00:03:03,606 but this final match is the one that everyone is gabbing about. 39 00:03:03,986 --> 00:03:06,446 In the red corner: the leanest, the meanest 40 00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:09,392 FPS-est varsity crew this school has ever seen. 41 00:03:09,672 --> 00:03:11,708 They must have a pretty good captain. 42 00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:16,384 (robot) And in the blue corner, a ragtag group led by Jenny Matrix, 43 00:03:16,415 --> 00:03:19,331 who's fighting to be the first Sophomore ever to make it 44 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:22,206 onto the VGHS varsity team. 45 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,861 (sporstcaster) Doesn't help that she's down a man 46 00:03:23,861 --> 00:03:25,596 due to Brian D's expulsion. 47 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,523 Yes, we've got you to thank for that, Law. 48 00:03:27,523 --> 00:03:30,153 Look, when a troublemaker like Brian comes into a school-- 49 00:03:30,153 --> 00:03:32,462 STFU, Law, It's Brian D! 50 00:03:37,409 --> 00:03:38,344 Noo! 51 00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:39,454 No! 52 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,999 Don't you understand the meaning of the word "expelled", D? 53 00:03:43,399 --> 00:03:45,511 (D) I signed up. I'm still in the system. 54 00:03:45,511 --> 00:03:46,773 The rules say I can play. 55 00:03:46,773 --> 00:03:49,318 Pff, who sold you that load of molineux? 56 00:03:49,468 --> 00:03:53,309 Huh? 'Round here I'm the dungeon keeper, and my rules are in black and white. 57 00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:55,077 Looks like your fable ends here. 58 00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:56,103 I know it does. 59 00:03:56,533 --> 00:03:59,597 It was my dream to play on a VGHS team and I screwed it up. 60 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,379 Yeah, you messed it up bad! Like a failure. 61 00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:04,801 So what are you doing on my battlefield? 62 00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:06,501 This isn't about you and me. 63 00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:08,471 It's not about getting back in. 64 00:04:08,471 --> 00:04:12,806 It's about one last chance to play with the best of the best. 65 00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:15,684 It's about playing the game. 66 00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:21,939 So at the end of the day, Calhoun, it's all about the game. 67 00:04:25,836 --> 00:04:26,991 GG, Brian D. 68 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,286 He plays! 69 00:04:36,296 --> 00:04:37,921 I can't believe that worked. 70 00:04:38,171 --> 00:04:40,753 Check out Brian D's old school gear! 71 00:04:41,163 --> 00:04:43,184 Don't tell me that's the set-up piece he smoked you with, 72 00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:44,559 Law-lipop. 73 00:04:45,859 --> 00:04:48,726 All right, everybody calm down. The game is about to start. 74 00:04:53,922 --> 00:04:55,506 Showin' up late again, huh, Brian? 75 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,053 You never seem to learn, do you? 76 00:04:57,863 --> 00:05:01,065 Rule number one, Ace. Never give up. 77 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,726 (Ace) Rule number 271: Never quote my rules back to me. 78 00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:06,733 Now sit your punk ass down and best of luck to you. 79 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,543 Y'all know the routine. You keep it clean out there. 80 00:05:21,883 --> 00:05:23,611 (Ace) Match begins in thirty seconds 81 00:05:23,611 --> 00:05:26,371 Get busy fraggin' or get busy dyin'. 82 00:05:26,985 --> 00:05:27,905 Countdown! 83 00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,104 All right, bring it in. 84 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,731 You should've stayed home, Brian. You're going to ruin it for all of us. 85 00:05:33,921 --> 00:05:36,980 Yeah, you're expelled. You've no chance of making JV. 86 00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:39,476 Hey, I've seen these two cats meow 87 00:05:39,476 --> 00:05:41,272 and it's about to be a fancy feast tonight. 88 00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:43,054 You plan on bringing the thunder? 89 00:05:43,054 --> 00:05:43,923 You know it. 90 00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:45,005 Good enough for me. 91 00:05:45,355 --> 00:05:46,179 Jenny? 92 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,733 Well, now that you've worked out your feelings, 93 00:05:49,023 --> 00:05:52,440 - are you ready to kick some ass?! - Yeah! 94 00:06:39,301 --> 00:06:40,569 We're pinned down on the left! 95 00:07:06,139 --> 00:07:09,339 Fry my circuits! D and Matrix just grabbed the case! 96 00:07:09,339 --> 00:07:13,044 Bust out your butts and put butt bibs on those butts zoners, 97 00:07:13,044 --> 00:07:15,444 because this gumbo is bubble. 