0:00:00.760,0:00:04.776 Today I stand before you[br]as a man who lives life to the full 0:00:04.800,0:00:06.040 in the here and now. 0:00:07.280,0:00:08.936 But for a long time, 0:00:08.960,0:00:10.160 I lived for death. 0:00:11.920,0:00:13.536 I was a young man who believed 0:00:13.560,0:00:18.120 that jihad is to be understood[br]in the language of force and violence. 0:00:20.760,0:00:24.000 I tried to right wrongs[br]through power and aggression. 0:00:25.440,0:00:29.880 I had deep concerns[br]for the suffering of others 0:00:30.760,0:00:34.000 and a strong desire[br]to help and bring relief to them. 0:00:37.120,0:00:40.456 I thought violent jihad was noble, 0:00:40.480,0:00:41.816 chivalrous 0:00:41.840,0:00:43.160 and the best way to help. 0:00:45.640,0:00:47.536 At a time when so many of our people -- 0:00:47.560,0:00:48.816 young people especially -- 0:00:48.840,0:00:50.400 are at risk of radicalization 0:00:51.400,0:00:53.096 through groups like al-Qaeda, 0:00:53.120,0:00:54.960 Islamic State and others, 0:00:55.880,0:00:57.336 when these groups are claiming 0:00:57.360,0:01:02.416 that their horrific brutality[br]and violence are true jihad, 0:01:02.440,0:01:06.616 I want to say that their idea[br]of jihad is wrong -- 0:01:06.640,0:01:07.976 completely wrong -- 0:01:08.000,0:01:09.200 as was mine, then. 0:01:11.200,0:01:13.560 Jihad means to strive to one's utmost. 0:01:14.440,0:01:17.456 It includes exertion and spirituality, 0:01:17.480,0:01:18.976 self-purification 0:01:19.000,0:01:20.200 and devotion. 0:01:22.480,0:01:25.256 It refers to positive transformation 0:01:25.280,0:01:29.376 through learning, wisdom[br]and remembrance of God. 0:01:29.400,0:01:32.640 The word jihad stands[br]for all those meanings as a whole. 0:01:34.920,0:01:39.336 Jihad may at times[br]take the form of fighting, 0:01:39.360,0:01:40.560 but only sometimes, 0:01:41.200,0:01:42.920 under strict conditions, 0:01:44.200,0:01:46.160 within rules and limits. 0:01:47.840,0:01:49.056 In Islam, 0:01:49.080,0:01:54.080 the benefit of an act must outweigh[br]the harm or hardship it entails. 0:01:55.240,0:01:56.976 More importantly, 0:01:57.000,0:02:01.736 the verses in the Koran[br]that are connected to jihad or fighting 0:02:01.760,0:02:07.336 do not cancel out the verses[br]that talk about forgiveness, 0:02:07.360,0:02:08.656 benevolence 0:02:08.680,0:02:09.880 or patience. 0:02:13.320,0:02:17.896 But now I believe that there are[br]no circumstances on earth 0:02:17.920,0:02:20.496 where violent jihad is permissible, 0:02:20.520,0:02:23.200 because it will lead to greater harm. 0:02:25.800,0:02:28.296 But now the idea of jihad[br]has been hijacked. 0:02:28.320,0:02:31.656 It has been perverted[br]to mean violent struggle 0:02:31.680,0:02:34.656 wherever Muslims[br]are undergoing difficulties, 0:02:34.680,0:02:36.576 and turned into terrorism 0:02:36.600,0:02:39.656 by fascistic Islamists like al-Qaeda, 0:02:39.680,0:02:41.240 Islamic State and others. 0:02:42.280,0:02:44.256 But I have come to understand 0:02:44.280,0:02:48.216 that true jihad[br]means striving to the utmost 0:02:48.240,0:02:51.600 to strengthen and live[br]those qualities which God loves: 0:02:52.440,0:02:54.776 honesty, trustworthiness, 0:02:54.800,0:02:56.896 compassion, benevolence, 0:02:56.920,0:02:58.816 reliability, respect, 0:02:58.840,0:03:00.216 truthfulness -- 0:03:00.240,0:03:03.360 human values that so many of us share. 0:03:06.360,0:03:08.216 I was born in Bangladesh, 0:03:08.240,0:03:09.669 but grew up mostly in England. 