So, what is empathy,
and why is it very different than sympathy?
Empathy
fuels connection.
Sympathy drives disconnection.
Empathy is very interesting. Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied
professions,
very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and
came up with four qualities of empathy. Perspective,
taking
the ability to take the perspective of another
person or recognize their perspective as their truth.
Staying out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do.
Recognizing emotion in other people and then communicating that.
Empathy
is feeling with people.
And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space
when someone's kind of in a deep hole and they shout out from the bottom and they say
"I'm stuck, it's dark, I'm overwhelmed."
And then, we look and we say, "Hey—you climb down—
I know what it's like down here,
and you're not alone."
Sympathy is,
"Oh,
it's bad. Uh-huh."
"Uh... No."
"You want a sandwich?"
Umm...
Empathy is a choice, and it's a vulnerable
choice because in order to connect with you,
I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.
Rarely if ever does an empathic response begin with at least
I had a, yeah...
And we do it all the time because you know what,
someone just shared something with us that's incredibly painful,
and we're trying to silver lining it. I don't think that's a verb,
but I'm using it as one.
We're trying to put the silver lining around it. So,
I had a miscarriage.
At least, you know, you can get pregnant. I think my marriage is falling apart.
At least you have a marriage.
John's getting kicked out of school. At least Sarah is an A student.
But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations
is we try to make things better.
If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say,
"I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just so glad you told me."
Because the truth is rarely can a response make something better.
What makes something better is connection.