98 00:07:15,674 --> 00:07:18,488 Please, grabbing the case is the easy part. 99 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,864 Let's see how these butts do on the long one back. 100 00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:32,819 Hot crawdads, that kid can play. 101 00:07:34,259 --> 00:07:35,477 I hate that kid. 102 00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:57,395 Bullim! Underclassmen draw first blood! 103 00:07:57,395 --> 00:08:00,291 Law, it looks like your ex-girlfriend and arch rival 104 00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:02,758 are really kicking your team's ass. 105 00:08:33,749 --> 00:08:35,397 Jenny Matrix has almost done. 106 00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:39,040 These underclassmen are one point away from the biggest upset 107 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,833 in clan tryout's history. 108 00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:44,257 And that's not all, shotbot. Another round like that, 109 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:47,664 and Brian D. could actually get back into VGHS. 110 00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:49,925 Now how's that do ya, Law? 111 00:08:52,155 --> 00:08:53,377 He's gone. 112 00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:55,167 He left. 113 00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:04,698 All right, you three left flank. Everyone else with me. 114 00:09:05,108 --> 00:09:06,265 This is it, boys and girls-- 115 00:09:06,265 --> 00:09:08,012 THE LAW HAS ENTERED THE GAME! 116 00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:09,132 Wait, The Law?! 117 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:10,516 Game over, man. 118 00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:12,619 Game all over our faces! 119 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,845 Okay, everybody calm down. 120 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,007 Don't panic. As long as we keep our-- 121 00:09:16,377 --> 00:09:17,430 (Law) HEADSHOT! 122 00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,318 Law'll ready for this? 123 00:09:20,428 --> 00:09:21,725 Run! 124 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:05,248 Yowza! 125 00:10:05,248 --> 00:10:09,235 Lesson learned. Hell hath no fury like a Law scorned! 126 00:10:27,112 --> 00:10:29,295 (robot) I know me some ownage, but that's got to be 127 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,483 one of the fastest case grabs I've ever-- 128 00:10:31,483 --> 00:10:33,243 Oh great Carmak's ghost! 129 00:10:33,423 --> 00:10:34,649 He scored again! 130 00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:36,965 (robot) Tie game. 131 00:10:36,985 --> 00:10:38,807 You know what that means, Colonel Slanders. 132 00:10:38,807 --> 00:10:40,573 It's time for a sudden death! 133 00:10:40,743 --> 00:10:43,779 Three minutes, no respawns, no mercy. 134 00:10:44,129 --> 00:10:47,512 Ladies and gentlemen, it does not get better than this. 135 00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:52,020 Two incredible stories, one villain of Quakesperian proportions, 136 00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:54,653 and it all comes down to this final play. 137 00:10:56,903 --> 00:10:58,575 Jenny, Brian... 138 00:10:59,415 --> 00:11:00,547 make it a good one. 139 00:11:01,497 --> 00:11:04,716 Everybody, stop! We can still win this thing. 140 00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:06,860 Get real, Matrix. We're donezo. 141 00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:08,762 - The Law is coming-- - For me. 142 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,095 The Law is here because I'm here, so I say let him have me. 143 00:11:15,155 --> 00:11:17,008 You know you're almost back in school, right? 144 00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:18,926 I know. 145 00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:21,720 All right, here's the plan. 146 00:11:46,142 --> 00:11:48,851 LAW! (echoing) 147 00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:53,364 He's mine. 148 00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:09,486 Jenny. 149 00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:10,872 Law. 150 00:12:11,412 --> 00:12:12,792 Awkward! 151 00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:14,547 So... 152 00:12:14,897 --> 00:12:16,296 What's happening, captain? 153 00:12:17,206 --> 00:12:18,617 Should we just shoot each other? 154 00:12:18,617 --> 00:12:24,756 Oh, we could, but that won't get you on Varsity now, would it? 155 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:30,787 Here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna go grab the intel. 156 00:12:31,622 --> 00:12:33,976 I'm gonna say hi to Brian. 157 00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:39,450 And I'll see you at Varsity practice tomorrow. 158 00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:41,849 You think I'd be caught dead on your team? 159 00:12:43,969 --> 00:12:45,836 Matrix, please. 160 00:12:48,486 --> 00:12:50,839 I should go before people start talking. 