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So, what is empathy,

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and why is it very different than sympathy?

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Empathy

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fuels connection.

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Sympathy drives disconnection.

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Empathy is very interesting. Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied

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professions,

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very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and

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came up with four qualities of empathy. Perspective,

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taking

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the ability to take the perspective of another

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person or recognize their perspective as their truth.

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Staying out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do.

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Recognizing emotion in other people and then communicating that.

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Empathy

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is feeling with people.

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And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space

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when someone's kind of in a deep hole and they shout out from the bottom and they say

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"I'm stuck, it's dark, I'm overwhelmed."

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And then, we look and we say, "Hey—you climb down—

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I know what it's like down here,

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and you're not alone."

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Sympathy is,

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"Oh,

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it's bad. Uh-huh."

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"Uh... No."

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"You want a sandwich?"

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Umm...

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Empathy is a choice, and it's a vulnerable

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choice because in order to connect with you,

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I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.

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Rarely if ever does an empathic response begin with at least

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I had a, yeah...

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And we do it all the time because you know what,

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someone just shared something with us that's incredibly painful,

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and we're trying to silver lining it. I don't think that's a verb,

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but I'm using it as one.

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We're trying to put the silver lining around it. So,

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I had a miscarriage.

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At least, you know, you can get pregnant. I think my marriage is falling apart.

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At least you have a marriage.

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John's getting kicked out of school. At least Sarah is an A student.

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But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations

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is we try to make things better.

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If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say,

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"I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just so glad you told me."

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Because the truth is rarely can a response make something better.

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What makes something better is connection.