0:00:00.992,0:00:02.445
Demak, biz shu yerdamiz.

0:00:02.469,0:00:05.524
Men uydaman, aminmanki, sizlarning[br]ko'pchiligingiz ham uydasiz.

0:00:05.548,0:00:07.633
Biz hammamiz tushunishni boshladik

0:00:07.657,0:00:09.712
qanday qilib bir-birimizga

0:00:09.736,0:00:10.903
bo'lgan aloqalarimiz

0:00:10.927,0:00:12.224
va biz yashaydigan joylar

0:00:12.248,0:00:15.669
o'ziga xoslik hissimiz va maqsadimizga [br]qanchalik ta'sir qilishini.

0:00:15.693,0:00:18.542
Ko'p narsa keskin o'zgardi.

0:00:18.566,0:00:21.936
Hozirda har qachongidan ko'ra[br]biz bir-birimizdan uzoqmiz.

0:00:21.960,0:00:23.516
Lekin men sizga aytsam

0:00:23.540,0:00:27.904
yuragingizdan qo'lingizgacha [br]bo'lgan yo'lni topa olasiz

0:00:27.928,0:00:29.829
qayta bog'lanish uchun.

0:00:29.853,0:00:33.861
Bu esa amaliyot orqali bo'ladi,[br]borliqni qabul qilgan holda.

0:00:33.885,0:00:36.879
Sizga o'y-xayolingizni qayta ishga [br]tushirishga yordam beraman

0:00:36.903,0:00:40.379
bu yangi reallikni zavq,

0:00:40.403,0:00:44.026
ishtiyoq, tasavvur va umid bilan [br]qaytadan kashf qilishga.

0:00:44.050,0:00:46.804
Buning uchun bor yog'i qalam kerak,

0:00:47.582,0:00:48.916
sizga yo'l ko'rsatish uchun.

0:00:48.940,0:00:50.709
Boshidan boshlasam,

0:00:50.733,0:00:54.403
Bolaligim janubiy Londondagi [br]nohiyada o'tgan.

0:00:54.427,0:00:55.982
Men boshqacha edim.

0:00:56.006,0:00:57.816
Olti farzandning to'ng'ichi edim,

0:00:57.840,0:00:59.998
barchalarini qiyofasi[br]haqiqiy inglizcha edi:

0:01:00.022,0:01:02.553
malla soch, ko'k ko'zlar, juda yoqimli.

0:01:02.577,0:01:03.777
Buyoqda esa men:

0:01:03.801,0:01:06.984
yarim nigeriyalik, jigarrang, [br]va jingalak sochli.

0:01:07.339,0:01:10.077
Agar boshqacha ko'rinsangiz[br]nima bo'ladi?

0:01:10.101,0:01:11.514
Boshqacha his qilsangiz,

0:01:11.538,0:01:13.709
ko'plab hollarda,[br]boshqacha o'ylasangiz,

0:01:13.733,0:01:16.966
atrofdagi hammadan ajralib tursangiz.

0:01:16.990,0:01:22.354
Qanday qilib qorong'ulik, irqchillik, [br]gomofoblik, yolg'izlikdan chiqib,

0:01:22.378,0:01:24.331
o'z yo'lingizni topishingiz mumkin?

0:01:24.355,0:01:26.423
Shu joyida qalam yordamga keladi.

0:01:26.836,0:01:28.450
Men chizishni boshladim.

0:01:28.474,0:01:30.545
Ko'rib turganingizdek, menda bu qalam bor

0:01:30.569,0:01:32.180
va u o'z manzilini biladi.

0:01:32.204,0:01:34.799
Men esa unga qanday [br]ergashishni juda yaxshi bilaman.

0:01:34.823,0:01:38.125
Birinchi qilgan ishim, [br]chiziq ortidan ergashdim,

0:01:38.149,0:01:40.899
va men o'zimni menga ishonmagan

0:01:40.923,0:01:43.603
ushbu [br]madaniyatdan xalos qildim.

0:01:43.944,0:01:45.804
Men qalamimga ishondim

0:01:45.828,0:01:48.569
va u meni [br]Sentral Saint Martinz ga yetakladi,

0:01:48.593,0:01:50.815
Londondagi ajoyib san'at maktabi.