161 00:13:03,343 --> 00:13:04,143 Hey, Brian. 162 00:13:04,143 --> 00:13:05,204 Argh. 163 00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:06,352 Argh! 164 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,561 Jenny just shot me in the back. 165 00:13:09,771 --> 00:13:10,575 Oh wait, no. 166 00:13:10,575 --> 00:13:11,318 I'm sorry. 167 00:13:11,318 --> 00:13:12,939 She just stabbed you in the back! 168 00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,192 Really, Brian? 169 00:13:28,647 --> 00:13:29,844 Really? 170 00:13:33,718 --> 00:13:35,462 I gotta admire your gumption, kid. 171 00:13:38,092 --> 00:13:40,709 You really want to play this game one last time? 172 00:13:42,079 --> 00:13:43,171 Okay. 173 00:13:43,581 --> 00:13:47,292 But the clock's ticking, so why don't you put that 'nade on your noggin 174 00:13:47,539 --> 00:13:53,457 and we'll put this all "is anybody on Earth better than The Law" issue to bed. 175 00:14:03,939 --> 00:14:05,142 Brian... 176 00:14:05,852 --> 00:14:07,052 do the face. 177 00:14:08,252 --> 00:14:13,330 I'm not the bad guy here. You were nothing and noone 178 00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:19,372 and then you met me and the whole world gave you 179 00:14:19,372 --> 00:14:23,791 a shot and you blew it. 180 00:14:26,001 --> 00:14:27,428 You proved you were nothing. 181 00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:30,308 But surprise! 182 00:14:30,498 --> 00:14:36,610 Here's your pal, The Law, coming here to give you one last chance. 183 00:14:39,808 --> 00:14:46,659 So are you gonna take it? Come on, you've got nothing to lose. 184 00:14:50,698 --> 00:14:51,951 Almost nothing. 185 00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:18,862 Law, ready for that?! 186 00:16:26,896 --> 00:16:28,095 Brian D... 187 00:16:29,985 --> 00:16:31,157 Congratulations! 188 00:16:31,517 --> 00:16:33,948 You're once again the lowest ranked player in VGHS. 189 00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:05,438 Welcome to the team. 190 00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:07,465 Thanks. 191 00:17:09,305 --> 00:17:10,507 I'm sorry about Varsity. 192 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,802 It's okay. 193 00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:14,586 I'm happy with what I've got. 194 00:17:26,742 --> 00:17:30,996 Sorry, that was completely unprofessional. 195 00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,098 It's okay. 196 00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:35,185 I am your captain now, though. 197 00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:38,720 Oh, well, it won't happen again. 198 00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:41,077 - Captain... - Good. 199 00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:46,692 That was your first kiss, wasn't it? 200 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,376 And my last, 'cause now I'm going to go die. 201 00:17:50,476 --> 00:17:51,991 No, Brian, it was... 202 00:17:52,121 --> 00:17:53,534 I'm...(laughs) 203 00:18:12,331 --> 00:18:13,572 That was better. 204 00:18:14,657 --> 00:18:15,984 Good... 205 00:18:19,324 --> 00:18:21,591 'cause that was the last one, right? 206 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,080 Yeah. 207 00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:30,211 - I hate this school. - (laughs) 208 00:18:40,294 --> 00:18:41,718 Practice starts tomorrow. 209 00:18:44,538 --> 00:18:45,617 See you there.... 210 00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:46,801 captain. 211 00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:56,133 Hey, sorry, DK. I'll catch you later. 212 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,792 Fare thee well, young Theodore, for we drift at daybreak. 213 00:18:59,792 --> 00:19:01,443 Oh, hey,Ted. Turns out your girlfriend 214 00:19:01,443 --> 00:19:04,053 here is quite the rocker. She can learn a thing or two 215 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,279 I'm sure she is, dad. She's pretty awesome at everything. 216 00:19:08,804 --> 00:19:11,166 Ted, you can play cool all you want, but we both know at the end of the day-- 217 00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,209 Look, it's Brian! 218 00:19:13,349 --> 00:19:14,654 Oh, see you later, pops. 219 00:19:19,894 --> 00:19:22,066 Brian freaking D! 220 00:19:24,386 --> 00:19:25,894 Congratulations, Brian. 221 00:19:25,894 --> 00:19:27,329 I knew you'd make it back! 222 00:19:27,329 --> 00:19:28,699 Roommates forever! 223 00:19:28,759 --> 00:19:30,054 Thanks, guys. 224 00:19:30,054 --> 00:19:31,212 Whoa, you've made your teams! 225 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,457 Yeah, she melted my old man's face off. 226 00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,524 Literally. 227 00:19:34,524 --> 00:19:37,404 Oh no, not literally, but I did do very well. 228 00:19:37,404 --> 00:19:38,504 So did Ted. 229 00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,194 Put your jacket on. Let's get some victory pizzas! 230 00:19:41,194 --> 00:19:42,804 Pizza sounds great right about now.