0:03:10.480,0:03:11.719 And I went to school here. 0:03:12.480,0:03:14.776 My father was an academic, 0:03:14.800,0:03:16.880 and we were in the UK through his work. 0:03:18.360,0:03:22.840 In 1971 we were in Bangladesh[br]when everything changed. 0:03:24.240,0:03:27.776 The War of Independence[br]impacted upon us terribly, 0:03:27.800,0:03:29.656 pitting family against family, 0:03:29.680,0:03:31.376 neighbor against neighbor. 0:03:31.400,0:03:34.256 And at the age of 12 I experienced war, 0:03:34.280,0:03:35.880 destitution in my family, 0:03:36.720,0:03:39.960 the deaths of 22[br]of my relatives in horrible ways, 0:03:40.960,0:03:43.760 as well as the murder of my elder brother. 0:03:47.040,0:03:48.800 I witnessed killing ... 0:03:51.000,0:03:53.816 animals feeding on corpses in the streets, 0:03:53.840,0:03:55.576 starvation all around me, 0:03:55.600,0:03:57.736 wanton, horrific violence -- 0:03:57.760,0:03:58.960 senseless violence. 0:04:02.280,0:04:04.016 I was a young man, 0:04:04.040,0:04:06.976 teenager, fascinated by ideas. 0:04:07.000,0:04:08.816 I wanted to learn, 0:04:08.840,0:04:10.888 but I could not go to school[br]for four years. 0:04:12.760,0:04:14.216 After the War of Independence, 0:04:14.240,0:04:16.720 my father was put in prison[br]for two and a half years, 0:04:17.839,0:04:20.360 and I used to visit him[br]every week in prison, 0:04:21.120,0:04:22.600 and homeschooled myself. 0:04:24.080,0:04:26.640 My father was released in 1973 0:04:27.520,0:04:30.096 and he fled to England as a refugee, 0:04:30.120,0:04:31.360 and we soon followed him. 0:04:32.720,0:04:34.376 I was 17. 0:04:34.400,0:04:36.856 So these experiences gave me 0:04:36.880,0:04:40.680 a sharp awareness of the atrocities[br]and injustices in the world. 0:04:42.320,0:04:44.136 And I had a strong desire -- 0:04:44.160,0:04:46.176 a very keen, deep desire -- 0:04:46.200,0:04:47.416 to right wrongs 0:04:47.440,0:04:49.107 and help the victims of oppression. 0:04:50.600,0:04:52.536 While studying at college in the UK, 0:04:52.560,0:04:58.040 I met others who showed me[br]how I could channel that desire 0:04:58.720,0:05:00.440 and help through my religion. 0:05:01.720,0:05:03.016 And I was radicalized -- 0:05:03.040,0:05:06.480 enough to consider violence correct, 0:05:07.640,0:05:10.000 even a virtue under certain circumstances. 0:05:12.320,0:05:15.536 So I became involved[br]in the jihad in Afghanistan. 0:05:15.560,0:05:20.120 I wanted to protect the Muslim Afghan[br]population against the Soviet army. 0:05:20.960,0:05:23.336 And I thought that was jihad: 0:05:23.360,0:05:24.856 my sacred duty, 0:05:24.880,0:05:26.600 which would be rewarded by God. 0:05:31.880,0:05:33.880 I became a preacher. 0:05:35.960,0:05:41.056 I was one of the pioneers[br]of violent jihad in the UK. 0:05:41.080,0:05:42.576 I recruited, 0:05:42.600,0:05:44.280 I raised funds, I trained. 0:05:45.360,0:05:47.896 I confused true jihad 0:05:47.920,0:05:51.920 with this perversion[br]as presented by the fascist Islamists -- 0:05:53.680,0:05:56.736 these people who use the idea of jihad 0:05:56.760,0:06:00.640 to justify their lust for power,[br]authority and control on earth: 0:06:01.745,0:06:06.056 a perversion perpetuated today[br]by fascist Islamist groups 0:06:06.080,0:06:08.960 like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others. 0:06:10.440,0:06:12.280 For a period of around 15 years, 0:06:13.480,0:06:17.280 I fought for short periods of time 0:06:18.240,0:06:19.976 in Kashmir and Burma, 0:06:20.000,0:06:21.320 besides Afghanistan. 