0:01:50.839,0:01:53.362
va ayni yoshlik chog'imda bitirdim.

0:01:53.386,0:01:57.463
Lekin, shuni angladimki [br]men uchun Londonda joy yo'q edi,

0:01:57.487,0:02:00.133
chunki, xoh ishoning, xoh ishonmang

0:02:00.157,0:02:03.519
Angliya haligacha sinf tizimi [br]chuqur ildiz otgan

0:02:03.543,0:02:04.704
mamlakatdir.

0:02:04.728,0:02:10.671
Ishchi oiladan bo'lgan, yosh, qora tanli, [br]gey rassom ayol sifatida,

0:02:10.695,0:02:12.425
Menda imkoniyat yo'q edi.

0:02:12.449,0:02:15.283
Shuning uchun men Londonni tark etib,[br]Yaponiyaga yo'l oldim.

0:02:15.307,0:02:19.276
U yerda meni qayerdan ekanligimning[br]ahamiyati yo'q edi.

0:02:19.300,0:02:21.251
Men shunchaki bir "gaijin" edim,

0:02:21.275,0:02:24.206
u "boshqacha" degan ma'noni[br]bildiradi.

0:02:24.606,0:02:28.669
Odamlar yaratuvchanlik va hunarni[br]e'zozlaydigan madaniyatga singib ketdim.

0:02:28.693,0:02:31.879
U yerda odamlar hunarini [br]avlodlar davomida sayqallashtiradi.

0:02:31.903,0:02:34.910
Bu madaniyat ham joyning, ham vaqtning [br]qadriga yetadi,

0:02:34.934,0:02:37.826
shuning uchun rassomlar[br]erkinlik bilan ijod qila olishadi.

0:02:38.282,0:02:41.813
Shu tarzda men bir joyni kashf qildim.

0:02:42.155,0:02:44.369
Tokioda umuman yomonlik ko'rmadim.

0:02:44.393,0:02:46.903
ijod qilish uchun g'azab

0:02:46.927,0:02:48.465
yoki og'riq endi menda yo'q edi.

0:02:48.489,0:02:52.253
Men o'zimga boshqa joydan ijod qilishga [br]izn berdim

0:02:52.812,0:02:55.693
va men ushbu ajoyib narsani topdim

0:02:55.717,0:02:58.672
qog'ozdagi chiziqlardan chiqib ketishni.

0:02:58.696,0:03:00.070
Men shu narsani topdim

0:03:00.094,0:03:02.807
va u boshimni yuragimga,

0:03:02.831,0:03:04.831
qo'limni esa hamma narsaga bog'ladi.

0:03:05.463,0:03:08.066
Men dunyoni o'zgacha nazar bilan [br]ko'ra boshladim.

0:03:08.090,0:03:09.979
Men burchaklarda bog'liqlikni topdim

0:03:10.003,0:03:12.966
va o'zim oldin bilmagan [br]muammolarga yechimlar topdim.

0:03:12.990,0:03:16.252
bu xuddi shunday dunyoki, [br]uning oq-qorasini

0:03:16.276,0:03:17.915
shundoq ko'rish mumkin.

0:03:17.939,0:03:19.371
Shunday ekan,

0:03:19.395,0:03:21.283
boshqa qo'rquv qolmadi.

0:03:21.307,0:03:23.569
Mening qalamim huddi fonusdek

0:03:23.593,0:03:26.053
va ko'plab narsalar hali noma'lum edi,

0:03:26.077,0:03:27.467
biroq bu qo'rqinchli emasdi.

0:03:27.861,0:03:31.926
Besh yil Yaponiyada yashab, [br]hunarimni rivojlantirganimdan keyin,

0:03:31.950,0:03:34.400
Menga endi yangi cho'qqilar kerak edi,

0:03:34.903,0:03:36.110
Keyin Nyu-Yorkka ketdim,

0:03:36.134,0:03:38.379
chunki rassom sifatida[br]shunday qilish kerak edi,

0:03:38.403,0:03:40.394
Dunyoning eng zo'r shahriga ko'chish,

0:03:40.418,0:03:41.642
shunga imkon berardiki

0:03:41.666,0:03:45.873
siz o'zingizni butunlay[br]ko'rinmasdek his qilasiz.

