– I bought something from you last week, and I'm very disappointed.

– Oh yeah? What's the problem?

– Yeah, well, my blackberry is not working.

[laughter, applause]

– What's the matter, it run out of juice?

[laughter]

– No, no, it's completely frozen!

[knocking on table]

– Oh, yeah, I can see that.

I tell you what: let's try it on orange.

[laughter]

– That's got a few black spots, you see...

– Oh, dear, yes. Sorry about that.

– Well, is there anything I can do to get my blackberry working?

– Well, could be an application issue.

Where'd you store that Blackberry?

– Well, it was on my desktop.

– Well, you could try using a mouse to drag the blackberry to the trash.

[laughter]

Then after you've done that,

you might wanna launch the blackberry from the desktop.

[laughter]

– Well, I've already tried that a few times.

I mean, all it did was mess up windows.

[laughter]

– [clears throat] Well, it might be worth waiting a couple of weeks.

They've got the latest blackberries coming in then.

– Well, could you give me a date?

– Certainly.

[laughter]

– Let me put that date in my diary.

[laughter]

– Anything else I can help you with?

– Yes, yes. I've also got a problem, to be honest,

with my apple.

[laughter]

– Oh, dear, oh, dear. That is an old apple, isn't it?

– Yeah. – When'd you buy that?

– Last week.

– Last week? They've brought out two new apples since then!

[laughter]

What's the problem with it?

– Well, I tried to put my dongle in it...

[laughter]

and it won't fit.

– Oh, yeah.

[laughter]

And how big's your dongle?

– Well, I don't know much about these things,

but my wife's seen a few dongles in her time...

[laughter]

and she says a little bit on the small side.

[laughter]

– Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do about that.

Tell you what: let me try booting it.

[glass shatters]

Now it's crashed.

[laughter, applause]

Anything else I can help you with?

– Well, funnily enough, yes.

My grandson's birthday's soon. – Oh, yeah.

– Now, he's already got an apple and a blackberry.

I mean, have you got anything else that he might just like?

– Well, we're doing a special offer on these.

I mean, I can't make head or tail of them,

but the kids seem to like them.

– Oh yeah? – "Eggs box," £3.60.

[laughter]