0:06:25.000,0:06:27.720 Our aim was to remove the invaders, 0:06:28.760,0:06:31.840 to bring relief to the oppressed victims 0:06:32.880,0:06:36.016 and of course to establish[br]an Islamic state, 0:06:36.040,0:06:37.760 a caliphate for God's rule. 0:06:38.720,0:06:39.920 And I did this openly. 0:06:41.480,0:06:43.760 I didn't break any laws. 0:06:44.440,0:06:47.536 I was proud and grateful to be British -- 0:06:47.560,0:06:49.136 I still am. 0:06:49.160,0:06:52.800 And I bore no hostility[br]against this, my country, 0:06:53.960,0:06:57.496 nor enmity towards[br]the non-Muslim citizens, 0:06:57.520,0:06:58.920 and I still don't. 0:07:01.840,0:07:04.216 During one battle in Afghanistan, 0:07:04.240,0:07:07.120 some British men and I[br]formed a special bond 0:07:07.960,0:07:10.696 with a 15-year-old Afghani boy, 0:07:10.720,0:07:11.920 Abdullah, 0:07:12.840,0:07:15.176 an innocent, loving and lovable kid 0:07:15.200,0:07:17.240 who was always eager to please. 0:07:18.960,0:07:20.160 He was poor. 0:07:20.760,0:07:23.480 And boys like him[br]did menial tasks in the camp. 0:07:24.480,0:07:25.766 And he seemed happy enough, 0:07:26.480,0:07:27.896 but I couldn't help wonder -- 0:07:27.920,0:07:29.825 his parents must have missed him dearly. 0:07:31.560,0:07:35.120 And they must have dreamt[br]about a better future for him. 0:07:37.560,0:07:40.376 A victim of circumstance[br]caught up in a war, 0:07:40.400,0:07:41.680 cruelly thrust upon him 0:07:42.720,0:07:44.960 by the cruel circumstances of the time. 0:07:48.680,0:07:53.400 One day I picked up this unexploded[br]mortar shell in a trench, 0:07:54.320,0:07:58.120 and I had it deposited[br]in a makeshift mud hut lab. 0:07:59.280,0:08:02.216 And I went out on a short,[br]pointless skirmish -- 0:08:02.240,0:08:03.440 always pointless, 0:08:04.440,0:08:07.880 And I came back a few hours later[br]to discover he was dead. 0:08:09.160,0:08:11.936 He had tried to recover[br]explosives from that shell. 0:08:11.960,0:08:14.560 It exploded, and he died a violent death, 0:08:15.440,0:08:19.720 blown to bits by the very same device[br]that had proved harmless to me. 0:08:21.080,0:08:22.600 So I started to question. 0:08:24.600,0:08:28.320 How did his death serve any purpose? 0:08:30.280,0:08:32.280 Why did he die and I lived? 0:08:33.559,0:08:35.056 I carried on. 0:08:35.080,0:08:36.696 I fought in Kashmir. 0:08:36.720,0:08:39.416 I also recruited for the Philippines, 0:08:39.440,0:08:41.240 Bosnia and Chechnya. 0:08:42.559,0:08:43.840 And the questions grew. 0:08:45.880,0:08:47.776 Later in Burma, 0:08:47.800,0:08:50.136 I came across Rohingya fighters, 0:08:50.160,0:08:52.416 who were barely teenagers, 0:08:52.440,0:08:54.096 born and brought up in the jungle, 0:08:54.120,0:08:56.180 carrying machine guns[br]and grenade launchers. 0:09:00.000,0:09:05.200 I met two 13-year-olds[br]with soft manners and gentle voices. 0:09:06.920,0:09:08.136 Looking at me, 0:09:08.160,0:09:10.240 they begged me[br]to take them away to England. 0:09:16.720,0:09:18.600 They simply wanted to go to school -- 0:09:19.680,0:09:21.000 that was their dream. 