0:03:46.788,0:03:49.882
Mana shu payt men o'zimdan[br]so'ray boshladim,

0:03:49.906,0:03:52.255
"Sen kimsan o'zi?"

0:03:52.279,0:03:55.288
Tongda uyg'onib, [br]kunimni boshlashdan oldin,

0:03:55.312,0:03:57.006
Shu haqida chuqur o'ylardim.

0:03:57.030,0:03:58.991
Shu hayol bilan

0:03:59.015,0:04:00.498
chizishni davom ettirdim.

0:04:00.522,0:04:02.124
Men chiziq ortidan ergashdim

0:04:02.148,0:04:03.791
va qalamim yo'l boshladi.

0:04:03.815,0:04:05.995
Qalamni olishga

0:04:06.019,0:04:08.653
hammaning imkoni bor.

0:04:08.677,0:04:12.077
Men shunchaki o'zimni bo'sh qo'yardim,

0:04:12.101,0:04:16.014
barcha o'y-xayol, qo'rquv,[br]xatarlardan halos etib.

0:04:16.038,0:04:17.688
Yo'limda uchragan har narsa,

0:04:17.712,0:04:20.490
o'zligimga halaqit beradigan narsalar

0:04:20.514,0:04:23.726
o'ziga xos erkinlikni [br]his qilishimimga olib keldi.

0:04:23.750,0:04:25.361
Nyu-Yorkka kelganimda,

0:04:25.385,0:04:28.090
Men san'at qoidalariga [br]rioya qilishni istamadim.

0:04:28.114,0:04:31.288
Men o'zimning boshqacha bo'lgan [br]san'atimni davom ettirdim

0:04:31.312,0:04:32.796
va chizishda davom etdim.

0:04:33.249,0:04:36.069
Qiziquvchanlik qalamim uchun [br]siyoh bo'ldi

0:04:36.093,0:04:38.355
va men chuqurroq shug'ullana boshladim.

0:04:38.379,0:04:42.829
Vaqt o'tib, o'zimga yaxshigina, [br]ishonchli bo'sh joy yaratdim,

0:04:42.853,0:04:44.909
faqat meniki bo'lgan bo'sh joy.

0:04:44.933,0:04:47.274
Boshida, bu shunchaki[br]yotoqxonam edi.

0:04:47.298,0:04:50.320
Ammo o'sha yotoqxonam. [br]"Nyu-York Tayms" da tugadi

0:04:50.344,0:04:53.222
va kutilmaganda meni taniy boshlashdi

0:04:53.246,0:04:55.246
o'zim yaratgan dunyo uchun.

0:04:56.034,0:04:57.213
O'shandan beri,

0:04:57.237,0:05:00.744
eng atoqli rassomlar [br]bilan hamkorlik qilib, ijod qildim,

0:05:00.768,0:05:02.655
institutlar bilan ham,

0:05:02.679,0:05:04.855
Tayms Skverdagi ekranlardan tortib,

0:05:04.879,0:05:08.934
Nyu-York shahri Baletigacha,[br]rassomchilik seriyalarida qatnashdim.

0:05:08.958,0:05:11.434
U yerda men [br]bir qator raqqoslar bilan gaplshdim.

0:05:11.458,0:05:14.181
Ularning so'zlari va hikoyalari [br]asos bo'lib xizmat qildi

0:05:14.205,0:05:16.950
30 dan ortiq chizmalar [br]va san'at asarlari uchun,

0:05:16.974,0:05:19.268
Ular tomosha devorlari,

0:05:19.292,0:05:21.467
derazalar va pollarni qoplagan edi,

0:05:22.249,0:05:23.495
Uzoq vaqt davomida,

0:05:23.519,0:05:26.725
Men o'y-xayol va she'riyat uchun[br]joy yaratishni xohladim.

0:05:26.749,0:05:28.029
2019-yilda esa,

0:05:28.053,0:05:30.363
Menga shunday qilishga [br]imkon berildi,

0:05:30.387,0:05:32.198
"Trast of Gavernors Ayland" tomonidan.