0:09:24.360,0:09:25.576 My family -- 0:09:25.600,0:09:27.056 my children of the same age -- 0:09:27.080,0:09:29.040 were living at home in the UK, 0:09:30.040,0:09:31.336 going to school, 0:09:31.360,0:09:32.560 living a safe life. 0:09:33.880,0:09:35.136 And I couldn't help wonder 0:09:35.160,0:09:38.616 how much these young boys[br]must have spoken to one another 0:09:38.640,0:09:40.840 about their dreams for such a life. 0:09:42.920,0:09:44.840 Victims of circumstances: 0:09:46.360,0:09:47.640 these two young boys, 0:09:48.320,0:09:51.376 sleeping rough on the ground,[br]looking up at the stars, 0:09:51.400,0:09:53.896 cynically exploited by their leaders 0:09:53.920,0:09:56.400 for their personal lust[br]for glory and power. 0:09:57.920,0:10:01.136 I soon witnessed boys like them[br]killing one another 0:10:01.160,0:10:03.400 in conflicts between rival groups. 0:10:05.400,0:10:07.760 And it was the same everywhere ... 0:10:09.280,0:10:11.776 Afghanistan, Kashmir, Burma, 0:10:11.800,0:10:13.280 Philippines, Chechnya; 0:10:14.240,0:10:18.856 petty warlords got the young[br]and vulnerable to kill one another 0:10:18.880,0:10:20.200 in the name of jihad. 0:10:22.240,0:10:24.080 Muslims against Muslims. 0:10:25.640,0:10:30.016 Not protecting anyone[br]against invaders or occupiers; 0:10:30.040,0:10:32.040 not bringing relief to the oppressed. 0:10:34.240,0:10:35.616 Children being used, 0:10:35.640,0:10:37.256 cynically exploited; 0:10:37.280,0:10:39.216 people dying in conflicts 0:10:39.240,0:10:42.280 which I was supporting[br]in the name of jihad. 0:10:44.920,0:10:46.560 And it still carries on today. 0:10:51.800,0:10:55.416 Realizing that the violent jihad 0:10:55.440,0:10:59.640 I had engaged in abroad 0:11:01.440,0:11:03.480 was so different -- 0:11:05.280,0:11:10.016 such a chasm between[br]what I had experienced 0:11:10.040,0:11:11.840 and what I thought was sacred duty -- 0:11:12.640,0:11:15.600 I had to reflect[br]on my activities here in the UK. 0:11:18.240,0:11:20.296 I had to consider my preaching, 0:11:20.320,0:11:21.856 recruiting, fund-raising, 0:11:21.880,0:11:23.456 training, 0:11:23.480,0:11:25.600 but most importantly, radicalizing -- 0:11:26.640,0:11:28.856 sending young people to fight and die 0:11:28.880,0:11:30.096 as I was doing -- 0:11:30.120,0:11:31.880 all totally wrong. 0:11:35.680,0:11:38.880 So I got involved[br]in violent jihad in the mid '80s, 0:11:39.960,0:11:41.440 starting with Afghanistan. 0:11:42.600,0:11:45.880 And by the time I finished[br]it was in the year 2000. 0:11:47.040,0:11:48.616 I was completely immersed in it. 0:11:48.640,0:11:50.576 All around me people supported, 0:11:50.600,0:11:51.816 applauded, 0:11:51.840,0:11:54.240 even celebrated what[br]we were doing in their name. 0:11:56.160,0:11:57.976 But by the time I learned to get out, 0:11:58.000,0:12:00.616 completely disillusioned in the year 2000, 0:12:00.640,0:12:02.320 15 years had passed. 0:12:05.200,0:12:06.440 So what goes wrong? 0:12:08.720,0:12:11.560 We were so busy talking about virtue, 0:12:13.160,0:12:16.320 and we were blinded by a cause. 0:12:20.240,0:12:24.520 And we did not give ourselves a chance[br]to develop a virtuous character. 0:12:25.680,0:12:29.816 We told ourselves[br]we were fighting for the oppressed, 0:12:29.840,0:12:32.040 but these were unwinnable wars. 0:12:33.720,0:12:37.336 We became the very instrument[br]through which more deaths occurred, 0:12:37.360,0:12:41.096 complicit in causing further misery 0:12:41.120,0:12:43.720 for the selfish benefit of the cruel few. 0:12:52.280,0:12:53.496 So over time, 0:12:53.520,0:12:54.720 a very long time, 0:12:56.600,0:12:57.800 I opened my eyes. 0:12:59.960,0:13:01.440 I began to dare 0:13:03.040,0:13:04.696 to face the truth, 0:13:04.720,0:13:05.920 to think, 0:13:07.360,0:13:09.496 to face the hard questions. 0:13:09.520,0:13:11.720 I got in touch with my soul. 0:13:22.080,0:13:23.400 What have I learned? 0:13:24.640,0:13:29.200 That people who engage[br]in violent jihadism, 0:13:30.960,0:13:33.560 that people who are drawn[br]to these types of extremisms, 0:13:34.600,0:13:36.800 are not that different to everyone else. 0:13:37.880,0:13:40.680 But I believe such people can change. 0:13:42.120,0:13:44.976 They can regain their hearts[br]and restore them 0:13:45.000,0:13:48.060 by filling them[br]with human values that heal. 0:13:55.000,0:13:57.216 When we ignore the realities, 0:13:57.240,0:14:03.000 we discover that we accept what[br]we are told without critical reflection. 0:14:05.640,0:14:09.416 And we ignore the gifts and advantages[br]that many of us would cherish 0:14:09.440,0:14:11.720 even for a single moment in their lives. 0:14:16.400,0:14:18.760 I engaged in actions[br]I thought were correct. 0:14:21.760,0:14:25.760 But now I began to question[br]how I knew what I knew. 0:14:27.840,0:14:31.536 I endlessly told others[br]to accept the truth, 0:14:31.560,0:14:35.280 but I failed to give doubt[br]its rightful place. 0:14:40.920,0:14:45.776 This conviction that people can change[br]is rooted in my experience, 0:14:45.800,0:14:47.000 my own journey. 0:14:48.520,0:14:50.416 Through wide reading, 0:14:50.440,0:14:51.640 reflecting, 0:14:52.160,0:14:54.056 contemplation, self-knowledge, 0:14:54.080,0:14:55.296 I discovered, 0:14:55.320,0:15:00.960 I realized that Islamists' world[br]of us and them is false and unjust. 0:15:04.800,0:15:08.480 Through considering the uncertainties[br]in all that we had asserted, 0:15:09.400,0:15:11.016 to the inviolable truths, 0:15:11.040,0:15:12.440 incontestable truths, 0:15:14.960,0:15:17.840 I developed a more nuanced understanding. 0:15:24.480,0:15:28.960 I realized that in a world crowded[br]with variation and contradiction, 0:15:29.920,0:15:31.136 foolish preachers, 0:15:31.160,0:15:34.176 only foolish preachers[br]like I used to be, 0:15:34.200,0:15:39.560 see no paradox in the myths and fictions[br]they use to assert authenticity. 0:15:41.120,0:15:45.656 So I understood the vital[br]importance of self-knowledge, 0:15:45.680,0:15:46.880 political awareness 0:15:48.000,0:15:52.656 and the necessity[br]for a deep and wide understanding 0:15:52.680,0:15:55.136 of our commitments and our actions, 0:15:55.160,0:15:56.480 how they affect others. 0:15:58.520,0:15:59.976 So my plea today to everyone, 0:16:00.000,0:16:04.480 especially those who sincerely[br]believe in Islamist jihadism ... 0:16:06.480,0:16:08.880 refuse dogmatic authority; 0:16:10.360,0:16:14.040 let go of anger, hatred and violence; 0:16:15.120,0:16:16.776 learn to right wrongs 0:16:16.800,0:16:21.870 without even attempting to justify[br]cruel, unjust and futile behavior. 0:16:24.840,0:16:28.176 Instead create a few[br]beautiful and useful things 0:16:28.200,0:16:29.400 that outlive us. 0:16:33.200,0:16:35.056 Approach the world, life, 0:16:35.080,0:16:36.280 with love. 0:16:38.000,0:16:39.216 Learn to develop 0:16:39.240,0:16:40.496 or cultivate your hearts 0:16:40.520,0:16:43.880 to see goodness, beauty and truth[br]in others and in the world. 0:16:45.000,0:16:47.520 That way we do matter[br]more to ourselves ... 0:16:49.240,0:16:50.440 to each other, 0:16:51.160,0:16:52.376 to our communities 0:16:52.400,0:16:53.880 and, for me, to God. 0:16:55.000,0:16:56.616 This is jihad -- 0:16:56.640,0:16:57.840 my true jihad. 0:16:58.920,0:17:00.136 Thank you. 0:17:00.160,0:17:02.600 (Applause)