0:05:32.585,0:05:35.085
Ular menga mukammal joy berishdi,

0:05:35.109,0:05:37.577
sobiq harbiy ibodatxona ko'rinishidagi.

0:05:37.601,0:05:39.349
"May oyi uyi" bilan tanishing.

0:05:39.792,0:05:43.926
Tashqi tarafdagi rasmlar "Ayland" [br]tarixidan ilhomlanib chizilgan.

0:05:43.950,0:05:46.601
Siz ichkariga kirib, [br]oyog'ingizni yechasiz

0:05:46.625,0:05:49.395
va polda labirinit shaklidagi[br]rasmni ko'rasiz,

0:05:49.419,0:05:50.990
u sizni o'zingizga olib boradi.

0:05:51.014,0:05:53.585
Bu tinchlanishga bo'lgan chaqiriqdir

0:05:53.609,0:05:57.222
va shu tarzda siz devorda [br]so'zlarni ko'rinshingiz mumkin.

0:05:57.246,0:05:58.968
"Donishmand bo'ling."

0:05:58.992,0:06:01.066
"Kechasi tinch uxlang."

0:06:01.090,0:06:03.275
"Daraxtlarni asraymiz."

0:06:03.299,0:06:05.826
"Siz... ." "Siz... ."Biz... . "

0:06:05.850,0:06:08.934
Bu so'zlar xuddi sizdan chiqayotgandek

0:06:08.958,0:06:10.598
yoki sizga singib ketayotgandek.

0:06:12.074,0:06:14.749
Men chizgan chizig'imga [br]til bo'lishiga imkon berdim,

0:06:14.773,0:06:17.471
xuddi hayot kabi ochilgan tilga o'xshab.

0:06:17.495,0:06:19.034
Sukunat yuzaga kelganda,

0:06:19.058,0:06:21.609
Men suhbatdan bog'liqlik izladim,

0:06:21.633,0:06:24.353
Noqulaylikni yo'qotish uchun, [br]savollar so'ragan holda.

0:06:24.377,0:06:27.467
Chizish menga o'z qoidalarimni[br]yaratishni o'rgatdi.

0:06:27.916,0:06:31.822
u meni ko'zimni ochdi,[br]nafaqat bor narsalarni ko'rishni,

0:06:31.846,0:06:33.160
balki nima[br]bo'laolishini ham

0:06:33.184,0:06:35.715
va darz ketgan tizimlar bo'lsa,

0:06:35.739,0:06:40.656
biz yangilarini yaratamiz, ish beradigan [br]va hammaga foydasi tegadiganini,

0:06:40.680,0:06:42.680
ozchilikdan tanlagandan ko'ra.

0:06:43.046,0:06:45.939
Chizish menga dunyo bilan [br]qanday aloqa qilishni o'rgatdi

0:06:46.288,0:06:49.820
va chizgan chiziqlarimni tilidan[br]shuni angladimki,

0:06:49.844,0:06:52.383
eng muhumi tanilishda emas,

0:06:52.407,0:06:55.493
balki biz boshqalarga[br]nima bera olishimzda

0:06:55.517,0:06:59.223
va erkinlik orqali[br]ko'ra olish imkonida.

0:06:59.247,0:07:00.856
Bu to'g'ridan-to'g'ri ma'nodamas,

0:07:00.880,0:07:04.222
Chunki ko'z bila ko'rish,[br]ko'rishning bir tomonidir.

0:07:04.246,0:07:07.934
Aytmoqchi bo'lganim, dunyoni[br]to'laligicha tajribada his qilishdir,

0:07:07.958,0:07:11.466
yoki, yanada qiyin sinovlar paytida,

0:07:11.490,0:07:13.693
xuddi biz bugun duch kelgan [br]sinovdagidek.

0:07:13.717,0:07:15.096
Men Shantell Martinman.

0:07:15.120,0:07:16.271
Men rasm chizaman

0:07:16.295,0:07:18.212
va men sizni qalam tutishga chaqiraman.

0:07:18.236,0:07:20.188
U sizni qayerga yetaklashini ko'ring.

0:07:20.212,0:07:23.071
(Musiqa)